In My Desperate Time

Steven seems to have come all the way just to accompany me to the pregnancy check-up. After I am through, he leaves without even having lunch.

When he leaves, he stubbornly says, “Jane, no matter how you refuse, I will not miss every pregnancy check-up. From now on, I will not miss your birthday and the child’s birthday. You don’t need to do anything, and I’ll take care of everything.”

He doesn’t ask me for anything, but his words put a great deal of pressure on me.

After experiencing so much, I feel that I am not worthy of anyone in the world. Perhaps my best ending would be to bring up the baby and die alone.

After I get home, Mom starts to lecture me when she finds that Steven has left.

“What’s the matter with you, my girl? Steven is such a good man, and he likes you so much. Why do you refuse him stubbornly? I don’t know what you’ve been through before, and I don’t want to ask about your past. I can see that you are a good girl after we get along well these days. Why are you making things difficult for yourself? Why don’t you want happiness?”

I feel like crying.

She cares about me, more than my biological mother. She knows that I lack love and long for love, but she doesn’t know that I don’t dare to love anymore.

know what I’ve

finally couldn’t restrain myself and tell her everything from the

looks at me with

her eyes. “I think that you need a man to love

that day, Mom never asks

on uneventfully. Nothing has changed except that the baby is growing and I’m missing Frances

night before I take the pregnancy check-up. I think he has

morning, I get up and wash, ready to go out and ask someone to accompany me to the pregnancy check-up. There’s a young man living next door. I have chatted with him several times, and I feel he is a nice man.

stand at his door nervously, knocking on

feel a shadow

around and see what is going on, a hand quickly covers my

is wrong. The