Chapter 5

Michelle

I hate walking into the classroom every morning. I’m the quiet girl, and when that door opens, I got all eyes on me.

The spotlight makes it harder to breathe. It’s making my skin crawl.

My heart beats faster, and even though there isn’t straight-up laughter or name-calling like in high school, the silence speaks louder than volumes.

I hate not having any friends.

I hate not having any new clothes.

I hate not being normal.

I hate not being… Happy.

I’m lonely, and it makes me feel vulnerable. Thomas definitely used that to his advantage when he…

When he…

Raped me.

Tears prickle behind my eyes.

I think I’m suffering from PTSD. Sometimes I experience flashes of Thomas’s face and how he pushed me against that wall at the party. It makes me want to scream.

But I refuse to cry.

Don’t ever look back. I keep my eyes down not to meet any of the sneers in the classroom.

Stay strong.

Breathe.

Sadly, I can’t ignore the whispers. The popular girls are already at it, talking about me while throwing me dirty stares.

“Oh, look, it’s the ugly duckling.”

I’m the ugly duckling.

“Does she ever change her clothes?”

No, I have no money or parents to pay for new ones.

“Aren’t her parents like… Alcoholists?”

They are.

“I heard they threw her out.”

I left.

“She lives in an apartment together with Ciara and Zendra.”

Because I can’t pay an entire rent on my own.

“It must be hard for them to live with a weirdo. Michelle rarely speaks, and when she does… It’s like a stammer.”

ever since

It sucks.

chest and try to walk quickly. I sit down in the back of the

the ugly little duckling, though.

hurt, but I try to keep

“Did you sleep well?”

into

pulls out the chair next to

is sitting with me. We are project partners, but this

cracks his shoulders.

Maddox and… What the hell? Those mean girls from earlier? They are staring

blurt

girls jealous of me or something? I hope they are. Wait. Am I terrible

Probably.

so mean

having those conversations with yourself inside

him, and he sighs. “Anyway, you’re cool with taking notes for me today,

Wait.

What?

tries to give me what must be his attempt at a

Or a hyena…

the urge to roll my eyes. “So that’s why you’re sitting

questions and crosses his arms over the table to rest on them. “I woke up at five to run to the gym,

“N-not my problem…”

his eyes. “Did you… Did you just give

shrug. “You’re angry at me when you’re

a nerd, aren’t you? I bet you have top grades in each

have top

reason, I’m embarrassed about Maddox pushing forward that I’m a nerd. It’s true

can anyone blame

is everything to me; it will help me build a brighter future. Since

than

like I’ve just become

are closed, but his lips form

fear Maddox. He is a jerk, and he is

I experience flutters

wrong with

“Poke

bite my head off if I

“I don’t bite.”

talking loudly in

lie, and you

Maddox’s eyes cracks open. “Are you going to shut up at some point? I need my beauty

made!

Wow.

I just show

seem like a tiny thing for anyone else, but holy shit—I’m

“Did you just

Oh, shit!

angry at

return to my screen since I better not continue this conversation with Maddox if I wish to

I don’t need

But…

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