Chapter 5

Michelle

I hate walking into the classroom every morning. I’m the quiet girl, and when that door opens, I got all eyes on me.

The spotlight makes it harder to breathe. It’s making my skin crawl.

My heart beats faster, and even though there isn’t straight-up laughter or name-calling like in high school, the silence speaks louder than volumes.

I hate not having any friends.

I hate not having any new clothes.

I hate not being normal.

I hate not being… Happy.

I’m lonely, and it makes me feel vulnerable. Thomas definitely used that to his advantage when he…

When he…

Raped me.

Tears prickle behind my eyes.

I think I’m suffering from PTSD. Sometimes I experience flashes of Thomas’s face and how he pushed me against that wall at the party. It makes me want to scream.

But I refuse to cry.

Don’t ever look back. I keep my eyes down not to meet any of the sneers in the classroom.

Stay strong.

Breathe.

Sadly, I can’t ignore the whispers. The popular girls are already at it, talking about me while throwing me dirty stares.

“Oh, look, it’s the ugly duckling.”

I’m the ugly duckling.

“Does she ever change her clothes?”

No, I have no money or parents to pay for new ones.

“Aren’t her parents like… Alcoholists?”

They are.

“I heard they threw her out.”

I left.

“She lives in an apartment together with Ciara and Zendra.”

Because I can’t pay an entire rent on my own.

“It must be hard for them to live with a weirdo. Michelle rarely speaks, and when she does… It’s like a stammer.”

stammering ever since the rape

It sucks.

chest and try to walk quickly.

bad for the ugly little duckling,

but I try to keep

“Did you sleep well?”

seeps into my

eyes to face Maddox. What is he doing here? He pulls out the chair next to mine and sits down with a

We are project partners,

for you…” Maddox cracks his shoulders. “I

at Maddox and… What the hell? Those mean girls from earlier?

almost blurt out

something? I hope they are. Wait. Am I terrible for

Probably.

that they were so mean to me,

laugh. “Ah, great, you’re having those conversations with yourself inside your

you’re cool with taking notes for

Wait.

What?

must be his attempt at a

Or a hyena…

roll my eyes. “So that’s why you’re

table to rest on them. “I woke up at five to run to the gym, and then I worked out until every

“N-not my problem…”

his eyes. “Did you… Did you just

shrug. “You’re angry at

aren’t you? I bet you have top grades in

I-I do have top grades…” I

reason, I’m embarrassed about Maddox pushing forward that I’m a nerd. It’s true that

anyone blame

me build a brighter

Maddox yawns. “Your written notes will be way better than mine. Send

do I feel like I’ve just

eyes are closed, but his lips form a smile.

again. I should fear Maddox. He is a jerk, and he is massive—a dangerous

experience flutters seeing

is wrong

take a nap,” Maddox mumbles. “Poke me if the teacher comes over to

bite my head off if I tried to wake

“I don’t bite.”

is talking loudly in his microphone,

and you

going to

the point made! You’re

Wow.

just show Maddox’s

is pounding. It might seem like a

“Did you just call me an asshole without peeing in your

Oh, shit!

he angry at

to my screen since I better not continue this conversation with Maddox if I wish to

pounding too fast already; I don’t need

But…

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