Chapter 5

Michelle

I hate walking into the classroom every morning. I’m the quiet girl, and when that door opens, I got all eyes on me.

The spotlight makes it harder to breathe. It’s making my skin crawl.

My heart beats faster, and even though there isn’t straight-up laughter or name-calling like in high school, the silence speaks louder than volumes.

I hate not having any friends.

I hate not having any new clothes.

I hate not being normal.

I hate not being… Happy.

I’m lonely, and it makes me feel vulnerable. Thomas definitely used that to his advantage when he…

When he…

Raped me.

Tears prickle behind my eyes.

I think I’m suffering from PTSD. Sometimes I experience flashes of Thomas’s face and how he pushed me against that wall at the party. It makes me want to scream.

But I refuse to cry.

Don’t ever look back. I keep my eyes down not to meet any of the sneers in the classroom.

Stay strong.

Breathe.

Sadly, I can’t ignore the whispers. The popular girls are already at it, talking about me while throwing me dirty stares.

“Oh, look, it’s the ugly duckling.”

I’m the ugly duckling.

“Does she ever change her clothes?”

No, I have no money or parents to pay for new ones.

“Aren’t her parents like… Alcoholists?”

They are.

“I heard they threw her out.”

I left.

“She lives in an apartment together with Ciara and Zendra.”

Because I can’t pay an entire rent on my own.

“It must be hard for them to live with a weirdo. Michelle rarely speaks, and when she does… It’s like a stammer.”

been stammering ever since

It sucks.

my laptop to my chest and try to walk quickly. I sit

girls pouts my way and whisper, “I actually feel bad for the ugly little duckling, though. She is so weird and awkward that no one wants

but I try to

“Did you sleep well?”

seeps into

eyes to face Maddox. What is he doing here? He pulls out the chair next to mine

We are project partners, but this is our history class—not the communication

you…” Maddox cracks his

Maddox and… What the hell? Those mean girls from earlier? They are staring

blurt out

girls jealous of me or something? I hope they are. Wait. Am I terrible for

Probably.

it’s just that they were so mean

a laugh. “Ah, great, you’re having those

at him, and he sighs. “Anyway, you’re cool with taking notes for me today,

Wait.

What?

give me what must be his attempt at a charming smile, but he looks more

Or a hyena…

roll my eyes. “So that’s why

the table to rest on them. “I woke up at

“N-not my problem…”

“Did you…

yet I manage a shrug. “You’re angry at me when you’re the

“Well, you’re a nerd, aren’t you? I

I-I do have

embarrassed about Maddox pushing forward that I’m a nerd. It’s true that

can anyone blame

help me build a brighter future. Since most of my life has

than mine. Send them to

like

eyes are closed, but his lips form

speeds up again. I should fear Maddox. He is a jerk, and

flutters seeing that

wrong

to take a nap,” Maddox mumbles. “Poke me

would bite

“I don’t bite.”

is here now. He is talking loudly in his microphone, yet I whisper-yell

a lie, and you know

“Are you going to shut up at some point?

made! You’re an

Wow.

just show Maddox’s

seem like a tiny

eyes narrow, and his expression is bewildered. “Did you just

Oh, shit!

he angry at

return to my screen since I better not continue this conversation with Maddox if I

pounding too fast already; I don’t need more reasons

But…

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