Choosing Her Lover

Seated at the bar, he is watching the door as I walk in. He stands as he sees me, smiling. “Debbie?”

“Ryan?”

He looks good enough to eat. Beckoning me to the barstool by him, “What can I get you?”

“Red wine, please. Did I keep you waiting long?”

“Not at all, I just arrived a couple of minutes ago.”

As he waves over the barman, I study him. Ryan understated himself in his profile; tall, with strapping shoulders and a lean fit build. Dark, slightly wavy hair and a light tan set off his white smile and dark eyes.

He is disconcertingly attractive. There’s usually a reason that someone who looks this good is on the dating circuit, even when it’s only for sex dating.

Fourth finger, left hand…. No, nothing there….

Nice hands though…. long fingers….

Holding two glasses of wine, Ryan eye-points me across the room. “I hope I’m not out of order here, but I booked us a table. Even if we can’t stand the sight of each other after a couple of hours, at least we’ll have a good meal inside us.”

He sees me looking askance at the table. Holding both hands up, almost warding me away, “Hey, it doesn’t mean I’m making any assumptions other than it’s the end of the working day, and I’m guessing that you’re hungry. I certainly am.”

Feeling foolish. “Yes, sorry. My suspicious nature….”

He looks at me oddly.

Weighing me up?

I think so, yes.

“Shall we sit?”

He seats himself opposite me, ignoring his wine, gazing at me. Chin propped on a fist, he is, very obviously, looking me up and down.

“So, what’s the deal?” he asks. “Women who look like you don’t tend to appear on dating sites like that one. There’s generally some guy in the background beating the jungle drums.” He glances down at my left hand. “And if you ever wore a wedding ring, there’s no sign of it now. Have you ever been married? For that matter, are you married now? Is this supposed to be some kind of ‘on the side’, ‘playing away from home’ kind of thing?”

He's wary of me….

“Is this ‘Twenty Questions’? Yes, I’ve been married. But no, not now. Been there, done that….”

He laughs. “…. Seen the movie, read the book, got the tee-shirt, eh? That bad, was it?”

“Oh, yes, that bad. But I’ve got control of my own life now, and I’ll not be letting it slip out of my fingers again.”

He sniffs, reflectively I think. Not critically. “That’s why you’re doing this? You don’t want entanglements?”

“That’s right. What about you?”

nightmare. Just now, I prefer to keep things

justice you know, on your profile. Very few women describe themselves as ‘Not

an eyebrow at him. “Is this where you tell

a liar?

right. You’re not conventionally pretty. Your features are

laughing. “You’re a

brow furrows. “Have I

come out with some typical bit of patronising, male blarney, and you said exactly

sits back in his chair, holding my eyes,

don’t find you attractive. Quite the contrary. You’re just…. unusual, in

“You can ask.”

really your

do you think I’m going to hand out my details

sensible. It’s quite dangerous doing what you’re doing, especially for a

careful. I follow the rules. No name.

Have you encountered any…?” He

a few. Most of them I manage to weed out at the e-mail and

looks intrigued.

voice, all honey and cream. Y’know, a Richard Burton, or Morgan Freeman, or Alan Rickman kind of voice. But when I met him,

his head. “Instantly?

table from him, but he moved across, all but pinned me into my seat. He kept coming too close, invading my space…. And there was something about the way he looked at me. Too.… oh, I don’t know…. Too

“What did you do?”

and we must do this again sometime….

found out if he was really a screwball,

was completely unzipped. Although he didn’t have my real name or where I lived, he did have my mobile number. The messages started coming in within five minutes of

“In what way, strange?”

me. And some of them were…. odd; revolting actually. I’m pretty broadminded, but I wasn’t interested in going the places his mind roamed. I don’t know if he imagined it was some kind of seduction technique,

after an experience like

him. And I’m not afraid of men in general. I just exercise a

know that a man

the theatre, or the library didn’t just walk out of ‘Play Misty for Me’ or ‘Fatal Attraction’? Me

grins, nodding. “Point taken. I exercise my judgement….

“So….?”

a casual thing. You’re not husband-hunting? Looking for a partner or long-term

the hip. I like a bit of fun a

no dreams of

“White horses?”

in shining armour, come to carry you off for happily-ever-afters

I laugh. “Not me.”

this be, um…. exclusive?” he

you just want to pass by every few weeks… and you want