In My Desperate Time

For the first time, I take Frances Louis' hand and walk out of NewFun with him. His car is parked on the right side of the door. It is the car that he drove when I first met him. How could I be so blind that don’t see it when I came in?

Being blew by the wind outdoor makes me sober. Suddenly I regret choosing to leave with Frances Louis, am I courting death?

Frances Louis pulls me into the car, but doesn’t start it. Some of those people, standing at the door of NewFun, are still looking at us, unwilling to give up.

“Don’t try to do anything to me. I won't allow you to do it.” I define my position seriously.

Probably Frances Louis thinks I look funny by talking like this. He fumbles out a cigarette and light it. I watch his movements with a kind of ecstasy.

I choke on his words and heard him continuing saying, “I, Frances Louis, will never take a girl’s advantage.”

“Don’t feel embarrassed to say it? Last time, in the hotel…”

subconsciously, but feel shame to

trying to say immediately, but he just

me? How could

legs are so weak. How could I be like that if I haven’t had sex with him?

at his right hand and says, “That night,

Hand?

his hand that night, just like

or sad. That night, I was seductive under the influence of the medicine, even out of control, and

can't get men interested? Or does he, like Andrew Malan, have erectile problems?

I am suddenly frightened by my thoughts. I look at

know if I am impotent or not, you can try it by yourself. It’s not late to change your mind now.”

obvious that he wants me to be