Chapter 5
Michelle
I hate walking into the classroom every morning. I’m the quiet girl, and when that door opens, I got all eyes on me.
The spotlight makes it harder to breathe. It’s making my skin crawl.
My heart beats faster, and even though there isn’t straight-up laughter or name-calling like in high school, the silence speaks louder than volumes.
I hate not having any friends.
I hate not having any new clothes.
I hate not being normal.
I hate not being… Happy.
I’m lonely, and it makes me feel vulnerable. Thomas definitely used that to his advantage when he…
When he…
Raped me.
Tears prickle behind my eyes.
I think I’m suffering from PTSD. Sometimes I experience flashes of Thomas’s face and how he pushed me against that wall at the party. It makes me want to scream.
But I refuse to cry.
Don’t ever look back. I keep my eyes down not to meet any of the sneers in the classroom.
Stay strong.
Breathe.
Sadly, I can’t ignore the whispers. The popular girls are already at it, talking about me while throwing me dirty stares.
“Oh, look, it’s the ugly duckling.”
I’m the ugly duckling.
“Does she ever change her clothes?”
No, I have no money or parents to pay for new ones.
“Aren’t her parents like… Alcoholists?”
They are.
“I heard they threw her out.”
I left.
“She lives in an apartment together with Ciara and Zendra.”
Because I can’t pay an entire rent on my own.
“It must be hard for them to live with a weirdo. Michelle rarely speaks, and when she does… It’s like a stammer.”
been stammering ever
It sucks.
try to walk quickly. I sit down in
little duckling,
but I
“Did you sleep well?”
into
my eyes to face Maddox. What is he doing here? He pulls out the
I say in a low voice, unsure why Maddox is sitting with me. We are project partners, but this is our history class—not the communication for which the presentation
his shoulders. “I slept like
What the hell? Those mean girls from earlier? They
blurt
me or something? I hope
Probably.
that they were so
great, you’re having those conversations with yourself inside your
you’re cool with taking notes for me today,
Wait.
What?
Maddox tries to give me what must be his attempt at a
Or a hyena…
to roll my eyes. “So that’s why you’re sitting with
woke up at five to run to the gym, and then I
“N-not my problem…”
narrows his eyes. “Did you… Did you just
I manage a shrug. “You’re angry at me when you’re
nerd, aren’t you? I bet you have top grades in each one of
I-I do have top grades…”
Maddox pushing forward that I’m a nerd. It’s true that I only think
blame me
everything to me; it will help me build a brighter future. Since most of my life has
“Your written notes will be way better than mine. Send them to me after our class
like I’ve just become
his lips form a
fear Maddox.
experience flutters seeing that
wrong
take a nap,” Maddox mumbles. “Poke me if the teacher
I wet my lips and whisper-yell. “You would bite my
“I don’t bite.”
here now. He is talking loudly
a lie, and you know
open. “Are you going to shut up at some point? I need
made! You’re an
Wow.
just show Maddox’s
Christ, my heart is pounding. It might seem like a tiny thing
expression is bewildered. “Did you just
Oh, shit!
angry
my screen since I better not continue this conversation with Maddox if
already; I don’t need more
But…
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