The Gang picks up my mood, milling around. Archie bounces about, yapping excitedly until Meg snaps at him and he sheers off. Then as the four play at rough-and-tumble under the table, Scruffy joins them and I snap. “Quiet! All of you!”
The dogs subside and assemble under the desk, panting. Ryan stares at me. “Kirstie?”
I shouldn’t have done that.
They’re only enjoying themselves…
Too much wine...
That’s what I tell myself anyway. “I’ll be back in a while. I’m taking the dogs out.”
He starts to rise from the chair. “I’ll keep you company.”
I shake my head. “No, it’s alright.” He stares after me as I exit the study.
Wrapping a thick scarf around my neck and tugging mittens onto hands, I call the dogs and once more they bounce jubilantly after me as I head outdoors.
I gasp at the frigid wall of air as I open the door. The Gang don’t seem to notice, tumbling out into the snow as I carefully pull the door closed behind me.
The icy air and brilliant sunshine are an instant antidote to my ill mood. Around me lies a vast sparkling snowscape, covering grass and shrub and tree, rolling down the mountain to where even the lake lies as a single glistening sheet.
What do I have to be miserable about?
Really?
I pace up and down in the snow, watching the dogs playing, racing around in silly circles, barking joyously.
What’s wrong with me?
Just nerves?
Self-analysis isn’t easy. Sometimes one must face unpleasant truths.
Is it just nerves?
Just anxiety about the biggest purchase I’m ever likely to make?
Or is it more?
Ryan…
I was single for years. Happily so.
And then Ryan appeared in my life.
I love you.
to be bound
into the snow, his paws a blur as he excavates a hole, spraying snow backwards and covering Meg and
catch that mood
back of my neck and I jolt to
I’m being watched…
…
Don’t be ridiculous…
Cautiously, I scan around.
said Baxter is
Is he watching us?
fucking obvious strikes
Klempner’s
on the edges of my vision and
Klempner stands at the back of the terrace, leaning against the wall, cradling a steaming mug as he watches
“Oh, sorry. I didn't
disturbing me. I just
me too. It’s all a bit…” I wave my hands uselessly,
My what?
I don’t know.
me for a moment then, “Is something
though waiting for me to keep speaking. For some reason, I want to fill the silence. “There’s a lot happening all of
pursing his lips. “So there
there’s a reason I’m not the only
out here by
“Are you alright?”
end of a boot. “Yes, I'm fine too.” Then he straightens up, his smile turning brighter. “No, I'm good. It's just that when I accepted the invitation to Christmas, I didn't really know what to expect. I thought all that…” He waves back in towards the house… “… stuff just came out of
truth, I find
to Charlotte, certainly. I don't think she's had
into his mug.
talking to. That this solitary, silent man, is Lawrence
he seems
someone
who’s not
“What happened?” I ask.
to stay for
they want. But it's not what I meant. I meant, what happened to you? I
I realise both the gross ill-manners of my question and the possible consequences of my
I’ve started, so I finish… “…like
mild, tinged with amusement. “What you expected? Yes, in fact
My cheeks burn…
laugh. “James did mention that you're
Oh… Jeez…
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