The Gang picks up my mood, milling around. Archie bounces about, yapping excitedly until Meg snaps at him and he sheers off. Then as the four play at rough-and-tumble under the table, Scruffy joins them and I snap. “Quiet! All of you!”
The dogs subside and assemble under the desk, panting. Ryan stares at me. “Kirstie?”
I shouldn’t have done that.
They’re only enjoying themselves…
Too much wine...
That’s what I tell myself anyway. “I’ll be back in a while. I’m taking the dogs out.”
He starts to rise from the chair. “I’ll keep you company.”
I shake my head. “No, it’s alright.” He stares after me as I exit the study.
Wrapping a thick scarf around my neck and tugging mittens onto hands, I call the dogs and once more they bounce jubilantly after me as I head outdoors.
I gasp at the frigid wall of air as I open the door. The Gang don’t seem to notice, tumbling out into the snow as I carefully pull the door closed behind me.
The icy air and brilliant sunshine are an instant antidote to my ill mood. Around me lies a vast sparkling snowscape, covering grass and shrub and tree, rolling down the mountain to where even the lake lies as a single glistening sheet.
What do I have to be miserable about?
Really?
I pace up and down in the snow, watching the dogs playing, racing around in silly circles, barking joyously.
What’s wrong with me?
Just nerves?
Self-analysis isn’t easy. Sometimes one must face unpleasant truths.
Is it just nerves?
Just anxiety about the biggest purchase I’m ever likely to make?
Or is it more?
Ryan…
I was single for years. Happily so.
And then Ryan appeared in my life.
I love you.
to
digs into the snow, his paws a blur as he excavates a hole, spraying snow backwards and covering Meg
I catch
at the back of my
I’m being watched…
…
Don’t be ridiculous…
Cautiously, I scan around.
said Baxter is still
Is he watching us?
fucking
Klempner’s still
shifts on the edges of my vision
the back of the terrace, leaning against the wall, cradling a steaming mug as he watches the
feel a complete idiot. “Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to disturb
not disturbing me. I just wanted some
all a bit…” I wave my hands uselessly, not knowing
My what?
I don’t know.
a moment then,
of sorts.” His brows rise, as though waiting for me to keep speaking.
his lips. “So there
there’s a reason I’m not the only one outside
he out here
“Are you alright?”
turning brighter. “No, I'm good. It's just that when I accepted the invitation to Christmas, I didn't really know what to expect. I thought all that…” He waves back in towards the house… “… stuff just came out of movies. Holly and trees and mulled wine… I never believed it was real.” He sips at his drink. “The whole Christmas family thing… is wonderful and they're making me very welcome, but it's all rather
again. “To tell the truth, I find
Charlotte, certainly. I don't think she's
down into his
solitary, silent man, is Lawrence Klempner:
he seems
he’s someone to talk
not too
“What happened?” I ask.
invited me to stay for Christmas. You have a problem
of course not. It's their home. They can invite whoever they want. But it's not what I meant. I meant, what happened to you? I mean,
both the gross ill-manners of my question and the possible consequences
started, so I finish… “…like
expected? Yes, in
My cheeks burn…
mention that you're apt to let
Oh… Jeez…
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