Chapter 5

Michelle

I hate walking into the classroom every morning. I’m the quiet girl, and when that door opens, I got all eyes on me.

The spotlight makes it harder to breathe. It’s making my skin crawl.

My heart beats faster, and even though there isn’t straight-up laughter or name-calling like in high school, the silence speaks louder than volumes.

I hate not having any friends.

I hate not having any new clothes.

I hate not being normal.

I hate not being… Happy.

I’m lonely, and it makes me feel vulnerable. Thomas definitely used that to his advantage when he…

When he…

Raped me.

Tears prickle behind my eyes.

I think I’m suffering from PTSD. Sometimes I experience flashes of Thomas’s face and how he pushed me against that wall at the party. It makes me want to scream.

But I refuse to cry.

Don’t ever look back. I keep my eyes down not to meet any of the sneers in the classroom.

Stay strong.

Breathe.

Sadly, I can’t ignore the whispers. The popular girls are already at it, talking about me while throwing me dirty stares.

“Oh, look, it’s the ugly duckling.”

I’m the ugly duckling.

“Does she ever change her clothes?”

No, I have no money or parents to pay for new ones.

“Aren’t her parents like… Alcoholists?”

They are.

“I heard they threw her out.”

I left.

“She lives in an apartment together with Ciara and Zendra.”

Because I can’t pay an entire rent on my own.

“It must be hard for them to live with a weirdo. Michelle rarely speaks, and when she does… It’s like a stammer.”

stammering ever since the rape

It sucks.

laptop to my chest and try to walk quickly. I sit down in

bad for the ugly little duckling, though. She

I try to

“Did you sleep well?”

into my

He pulls out the chair next to mine

sitting with me. We are project partners, but this is our history class—not

cracks his shoulders.

the hell? Those mean girls

blurt

hope they are.

Probably.

it’s just that they were so mean to me, and

breathes a laugh. “Ah, great, you’re having those conversations with

him, and he sighs. “Anyway, you’re cool with taking notes

Wait.

What?

be his attempt at a charming smile, but he looks

Or a hyena…

the urge to roll my eyes. “So that’s why you’re sitting with

rest on them. “I woke up at five

“N-not my problem…”

his eyes. “Did you… Did

angry at me when you’re

but quickly recovers. “Well, you’re a nerd, aren’t you? I bet you have top grades in

I-I do have top grades…”

some reason, I’m embarrassed about Maddox pushing forward that I’m a nerd. It’s true

anyone blame

me build a brighter future. Since most of my life has been

notes will be way better than mine. Send them to me after our class

like I’ve just become your

but his lips form a

up again. I should fear Maddox. He is a jerk, and he is massive—a

I experience flutters

is wrong

mumbles. “Poke me

“You would bite my head off if I tried to wake

“I don’t bite.”

teacher is here now. He is talking loudly in his microphone, yet

and you

open. “Are you going to shut up at some

the point made!

Wow.

just show

seem like a tiny thing for anyone else, but holy shit—I’m

is bewildered. “Did you just call me an asshole

Oh, shit!

he angry at

to my screen since I better not continue this conversation with Maddox if I

fast already; I don’t need more reasons for

But…

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