Chapter 5

Michelle

I hate walking into the classroom every morning. I’m the quiet girl, and when that door opens, I got all eyes on me.

The spotlight makes it harder to breathe. It’s making my skin crawl.

My heart beats faster, and even though there isn’t straight-up laughter or name-calling like in high school, the silence speaks louder than volumes.

I hate not having any friends.

I hate not having any new clothes.

I hate not being normal.

I hate not being… Happy.

I’m lonely, and it makes me feel vulnerable. Thomas definitely used that to his advantage when he…

When he…

Raped me.

Tears prickle behind my eyes.

I think I’m suffering from PTSD. Sometimes I experience flashes of Thomas’s face and how he pushed me against that wall at the party. It makes me want to scream.

But I refuse to cry.

Don’t ever look back. I keep my eyes down not to meet any of the sneers in the classroom.

Stay strong.

Breathe.

Sadly, I can’t ignore the whispers. The popular girls are already at it, talking about me while throwing me dirty stares.

“Oh, look, it’s the ugly duckling.”

I’m the ugly duckling.

“Does she ever change her clothes?”

No, I have no money or parents to pay for new ones.

“Aren’t her parents like… Alcoholists?”

They are.

“I heard they threw her out.”

I left.

“She lives in an apartment together with Ciara and Zendra.”

Because I can’t pay an entire rent on my own.

“It must be hard for them to live with a weirdo. Michelle rarely speaks, and when she does… It’s like a stammer.”

ever since

It sucks.

my laptop to my chest and try to walk quickly. I

my way and whisper, “I actually feel bad for the ugly little duckling, though. She is so weird and awkward that no one wants to be her

but I try to keep my

“Did you sleep well?”

into my

to face Maddox. What is he doing here? He pulls out the chair next to mine and sits down with

me. We are project partners, but this is our history class—not the communication for which the presentation

his shoulders. “I slept like

Those mean girls from earlier? They

blurt

girls jealous of me or something? I hope they are.

Probably.

were so mean to me,

laugh. “Ah, great, you’re having those conversations with yourself inside your

you’re cool with

Wait.

What?

Maddox tries to give me what must be his attempt at a charming smile, but

Or a hyena…

my eyes.

the table to rest on them. “I woke up at five to run to the gym, and then I

“N-not my problem…”

you… Did you just

yet I manage a shrug. “You’re angry at me when you’re the

you? I bet you have top grades in each one of

I-I do have

reason, I’m embarrassed about Maddox pushing forward that I’m

blame

is everything to me; it will help me build a brighter future. Since most of my life has been

way better than mine. Send them to me after our

I feel like I’ve just become your

are closed, but his lips form a smile.

speeds up again. I should fear Maddox. He is a jerk,

I experience flutters seeing

wrong

going to take a nap,” Maddox mumbles. “Poke me

and whisper-yell. “You would bite my head off if

“I don’t bite.”

now. He is talking loudly in his microphone,

a lie, and you know

of Maddox’s eyes cracks open. “Are you going to shut up at some

the point made! You’re

Wow.

just show

my heart is pounding. It might seem like a tiny thing for anyone else, but holy shit—I’m

narrow, and his expression is bewildered. “Did you just call me an asshole

Oh, shit!

angry

screen since I better not continue this conversation with Maddox if I

fast already; I don’t need

But…

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