The Gang picks up my mood, milling around. Archie bounces about, yapping excitedly until Meg snaps at him and he sheers off. Then as the four play at rough-and-tumble under the table, Scruffy joins them and I snap. “Quiet! All of you!”
The dogs subside and assemble under the desk, panting. Ryan stares at me. “Kirstie?”
I shouldn’t have done that.
They’re only enjoying themselves…
Too much wine...
That’s what I tell myself anyway. “I’ll be back in a while. I’m taking the dogs out.”
He starts to rise from the chair. “I’ll keep you company.”
I shake my head. “No, it’s alright.” He stares after me as I exit the study.
Wrapping a thick scarf around my neck and tugging mittens onto hands, I call the dogs and once more they bounce jubilantly after me as I head outdoors.
I gasp at the frigid wall of air as I open the door. The Gang don’t seem to notice, tumbling out into the snow as I carefully pull the door closed behind me.
The icy air and brilliant sunshine are an instant antidote to my ill mood. Around me lies a vast sparkling snowscape, covering grass and shrub and tree, rolling down the mountain to where even the lake lies as a single glistening sheet.
What do I have to be miserable about?
Really?
I pace up and down in the snow, watching the dogs playing, racing around in silly circles, barking joyously.
What’s wrong with me?
Just nerves?
Self-analysis isn’t easy. Sometimes one must face unpleasant truths.
Is it just nerves?
Just anxiety about the biggest purchase I’m ever likely to make?
Or is it more?
Ryan…
I was single for years. Happily so.
And then Ryan appeared in my life.
I love you.
want to be bound
snow, his paws a blur as he excavates a hole, spraying snow backwards and covering
I catch that mood from
at the back of my neck and I jolt to
I’m being watched…
…
Don’t be ridiculous…
Cautiously, I scan around.
is
Is he watching us?
freakingly fucking obvious
Klempner’s still
on the edges of
of the terrace, leaning against
complete idiot. “Oh, sorry.
smiles pleasantly. “You're not disturbing me. I just
all a bit…” I wave my hands uselessly, not knowing how to
My what?
I don’t know.
me for a moment then, “Is something
to keep speaking. For
slowly, pursing his lips.
that perhaps there’s a reason I’m not the only one outside
is he out here by
“Are you alright?”
scuffing into the snow with the end of a boot. “Yes, I'm fine too.” Then he straightens up, his smile turning brighter. “No, I'm good. It's just that when I accepted the invitation to Christmas, I didn't really know what to expect. I thought all that…” He waves back in towards the house… “… stuff just came out of movies. Holly
the truth, I find it all a
“It's important to Charlotte, certainly. I
stares down into his mug.
I remember who I'm talking to. That this solitary, silent man,
he seems
he’s someone
not
“What happened?” I ask.
“James invited me to stay for Christmas.
I meant. I meant, what happened to you? I mean, you’re Lawrence Klempner…” His lips quirk… “… And yet here you are helping to decorate a tree with Christmas
the gross ill-manners of my question and
I
tinged with amusement. “What you expected? Yes, in fact I
My cheeks burn…
mention that you're apt to let your mouth
Oh… Jeez…
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