I've Been There Before

Grace stood in front of the white door for a long time. Finally, she reached out and opened the door.

“I won’t eat.” Payne lay on the bed, weak and haggard. These days, he had been anxious. The desire to live kept him struggling in pain.

However, the pain was too much to bear. With days passing by, he grew increasingly desperate.

He wanted to live, so he fought with the agony and the disease, dreaming to go back to the days when he could enjoy the luxury life had to offer and be carefree.

Mrs. James cried every day. Payne couldn’t bear to watch her like that. Then she got sick, too. Payne was a little relieved that he finally didn’t have to be around her.

Only the housekeeper would deliver food to him. Mrs. James hired the best nurses for her beloved son. They worked 24 hours a day and took turns to take care of Payne.

Payne was fed up with this white room. When he had a clear mind, he would look out of the window. His eyes were no longer as bright as before.

When the door was opened, he thought the housekeeper had come with food. The medicine and the chemotherapy cost him his appetite. Everything tasted bitter.

Now he would only eat when he was starving.

He was even too weak to speak.

Naturally, he wouldn’t bother to see who was coming.

He just sat on the bed, pretending to enjoy the view outside the window.

The he felt a shadow over him.

He didn’t want to waste his energy to check it out. Annoyance climbed onto his haggard face.

Yes, he was annoyed. He hated to have others pity him. If possible, he would rather it be the other way around.

“Get out,” Payne said in a weak voice, somewhat annoyed, “I know I am sick.”

“Is it affecting your mind, too?”

Payne heard a woman’s voice.

He froze, shocked.

He slowly turned his head from the window to the bedside. In just 45 degrees, his expression changed dramatically.

Staring at her for a long moment, he laughed self-deprecatingly, “Are you here to check if I’m dead?”

The woman remained silent. She pulled the chair beside the bed over and sat down. Glancing at Payne, she stood up, picked up a pillow from the sofa and put it behind Payne.

“What are you doing? Are you pitying me?”

Grace looked at his sunken cheeks for a long time. It was hard to recall his handsome features. He changed so much that she couldn’t recognize him.

She stretched out and buttoned Payne’s white hospital gown.

“What are you doing?” Payne pursed his pale lips with vigilance.

Grace shook off his hand and then unbuttoned the shirt. Then a scar on his shoulder was exposed. The wound had healed, but the scar was nasty.

“Do you remember how you got this?” she asked, her voice hoarse.

She stroked the scar. Payne wanted to dodge her hands as he felt the scar burning, his shoulders trembling.

“If you’re here for nostalgia, save it. I’m dying. What’s the point of reliving the past with a dying man?”

Grace ignored his harsh words and continued to caress him.

She continued, “I grew up with Grandpa.”

“Are you showing off? Grace, he is dead. You lost him forever.”

She ignored him again.

to

you. I was too young. I thought they didn’t like me because I had done something

my best to be better than

me, but I was not convinced. So, when you played, I studied. I didn’t even

me outstanding, so that mom and

was what I thought, and that was what

as I became better and better, I discovered that they disliked me even more. Only then did I realize that … they never wanted

angry. You are their child. So

working like

didn’t matter if they could never love me, because

most important

me feel less useless was grandfather’s approval. It let me taste the sweetness of

least I was

brother was actually smarter and more

expectation towards you, and I realized

matter. He loved me. That was

first, but then

could be heard in the ward. She told the story

you even more. You already got mom and dad’s love. Why would you take away

bystander, telling

scar?” She looked up at the brown scar, gently stroking it with her index

was too weak, his face pale. After a

didn’t tell anyone about our family and was bullied

you discovered that. You dragged me into your bedroom, and you rudely took off my clothes to see my

did I know that you had

chased me out of your

grandfather about it, so he

worried all day. But grandfather didn’t blame me. Then I believed that

afterwards, I went home with injuries every day, and you would treat

scar was the booty of a fight. You protected me against a bunch of hooligans. They cut you. After that,

remember what you said during

Payne’s eyes sparkled.

Grace continued.

I can bully

Grace paused.

pursed his pale

that much anymore,

Payne heard that, his shoulders trembled. He lowered his head, his dim eyes revealing

were good.” Grace looked at the back of Payne’s head and

sheets, his

tasted something bitter in his mouth. Staring at his quilt, he went into a

one can bully

me. Why did we

when she was having

was good at controlling her emotions. But why did her eyes turn red? She was

you everything,” After a

into his eyes for a long time. Was it

Or power?

Or fame?

finally confessed, after all these years. Grace

very much, but I was jealous every time I saw grandfather taught you things. I am the

would reproach

to draw his attention by being

older, I cared more

more jealous I became. Yet you don’t know anything about

This was the first time

finished, Grace