Ex-Husband's Regret

Emma.

I remember the first time I saw Calvin. We were in high school, and he'd just transferred to our school on a scholarship. I was the welcoming committee chairlady, because come on, I was good at everything, and who wouldn't want to have me show them around? Who wouldn't want to see my face on their first day at a new school?

I am not bragging or anything, but I knew who I was and what I was worth. I was popular, head of the cheerleaders and a top performing student. I had everything going on for me. Wealth, beauty and brains. Most importantly, I was down to earth and so, I was well liked.

Of course, I was hated by some, namely Ava and other girls, but that was because I had something they knew they couldn't have. Rowan.

Every girl wanted him. It's no secret. Just like every guy except for Travis and Gabe wanted me. We made the perfect couple. We were not a couple by the time Calvin joined our school, but I wasn't worried. It was inevitable that we would end up together. It wasn't a matter of if, but of when.

So back to Calvin, I remember going to the principal's office to pick him up. When I saw him, I didn't think much of him. After all, he was not even close to my type. He was a nerd (not that I have anything against nerds), didn't know how to dress, and was so skinny that he kept pulling up his trousers because they kept falling. He had these huge, round, ugly glasses, and his face was covered with red pimples. The only good thing about him was that, unlike some of the nerds in our school, he knew what hygiene was.

As usual, just like what happened when boys met me for the first time, he was love-stricken and immediately had a crush on me. I wasn't bothered because, one, I was used to it, and two, I thought it would go away after some time. Only it didn't, and he soon became a nuisance, just like Ava.

easy if he and Ava had fallen for each other. Would they still be together? Would Rowan and I have continued strong? Would we have

push those thoughts away because, at the end of the day, they don't matter. Rowan was right, regretting the past meant regretting

I rub my heart, trying to ease the pain. I am a bad mother, the worst kind. I never held him when he was born. Nor did I get a first

price. I could have been like Rowan. Rowan, who accepted responsibility. Rowan, who loved Noah even though he wasn't planned. Rowan, who became a really great father. At that time, he hated Ava, but instead of talking it out on Noah and treating him like shit, like I did with Gunner, he loved his son wholeheartedly. I was a monster,

okay?" Molly asks, pulling me from my

written all over her face. They were all worried about me, but they shouldn't be. This was karma getting back

about me. She said she couldn't help me when she was miles away, so she took a two-week leave, packed her suitcases, and flew here. "Yeah," I

you like the back of my hand. Now can we try

She knows how I tick, how I react, and how I deal with heavy emotions. She knows

don't know how I'm doing. I don't know if I am all right. I don't know if I'll ever get better. I just don't know. I feel numb. I

do I tell her that guilt is killing me? How do I tell her that regret is a constant