The Gang picks up my mood, milling around. Archie bounces about, yapping excitedly until Meg snaps at him and he sheers off. Then as the four play at rough-and-tumble under the table, Scruffy joins them and I snap. “Quiet! All of you!”
The dogs subside and assemble under the desk, panting. Ryan stares at me. “Kirstie?”
I shouldn’t have done that.
They’re only enjoying themselves…
Too much wine...
That’s what I tell myself anyway. “I’ll be back in a while. I’m taking the dogs out.”
He starts to rise from the chair. “I’ll keep you company.”
I shake my head. “No, it’s alright.” He stares after me as I exit the study.
Wrapping a thick scarf around my neck and tugging mittens onto hands, I call the dogs and once more they bounce jubilantly after me as I head outdoors.
I gasp at the frigid wall of air as I open the door. The Gang don’t seem to notice, tumbling out into the snow as I carefully pull the door closed behind me.
The icy air and brilliant sunshine are an instant antidote to my ill mood. Around me lies a vast sparkling snowscape, covering grass and shrub and tree, rolling down the mountain to where even the lake lies as a single glistening sheet.
What do I have to be miserable about?
Really?
I pace up and down in the snow, watching the dogs playing, racing around in silly circles, barking joyously.
What’s wrong with me?
Just nerves?
Self-analysis isn’t easy. Sometimes one must face unpleasant truths.
Is it just nerves?
Just anxiety about the biggest purchase I’m ever likely to make?
Or is it more?
Ryan…
I was single for years. Happily so.
And then Ryan appeared in my life.
I love you.
want to be bound to
paws a blur as he excavates a hole, spraying snow backwards and covering Meg and Archie. They’re
can’t I catch that mood from
at the back of my
I’m being watched…
…
Don’t be ridiculous…
Cautiously, I scan around.
is still out
Is he watching us?
freakingly fucking obvious
why Klempner’s still
the edges of my vision
His face impassive, Klempner stands at the back of
complete idiot. “Oh, sorry. I didn't mean
not disturbing me. I just wanted some
a bit…” I wave
My what?
I don’t know.
a moment then, “Is something
Just a bit… out of sorts.” His brows rise, as though waiting for me to keep
nods slowly, pursing his lips. “So there
dawns on me that perhaps there’s a reason I’m not the only one outside in the
is he out here by
“Are you alright?”
to expect. I thought all that…” He waves back in towards the house… “… stuff just came out of movies. Holly and trees and mulled wine… I never believed it was real.” He sips at
sips again. “To tell the truth, I find it all a bit
important,” I say. “It's important to Charlotte, certainly. I don't think she's had
down into his mug. “No, she
remember who I'm talking to. That this solitary, silent man, is Lawrence
he seems
someone to
who’s not too
“What happened?” I ask.
stay for Christmas. You have a problem
meant. I meant, what happened to you? I mean, you’re Lawrence Klempner…” His
both the gross ill-manners of
I finish… “…like
amusement. “What you expected?
My cheeks burn…
laugh. “James did mention that you're apt to let your mouth run away with
Oh… Jeez…
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