Chapter 5

Michelle

I hate walking into the classroom every morning. I’m the quiet girl, and when that door opens, I got all eyes on me.

The spotlight makes it harder to breathe. It’s making my skin crawl.

My heart beats faster, and even though there isn’t straight-up laughter or name-calling like in high school, the silence speaks louder than volumes.

I hate not having any friends.

I hate not having any new clothes.

I hate not being normal.

I hate not being… Happy.

I’m lonely, and it makes me feel vulnerable. Thomas definitely used that to his advantage when he…

When he…

Raped me.

Tears prickle behind my eyes.

I think I’m suffering from PTSD. Sometimes I experience flashes of Thomas’s face and how he pushed me against that wall at the party. It makes me want to scream.

But I refuse to cry.

Don’t ever look back. I keep my eyes down not to meet any of the sneers in the classroom.

Stay strong.

Breathe.

Sadly, I can’t ignore the whispers. The popular girls are already at it, talking about me while throwing me dirty stares.

“Oh, look, it’s the ugly duckling.”

I’m the ugly duckling.

“Does she ever change her clothes?”

No, I have no money or parents to pay for new ones.

“Aren’t her parents like… Alcoholists?”

They are.

“I heard they threw her out.”

I left.

“She lives in an apartment together with Ciara and Zendra.”

Because I can’t pay an entire rent on my own.

“It must be hard for them to live with a weirdo. Michelle rarely speaks, and when she does… It’s like a stammer.”

been stammering ever since

It sucks.

walk quickly. I

feel bad for the ugly little duckling,

but I try

“Did you sleep well?”

seeps into my

He pulls out the

Maddox is sitting with me. We are project partners, but this is our history class—not

for you…” Maddox cracks his shoulders. “I slept like

at Maddox and… What the hell? Those mean girls from earlier? They are staring at

blurt

something? I hope they are. Wait. Am I terrible for wishing

Probably.

so mean to

a laugh. “Ah, great, you’re having those conversations with yourself

look at him, and he sighs. “Anyway, you’re cool with taking notes for me today,

Wait.

What?

what must be his attempt at a charming smile, but he looks more like a grinning

Or a hyena…

repress the urge to roll my eyes. “So

What other reason would I have?” Maddox questions and crosses his arms over the table to rest on them. “I woke up at five to run to the gym, and then I worked out until

“N-not my problem…”

“Did you… Did you

heart is pounding, yet I manage a shrug. “You’re angry at

blinks but quickly recovers. “Well, you’re a nerd, aren’t you? I bet you have top grades in each one

I-I do have top grades…”

some reason, I’m embarrassed about Maddox pushing forward that I’m a

blame

it will help me build a

written notes will be way better than mine. Send them to me after our class

like I’ve just become

are closed, but his lips form a smile. “Thanks,

then speeds up again. I should fear Maddox. He is a jerk, and he is massive—a dangerous

experience flutters seeing that

is wrong with

take a nap,” Maddox mumbles. “Poke me if the

lips and whisper-yell. “You would bite my head off if I tried to

“I don’t bite.”

is here now. He is talking loudly in

and you know

you going to shut up at

the point made!

Wow.

just show Maddox’s

heart is pounding. It might seem like a tiny thing for anyone else, but holy shit—I’m a

you just call me an asshole without peeing

Oh, shit!

he angry at

screen since I better not continue this conversation with

already; I don’t

But…

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