The Gang picks up my mood, milling around. Archie bounces about, yapping excitedly until Meg snaps at him and he sheers off. Then as the four play at rough-and-tumble under the table, Scruffy joins them and I snap. “Quiet! All of you!”

The dogs subside and assemble under the desk, panting. Ryan stares at me. “Kirstie?”

I shouldn’t have done that.

They’re only enjoying themselves…

Too much wine...

That’s what I tell myself anyway. “I’ll be back in a while. I’m taking the dogs out.”

He starts to rise from the chair. “I’ll keep you company.”

I shake my head. “No, it’s alright.” He stares after me as I exit the study.

Wrapping a thick scarf around my neck and tugging mittens onto hands, I call the dogs and once more they bounce jubilantly after me as I head outdoors.

I gasp at the frigid wall of air as I open the door. The Gang don’t seem to notice, tumbling out into the snow as I carefully pull the door closed behind me.

The icy air and brilliant sunshine are an instant antidote to my ill mood. Around me lies a vast sparkling snowscape, covering grass and shrub and tree, rolling down the mountain to where even the lake lies as a single glistening sheet.

What do I have to be miserable about?

Really?

I pace up and down in the snow, watching the dogs playing, racing around in silly circles, barking joyously.

What’s wrong with me?

Just nerves?

Self-analysis isn’t easy. Sometimes one must face unpleasant truths.

Is it just nerves?

Just anxiety about the biggest purchase I’m ever likely to make?

Or is it more?

Ryan…

I was single for years. Happily so.

And then Ryan appeared in my life.

I love you.

want to be bound to

a blur as he excavates a hole, spraying snow backwards

can’t I catch that mood from

of my neck and I

I’m being watched…

Don’t be ridiculous…

Cautiously, I scan around.

is still out

Is he watching us?

freakingly fucking obvious

Klempner’s

the edges of my

the back of the terrace, leaning against the wall, cradling a steaming mug as he watches the canine

feel a complete idiot. “Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to disturb

not disturbing me. I just wanted

me too. It’s all a bit…” I wave

My what?

I don’t know.

me for a

keep speaking. For some reason,

his lips.

me that perhaps there’s a reason I’m not the only one

out here

“Are you alright?”

into the snow with the end of a boot. “Yes, I'm fine too.” Then he straightens up, his smile turning brighter. “No, I'm good. It's just that when I accepted the invitation to Christmas, I didn't really know what to expect. I thought all that…” He waves back in towards the house… “… stuff just came out of

tell the truth, I find it

Charlotte, certainly. I

into his mug. “No,

silent man, is Lawrence Klempner: murderer, terrorist, slaver.

seems

he’s someone

not too

“What happened?” I ask.

stay for Christmas. You have

meant. I meant, what happened to you? I mean, you’re Lawrence Klempner…” His lips quirk… “… And yet here you are helping

as I realise both the gross ill-manners of my question

I’ve started, so I finish… “…like what

mild, tinged with amusement. “What you expected? Yes, in fact I

My cheeks burn…

you're apt to

Oh… Jeez…

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