He used to hate her

Madison Grace:

Stay numb and carry on...

too young to hate someone...

I opened my journal as I stopped singing. The more I look into my journal, the more I want to cry. All I could tell to myself is, 'Madison Grace, suck it up. You are not a child. Xander is in your past. You don't have to recall the past.'

The past sucks. I don't wanna think about it. But I assure you, that I will tell you about it soon. Right now, you guys need to know about me. About my stupid, useless life. I'm 22 years old who was working in a company with more salary. But now, I'm jobless. My parents can't help me financially. I need to help them financially. That's why I came abroad to study and found a good job. But the company got closed. Now, I and my friend are jobless. Did I tell you about her? She's Sofia Maria. She's my best friend in my awful school days. She helped me with a lot of things ( including the problems I have faced with I fell in love with Xander). I and Sofia live in an apartment with a single room. Just a single big hall which contains a kitchen, bedroom. We are so pathetic. I never have any good memories to recall. Not even Xander.

Loving him is the biggest mistake. I don't blame him for hating me. It's the incident and persons who caused that situation. But it hurts that the boy I used to love, hates me. It's okay if he doesn't love me. But the hatred kills me. He's the smartest boy in the whole class. I met him in my ninth grade. At that time, I have been so eager to know about him. In a year, I was madly in love with him. It's defiently not because he's from a millionaire family.

I don't care how much money he got. All I care about is him. His character...the way he talks...the way he smiles...how he used to help everyone expect me ( there's a whole lot of reasons for it which is supposed to be hidden now). I got hypnotised by his hazel hair, ocean eyes, his perfect jawline.

to be his friend. But something in my heart is not letting him go even after all these years. I still believe I get to be with him. That he's my soulmate. Talking about

Close that stupid journal. All you wrote is about Xander. Xander. Xander. Is he worth it, Madison?" Sofia scolded me

some bad memories. But I won't throw this. I know you are going to say that." I

It's been four years. Since you transferred to another school and worked in a company for two years. I don't know why you still can't forget him. He's out

wasting my time with an idiotic belief. I'm never gonna

you. You don't need to go behind someone who doesn't love you. I'm not being harsh. I just want

distracted by these feelings. This isn't the right time for this. We need to find another job.

already got a job for us. There's no need for an

You got a job? That's amazing. All we need a job. Which company?"

waitress job in a cafe. That's the least I can do, Madison. Please don't say no to this. The owner just wants two waitresses. This job is

but accept this. Tell me about the salary and the cafe." I told her, deciding to accept it. I need to concentrate on what's important. Going behind my love for Xander isn't gonna do anything. The more I seek to love, it goes away from me. It's better if I let go. I need to let go of something

.....