Michelle
I hate walking into the classroom every morning. I’m the quiet girl, and when that door opens, I got all eyes on me.
The spotlight makes it harder to breathe. It’s making my skin crawl.
My heart beats faster, and even though there isn’t straight-up laughter or name-calling like in high school, the silence speaks louder than volumes.
I hate not having any friends.
I hate not having any new clothes.
I hate not being normal.
I hate not being… Happy.
I’m lonely, and it makes me feel vulnerable. Thomas definitely used that to his advantage when he…
When he…
Raped me.
Tears prickle behind my eyes.
I think I’m suffering from PTSD. Sometimes I experience flashes of Thomas’s face and how he pushed me against that wall at the party. It makes me want to scream.
But I refuse to cry.
Don’t ever look back. I keep my eyes down not to meet any of the sneers in the classroom.
Stay strong.
Breathe.
Sadly, I can’t ignore the whispers. The popular girls are already at it, talking about me while throwing me dirty stares.
“Oh, look, it’s the ugly duckling.”
I’m the ugly duckling.
“Does she ever change her clothes?”
No, I have no money or parents to pay for new ones.
“Aren’t her parents like… Alcoholists?”
They are.
“I heard they threw her out.”
I left.
“She lives in an apartment together with Ciara and Zendra.”
Because I can’t pay an entire rent on my own.
“It must be hard for them to live with a weirdo. Michelle rarely speaks, and when she does… It’s like a stammer.”
stammering ever since the rape
It sucks.
to walk quickly. I sit down in the back of the
my way and whisper, “I actually feel bad for the ugly little duckling, though. She is so weird and awkward that no one wants to
but I
“Did you sleep well?”
into my
lift my eyes to face Maddox. What is he doing here? He pulls out the chair
sitting with me. We are project partners, but this is our history class—not
you…” Maddox cracks his shoulders. “I slept like
What the hell? Those mean girls from
almost blurt
me or something? I hope they are. Wait. Am I terrible for
Probably.
it’s just that they were so mean
great, you’re having those conversations with yourself inside your
“Anyway, you’re cool with taking
Wait.
What?
eyes when Maddox tries to give me what must be his attempt at a
Or a hyena…
roll my eyes.
“I woke up at five to run to the gym, and then I worked out until every limb screamed… My
“N-not my problem…”
narrows his eyes. “Did you… Did you just give me
angry at me when you’re the one who
a nerd, aren’t you? I
I-I do have top grades…” I
embarrassed about Maddox pushing forward that I’m a nerd. It’s true that I only
can anyone blame me for working
me build a brighter future. Since most of
will be way better than mine. Send
feel like I’ve
closed, but his
should fear Maddox. He is a jerk,
experience flutters
wrong
Maddox mumbles. “Poke me
whisper-yell. “You would bite
“I don’t bite.”
here now. He is talking loudly
a lie, and
to shut up at some point? I need
made! You’re
Wow.
just show Maddox’s
heart is pounding. It might seem like a
“Did you
Oh, shit!
he angry at
not continue this
I don’t need more reasons for it
But…
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