Chapter 5

Michelle

I hate walking into the classroom every morning. I’m the quiet girl, and when that door opens, I got all eyes on me.

The spotlight makes it harder to breathe. It’s making my skin crawl.

My heart beats faster, and even though there isn’t straight-up laughter or name-calling like in high school, the silence speaks louder than volumes.

I hate not having any friends.

I hate not having any new clothes.

I hate not being normal.

I hate not being… Happy.

I’m lonely, and it makes me feel vulnerable. Thomas definitely used that to his advantage when he…

When he…

Raped me.

Tears prickle behind my eyes.

I think I’m suffering from PTSD. Sometimes I experience flashes of Thomas’s face and how he pushed me against that wall at the party. It makes me want to scream.

But I refuse to cry.

Don’t ever look back. I keep my eyes down not to meet any of the sneers in the classroom.

Stay strong.

Breathe.

Sadly, I can’t ignore the whispers. The popular girls are already at it, talking about me while throwing me dirty stares.

“Oh, look, it’s the ugly duckling.”

I’m the ugly duckling.

“Does she ever change her clothes?”

No, I have no money or parents to pay for new ones.

“Aren’t her parents like… Alcoholists?”

They are.

“I heard they threw her out.”

I left.

“She lives in an apartment together with Ciara and Zendra.”

Because I can’t pay an entire rent on my own.

“It must be hard for them to live with a weirdo. Michelle rarely speaks, and when she does… It’s like a stammer.”

been stammering ever since the

It sucks.

my chest and try to walk quickly. I

ugly little duckling, though. She is so weird

I try to keep

“Did you sleep well?”

into

is he doing here? He pulls out the chair next to mine and sits down

low voice, unsure why Maddox is sitting with me. We are project partners, but this is our history class—not the communication

you…” Maddox cracks his shoulders. “I

Maddox and… What the hell? Those mean girls from earlier? They are staring

blurt out

those girls jealous of me or something? I hope they are. Wait. Am I

Probably.

just that they were so mean

a laugh. “Ah, great, you’re having those conversations with yourself

you’re cool with taking notes for me today,

Wait.

What?

must be his attempt at a charming smile, but he

Or a hyena…

roll my eyes. “So that’s why you’re

on them. “I woke up at five to run to the gym, and then I worked out until every limb screamed… My arms are so fucking sore from

“N-not my problem…”

you… Did you

“You’re angry at me when

you? I bet

do have top

about Maddox pushing forward that I’m a nerd. It’s true

anyone blame me

help me build a brighter future. Since

notes will be way better than mine. Send them to

do I feel like I’ve just become

are closed, but his

again. I should fear Maddox. He is a jerk,

I experience flutters seeing

is wrong with

mumbles. “Poke me if the

lips and whisper-yell. “You would bite my head off if I

“I don’t bite.”

here now. He is talking

lie, and you know

“Are you going to shut up at

point made! You’re

Wow.

I just show

a tiny thing for anyone else, but holy shit—I’m a

and his expression is bewildered. “Did you just

Oh, shit!

angry at

better not continue this conversation with

already; I don’t need more reasons for it to

But…

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