Her FaceBook Friend

“If the hurt comes, so will the happiness. So don’t ever lose hope.” [Jacqueline]

…..

[Jacqueline’s POV]

I stared at him stunned. His words were spoken with so much determination that I felt the intensity of his emotions behind the words. His eyes were throwing daggers at me. I had never explained this much to anyone. Neither did I ever warn anyone. It wasn’t me. What’s wrong with me? Now I seem to have made another enemy? I should have stuck to my mantras of channeling my emotions with a behavioral alteration. I shouldn’t have yelled it aloud. I shouldn’t have screamed myself hoarse. I glanced down at myself feeling heavily embarra**ed, my white kurta had a shoe print on them, a gift from His best friend. My clothes were drenched in sweat. I was on the verge of crying. A mess. A total mess. I was bullied yes, but it was limited to cla**rooms or washrooms. Never in my life, I was humiliated in the canteen. Maybe it was the reason for my outburst earlier.

“Shut Up Rohan.” She said as she came in front of Rohan to protect me from his vicious glare. “Take it easy Jacqueline. I promise I won’t let him do anything wrong with you again.” She said evenly. Her lips stretched into a kind smile. But I wasn’t going to appreciate it. I was no angel who would forgive people who hurt me so easily.

“I am sorry again Jacqueline. I shouldn’t have kicked you without knowing your perspective. Please let me know if you need help with anything. So that I can make it up to you.” I looked up at her, startled. Nobody ever asked me to make it up to me. Not anyone had ever apologized to me in public. Heck, I would never apologize in public with such sincerity. It takes a considerable amount of strength to accept your fault in public and apologize for it. It was satisfying to hear it aloud, especially when I was embarra**ed in public and was having a vulnerable moment.

I marched out of the canteen in large strides without responding to her. Perhaps it was because I was alarmed with tears that were forming in my eyes and I wanted to keep my last shred of dignity in front of those wicked teenagers. I knew they would notice if I didn’t leave at the moment.

Within 7 minutes I was out of the canteen. Not knowing where to go I stepped inside the washroom beside the corner. It seemed God was finally being kind to me. Because There was no one in any of the washroom stalls. After closing the door I sat down on a side stool outside one of the washroom stalls. It was there so that kids could wait if it was occupied by someone else. I lifted my head to look out the window, as I heard the squeals of laughter coming from outside. The other students were enjoying their life, they were blooming with joy swaying to the mild breeze but here I was born the worldly blows. I once had many aspirations of living a life like them but I was mocked as a fat kid. Never had I ever thought it would stay the same even if I starve myself. When mom was fine and I told her about me being ugly and fat, she lied to me. She lied that I had a dimple that only beautiful people have, she lied to me that I have the most beautiful doe-like eyes. She lied to me that I was gorgeous. She lied and lied and then she fell into depression.

All the years I listened to all sorts of insults, bearing all the abuses thrown my way by creating small cuts in my thighs. The pain gave me the courage to take it all in and not die. With teenagers coming my way, my issues got bigger and bigger than my body. I began to cut open the old wounds on my thighs with the thread to preserve it within my broken soul. Nobody knew the pain I was going through. Nobody cared. Nobody cares now. Tears fell on my school dress. Drop by drop. I knew I was on the verge of insanity, and my emotions would fall from my body just as water comes out of the bottle when the lid is broken or when the lid is pressurized. I could feel the panic increasing. I needed to stop myself.

What should I do? To stop me from having a panic attack here. I needed to think of something else. Something that could make me forget today’s events. I mumbled “Crying here means trampling on your dignity Jacky. Crying. Trampling dignity.” My words came out jumbled. The scene of shoe wiping and me getting kicked started playing in my mind. I forced my mind to divert my thoughts and My hands fumbled in the bag to get something out that could soothe me. I found my phone. Maybe I should play a game but a game. Or maybe I should watch something funny. However, I was sure it wouldn’t be enough to calm me. The superficial things can never calm me. But maybe it would divert me to think of something else. The moment I opened the screen, a text message from Remo on Facebook Caught my attention.

“Hey. Missing you Baby. I was thinking of doing something real for you.”

“So here it is.”

There was a voice recording of two minutes. Accidentally I tapped on it.

“One day, I hope for you to be a great friend of mine. (alternate picking of guitar music)

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Dam da. Dam(table

about the things

(tapping of the

that

(there was table tapping voice

You are my serendipity

Don’t ever defenestrate me

if you find my Epoch to

are ineffable to

Come to me

find yourself

will woefully make you

Come to me

you find

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know

Just come to me

will talk

anything that doesn’t make

You are my serendipity

your cute soul that

makes you

Come to me

with light that comes from within

Dang. Dang. Dang. Dang.