Chapter 5

Michelle

I hate walking into the classroom every morning. I’m the quiet girl, and when that door opens, I got all eyes on me.

The spotlight makes it harder to breathe. It’s making my skin crawl.

My heart beats faster, and even though there isn’t straight-up laughter or name-calling like in high school, the silence speaks louder than volumes.

I hate not having any friends.

I hate not having any new clothes.

I hate not being normal.

I hate not being… Happy.

I’m lonely, and it makes me feel vulnerable. Thomas definitely used that to his advantage when he…

When he…

Raped me.

Tears prickle behind my eyes.

I think I’m suffering from PTSD. Sometimes I experience flashes of Thomas’s face and how he pushed me against that wall at the party. It makes me want to scream.

But I refuse to cry.

Don’t ever look back. I keep my eyes down not to meet any of the sneers in the classroom.

Stay strong.

Breathe.

Sadly, I can’t ignore the whispers. The popular girls are already at it, talking about me while throwing me dirty stares.

“Oh, look, it’s the ugly duckling.”

I’m the ugly duckling.

“Does she ever change her clothes?”

No, I have no money or parents to pay for new ones.

“Aren’t her parents like… Alcoholists?”

They are.

“I heard they threw her out.”

I left.

“She lives in an apartment together with Ciara and Zendra.”

Because I can’t pay an entire rent on my own.

“It must be hard for them to live with a weirdo. Michelle rarely speaks, and when she does… It’s like a stammer.”

stammering ever since

It sucks.

walk quickly. I sit down in the back of

of the girls pouts my way and whisper, “I actually feel bad for the ugly little duckling, though. She is so weird and awkward that

but I try to

“Did you sleep well?”

seeps into my

eyes to face Maddox. What is he doing here? He pulls

a low voice, unsure why Maddox is sitting with me. We are project partners, but this is our history class—not the

cracks his

What the hell? Those mean

blurt

or something? I hope they are. Wait. Am I terrible for wishing

Probably.

that they were so mean to me, and revenge is

you’re having those conversations with yourself

look at him, and he sighs. “Anyway, you’re cool with taking notes for

Wait.

What?

give me what must be his attempt at

Or a hyena…

repress the urge to roll my eyes.

up at five to

“N-not my problem…”

“Did you… Did you

“You’re angry at

nerd, aren’t you? I bet you

have top grades…” I

Maddox pushing forward that I’m a

blame me for

a brighter future. Since most of my

than mine. Send them to me after our

I feel like I’ve

eyes are closed, but his lips form a

I should fear Maddox. He is a jerk, and he is massive—a dangerous

I experience flutters seeing

is wrong with

Maddox mumbles. “Poke me if the teacher comes over

my lips and whisper-yell. “You would bite my head off if I

“I don’t bite.”

talking loudly in his

and you know

eyes cracks open. “Are you going to shut up at some

point made! You’re

Wow.

I just

seem like a tiny thing for anyone else, but holy shit—I’m

expression is bewildered. “Did you just call me an asshole

Oh, shit!

angry

since I better not continue this conversation with

already; I don’t

But…

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