Chapter 5

Michelle

I hate walking into the classroom every morning. I’m the quiet girl, and when that door opens, I got all eyes on me.

The spotlight makes it harder to breathe. It’s making my skin crawl.

My heart beats faster, and even though there isn’t straight-up laughter or name-calling like in high school, the silence speaks louder than volumes.

I hate not having any friends.

I hate not having any new clothes.

I hate not being normal.

I hate not being… Happy.

I’m lonely, and it makes me feel vulnerable. Thomas definitely used that to his advantage when he…

When he…

Raped me.

Tears prickle behind my eyes.

I think I’m suffering from PTSD. Sometimes I experience flashes of Thomas’s face and how he pushed me against that wall at the party. It makes me want to scream.

But I refuse to cry.

Don’t ever look back. I keep my eyes down not to meet any of the sneers in the classroom.

Stay strong.

Breathe.

Sadly, I can’t ignore the whispers. The popular girls are already at it, talking about me while throwing me dirty stares.

“Oh, look, it’s the ugly duckling.”

I’m the ugly duckling.

“Does she ever change her clothes?”

No, I have no money or parents to pay for new ones.

“Aren’t her parents like… Alcoholists?”

They are.

“I heard they threw her out.”

I left.

“She lives in an apartment together with Ciara and Zendra.”

Because I can’t pay an entire rent on my own.

“It must be hard for them to live with a weirdo. Michelle rarely speaks, and when she does… It’s like a stammer.”

been stammering ever

It sucks.

try to walk quickly. I sit down in

little duckling,

but I

“Did you sleep well?”

into

my eyes to face Maddox. What is he doing here? He pulls out the

I say in a low voice, unsure why Maddox is sitting with me. We are project partners, but this is our history class—not the communication for which the presentation

his shoulders. “I slept like

What the hell? Those mean girls from earlier? They

blurt

me or something? I hope

Probably.

that they were so

great, you’re having those conversations with yourself inside your

you’re cool with taking notes for me today,

Wait.

What?

Maddox tries to give me what must be his attempt at a

Or a hyena…

to roll my eyes. “So that’s why you’re sitting with

woke up at five to run to the gym, and then I

“N-not my problem…”

narrows his eyes. “Did you… Did you just

I manage a shrug. “You’re angry at me when you’re

nerd, aren’t you? I bet you have top grades in each one of

I-I do have top grades…”

Maddox pushing forward that I’m a nerd. It’s true that I only think

blame me

everything to me; it will help me build a brighter future. Since most of my life has

“Your written notes will be way better than mine. Send them to me after our class

like I’ve just become

his lips form a

fear Maddox.

experience flutters seeing that

wrong

take a nap,” Maddox mumbles. “Poke me if the teacher

I wet my lips and whisper-yell. “You would bite my

“I don’t bite.”

here now. He is talking loudly

a lie, and you know

open. “Are you going to shut up at some point? I need

made! You’re an

Wow.

just show Maddox’s

Christ, my heart is pounding. It might seem like a tiny thing

expression is bewildered. “Did you just

Oh, shit!

angry

my screen since I better not continue this conversation with Maddox if

already; I don’t need more

But…

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