Ex-Husband's Regret

Divorce decree
I get out of my car and slowly walk towards the mansion. My hands were trembling and my body was sweaty.

I still couldn’t believe that it was done. That I was finally divorced from him. The proof of that was currently in my handbag. I was here to bring the final papers to him and to pick Noah up.

Entering the house, I follow the sounds of hushed voices but stop in my tracks when I near the kitchen.

Right now I could hear them clearly and what I heard encased my soul in ice.

“I still don’t understand why you can’t live with me and mommy?” Noah asks his father.

My shaking hands go to my chest. My heart breaking at the sadness in his voice. I would do anything for him, but this divorce was inevitable.

Our marriage had been a mistake. Everything about us was a mistake. It just took me a while to see the truth.

“You know why Noah, you mother and I are no longer together” His voice is soft as he replies.

It’s weird really. That during the duration of our marriage he has never once spoken to me softly. It was always cold. Always flat and devoid of any emotion

“But why?”

“These things just happen” he mumbles.

I can imagine his face frowning. As he tries to make Noah understand so that he doesn’t ask any more questions. But Noah is my son. Curiosity and inquisition is in his blood.

“Don’t you love her?”

My breath gets caught at the simple heartfelt question. I take a step back and lean against the wall. Heart racing, I wait in anticipation for his answer.

I knew his answer. I’ve always known what it is. Everyone with the exception of Noah probably knows that damn answer.

The truth is he doesn’t love me. Never had and never will. That was as clear as day. Knowing this, I still wanted to hear his reply. Would he tell our son the truth or lie to him?

He clears his throat, obviously stalling. “Noah…”

you love mommy or not?” Noah

defeat. “I love her

a placation

me. After all this time. It still hurts. I feel my

never said those three words to me. Not when we got married or when I gave birth to Noah, nor after in the years that had passed or

of our marriage. I gave him my all but he gave me nothing

instead of two, there were three of us in our marriage. Him, me and the love of his life.

rub them way. I was tired of crying. Tired of chasing after a man

told you it’s rude to listen to

silent space. Interrupting my thoughts

stands near the kitchen counter. My

eyes pins me to the

and joy. The only good thing in my life. His

them

from the counter. He

you too, my love” I kiss his forehead before he steps away from me and goes

to be my home, but now I feel out of place in it.

truth though, I never

built this house with HER in mind. This was HER dream house, everything down to

planning on letting her go. That he

and stares at his watch. “You promised you wouldn’t interrupt

today and I thought I could bring you the copy while I pick

this, a piece of me breaks. I’ve loved him since I can remember

shattered my soul. I continued loving him.

married I thought I would finally get love. The love I’ve been craving since I was a child. I was wrong. Marriage turned to be a nightmare. I was always fighting with the ghost of his past. The ghost of a girl I could never measure up to no matter how much

chest. Trying to ease the pain

It still fucking hurts

something” Rowan says through clenched teeth, the word mother

between us for

he commands before