After clearing up the breakfast dishes, I go looking for Klempner. I find him outside, on the terrace. The fog is clearing and leaning with both hands on the wall, he stares out over the valley, watching wreaths of silver mist twine over the lake.

I take a place beside him. “You okay?”

He turns. “Yes,” he smiles, “I'm extraordinarily okay.”

He looks away, then looks back, meeting my eye. “But we both know I fit in there like a giraffe in a wet suit. However, my thanks for the invitation. I appreciate it. I really do...” He picks at a bit of lichen growing on the stonework.

“But you're not ready to settle down with the carpet slippers and the chocolate Labrador by the hearth?”

“No. And as you said, there are things I need to do, dealing with Baxter being the priority.” He blows air. “Do you think Mitch will handle that? For some fairly obvious reasons, I can't stay here long. But even if I could stay, it wouldn’t work. Not long term.”

“I think you should ask her yourself…”

“But…”

“… But… I suspect that for both of you, simply knowing that the other is there will count for a lot. And besides, if you're careful, you can visit from time to time. See your daughter, your grand-daughter.”

He looks at his feet, scuffing at the ground. “I suppose.”

“Does it occur to you that for Mitch, a… um… part-time relationship, might appeal?”

His forehead furrows. “Run that by me again.”

“Mitch has had men controlling her all her life. Or trying to. She’s enjoying her freedom, especially now she’s earning money… Real money… in her own right. Living a life of her own but having a partner… you… there occasionally might just work, for both of you. The two of you would simply spend quality time together.”

He rubs the back of his neck. “Would that work?”

“It might. It wouldn’t be for everyone. But for Mitch… And for you… Who knows? Wouldn’t it be worth a try?”

His head sways, slowly, up and down. “Do you think Jenny will want to see me?”

“I think so, yes. It might be a bit of a rocky road for a while, but it will be good for her.”

“And you? Will I be welcome here?”

“For me, yes, you’ll be welcome. But for now, will you stay for Christmas? I’m sure Mitch would like that.”

“Yes…” He scuffs at the ground. “I think I will. In any case, there are things I need to do here too.”

“And after that? Back to Thailand?”

He flashes me a startled glance, then his smile twists into humour. “Um... Nooo… Not Thailand. It's not a very healthy environment for me just now. No, it’s South America for me next.”

“Will you keep me informed on that? Anything you learn.”

“Of course. I’ll set something up so we can stay in contact this time… without you having to rig up my old wiretap again.”

*****

Klempner

At the door, standing ajar, I hesitate, my stomach suddenly dropping away.

Have I done enough?

With muscles oddly reluctant to move, I tap on the door, very quietly.

“It’s open.”

I push, and too slowly, the door swings wider.

Jenny’s sitting in a rocking chair by the window. Her hair, so like her mother’s spills over a thick shawl pulled around her shoulders. A warm blanket covers her lap. And her face, while pale, has lost that sheen she had when Michael and I found her.

And held in her arms, wrapped in layers of knitted woollens…

Cara…

Your daughter.

My granddaughter.

I want to say something. Something appropriate, but I’m not sure what it should be.

I abused you…

Mistreated you…

Took my revenge on you…

something you had no

rises to

did I ever think to see you smile at

“May I come in?”

“Of course you can.”

her position, fiddles with the layers of

Oh, God…

She’s feeding her…

apologies. I didn’t intend to

seeing Jenny giving birth to the baby in

Breast-feeding?

Too personal…

spin, trying to find

Anywhere else…

my eyes to

multicoloured herd accompanied by a kind of rainbowed Pegasus above them. A mermaid and frog sit in

one way then the

It moves…

let your mother loose with

recognise it?

spot her touch, yes. She's still using

the loveliest smile I’ve ever seen.

the thing nod in agreement with the mermaid. “It was a butterfly the first time

how she

me she’d seen something about cave paintings; how they were intended to be seen by firelight, to give the illusion of

“Will you tell me more like

“Like what?”

and Mom. How you met. How

Past gnaws at me. “You’re sure

“I think so, yes.”

of things to say. Small talk has never been my strong

room. She watches me, calm,

I… I wish I could change

But you can change the future…” She tilts her

say. Inside I’m tight, cold, but heat rises up my

Long seconds pass.

as the rocker moves slightly, to and fro. Absently, I notice that the chair also has received the ‘Mitch treatment’, painted cream, ferns twine up and around

she stands, takes a step or two towards me, the baby still

inside me jolts.

She’s your granddaughter.

dry and the heat in my chest disperses to

there, offering me the cooing,

I turn to see James, Michael and Mitch,

James. He raises brows, lips

steps forward, a hand under her arm.

she steps closer, offering her baby to

My granddaughter…

as though protesting the indignity of the world. The features are soft and unformed. A drop of milk dribbles from her mouth… She smells

what do I

What’s expected?

extend a

hand, smaller than the end of my thumb, takes hold of my finger, gripping

Such tiny fingernails.

presses her to me. “You want to. I

done

fuck’s sake don’t

I cradle her in my

She takes my hand, slipping it under the head. “Her neck muscles aren’t developed

Then she steps away.

I think not quite focussed on

Dark-haired like her father?

there a touch of

What to say?

“Hello, Cara.”

says, “It’s

Crap…

times can I

get

“It’s not? I thought…”

his voice. And confusion. “I thought it was decided? She was going to be

Even James is frowning.

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