I Am The Luna

SEBASTIAN. The first words my son says to me are of my failure to my family, a reminder that no matter what, this is a time period they will always look back on and know I was not here.

The intense emotions I’m feeling being in the same room as them for the first time make me want to pull the three of them into my arms and never let go.

I want to hug them, kiss them, apologise to them, make them laugh, play with them, wipe away their tears and promise I’ll always take care of them. Is this the love of a father? I don’t know how to explain what I’m feeling.

I love them; I love them so damn much. For the first time since they were born, we’re together, but I can’t simply pull them into my arms and promise them that from this day on everything will be alright. I am going to do my best to make up for the lost time.

They may only be three years old, but they are still old enough to understand everything. Zion’s question is proof of that. Zaia instantly moves forward, kneeling beside Zion as she holds our daughter.

“Zion, that’s because-” she begins, but I cut her off, placing a hand on her arm. Her heart skips a beat as our eyes meet, a questioning one in hers.

“I’m sorry son, but I hurt your Mommy and made her sad, so she decided to go away and take care of you where she knew you would be safe and happy,” ,”I explain, that lump in my throat going.

Zaia looks at me sharply, and I know she’s about to argue with me when I give her a look and shake my head.

“Let me handle this,” I say quietly. I know it’s been on her mind, but I can’t let the kids blame her for this. I was the one who messed everything up. The way I handled things was wrong.

Zion’s looking at me as he tries to remain brave and I reach out for his hands again and as much as I want to pull them into my arms and hug them both, I need them to be the ones to take the step willingly.

I clear my throat as silently as possible as I watch my son observe my hands.

“What did you do?” He asks curiously. His blue eyes remind me of mine, and I can’t help but smile faintly.

smart little one, he gets that

anymore. Ever. I will always take care of all three of you. From here

something I’ll regret. There is no way I can forgive myself for that, even though I hope one day

looks at Zaia, but I refuse to, knowing it’ll only mess with my emotions even more. I want her so damn much, but I don’t understand what

want to wake up to her by my side and fall

time she

I have said. My arms are throbbing from being stretched out for this long. The jarring pain up my back and in my leg threatens to topple me over at any minute, but I am not about to let

Zaia once more before he turns

he steps forward and flings his arms around my neck, almost

he holds onto me tightly, his heart beating strongly, and I

I wrap my arms around him tighter, rocking

This is my son.

promise I will protect the three of you with all I have. This time, I won’t give

moment, burning his scent into my mind. The feel of his hold, the rhythm of

ready to protect his mother despite his

look across at Zaia, who’s crying silently as she hugs Sia, wanting to wipe those tears from her cheek. My gaze dips to the

My princess.

Zaia’s and she nods slowly as she begins to move Sia

“Sia? I say softly.

her mouth. The sound of her thumping heart reaches my ears, but a flicker of worry rushes through me

It’s irregular…

me, and I remember Zaia telling me about her not being

look, it’s Daddy,” Zaia whispers gently, placing her on the floor. Her

back. She looks up at me, her heart skipping a beat, but

back to Sia, who has her

slightly, but he still holds onto me as he looks at his sister, who

The innocence on her face makes me want to shield her away from the world

eyes stinging as I try to contain my

her eyes. I reach for her, pulling her into my arms and hug

gasps a few times, as if trying

be around, Princess. Always. So, no tears, alright?” I say, trying to control my

has overwhelmed me far more than I could ever have

plant a soft kiss on her forehead, and she begins giggling, tears still streaming down

beard is tickly!” She exclaims

smile at that and she looks up at me, the smile on her face lighting up my

These two.

say, slowly adjusting my position and sitting on the floor. I lean back against the