Accidental Surrogate

I cry out as I’m pulled backwards – surprised more than hurt and suddenly I’m pressed against

him in the pouring rain. Roger holds me tight, one hand around my upper arm, the other wrapped

firmly around me, pressing my body to his

And the feel of him, of his skin hot against my own – my towel is gone, I have no idea where — I

cry harder at the feel of him and rest my forehead against his chest, because I know I can’t have it

– I can’t-

“Cora!” Roger shouts, above the wind and the rain. “What – Cora! What the hell are you doing?!”

“I can’t!” I sob. “I can’t do this, Roger! I can’t be with you like this, not if you’ll….you’ll never love

me! I can’t have you in half measures!” I look up at him then, into his face, realizing the truth of it

in that moment. “I can’t do this if you can’t take me for who I am! Human! Broken! Complicated,

difficult! Confused, and jealous, and mad pretty much all the time! If you can’t take me like that,” I

shout, begging now, “then let me go, Roger! Because I can’t –”

I glance back in the direction of the hotel, my sobbing breaths tearing at my lungs, “I can’t have

half of you. I can’t have – just…. lust. It will kill me! It will break my heart, and I’ll never survive it!”

With the last words I pound my free hand against his chest, my palm slapping wet against his

skin.

Roger stares down at me as I confess everything to him- my whole heart – listening to every

word. And then, when I’m done, when the words stop pouring from my mouth and all that’s left is

my panting breath, he tightens his arms around me, giving me an angry little shake. He clenches

I can tell that he’s mad – but I have no idea

growls, glaring down at me. “You’re my

sweeps me up in his arms, the gesture not at

is all of you – my whole life, I’ve been waiting for

1. it. And I was an idiot” he continues, his voice breaking, “I hesitated, and I’ll regret it until the day I

that all I want – all I’ll ever want

www

mouth hard on mine, and my body reacts instantly, my

myself harder against him. My arms are

to him as every piece of

me screams to the universe. And god damn

above us,

my mouth with his kisses me like

which it very well might be. The water rushes around

is adamant against it and something fierce within me sings that

can weather it, that I’ve been a fool to run from this. That we can face this

ones comes

hand is on his face when Roger pulls away from

again as he turns back towards the safety

his head at me, frustrated, and mutters “you idiot.”

nod fervently, ignoring his insult, tucking my head against his shoulder and breathing

motel. Barely above the sound of the storm, I hear him growling

with every step, something about insane women who run naked into storms and

should have known better, because he’s met my sister,

smiling, laughing a little and wrapping my arms

out precisely

door to our motel room is hanging open, blowing in the wind, but Roger

through it as he strides through the

to lock it as he moves steadily towards the bed. When we get

against the mattress, a little angry and not bothering to

laugh again – laugh, a little recklessly, as I

bed. Laugh, because he’s so fucking mad at me, and me at him, and

so mad at ourselves and I want to tear him to pieces, and I know he wants to