Ex-Husband's Regret

Molly's words keep ringing in my ears even after we have eaten. We were now on to our dessert. I loved ice cream, but today I couldn't enjoy it. Not when she had managed to make me doubt everything I've believed for the last few years.

"Why are you so quiet?" she asked as she set her milkshake down. "Are you thinking about what I just told you?"

The last sentence was said with a smirk as she leaned back against her chair.

"Of course not," I lied, "I am just wondering how I'm going to get Calvin and Gunner to forgive me. No matter which angle I look at it, there is no silver lining."

As a lawyer, I'm used to looking at things from different angles when I'm defending my clients. It's what made me good at what I did. I left no stone unturned and I went through every possible outcome. I did that with my case and I see no hope.

I may not have loved Calvin, but I knew him very well. He had given me countless chances and opportunities to get my priorities right. I didn't. Calvin is the kind of man who, once he's had enough, that's the end of it. There is no going back. There are no more chances. There is no forgiveness.

I could sit here and lie to myself, but I won't. I didn't have any hope of Calvin forgiving me. I treated him and Gunner like shit for years, how am are they supposed to get over that?

calls, pulling me back to the

eyes, which had been firmly fixed on the table,

me," she began. "You will never truly make any progress until you forgive yourself. You're carrying so much guilt and regret. Both are drowning you, weighing you down and eating you alive. You have to let go. You

saying

I forgive myself? Doesn't she remember what I did to them? What I put them through? I wasn't just selfish;

breathe and tears start filling my eyes. The weight of my mistakes have shredded me to so many pieces that I don't know

mistakes I did. Can I even call them mistake? A mistake is when you accidentally dial the wrong number or knock on the wrong door.

sudden while

"What is it?"

just walked in with Gunner and

I turned around