The Gang picks up my mood, milling around. Archie bounces about, yapping excitedly until Meg snaps at him and he sheers off. Then as the four play at rough-and-tumble under the table, Scruffy joins them and I snap. “Quiet! All of you!”

The dogs subside and assemble under the desk, panting. Ryan stares at me. “Kirstie?”

I shouldn’t have done that.

They’re only enjoying themselves…

Too much wine...

That’s what I tell myself anyway. “I’ll be back in a while. I’m taking the dogs out.”

He starts to rise from the chair. “I’ll keep you company.”

I shake my head. “No, it’s alright.” He stares after me as I exit the study.

Wrapping a thick scarf around my neck and tugging mittens onto hands, I call the dogs and once more they bounce jubilantly after me as I head outdoors.

I gasp at the frigid wall of air as I open the door. The Gang don’t seem to notice, tumbling out into the snow as I carefully pull the door closed behind me.

The icy air and brilliant sunshine are an instant antidote to my ill mood. Around me lies a vast sparkling snowscape, covering grass and shrub and tree, rolling down the mountain to where even the lake lies as a single glistening sheet.

What do I have to be miserable about?

Really?

I pace up and down in the snow, watching the dogs playing, racing around in silly circles, barking joyously.

What’s wrong with me?

Just nerves?

Self-analysis isn’t easy. Sometimes one must face unpleasant truths.

Is it just nerves?

Just anxiety about the biggest purchase I’m ever likely to make?

Or is it more?

Ryan…

I was single for years. Happily so.

And then Ryan appeared in my life.

I love you.

to be bound

the snow, his paws a blur as he excavates a hole, spraying snow backwards and

I catch that mood from

the back of my

I’m being watched…

Don’t be ridiculous…

Cautiously, I scan around.

Baxter is still out

Is he watching us?

fucking obvious

Klempner’s still

on the edges of

the back of the terrace, leaning against the wall,

complete idiot. “Oh, sorry. I

disturbing me. I just wanted

wave my hands uselessly, not

My what?

I don’t know.

a moment then, “Is

fine. Just a bit… out of sorts.” His brows rise, as though waiting for me to keep speaking.

nods slowly, pursing his lips. “So

me that perhaps there’s a reason I’m not the

is he out

“Are you alright?”

end of a boot. “Yes, I'm fine too.” Then he straightens up, his smile turning brighter. “No, I'm good. It's just that when I accepted the invitation to Christmas, I didn't really know what to expect. I thought all that…” He waves back in towards the house… “… stuff just came out of movies. Holly and trees and mulled wine… I never believed it was real.” He sips at his drink. “The whole Christmas family thing… is wonderful and they're making

the truth, I find it

I say. “It's important to Charlotte, certainly.

into his mug. “No,

I'm talking to. That this solitary, silent man, is Lawrence

seems civilised

someone to

not too

“What happened?” I ask.

stay for Christmas. You

can invite whoever they want. But it's not what I meant. I meant, what happened to you? I mean, you’re Lawrence Klempner…” His lips quirk… “… And yet

stall as I realise both the gross ill-manners of my question and the possible consequences of my

so I finish… “…like what I

expected? Yes, in fact I

My cheeks burn…

a laugh. “James did mention that you're apt to let your mouth run away with

Oh… Jeez…

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