Accidental Surrogate

Ella

When I return to the present, the room is completely silent. Henry is still holding my hand, though he also holds a bucket in case I need te be sick. Leon is watching mę closely, as if trying to decipher my mental state. Gabriel, Phil!ppe and Roger look on from the doorway in a horrified hush. I hadn’t been wild about having them here with me during such a vulnerable time, but in the end we agreed that we needed as many brains on the case as possible. Besides, I’m discovering that I don’t really mind having so many friends on hand this really is a strange new world for me.

“Do you want me to bring you out of the ether, Ella?” Leon finally asks, and I realize that he hadn’t been forced to give me the antidote this time. I’m still floating along under the influence of the drug, still in the safe embrace of the high despite the horrible things I’ve just remembered. I’m not feeling yet, not processing, and I don’t think I want I shake my” updated by jobnib.com” head in refusal, moving my hand to my belly. The baby reaches out to me through our bond, uncertain and afraid. Had he understood my fear, my helplessness? Or did all he know was that I was suffering? “Can I have something nice?” I request, not truly knowing what I want or need. “

Something for the baby?”

“I have just the thing,” Henry replies, pulling out his phone. He presses a b.utton, and then the sound of Sinclair’s purrs fills the air. I forgot I’d sent him the recording my mate provided earlier today, but now I’m beyond glad of it. Rafe and I instantly calm, and though longing for Sinclair tugs viciously at my heart, I sink deeper into the plush sofa and try to lose myself in the cozy sound.

“Anything else?” Henry inquires, stroking my hair.

“Do we have any popsicles?”I sniffle, and for the first time I realize my cheeks are soaked with tears. For a moment I revel in the sensation of the salty moisture on my skin, of the burning in my eyes. Everything seems so different in this state, and I could spend hours exploring the feelings – if only I didn’t have to dig into my past as well.

“IIl check the kitchens, and if they’re out I’ll get some.” Roger promises, slipping out of the room.

“Let’s talk about what just happened.” Leon suggests once I’ve relaxed. Of course, this is the last thing I want to do, now that the memory is over I want to leave it in the past where it belongs

“Do we have to?” I inquire in a small voice, trying to disappear into the couch. Stupid sofa, my wolf thìnks, I want my nest, why do we keep doing this here? It’s all lumpy and there aren’t nearly enough pìllows Where am I supposed to be now?

“1 thìink we should.” Leon answers gently. interrupting my inner animal. “We didn’t talk about our last session because it was so distressing, but you seem to be steadier now.” He pauses, and when l don’t respond he continues. “I know you’re only doing this to find answers for the war, but my job isn’t the answers, Ella – it’s not even the war. My job is your mental health, it’s helping you understand and deal with the things we discover in a productive way.”

“Dominic wouldn’t make me.”l counter petulantly, reaching for Henry’s phone so that I can balance the device on my tummy. The speaker thumps against my baby bump, the volume growing louder for my pup and allowing us both to feel the vibrations as if he were really here with us.

mother.” Henry warns me, in that paternal voice

doing fine without

argue instead, and I hear

him. My wolf

our mate could k!ll him with no more than his little finger if

seeming the least bit bothered by my insult. “Just because you didn’t remember these things, it doesn’t mean they weren’t hurting you – affecting the way you

for this.” I insist. “I understand you want to help, but I’m more concerned with

you k!lled those men?” Leon prods curiously. “Did you know you were capable of such violence before, even in self defense? Did you

They’d deserved it.. hadn’t they? They were going to hurt me, r*pe me, sell me like chattel… but that doesn’t change the fact that I murdered them. It’s because of me that they no longer exist on this

fatherless – no! Stop this, it won’t do

won’t change

It’s done.

were trying to protect the people you love?” Leon presses, and my frustration grows. “If it were me I think I’d feel very angry with those priests for taking my magic from me, for

furious I am, just as he says. Still, I lash my anger at him, rather than acknowledging the truth of his words “They assaulted me, the priests took my wolf.

“tell me how you feel, Ella, and I

glorious crinkling of a popsicle wrapper. I accept the cold sweet eagerly, rejoicing as the flavors explode on my tongue. “Oh my goddess, this is the best thing I’ve ever tasted.” I know it’s the ether talking, but even that awareness slips away a minute later when neon-colored visions of frOZen desserts appear on the ceiling above my head. While I get lost in the hallucination, I hear

my defense. “Leon, I hate to say it because I know you were against haūing such a large audience in the first place, but if this is going to turn into a true therapy session then the rest of us probably shouldn’t be

my patient.” Leon defends, sounding resigned. It’s not safe or responsible to uncover these sorts of traumas with someone – only to cut out and leave them to deal with it on their own. It would be like a doctor performing surgery and then never doing any post-op checks or physical therapy. If Ella wants these answers, she needs to face them afterwards, not just ignore

The King agrees, “And you’re right, but these

have to admit I worry what might happen if you start digging into all this when she’s under

already done.” Leon corrects him