Her FaceBook Friend

“A day will come when you will realize that not killing yourself is the best feeling in the world because you will realize there is much more in life than the sadness that surrounded you the time you tried to suicide.”[Ifveen]

…

“Sorry?”

“I was angry” huh. My eyes sharpened reading the text, why was he angry? Just because I declined to send him a picture. Who does he think he is! How can he hurt me and then go back to like it was nothing? As if.

‘But he saved you today Jacqueline! Otherwise, you might be dead, instead of seeing yourself here.’

‘You could end this in a second Jacqueline. This weird friendship if you want to.’

‘But would you like that? To end your first friendship this miserably? It wasn’t like you didn’t say anything to him. You did. You have trust issues, Jacqueline. You have insecurities, so you can’t force your explanation on him.

What if he just wanted to see you?

What if he didn’t have any bad intention towards you?

What if he was hurt by your words?’

‘You can’t run from people all your life Jacqueline. Your coping mechanism will fail you one day Jacqueline.’

My mind reminded me, a part telling me that I was right. While another part telling me that I was wrong. Without even realizing I found it hard to breathe when my gaze landed on the white gauze wrapped around my wrist.

‘That’s right. He did save me. So I shouldn’t ignore him. It’s all me. He just wanted a picture that I denied because of my insecurities. He must have felt bad about it.’

I a**umed his emotions by heart even though he didn’t say a word.

Taking a deep breath, I opened the FB again. Texting him back.

“It’s Okay. I was a little bit rude earlier today. I am sorry too.”

Almost immediately another text arises and I found myself staring at it.

“It’s Okay. I will wait for the day till you start trusting me so much that you will share your picture with me willingly.”

My sealed lips tugged upward ever so slightly in the gloominess of night. Yet My mind jumbled all the thoughts together making me struggle to find a perfect reply.

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“It will never happen!”

“We will see.”

minute or

“Hm.”

happened? Is everything alright with you

“Yeah. Why?”

like I am not talking

“Why?”

wrong Jacqueline? Would you like to share it with

“Nothing is wrong.”

if you

dinner?” The feeling of an empty stomach and empty soul surrounded me and I reminisced the part where I was getting slapped again

brought my attention

“Jacqueline?”

“Yes.”

“What’s wrong?”

I meant yes

are sad today.

marks made my

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Drop by drop.

me feel as if

“Nothing Happened. Good night.”

when I had sat on the bed when I was in the middle responding

Or the sadness that seems to swallow

as much as a river. My distracted mind had returned to the same scene where dad was hitting me like I didn’t matter

fell on the pillow covers, wetting them in certain patterns while all the beatings that I had been through in my life played in my mind like an action-packed movie where

A nice father. Please, God. Please. Please. Please. Please cure Mumma’s illnesses.” My knees pressed against my stomach

What wrong did I committed that you are punishing me in this way! If you can not change these conditions. Then call me to heaven. Oh God,

in my heart again and again

it felt like

with dark circles, my face seemed too red leaving traces that I must have cried. The white flowery

I knew I was. But I didn’t have the energy to answer Nikki’s stupid questions. If she saw me

my regular seat. While he turned his neck towards me as he said locking his

wrong Beta?