Chapter 5

Michelle

I hate walking into the classroom every morning. I’m the quiet girl, and when that door opens, I got all eyes on me.

The spotlight makes it harder to breathe. It’s making my skin crawl.

My heart beats faster, and even though there isn’t straight-up laughter or name-calling like in high school, the silence speaks louder than volumes.

I hate not having any friends.

I hate not having any new clothes.

I hate not being normal.

I hate not being… Happy.

I’m lonely, and it makes me feel vulnerable. Thomas definitely used that to his advantage when he…

When he…

Raped me.

Tears prickle behind my eyes.

I think I’m suffering from PTSD. Sometimes I experience flashes of Thomas’s face and how he pushed me against that wall at the party. It makes me want to scream.

But I refuse to cry.

Don’t ever look back. I keep my eyes down not to meet any of the sneers in the classroom.

Stay strong.

Breathe.

Sadly, I can’t ignore the whispers. The popular girls are already at it, talking about me while throwing me dirty stares.

“Oh, look, it’s the ugly duckling.”

I’m the ugly duckling.

“Does she ever change her clothes?”

No, I have no money or parents to pay for new ones.

“Aren’t her parents like… Alcoholists?”

They are.

“I heard they threw her out.”

I left.

“She lives in an apartment together with Ciara and Zendra.”

Because I can’t pay an entire rent on my own.

“It must be hard for them to live with a weirdo. Michelle rarely speaks, and when she does… It’s like a stammer.”

been stammering ever

It sucks.

to walk quickly. I sit down in the back of

actually feel bad for the ugly little duckling, though. She is so weird and awkward that no one wants to be

but I try

“Did you sleep well?”

into my

lift my eyes to face Maddox. What is he doing here? He pulls out the chair next to mine and sits down with a tired

voice, unsure why Maddox is sitting with me. We are project partners,

cracks his shoulders. “I slept

What the hell? Those mean girls from earlier? They are

almost blurt

me or something? I hope they

Probably.

just that they were so mean to me, and revenge

a laugh. “Ah, great, you’re having those conversations with yourself

him, and he sighs. “Anyway, you’re cool with taking notes for

Wait.

What?

give me what must be his attempt at a charming smile, but he looks more

Or a hyena…

eyes.

on them. “I woke up at five to run to the gym, and then I worked out until every limb screamed…

“N-not my problem…”

his eyes. “Did you…

pounding, yet I manage a shrug. “You’re angry at me

but quickly recovers. “Well, you’re a nerd, aren’t you? I bet you have top grades in each one of your

have top grades…” I

pushing forward that I’m a

blame me

a brighter future.

be way better than mine. Send them

I feel like I’ve just become your

his lips

again. I should fear Maddox. He

flutters

is wrong

nap,” Maddox mumbles. “Poke me if

my lips and whisper-yell. “You would bite my head off if I tried

“I don’t bite.”

talking loudly in his microphone,

a lie, and you know

Maddox’s eyes cracks open. “Are you going to shut up at

made!

Wow.

I just show

Christ, my heart is pounding. It might seem like a tiny thing for anyone else,

and his expression is bewildered. “Did you just call me

Oh, shit!

he angry at

not continue this conversation with Maddox if

pounding too fast already; I don’t need more

But…

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