Chapter 5

Michelle

I hate walking into the classroom every morning. I’m the quiet girl, and when that door opens, I got all eyes on me.

The spotlight makes it harder to breathe. It’s making my skin crawl.

My heart beats faster, and even though there isn’t straight-up laughter or name-calling like in high school, the silence speaks louder than volumes.

I hate not having any friends.

I hate not having any new clothes.

I hate not being normal.

I hate not being… Happy.

I’m lonely, and it makes me feel vulnerable. Thomas definitely used that to his advantage when he…

When he…

Raped me.

Tears prickle behind my eyes.

I think I’m suffering from PTSD. Sometimes I experience flashes of Thomas’s face and how he pushed me against that wall at the party. It makes me want to scream.

But I refuse to cry.

Don’t ever look back. I keep my eyes down not to meet any of the sneers in the classroom.

Stay strong.

Breathe.

Sadly, I can’t ignore the whispers. The popular girls are already at it, talking about me while throwing me dirty stares.

“Oh, look, it’s the ugly duckling.”

I’m the ugly duckling.

“Does she ever change her clothes?”

No, I have no money or parents to pay for new ones.

“Aren’t her parents like… Alcoholists?”

They are.

“I heard they threw her out.”

I left.

“She lives in an apartment together with Ciara and Zendra.”

Because I can’t pay an entire rent on my own.

“It must be hard for them to live with a weirdo. Michelle rarely speaks, and when she does… It’s like a stammer.”

ever since

It sucks.

try to walk quickly. I

little duckling, though. She is so weird and awkward that

but I

“Did you sleep well?”

seeps into my

pulls out the chair

voice, unsure why Maddox is sitting with me. We are project partners,

Maddox cracks his shoulders. “I slept

and… What the hell? Those mean girls from earlier? They are staring at

almost blurt out

something? I hope they are. Wait. Am I terrible for

Probably.

it’s just that they were so mean to me,

a laugh. “Ah, great, you’re having those conversations with yourself inside your

look at him, and he sighs. “Anyway, you’re cool with taking notes

Wait.

What?

his attempt at a charming smile, but he looks more like a grinning

Or a hyena…

the urge to roll my eyes. “So that’s why you’re

I have?” Maddox questions and crosses his arms over the table to rest on them. “I woke up at five to run to the gym, and then I worked out until every

“N-not my problem…”

you… Did you

is pounding, yet I manage a shrug. “You’re angry at me when you’re the one who is using

you? I bet you have top grades in each one of

do have top grades…” I

I’m embarrassed about Maddox pushing forward that I’m a nerd. It’s true that I only

can anyone blame me

build a brighter future.

will be way better than mine. Send them to me after

like I’ve

closed, but his lips form a smile.

then speeds up again. I should fear Maddox. He is

experience flutters seeing

wrong with

take a nap,” Maddox mumbles. “Poke me if the teacher comes over to

my lips and whisper-yell. “You would bite my head off if I

“I don’t bite.”

is here now. He is talking loudly in

and you know

going to shut

the point made! You’re

Wow.

I just show

heart is pounding. It might seem like a tiny thing for anyone else, but holy

is bewildered. “Did you just call me an asshole without peeing

Oh, shit!

angry at

to my screen since I better not continue this conversation with Maddox

too fast already; I don’t need more reasons for it to

But…

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