Michael

James rolls the razor over the line of jaw to neck, angling in the mirror to see the result.

“You’ve got it all,” I say. “Bloody nuisance for you having to shave as often as you do.”

He harrumphs, then, “Maybe I should grow a beard.” He looks himself left then right in the mirror. “What do you think?”

“It’s not my opinion you should ask.” I cock my head towards the door.

“Mmmm.” He runs a finger from chin to ear, sucking in his cheeks. “How is she?”

“Pretty hyper. I’m beginning to wish I’d not told her about the address; checked it out first myself. I could easily have found a different Christmas gift if I tried… If we get there and don’t find anything. If her mother’s moved or died…”

“Worst scenario…” says James, “No-one’s heard of her at all. No-one knows anything. Anything else is at least a step forward.”

“Yes, but that’s really why I wanted you to come along too. If it’s bad news, I can’t drive and hold her hand too…”

Charlotte bounces into the room. “I’m ready when you are.”

I look her up and down. “Have you just changed your clothes?”

“Er… yes. First, I thought I should go dressed in my best. Then I thought it might look a bit odd, wandering around a strange neighbourhood like that. So I changed into jeans, then I thought, if we find my mother, I should look nice and then…”

I step forward, tug her to me by the waist. “Charlotte, you would look ‘nice’ if you dressed in an old carpet. If we find your mother, how you’re dressed is the least of what will be happening.”

Her eyes fall. “If…”

“Yes, it’s still ‘if’. The address was old. Even the police file made it clear that they didn’t know what had happened or where she might have gone from there.”

“I know.” Her words are tight, constricted. “But I’m just hoping that…”

I tilt up her chin. “I know what you’re hoping, but with the best will in the world, this is almost certainly just a fact-finding mission. I did a lot of searching through old files just to get as far as I did.”

She nods against the pressure of my finger then, “Michael?”

“Mmmm?”

“Whatever happens, whatever we find, thank you.”

I press my lips to hers. “My pleasure.”

*****

“My car?”

“If that’s alright with you.” James pats his thigh. “Given the distance, it would be easier if you were driving.”

“Fine.” I turn to check Charlotte’s not in earshot. “The pair of you sit in the back seat. I don’t need a navigator and I’d rather her be close by you.”

They sit together, he with an arm wrapped around her while she just stares out of the window. Occasionally our eyes meet in the mirror.

*****

“This is it?” Charlotte stands, staring around, looking lost.

To one side; a car park, huge, able to take hundreds, perhaps thousands of cars. To the other; a hypermarket, DIY and white goods stores, acres of sheet glass displaying computers, TVs, household goods, clothes…

The acreage is vast. The retail park perhaps ten years old. No trace remains of what it replaced.

James stands beside her, a hand on her shoulder.

“I’m sorry, Charlotte,” I say. “But we won’t give up. We’ll keep looking.”

She nods, her face screwing up with suppressed tears, then she gets back in the car.

*****

in scarves and gloves, Ben and I seat ourselves on a couple

Order…?

ruining Charlotte’s birthday, since he chose to apologise, I’ve stretched a point by

I need the

us, another huge pile of brush, scrub, weeds and brambles awaits the bonfire, vibrating in the slight breeze. So early

red and

to turn out the right meal for the weather. Ben sniffs at steam fragrant with sage, thyme and who-knows-what-else, gulps down a

is. Sally

one.” He nods out over the area we just cleared, now hacked down to a few inches clear of the ground. His patchwork of a mongrel terrier, Scruffy, digs with industrial-grade ferocity in one corner.

be grass, so it just needs mowing. But the old out-buildings on the far side…” I wave across the stubbled earth… “… Some need demolishing. Some I want to fix up. Now I can get at them without needing a machete every time, we

He stands, wandering over, measuring the collection of dilapidated sheds, shacks and ramshackle stables by eye. “Any thoughts

spent time on a farm when she was younger. I know she was happy there. I thought she might like to keep

hinge, then twists to look up. “Stonework’s sound, but the roof timbers have had it. And the shingles.” He

hotchpotch of buildings. “It reminds me of that old place at McAlister’s. You know, where we use

to rob apples from his

we did, didn’t we. Hey… you remember that day when he spotted

forget it? It was me

me that had to explain to Mom why I’d brought you home covered in white-wash.” He

it was you that got the seat of your

out and I was supposed to bring you back in one piece and without

of the apples,” I chuckle. Cold air gusts over me and I down another mouthful

Even the house is falling apart. The old man died. The kids had moved on and none of them wanted to take it on being

Like this place.

sold out of the family. So it’s just standing there, falling to pieces a brick

Shame…

you

soup. I do likewise. Then, “And… I just wanted to take a

What’s going on?

a shower of mud, pebbles and old roots splatters over

progress. His head down, ass up, his stub of a tail wags furiously as earth scatters behind him. “What d’you reckon he’s

“Rats maybe. Could easily be a burrow coming out from the

Mmmm….

have a dog or two

at the breeze. He trots over, sits by me and

*sigh*

laps it up then moves to Ben, pointing snout, and the mole-hill now attached to the top, at Ben’s mug. He turns soft eyes on his junk-heap mutt, squatting down to offer his mug, with its last

feels good, just sharing time with my bother.

Family…

thank you for apologising to Charlotte and James. It means a lot. She’s… she’s going through a tough time right now. I appreciate what you

I going to hang on to my brother? Since it was

“She's my wife, Ben.”

Change the subject…

it going

nice girl. Everything I ever looked for...” Despite the words, his tone is gloomy. “… at least I thought so.” And there’s an edge to

Now what…?

it too

mug. “I won't,

Here it comes…

boring. Needy. Always wants to ask me what

failed

wanted the kind of girl

I

woman you thought you wanted, suddenly

reply. The mug revolves

Am I being dense?

Missing the sub-text…?

“So, what’s going wrong?”

... this time...

face tightens,

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