The Gang picks up my mood, milling around. Archie bounces about, yapping excitedly until Meg snaps at him and he sheers off. Then as the four play at rough-and-tumble under the table, Scruffy joins them and I snap. “Quiet! All of you!”

The dogs subside and assemble under the desk, panting. Ryan stares at me. “Kirstie?”

I shouldn’t have done that.

They’re only enjoying themselves…

Too much wine...

That’s what I tell myself anyway. “I’ll be back in a while. I’m taking the dogs out.”

He starts to rise from the chair. “I’ll keep you company.”

I shake my head. “No, it’s alright.” He stares after me as I exit the study.

Wrapping a thick scarf around my neck and tugging mittens onto hands, I call the dogs and once more they bounce jubilantly after me as I head outdoors.

I gasp at the frigid wall of air as I open the door. The Gang don’t seem to notice, tumbling out into the snow as I carefully pull the door closed behind me.

The icy air and brilliant sunshine are an instant antidote to my ill mood. Around me lies a vast sparkling snowscape, covering grass and shrub and tree, rolling down the mountain to where even the lake lies as a single glistening sheet.

What do I have to be miserable about?

Really?

I pace up and down in the snow, watching the dogs playing, racing around in silly circles, barking joyously.

What’s wrong with me?

Just nerves?

Self-analysis isn’t easy. Sometimes one must face unpleasant truths.

Is it just nerves?

Just anxiety about the biggest purchase I’m ever likely to make?

Or is it more?

Ryan…

I was single for years. Happily so.

And then Ryan appeared in my life.

I love you.

want to be bound to

digs into the snow, his paws a blur as he excavates a hole, spraying

I catch that mood

of my neck and

I’m being watched…

Don’t be ridiculous…

Cautiously, I scan around.

said Baxter is still out

Is he watching us?

fucking obvious

why Klempner’s still

of my vision and I

back of the terrace, leaning against the wall, cradling a steaming mug as he watches the canine

sorry. I

“You're not disturbing me. I

a bit…” I wave my hands uselessly, not knowing how to express

My what?

I don’t know.

a moment

sorts.” His brows rise, as though waiting for me to keep speaking. For some reason, I want to fill

his lips.

I’m not the only one outside in

is he out

“Are you alright?”

turning brighter. “No, I'm good. It's just that when I accepted the invitation to Christmas, I didn't really know what to expect. I thought all that…” He waves back in towards the house… “… stuff just came

the truth, I find it all a

certainly. I don't think

his mug.

That this solitary, silent man, is Lawrence

he seems civilised

someone

who’s not too

“What happened?” I ask.

to stay for Christmas.

not what I meant. I meant, what happened to you? I mean, you’re Lawrence Klempner…” His lips quirk… “… And yet here you are helping to decorate a tree with Christmas bunnies.

both the gross ill-manners of my question and the

started, so I finish…

expected? Yes, in fact I

My cheeks burn…

mention that you're apt to let your mouth

Oh… Jeez…

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