Chapter 37 Michelle

I barely know what is going on. My brain feels numb, and although things are happening, I’m too heavily medicated to understand what is going on around me. I remember being rushed to the hospital There was an ambulance, and then Maddox arguing with a doctor

Maddox yelled, “No, I’m not her husband, but I’m still the father of the unborn babies. I’m coming with you.” Yes, it’s coming back in bits and pieces…

Driving

Medication

A doctor asked me questions…

Oh!

My water broke, and there was something about one twin not growing normally inside me. I cried when the doctor said one of the babies had a higher survival rate than the other.

That’s it.

The rest is blurry. I wasn’t open enough and needed a c-section; now, I’m on painkillers. Right at this moment, the doctors are performing an emergency c-section, I think? Gosh, I should be sleeping, but I’m like half-awake. I hear monitors beeping and people talling. A smile fills my vision, the person is wearing a mask, but I see their eyes crinkling.

Definitely a smile. I decide that I like this person. Her voice is soothing when she speaks to me too. “Everything is going to be okay.” Somehow, I doubt her words, but I can’t respond. Everything turns into total darkness seconds later.

It’s like sleeping, but deeper, like I’m falling into a deep, deep hole from which my body tries climbing up but repeatedly fails. I sound crazy, but I can’t find a better way to describe it.

vacuum. Pictures are

are happy and smiling, enjoying the sun until Stephanie appears. Maddox releases my hand, then skitters off

Terrible drearn.

staring into a pair of blue eyes

front of my hospital bed. I try to sit up but can’t move a single

with a

what

I manage words even though

both

and there is a sigh. “They had to be taken into the NICU immediately, but don’t worry,” he squeezes my hand. “Everything will

inner turmoil, and many questions are on my mind.

over by

wake up the second time. Maddox is scrolling on his phone but puts it down as if he

“Michelle?” He tries.

like into my eyes. My voice doesn’t sound like my own. It’s dry and hoarse. “I feel terrible… Like I’ve been without water

has been through hell. It will

I won’t recover, and you will have to plan my

is back, I know you’re going to be just fine. Hang in there.” I smile at him, for real this time. “I will.” Minutes later, I’m speaking to a midwife. She informs me how to look after my wound. Cleaning is essential, and not lifting

feels like I’m being lectured by a mom, but I like her strictness and the fact that she seems to give a rat’s shit about her job.

ask about the boys, I’m told I can’t hug or be with them right now. Something about their lungs not being ready. The news makes me cry because

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