Chapter 5

Michelle

I hate walking into the classroom every morning. I’m the quiet girl, and when that door opens, I got all eyes on me.

The spotlight makes it harder to breathe. It’s making my skin crawl.

My heart beats faster, and even though there isn’t straight-up laughter or name-calling like in high school, the silence speaks louder than volumes.

I hate not having any friends.

I hate not having any new clothes.

I hate not being normal.

I hate not being… Happy.

I’m lonely, and it makes me feel vulnerable. Thomas definitely used that to his advantage when he…

When he…

Raped me.

Tears prickle behind my eyes.

I think I’m suffering from PTSD. Sometimes I experience flashes of Thomas’s face and how he pushed me against that wall at the party. It makes me want to scream.

But I refuse to cry.

Don’t ever look back. I keep my eyes down not to meet any of the sneers in the classroom.

Stay strong.

Breathe.

Sadly, I can’t ignore the whispers. The popular girls are already at it, talking about me while throwing me dirty stares.

“Oh, look, it’s the ugly duckling.”

I’m the ugly duckling.

“Does she ever change her clothes?”

No, I have no money or parents to pay for new ones.

“Aren’t her parents like… Alcoholists?”

They are.

“I heard they threw her out.”

I left.

“She lives in an apartment together with Ciara and Zendra.”

Because I can’t pay an entire rent on my own.

“It must be hard for them to live with a weirdo. Michelle rarely speaks, and when she does… It’s like a stammer.”

stammering ever since the

It sucks.

to walk quickly. I sit

girls pouts my way and whisper, “I actually feel bad for the ugly little duckling, though. She is so weird and awkward that no one wants to be

but I try to keep my

“Did you sleep well?”

seeps into my

What is he doing here? He pulls out the chair next to mine and sits down with a

with me. We are project partners, but this is our history class—not

you…” Maddox cracks his shoulders. “I slept like

and… What the hell? Those mean girls from earlier? They are staring at

blurt

I hope they are. Wait. Am I terrible for

Probably.

it’s just that they were so mean to me, and revenge

a laugh. “Ah, great, you’re having those conversations with

look at him, and he sighs. “Anyway, you’re cool with taking notes for me today,

Wait.

What?

tries to give me what must be his attempt at a charming smile, but he looks more like

Or a hyena…

urge to roll my eyes.

them. “I woke up at five to run to the gym, and then I worked

“N-not my problem…”

narrows his eyes. “Did you… Did you just give

a shrug. “You’re angry at me when you’re the

recovers. “Well, you’re a nerd, aren’t you? I bet you have top grades in

have

pushing forward that I’m a nerd. It’s true that I only think

anyone blame me for working

will help me build a

way better than mine.

feel like I’ve just

closed, but his

Maddox. He is a jerk, and he

experience flutters

is wrong

“Poke me if the teacher comes over

my lips and whisper-yell. “You would bite my

“I don’t bite.”

He is talking loudly in his microphone, yet

lie, and you

Maddox’s eyes cracks open. “Are you going to shut up at some point? I

the point made!

Wow.

I just show

It might seem like a tiny thing for anyone else, but

bewildered. “Did you just call me an asshole without peeing

Oh, shit!

he angry

to my screen since I better not continue this conversation with Maddox

I don’t need

But…

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