Chapter 5

Michelle

I hate walking into the classroom every morning. I’m the quiet girl, and when that door opens, I got all eyes on me.

The spotlight makes it harder to breathe. It’s making my skin crawl.

My heart beats faster, and even though there isn’t straight-up laughter or name-calling like in high school, the silence speaks louder than volumes.

I hate not having any friends.

I hate not having any new clothes.

I hate not being normal.

I hate not being… Happy.

I’m lonely, and it makes me feel vulnerable. Thomas definitely used that to his advantage when he…

When he…

Raped me.

Tears prickle behind my eyes.

I think I’m suffering from PTSD. Sometimes I experience flashes of Thomas’s face and how he pushed me against that wall at the party. It makes me want to scream.

But I refuse to cry.

Don’t ever look back. I keep my eyes down not to meet any of the sneers in the classroom.

Stay strong.

Breathe.

Sadly, I can’t ignore the whispers. The popular girls are already at it, talking about me while throwing me dirty stares.

“Oh, look, it’s the ugly duckling.”

I’m the ugly duckling.

“Does she ever change her clothes?”

No, I have no money or parents to pay for new ones.

“Aren’t her parents like… Alcoholists?”

They are.

“I heard they threw her out.”

I left.

“She lives in an apartment together with Ciara and Zendra.”

Because I can’t pay an entire rent on my own.

“It must be hard for them to live with a weirdo. Michelle rarely speaks, and when she does… It’s like a stammer.”

stammering ever since the rape

It sucks.

and try to walk quickly.

actually feel bad for the ugly little duckling, though. She is so weird and awkward that no one wants to be her

hurt, but I try

“Did you sleep well?”

seeps into my

face Maddox. What is he doing here? He pulls out

are project

his

and… What the hell? Those mean girls from earlier? They are

blurt out

those girls jealous of me or something? I hope they are. Wait. Am I terrible

Probably.

they were so mean to me, and revenge

a laugh. “Ah, great, you’re having those conversations with yourself inside

look at him, and he sighs. “Anyway, you’re

Wait.

What?

his attempt at a charming smile, but he looks more like

Or a hyena…

my eyes. “So that’s why you’re

other reason would I have?” Maddox questions and crosses his arms over the table to rest on them. “I woke up at five to run to the gym,

“N-not my problem…”

“Did you…

is pounding, yet I manage a shrug. “You’re angry at

you? I bet you have top grades in each

have top grades…” I

embarrassed about Maddox pushing forward that I’m a nerd. It’s true

anyone blame me for

me; it will help me build a

better than mine. Send them to me

feel like I’ve

are closed, but his lips form a smile.

I should fear Maddox. He is a jerk, and he

flutters

is wrong with

going to take a nap,” Maddox mumbles. “Poke me if the teacher comes over to

whisper-yell. “You would bite my head off if

“I don’t bite.”

is here now. He is talking loudly in his microphone, yet

a lie, and you

you going to shut up at some point?

made!

Wow.

I just

pounding. It might seem like a tiny thing for anyone else,

bewildered. “Did you just call me an asshole without

Oh, shit!

angry

I better not continue this conversation with Maddox if I

already; I don’t need more

But…

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