Michelle
I hate walking into the classroom every morning. I’m the quiet girl, and when that door opens, I got all eyes on me.
The spotlight makes it harder to breathe. It’s making my skin crawl.
My heart beats faster, and even though there isn’t straight-up laughter or name-calling like in high school, the silence speaks louder than volumes.
I hate not having any friends.
I hate not having any new clothes.
I hate not being normal.
I hate not being… Happy.
I’m lonely, and it makes me feel vulnerable. Thomas definitely used that to his advantage when he…
When he…
Raped me.
Tears prickle behind my eyes.
I think I’m suffering from PTSD. Sometimes I experience flashes of Thomas’s face and how he pushed me against that wall at the party. It makes me want to scream.
But I refuse to cry.
Don’t ever look back. I keep my eyes down not to meet any of the sneers in the classroom.
Stay strong.
Breathe.
Sadly, I can’t ignore the whispers. The popular girls are already at it, talking about me while throwing me dirty stares.
“Oh, look, it’s the ugly duckling.”
I’m the ugly duckling.
“Does she ever change her clothes?”
No, I have no money or parents to pay for new ones.
“Aren’t her parents like… Alcoholists?”
They are.
“I heard they threw her out.”
I left.
“She lives in an apartment together with Ciara and Zendra.”
Because I can’t pay an entire rent on my own.
“It must be hard for them to live with a weirdo. Michelle rarely speaks, and when she does… It’s like a stammer.”
been stammering ever since the
It sucks.
press my laptop to my chest and try to walk quickly. I sit down in the
actually feel bad for the ugly little duckling, though. She is so weird and awkward that no one wants to be her
I try
“Did you sleep well?”
seeps into
lift my eyes to face Maddox. What is he doing here? He pulls out the chair next
are project partners, but
you…” Maddox cracks his
the hell? Those mean girls from earlier?
blurt out
of me or something? I hope they are. Wait. Am I terrible
Probably.
were so mean to
you’re having those conversations with yourself
“Anyway, you’re cool with taking notes for me
Wait.
What?
eyes when Maddox tries to give me what must be his attempt at a charming smile, but he
Or a hyena…
eyes. “So that’s why you’re
to rest on them. “I woke up at five to run to
“N-not my problem…”
you… Did you just
a shrug. “You’re angry at me when you’re the one who is using
aren’t you? I bet you have top grades in each one of your
I-I do have top grades…” I
Maddox pushing forward that I’m
blame me
everything to me; it will help me build a
better than mine. Send them to me after our
do I feel like I’ve just
closed, but his lips
should fear Maddox. He is a jerk, and he is massive—a
flutters seeing
is wrong
mumbles. “Poke me if
wet my lips and whisper-yell. “You would bite my head
“I don’t bite.”
teacher is here now. He is talking loudly in his microphone,
a lie, and
to shut up at some point? I need
the point made!
Wow.
just show
like a tiny thing for anyone else, but holy
his expression is bewildered. “Did you just call me an
Oh, shit!
he angry at
continue this conversation with Maddox if I wish
too fast already; I
But…
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