After clearing up the breakfast dishes, I go looking for Klempner. I find him outside, on the terrace. The fog is clearing and leaning with both hands on the wall, he stares out over the valley, watching wreaths of silver mist twine over the lake.

I take a place beside him. “You okay?”

He turns. “Yes,” he smiles, “I'm extraordinarily okay.”

He looks away, then looks back, meeting my eye. “But we both know I fit in there like a giraffe in a wet suit. However, my thanks for the invitation. I appreciate it. I really do...” He picks at a bit of lichen growing on the stonework.

“But you're not ready to settle down with the carpet slippers and the chocolate Labrador by the hearth?”

“No. And as you said, there are things I need to do, dealing with Baxter being the priority.” He blows air. “Do you think Mitch will handle that? For some fairly obvious reasons, I can't stay here long. But even if I could stay, it wouldn’t work. Not long term.”

“I think you should ask her yourself…”

“But…”

“… But… I suspect that for both of you, simply knowing that the other is there will count for a lot. And besides, if you're careful, you can visit from time to time. See your daughter, your grand-daughter.”

He looks at his feet, scuffing at the ground. “I suppose.”

“Does it occur to you that for Mitch, a… um… part-time relationship, might appeal?”

His forehead furrows. “Run that by me again.”

“Mitch has had men controlling her all her life. Or trying to. She’s enjoying her freedom, especially now she’s earning money… Real money… in her own right. Living a life of her own but having a partner… you… there occasionally might just work, for both of you. The two of you would simply spend quality time together.”

He rubs the back of his neck. “Would that work?”

“It might. It wouldn’t be for everyone. But for Mitch… And for you… Who knows? Wouldn’t it be worth a try?”

His head sways, slowly, up and down. “Do you think Jenny will want to see me?”

“I think so, yes. It might be a bit of a rocky road for a while, but it will be good for her.”

“And you? Will I be welcome here?”

“For me, yes, you’ll be welcome. But for now, will you stay for Christmas? I’m sure Mitch would like that.”

“Yes…” He scuffs at the ground. “I think I will. In any case, there are things I need to do here too.”

“And after that? Back to Thailand?”

He flashes me a startled glance, then his smile twists into humour. “Um... Nooo… Not Thailand. It's not a very healthy environment for me just now. No, it’s South America for me next.”

“Will you keep me informed on that? Anything you learn.”

“Of course. I’ll set something up so we can stay in contact this time… without you having to rig up my old wiretap again.”

*****

Klempner

At the door, standing ajar, I hesitate, my stomach suddenly dropping away.

Have I done enough?

With muscles oddly reluctant to move, I tap on the door, very quietly.

“It’s open.”

I push, and too slowly, the door swings wider.

Jenny’s sitting in a rocking chair by the window. Her hair, so like her mother’s spills over a thick shawl pulled around her shoulders. A warm blanket covers her lap. And her face, while pale, has lost that sheen she had when Michael and I found her.

And held in her arms, wrapped in layers of knitted woollens…

Cara…

Your daughter.

My granddaughter.

I want to say something. Something appropriate, but I’m not sure what it should be.

I abused you…

Mistreated you…

Took my revenge on you…

you had no involvement

gaze rises to me, you smile…

ever think to see you smile

“May I come in?”

“Of course you can.”

layers of blankets and then, in a

Oh, God…

She’s feeding her…

don’t know where to look. “My apologies. I

giving birth to the baby in her arms

Breast-feeding?

Too personal…

I spin, trying to

Anywhere else…

my eyes to

around the walls in a multicoloured herd accompanied by a kind of rainbowed Pegasus above them. A mermaid and

the other, trying to

It moves…

someone let your mother loose with a

recognise it?

She's still using that trick

loveliest smile I’ve ever seen.

nod in agreement with the mermaid. “It was a butterfly the first time I

how she does

cave paintings; how they were intended

mouth opens a little. “Will you tell me more like

“Like what?”

met. How you

me. “You’re sure you want to

“I think so, yes.”

I’ve run out of things to say. Small talk has never been my

She watches

I… I wish I could change what’s

you can change the future…” She tilts

what to say. Inside I’m tight, cold, but heat rises up

Long seconds pass.

clothes as the rocker moves slightly, to and fro. Absently, I notice that the chair also has received the ‘Mitch treatment’, painted cream, ferns twine

she stands, takes a step or two towards me, the baby still

me

She’s your granddaughter.

heat in my chest disperses to

offering me the cooing,

and I turn to see James, Michael and Mitch, all gathered in

brows, lips twitching. “She’s the

a little as she moves, but Michael steps forward, a hand under

she steps closer, offering her baby

My granddaughter…

of the world. The features are soft and unformed. A drop of milk dribbles from her mouth… She smells milky too, a kind of musty

do

What’s expected?

extend a

end of

Such tiny fingernails.

presses her to me. “You want to. I can

done this

fuck’s sake

her

under the head. “Her neck

Then she steps away.

quite focussed on me. A wisp

Dark-haired like her father?

a touch

What to say?

“Hello, Cara.”

“It’s not

Crap…

times can I fucking fuck it

get the

“It’s not? I thought…”

on her arm “Charlotte? I thought…” There’s hurt in his voice.

Even James is frowning.

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