Michelle
I hate walking into the classroom every morning. I’m the quiet girl, and when that door opens, I got all eyes on me.
The spotlight makes it harder to breathe. It’s making my skin crawl.
My heart beats faster, and even though there isn’t straight-up laughter or name-calling like in high school, the silence speaks louder than volumes.
I hate not having any friends.
I hate not having any new clothes.
I hate not being normal.
I hate not being… Happy.
I’m lonely, and it makes me feel vulnerable. Thomas definitely used that to his advantage when he…
When he…
Raped me.
Tears prickle behind my eyes.
I think I’m suffering from PTSD. Sometimes I experience flashes of Thomas’s face and how he pushed me against that wall at the party. It makes me want to scream.
But I refuse to cry.
Don’t ever look back. I keep my eyes down not to meet any of the sneers in the classroom.
Stay strong.
Breathe.
Sadly, I can’t ignore the whispers. The popular girls are already at it, talking about me while throwing me dirty stares.
“Oh, look, it’s the ugly duckling.”
I’m the ugly duckling.
“Does she ever change her clothes?”
No, I have no money or parents to pay for new ones.
“Aren’t her parents like… Alcoholists?”
They are.
“I heard they threw her out.”
I left.
“She lives in an apartment together with Ciara and Zendra.”
Because I can’t pay an entire rent on my own.
“It must be hard for them to live with a weirdo. Michelle rarely speaks, and when she does… It’s like a stammer.”
ever since the rape
It sucks.
laptop to my chest and try to walk quickly. I
way and whisper, “I actually feel bad for the ugly little duckling,
I try to keep my
“Did you sleep well?”
into my
eyes to face Maddox. What is he doing here? He pulls out the chair next
why Maddox is sitting with me. We are project partners, but this is our history class—not the communication
his shoulders. “I
the hell? Those mean girls from
blurt
of me or something? I hope
Probably.
were so mean to me, and
you’re having those conversations with yourself
look at him, and he sighs. “Anyway, you’re cool with taking
Wait.
What?
widen my eyes when Maddox tries to give me what must be his attempt at a charming smile, but he looks more
Or a hyena…
eyes. “So that’s why you’re
have?” Maddox questions and crosses his arms over the table to rest on them. “I woke up at five to run to the gym, and then
“N-not my problem…”
you… Did
yet I manage a shrug. “You’re angry at me when
aren’t you? I bet
I-I do have top grades…” I
pushing forward that I’m a nerd. It’s true that I
anyone blame me for
build a brighter
yawns. “Your written notes will be way better than mine. Send them to
do I feel like I’ve just become your
his lips form a smile.
Maddox. He is a jerk, and he is massive—a dangerous
flutters seeing
is wrong
a nap,” Maddox mumbles. “Poke me
lips and whisper-yell. “You would bite my head off if I tried to
“I don’t bite.”
talking loudly in his microphone,
lie, and you
open. “Are you going to
point made! You’re an
Wow.
I just
like a tiny thing for anyone else, but holy shit—I’m
you just call
Oh, shit!
angry
I better not continue
I don’t
But…
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