Chapter 5

Michelle

I hate walking into the classroom every morning. I’m the quiet girl, and when that door opens, I got all eyes on me.

The spotlight makes it harder to breathe. It’s making my skin crawl.

My heart beats faster, and even though there isn’t straight-up laughter or name-calling like in high school, the silence speaks louder than volumes.

I hate not having any friends.

I hate not having any new clothes.

I hate not being normal.

I hate not being… Happy.

I’m lonely, and it makes me feel vulnerable. Thomas definitely used that to his advantage when he…

When he…

Raped me.

Tears prickle behind my eyes.

I think I’m suffering from PTSD. Sometimes I experience flashes of Thomas’s face and how he pushed me against that wall at the party. It makes me want to scream.

But I refuse to cry.

Don’t ever look back. I keep my eyes down not to meet any of the sneers in the classroom.

Stay strong.

Breathe.

Sadly, I can’t ignore the whispers. The popular girls are already at it, talking about me while throwing me dirty stares.

“Oh, look, it’s the ugly duckling.”

I’m the ugly duckling.

“Does she ever change her clothes?”

No, I have no money or parents to pay for new ones.

“Aren’t her parents like… Alcoholists?”

They are.

“I heard they threw her out.”

I left.

“She lives in an apartment together with Ciara and Zendra.”

Because I can’t pay an entire rent on my own.

“It must be hard for them to live with a weirdo. Michelle rarely speaks, and when she does… It’s like a stammer.”

stammering ever since the rape

It sucks.

chest and try to walk quickly. I sit down in the

“I actually feel bad for the ugly little duckling, though. She

hurt, but I

“Did you sleep well?”

into

face Maddox. What is he doing here? He pulls out the chair

with me. We are project partners, but this is our history class—not the communication for which the presentation

you…” Maddox cracks his shoulders. “I slept like

glance at Maddox and… What the hell? Those mean girls from earlier?

almost blurt

girls jealous of me or something? I hope they are. Wait. Am

Probably.

just that they were so mean to me, and revenge

breathes a laugh. “Ah, great, you’re having those conversations with yourself inside

look at him, and he sighs. “Anyway, you’re cool with taking notes for me today,

Wait.

What?

widen my eyes when Maddox tries to give me what must be his attempt at a charming smile, but he looks more like

Or a hyena…

urge to roll my eyes. “So that’s why you’re

Maddox questions and crosses his arms over the table to rest on them. “I woke up at five to run to the gym, and then I worked out until every limb screamed… My arms are so fucking

“N-not my problem…”

eyes. “Did you… Did you just give me

pounding, yet I manage a shrug. “You’re angry at

a nerd, aren’t you? I bet you

have top

reason, I’m embarrassed about Maddox pushing forward that I’m a nerd. It’s true that I only think of

blame me for

to me; it will help me build a brighter future. Since most of my

written notes will be way better than mine.

do I feel like I’ve just

eyes are closed, but his lips

then speeds up again. I should fear Maddox. He is

experience flutters seeing that

wrong

going to take a nap,” Maddox mumbles. “Poke me if the teacher

and whisper-yell. “You would bite

“I don’t bite.”

teacher is here now. He is talking loudly in his microphone, yet

lie, and

Maddox’s eyes cracks open. “Are you going to

made! You’re

Wow.

I just

It might seem like a tiny

is bewildered. “Did you just call me an asshole without

Oh, shit!

he angry at

better not continue this

fast already; I don’t need

But…

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