In My Desperate Time

For the first time, I take Frances Louis' hand and walk out of NewFun with him. His car is parked on the right side of the door. It is the car that he drove when I first met him. How could I be so blind that don’t see it when I came in?

Being blew by the wind outdoor makes me sober. Suddenly I regret choosing to leave with Frances Louis, am I courting death?

Frances Louis pulls me into the car, but doesn’t start it. Some of those people, standing at the door of NewFun, are still looking at us, unwilling to give up.

“Don’t try to do anything to me. I won't allow you to do it.” I define my position seriously.

Probably Frances Louis thinks I look funny by talking like this. He fumbles out a cigarette and light it. I watch his movements with a kind of ecstasy.

I choke on his words and heard him continuing saying, “I, Frances Louis, will never take a girl’s advantage.”

“Don’t feel embarrassed to say it? Last time, in the hotel…”

feel shame to say more.

understands what I am trying to say immediately, but he just shakes his

How could it be?

and my legs are so weak. How could I be like that if I haven’t had

to see through what I am thinking. He looks significantly at

Hand?

that night, just like that day I his

I don't know whether to be happy or sad. That night, I was seductive under the influence of the medicine,

that I can't get men interested? Or does he, like Andrew Malan, have erectile problems?

suddenly frightened by my thoughts. I look at Frances Louis and couldn't speak for a long time.

already said, if you want to know if I am impotent or not, you can try it by yourself. It’s not late to change your mind now.”

The meaning of his words is obvious that he wants me to be his mistress.