Michelle
I hate walking into the classroom every morning. I’m the quiet girl, and when that door opens, I got all eyes on me.
The spotlight makes it harder to breathe. It’s making my skin crawl.
My heart beats faster, and even though there isn’t straight-up laughter or name-calling like in high school, the silence speaks louder than volumes.
I hate not having any friends.
I hate not having any new clothes.
I hate not being normal.
I hate not being… Happy.
I’m lonely, and it makes me feel vulnerable. Thomas definitely used that to his advantage when he…
When he…
Raped me.
Tears prickle behind my eyes.
I think I’m suffering from PTSD. Sometimes I experience flashes of Thomas’s face and how he pushed me against that wall at the party. It makes me want to scream.
But I refuse to cry.
Don’t ever look back. I keep my eyes down not to meet any of the sneers in the classroom.
Stay strong.
Breathe.
Sadly, I can’t ignore the whispers. The popular girls are already at it, talking about me while throwing me dirty stares.
“Oh, look, it’s the ugly duckling.”
I’m the ugly duckling.
“Does she ever change her clothes?”
No, I have no money or parents to pay for new ones.
“Aren’t her parents like… Alcoholists?”
They are.
“I heard they threw her out.”
I left.
“She lives in an apartment together with Ciara and Zendra.”
Because I can’t pay an entire rent on my own.
“It must be hard for them to live with a weirdo. Michelle rarely speaks, and when she does… It’s like a stammer.”
been stammering ever
It sucks.
laptop to my chest and try to walk quickly. I sit down in the back of the
girls pouts my way and whisper, “I actually feel bad for the ugly little duckling, though. She is so weird and awkward that no
but I try to keep
“Did you sleep well?”
seeps into my
here? He pulls out the chair next
why Maddox is sitting with me. We are project partners, but this is our history class—not the communication for which the presentation is
Maddox cracks his shoulders. “I slept like
glance at Maddox and… What the hell? Those
almost blurt
I hope they are. Wait.
Probably.
they were so mean to me, and
breathes a laugh. “Ah, great, you’re having those conversations with yourself inside
you’re cool with taking notes
Wait.
What?
give me what must be his attempt at a
Or a hyena…
urge to roll my eyes. “So that’s why you’re sitting with
table to rest on them. “I woke up at five to run to
“N-not my problem…”
his eyes. “Did you… Did you
is pounding, yet I manage a shrug. “You’re angry at me when
quickly recovers. “Well, you’re a nerd, aren’t you? I bet you have top grades
I-I do have top grades…” I
that I’m a
blame me for
me build a brighter future. Since most of my life has
“Your written notes will be way better than
I feel like
his lips form a smile.
up again. I should fear Maddox. He is a
flutters seeing
wrong
mumbles. “Poke me if
“You would bite my head off if I tried
“I don’t bite.”
talking loudly in his microphone, yet I whisper-yell
a lie, and
you going to shut up at some
point made! You’re an
Wow.
I just
a tiny thing
bewildered. “Did you just call me an
Oh, shit!
angry
not continue this conversation with Maddox
fast already; I don’t
But…
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