The Gang picks up my mood, milling around. Archie bounces about, yapping excitedly until Meg snaps at him and he sheers off. Then as the four play at rough-and-tumble under the table, Scruffy joins them and I snap. “Quiet! All of you!”

The dogs subside and assemble under the desk, panting. Ryan stares at me. “Kirstie?”

I shouldn’t have done that.

They’re only enjoying themselves…

Too much wine...

That’s what I tell myself anyway. “I’ll be back in a while. I’m taking the dogs out.”

He starts to rise from the chair. “I’ll keep you company.”

I shake my head. “No, it’s alright.” He stares after me as I exit the study.

Wrapping a thick scarf around my neck and tugging mittens onto hands, I call the dogs and once more they bounce jubilantly after me as I head outdoors.

I gasp at the frigid wall of air as I open the door. The Gang don’t seem to notice, tumbling out into the snow as I carefully pull the door closed behind me.

The icy air and brilliant sunshine are an instant antidote to my ill mood. Around me lies a vast sparkling snowscape, covering grass and shrub and tree, rolling down the mountain to where even the lake lies as a single glistening sheet.

What do I have to be miserable about?

Really?

I pace up and down in the snow, watching the dogs playing, racing around in silly circles, barking joyously.

What’s wrong with me?

Just nerves?

Self-analysis isn’t easy. Sometimes one must face unpleasant truths.

Is it just nerves?

Just anxiety about the biggest purchase I’m ever likely to make?

Or is it more?

Ryan…

I was single for years. Happily so.

And then Ryan appeared in my life.

I love you.

do I want to be bound to

blur as he excavates a hole, spraying snow backwards and covering Meg and Archie. They’re so

I catch

my neck and I jolt to

I’m being watched…

Don’t be ridiculous…

Cautiously, I scan around.

said Baxter is still out

Is he watching us?

the freakingly fucking obvious strikes

why Klempner’s still

of my

His face impassive, Klempner stands at the back of

idiot. “Oh, sorry. I didn't

smiles pleasantly. “You're not disturbing me. I just wanted

I wave my

My what?

I don’t know.

me for a moment

waiting for me to keep speaking. For some reason, I want to fill the silence. “There’s a lot happening

slowly, pursing his

a reason I’m not the only

he out here by

“Are you alright?”

to Christmas, I didn't really know what to expect. I thought all that…” He waves back in towards the house… “… stuff just came out of movies. Holly and trees and mulled wine… I never believed it was real.” He sips at his drink. “The whole Christmas family thing… is wonderful and they're making

truth, I find it

say. “It's important to Charlotte, certainly. I don't

stares down into his mug. “No, she

I remember who I'm talking to. That this solitary, silent

he seems

he’s someone to

not

“What happened?” I ask.

“James invited me to stay for Christmas. You have

can invite whoever they want. But it's not what I meant. I meant, what happened to you? I mean, you’re Lawrence Klempner…” His lips quirk… “… And yet here you are helping

of

started, so I finish… “…like what

tinged with amusement. “What you expected? Yes, in fact I do only have the

My cheeks burn…

that you're apt to let your mouth run

Oh… Jeez…

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