Ex-Husband's Regret

Divorce decree
I get out of my car and slowly walk towards the mansion. My hands were trembling and my body was sweaty.

I still couldn’t believe that it was done. That I was finally divorced from him. The proof of that was currently in my handbag. I was here to bring the final papers to him and to pick Noah up.

Entering the house, I follow the sounds of hushed voices but stop in my tracks when I near the kitchen.

Right now I could hear them clearly and what I heard encased my soul in ice.

“I still don’t understand why you can’t live with me and mommy?” Noah asks his father.

My shaking hands go to my chest. My heart breaking at the sadness in his voice. I would do anything for him, but this divorce was inevitable.

Our marriage had been a mistake. Everything about us was a mistake. It just took me a while to see the truth.

“You know why Noah, you mother and I are no longer together” His voice is soft as he replies.

It’s weird really. That during the duration of our marriage he has never once spoken to me softly. It was always cold. Always flat and devoid of any emotion

“But why?”

“These things just happen” he mumbles.

I can imagine his face frowning. As he tries to make Noah understand so that he doesn’t ask any more questions. But Noah is my son. Curiosity and inquisition is in his blood.

“Don’t you love her?”

My breath gets caught at the simple heartfelt question. I take a step back and lean against the wall. Heart racing, I wait in anticipation for his answer.

I knew his answer. I’ve always known what it is. Everyone with the exception of Noah probably knows that damn answer.

The truth is he doesn’t love me. Never had and never will. That was as clear as day. Knowing this, I still wanted to hear his reply. Would he tell our son the truth or lie to him?

He clears his throat, obviously stalling. “Noah…”

or not?” Noah asks again, his

love her

placation not

rush of pain that fills me. After all this time. It still hurts. I feel my heart breaking all over again. I don’t know why a small part

or when I gave birth to Noah, nor after in the years that had passed or when

held himself back through the entire duration of our marriage. I gave him my all but he gave me

married but instead of two, there were three of us in our marriage. Him, me and the love of his life. The

way. I was tired of crying. Tired of chasing after a man that didn’t want

ever told you it’s rude to listen to

thoughts in the process. I

kitchen

grey eyes pins

life. His good looks are definitely curtesy of his dad. He has

them

down from the counter. He rushes to me

forehead before he steps away from me and goes back to his

awkwardly. This used to be my home, but now I feel out of place in it. Like

truth though, I never

mind. This was HER

on letting her go. That he wouldn’t reciprocate my love for

in annoyance and stares at his

and I thought I

thin line. Every time he looks at me like this, a piece of me breaks. I’ve loved him since I can remember

has broken my heart and shattered my soul. I continued loving him. Holding on. Thinking things will change,

love. The love I’ve been craving since I was a child. I was wrong. Marriage turned to be a nightmare. I was always fighting with

chest. Trying to ease the pain that

fucking hurts even though we’ve been separated

to your room? Your mother and I need to discuss something”

between us for a minute

he commands before