Accidental Surrogate

My breath starts to come short and fast now as I press my hand desperately to my stomach, seeking that connection somewhere within me. But I feel like I’m grasping through empty air, my fingers searching for any touch, any tie, and coming up empty.

“Ella,” Sinclair murmurs, tightening his hands against my back. “Calm down – the doctors say that it’s okay, that he’s still with us –”

“Still with us,” I growl, my teeth clenched as I try to manifest that damn connection, to make it appear even when it stubbornly refuses to present itself. “How can he still be with us if I can’t feel him?”

Sinclair shushes me softly again, a soft rushing sound that despite my desperation – makes me open my eyes and look at him. My fear comes rushing in then, wiping out my anger and

frustration. “Dominic, what does it mean?” I ask, my voice trembling. “If the doctor’s say they have a heartbeat – but we can’t feel him?”

“I don’t know, Ella,” he responds, his own voice low with worry and despair. “But we’re going to figure it out, okay? Together?” He pulls his brows together, worried, and nods to me, begging me to see. “Please, just calm down. We’ll think it through.”

I nod quickly, bobbing my head in agreement and forcing my body to relax. Sinclair moves beneath me, folding his legs instead of kneeling, pulling me into his lap and cradling me against his chest. I rest my head against him, making myself breathe slow, deep breaths, letting the warm scent of him root me in my body.

God, how long have I been gone? I have…memories. Memories of being here, of dancing, of being in the clouds and in the trees…of flickering in and out of this place. I push my mind back further and remember, quite suddenly, the last place I was

On the steps, with Cora, handing her the gift…watching her use it…

I cringe at the memory, of the feeling of drowning in my mother’s power, of all of it draining from me as I handed it to Cora, taking my life with it. I look up into Dominic’s face then and find him there, ready, likewise peacefully breathing. Waiting.

“Cora?” I ask quietly.

is fine. But…don’t worry about that, now, my darling.

to my little boy, then, and my heart breaks. God, I want him so badly – have wanted him so badly for years and years. And in these past

hardly stand it. I feel myself physically cringing at the idea, curling further into Sinclair’s arms as he tightens his hold around me, letting me feel the pain but also letting me know that he’s here to help me bear

it could

suddenly

asks, curious, a little frightened that something might

wheeling as I look around at our surroundings. “We’re in a dream.” “Well, yeah,” Sinclair says, as if it’s obvious. But

Sinclair studies my face and doesn’t say anything, letting me continue. “And you’re here,” I insist, starting to get excited now, “because I invited you.

slowly, still not getting where I’m going with this.

right now you kissed me – can’t we do

to get to my feet, to head into the forest, to find

don’t know if it will

ask, spinning to look at him

come into your dreams because I’m your mate – I’ve never heard

“Well just because you haven’t

for the push and pull, for the fact that we’re sitting in a dream, in the midst of a tragedy, that I’m probably dying and somehow I’m still

know that he completely understands. That he gets it too.

kiss to my mouth. “Lead the way, trouble.