The Gang picks up my mood, milling around. Archie bounces about, yapping excitedly until Meg snaps at him and he sheers off. Then as the four play at rough-and-tumble under the table, Scruffy joins them and I snap. “Quiet! All of you!”
The dogs subside and assemble under the desk, panting. Ryan stares at me. “Kirstie?”
I shouldn’t have done that.
They’re only enjoying themselves…
Too much wine...
That’s what I tell myself anyway. “I’ll be back in a while. I’m taking the dogs out.”
He starts to rise from the chair. “I’ll keep you company.”
I shake my head. “No, it’s alright.” He stares after me as I exit the study.
Wrapping a thick scarf around my neck and tugging mittens onto hands, I call the dogs and once more they bounce jubilantly after me as I head outdoors.
I gasp at the frigid wall of air as I open the door. The Gang don’t seem to notice, tumbling out into the snow as I carefully pull the door closed behind me.
The icy air and brilliant sunshine are an instant antidote to my ill mood. Around me lies a vast sparkling snowscape, covering grass and shrub and tree, rolling down the mountain to where even the lake lies as a single glistening sheet.
What do I have to be miserable about?
Really?
I pace up and down in the snow, watching the dogs playing, racing around in silly circles, barking joyously.
What’s wrong with me?
Just nerves?
Self-analysis isn’t easy. Sometimes one must face unpleasant truths.
Is it just nerves?
Just anxiety about the biggest purchase I’m ever likely to make?
Or is it more?
Ryan…
I was single for years. Happily so.
And then Ryan appeared in my life.
I love you.
want to be bound to
a blur as he excavates a hole, spraying snow backwards
can’t I catch that mood from
of my neck and I
I’m being watched…
…
Don’t be ridiculous…
Cautiously, I scan around.
is still out
Is he watching us?
freakingly fucking obvious
Klempner’s
the edges of my
the back of the terrace, leaning against the wall, cradling a steaming mug as he watches the canine
feel a complete idiot. “Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to disturb
not disturbing me. I just wanted
me too. It’s all a bit…” I wave
My what?
I don’t know.
me for a
keep speaking. For some reason,
his lips.
me that perhaps there’s a reason I’m not the only one
out here
“Are you alright?”
into the snow with the end of a boot. “Yes, I'm fine too.” Then he straightens up, his smile turning brighter. “No, I'm good. It's just that when I accepted the invitation to Christmas, I didn't really know what to expect. I thought all that…” He waves back in towards the house… “… stuff just came out of
tell the truth, I find it
Charlotte, certainly. I
into his mug. “No,
silent man, is Lawrence Klempner: murderer, terrorist, slaver.
seems
he’s someone
not too
“What happened?” I ask.
stay for Christmas. You have
meant. I meant, what happened to you? I mean, you’re Lawrence Klempner…” His lips quirk… “… And yet here you are helping
as I realise both the gross ill-manners of my question
I’ve started, so I finish… “…like what
mild, tinged with amusement. “What you expected? Yes, in fact I
My cheeks burn…
you're apt to
Oh… Jeez…
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