I Am The Luna

SEBASTIAN. The first words my son says to me are of my failure to my family, a reminder that no matter what, this is a time period they will always look back on and know I was not here.

The intense emotions I’m feeling being in the same room as them for the first time make me want to pull the three of them into my arms and never let go.

I want to hug them, kiss them, apologise to them, make them laugh, play with them, wipe away their tears and promise I’ll always take care of them. Is this the love of a father? I don’t know how to explain what I’m feeling.

I love them; I love them so damn much. For the first time since they were born, we’re together, but I can’t simply pull them into my arms and promise them that from this day on everything will be alright. I am going to do my best to make up for the lost time.

They may only be three years old, but they are still old enough to understand everything. Zion’s question is proof of that. Zaia instantly moves forward, kneeling beside Zion as she holds our daughter.

“Zion, that’s because-” she begins, but I cut her off, placing a hand on her arm. Her heart skips a beat as our eyes meet, a questioning one in hers.

“I’m sorry son, but I hurt your Mommy and made her sad, so she decided to go away and take care of you where she knew you would be safe and happy,” ,”I explain, that lump in my throat going.

Zaia looks at me sharply, and I know she’s about to argue with me when I give her a look and shake my head.

“Let me handle this,” I say quietly. I know it’s been on her mind, but I can’t let the kids blame her for this. I was the one who messed everything up. The way I handled things was wrong.

Zion’s looking at me as he tries to remain brave and I reach out for his hands again and as much as I want to pull them into my arms and hug them both, I need them to be the ones to take the step willingly.

I clear my throat as silently as possible as I watch my son observe my hands.

“What did you do?” He asks curiously. His blue eyes remind me of mine, and I can’t help but smile faintly.

smart little one, he gets that from his

I will always take care of all three of you. From here on I will never hurt your Mommy again and I

can never replace. The pain I dealt her will always be something I’ll regret. There is no way I can forgive myself for that, even though

refuse to, knowing it’ll only mess with my emotions even more. I want her so damn much, but

have. I want her in my arms. I want to wake up to her by my side and fall asleep with her

I am willing to give her the time she needs. I just wish I understood what is going on in that mind of hers a little

throbbing from being stretched out for this long. The jarring pain up my back and in my leg threatens to topple me over at any minute,

more before

flings his arms around

tightly, his heart beating strongly, and I close my eyes, trying

arms around him tighter, rocking

This is my son.

and top of his head. I promise I will protect the three of you with all

his hold,

ready to protect his mother

silently as she hugs Sia, wanting to wipe those tears from her cheek. My gaze dips

My princess.

Zaia’s and she nods slowly as she begins to move

“Sia? I say softly.

a small gasp as she clamps her hands over her mouth. The sound of her thumping heart reaches my ears, but

It’s irregular…

and I remember Zaia telling me about

kisses her cheek softly.” Sia… Baby, look, it’s Daddy,” Zaia whispers gently, placing her on the

brushing it back. She looks up at me, her heart skipping a

turn back to Sia, who has

as he

beautiful. The innocence on her face makes me

to contain my own emotions. Her lips quiver before

her, pulling her into my arms and hug her tightly, kissing the top of

smaller than Zion and between her sobs, she gasps

around, Princess. Always. So, no tears, alright?” I say,

overwhelmed me

a soft kiss on her forehead, and she begins giggling, tears still

beard is tickly!” She exclaims softly, making Zion and Zaia

face lighting up my world and I realise this is it; this is how Zaia

These two.

it?” I say, slowly adjusting my position and sitting on the floor. I