Chapter 5

Michelle

I hate walking into the classroom every morning. I’m the quiet girl, and when that door opens, I got all eyes on me.

The spotlight makes it harder to breathe. It’s making my skin crawl.

My heart beats faster, and even though there isn’t straight-up laughter or name-calling like in high school, the silence speaks louder than volumes.

I hate not having any friends.

I hate not having any new clothes.

I hate not being normal.

I hate not being… Happy.

I’m lonely, and it makes me feel vulnerable. Thomas definitely used that to his advantage when he…

When he…

Raped me.

Tears prickle behind my eyes.

I think I’m suffering from PTSD. Sometimes I experience flashes of Thomas’s face and how he pushed me against that wall at the party. It makes me want to scream.

But I refuse to cry.

Don’t ever look back. I keep my eyes down not to meet any of the sneers in the classroom.

Stay strong.

Breathe.

Sadly, I can’t ignore the whispers. The popular girls are already at it, talking about me while throwing me dirty stares.

“Oh, look, it’s the ugly duckling.”

I’m the ugly duckling.

“Does she ever change her clothes?”

No, I have no money or parents to pay for new ones.

“Aren’t her parents like… Alcoholists?”

They are.

“I heard they threw her out.”

I left.

“She lives in an apartment together with Ciara and Zendra.”

Because I can’t pay an entire rent on my own.

“It must be hard for them to live with a weirdo. Michelle rarely speaks, and when she does… It’s like a stammer.”

stammering ever

It sucks.

my laptop to my chest and try to walk quickly.

“I actually feel bad for the ugly little

but I try to keep

“Did you sleep well?”

into my

pulls

with me. We are

cracks his shoulders.

at Maddox and… What the hell? Those mean girls

almost blurt out

I hope they are. Wait. Am I terrible

Probably.

were so

breathes a laugh. “Ah, great, you’re having those conversations with yourself

“Anyway, you’re cool with taking notes

Wait.

What?

give me what must be his attempt at a charming smile, but

Or a hyena…

to roll my eyes. “So that’s why

questions and crosses his arms over the table to rest on them. “I woke up at five to run to the gym, and then I worked out until every limb screamed… My arms are so fucking

“N-not my problem…”

eyes. “Did you… Did you just

pounding, yet I manage a shrug. “You’re angry at me when you’re the one who is using

a nerd, aren’t you? I

have

forward that I’m a nerd. It’s true that I only think of

anyone blame me for

me; it will help me build a brighter future. Since most of my life has been

Maddox yawns. “Your written notes will be way better than mine.

do I feel like

closed, but his

fear Maddox. He is a jerk, and he is massive—a dangerous

experience flutters

is wrong with

Maddox mumbles. “Poke me if

bite my head off if

“I don’t bite.”

here now. He is talking loudly in his microphone,

and

of Maddox’s eyes cracks open. “Are you going to shut

point made! You’re

Wow.

I just

Christ, my heart is pounding. It might seem like a tiny

“Did you just call

Oh, shit!

angry

not continue this

pounding too fast already; I don’t need more reasons for it to

But…

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