Chapter 5

Michelle

I hate walking into the classroom every morning. I’m the quiet girl, and when that door opens, I got all eyes on me.

The spotlight makes it harder to breathe. It’s making my skin crawl.

My heart beats faster, and even though there isn’t straight-up laughter or name-calling like in high school, the silence speaks louder than volumes.

I hate not having any friends.

I hate not having any new clothes.

I hate not being normal.

I hate not being… Happy.

I’m lonely, and it makes me feel vulnerable. Thomas definitely used that to his advantage when he…

When he…

Raped me.

Tears prickle behind my eyes.

I think I’m suffering from PTSD. Sometimes I experience flashes of Thomas’s face and how he pushed me against that wall at the party. It makes me want to scream.

But I refuse to cry.

Don’t ever look back. I keep my eyes down not to meet any of the sneers in the classroom.

Stay strong.

Breathe.

Sadly, I can’t ignore the whispers. The popular girls are already at it, talking about me while throwing me dirty stares.

“Oh, look, it’s the ugly duckling.”

I’m the ugly duckling.

“Does she ever change her clothes?”

No, I have no money or parents to pay for new ones.

“Aren’t her parents like… Alcoholists?”

They are.

“I heard they threw her out.”

I left.

“She lives in an apartment together with Ciara and Zendra.”

Because I can’t pay an entire rent on my own.

“It must be hard for them to live with a weirdo. Michelle rarely speaks, and when she does… It’s like a stammer.”

ever since

It sucks.

press my laptop to my chest and try to walk quickly. I sit down in

whisper, “I actually feel bad for the ugly little duckling, though. She

but I try to keep

“Did you sleep well?”

into my

to face Maddox. What is he doing here? He pulls out the chair next to mine and

is sitting with me. We are project partners, but this is our history class—not the communication for which the

you…” Maddox cracks his shoulders. “I slept

What the hell? Those mean girls from

almost blurt out

I hope they are. Wait. Am I terrible for wishing

Probably.

were so mean to me, and

breathes a laugh. “Ah, great, you’re having those conversations with

you’re cool with taking

Wait.

What?

me what must be his attempt at a charming smile, but

Or a hyena…

to roll my eyes.

them. “I woke up at five to run to the gym, and then I worked out until

“N-not my problem…”

eyes. “Did you… Did you just

“You’re angry at me when you’re the one who is

nerd, aren’t you? I bet you

I-I do have top grades…” I

embarrassed about Maddox pushing forward that I’m a nerd. It’s true that I only

anyone blame

me; it will help me build a brighter future. Since most of my life

yawns. “Your written notes will be way better than mine. Send

I feel like I’ve just

his lips form

stops, then speeds up again. I should fear Maddox.

flutters

is wrong with

take a nap,” Maddox mumbles. “Poke me if the teacher comes over to our

would bite my head off

“I don’t bite.”

is here now. He is talking loudly in his microphone, yet I

a lie, and you know

going to shut up at some

the point made!

Wow.

I just

my heart is pounding. It might seem like a

bewildered. “Did you just

Oh, shit!

angry at

my screen since I better not continue this conversation with Maddox

I don’t need more

But…

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