Klempner - Twenty-Six Years Ago

The air is glacial, but although the breeze whips through my hair, I’m not cold. Instead, invigorated, I feel strong and ready for anything.

Standing by the frozen sea, I watch the wind drawing snow across the ice in a whirling dervish of frozen granules that lash around my feet. And I think of the last time I did this, here, with her.

Valentine’s Day coming up… I’ll be back in time.

Get her a present…

What would she like?

Something regional? She loved Helsinki…

Some of the local food?

Then I remember her bending over the porcelain, throwing up gravlax and vodka in equal measure…

Maybe not…

Jewellery?

Still persuading her to wear the emeralds I gave her…

A piece of art?

?

?

Perfect.

I head for the town centre, searching for galleries and craft shops, not knowing just what I’m looking for.

But I’ll know it when I see it…

Most are full of the kind of useless knick-knacks that are met with an ‘Oh, how lovely. You shouldn’t have.” greeting, then get pushed to the back of the cupboard: I-Heart-Helsinki fridge-magnets, overpriced chocolates and tee-shirts, dolls in fake Laplander costumes.

Weirdly, some of the gift shops are stocked with mementoes which seem to me completely out of place. Who comes to Helsinki to buy posters of London buses or ‘New York They named it twice’ tee-shirts?

Am I missing something?

Nope…

And then, there it is.

Beautifully painted by some local artist with more Js and Ks in the name than English allows: a scene of the frozen sea, painted from almost where I stood only a couple of hours ago with ice grit-blasting my clothes. A couple stand hand-in-hand looking out over a glinting scene of white and blue, and in the distance, a lone figure sits fishing.

The price, like everything in Helsinki, is horrendous, but who cares? Money is nothing. Mitch is…

… Mitch.

Padded and carefully gift-wrapped, I tuck the package under my arm and head back for the ferry port.

Time to go home…

Home?

When did I ever think of home before?

She’s waiting.

*****

Michael

“How is she?”

head bowed. “The same. Not good. I’d say she’s gotten past

mourning the loss

panicking over gaining a

Both bereft…

What a fucking mess.

is probably the right word…” I say. “… Discovering she has a psychopath for a parent. It’s going to take time and

of his nose, eyes squeezing closed for a moment. “I think,” he says, “part of the problem is that not knowing much

perfect father

out, yes.” He rubs at the back of his head. “How the hell

to come out of her funk. However…” I raise a forefinger… “…

“Like?”

did she last have a bath? Or a proper

sits there wallowing in pizza boxes and boil-in-a-minute noodles. I’m happy to cook anything we can get down her, but first, we have to get her attention.” He jerks his chin towards the lounge. “You want to get in

ankles up on the table. “No, I don't think so.

to

James straightens up, plucks at a lip. “You might like to know,” I add, “that I turned on

He stares into nothing for a long second, then, “Come on then. You’d better be there too but stay in the background if

Charlotte sits on the couch, hugging

What’s she thinking...?

… Feeling….?

Fear?

Loss?

?

?

Humiliation?

speaks. “Charlotte?” There’s no softness in his

her vigil of the

you to look

to face him. “Sorry,

“Come here.”

stand before him. “Yes, Master?”

Yes… humiliation…

what look like tomato stains, and she’s still carrying traces of makeup

Doesn’t smell great either…

we speak. Your face lowered in submission is acceptable. Your head hanging in

Her voice chokes. “Master…”

Nothing has changed. Nothing. You

she won’t look at him. “But I’m not. I…” The

Finally crying?

Good…

sake

who reinvented herself, who knew what she wanted and took on all comers to get it. The woman who took the world by the throat and shook until it gave her

down everything life threw at her. I saw you do it. I saw you auction yourself to the highest bidder; to me; because doing so would take you where you wanted to go. Even though you knew it was dangerous. Even though your memories must have made that an appalling decision for you to take.” He’s still holding her, jolting her at the shoulders to punctuate his words.

I don’t say father… that does

choices, but Charlotte does. And one of those choices is whether or not she lets something that is part of

sobs subsiding

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