Chapter 39

Maddox

A few weeks later I’ve been so lonely lately that I don’t know what to do with myself or how to stop the emotion from choking me alive

Michelle dropped out of college. She is at home with the twins-Isaac and Gabriel –and she is doing a hell of a job.

But sometimes, when I come home from practice or one of my games, I can’t help but feel left out.

Carefully, I stroll into the living room.

Michelle is feeding Isacc right now, smiling happily. “You’re such a sweet little guy. All googly

-eyed and cute.”

A smile tugs on my lips. I fed the twins earlier, yet the joy of seeing them eat never stops. I love them so much.

“They sure are charming,” I say. “Dangerously so.” Michelle smiles brighter without looking at me. “Like their father…”

“You think I’m charmin

III

“Very.”

The compliment makes my chest swell. I scratch the back of my head, pulling my lips into my mouth. “Hey, listen, do you want to watch a movie later when the twins are sleeping and” 1

“No, I better fall asleep in the living room,” Michelle interrupts. “I have to sleep when they sleep. Or else I get no rest.”

“I know, but I thought you could sleep on top of me while we watch something…” I really want to cuddle.

“Maybe tomorrow?”

Disappointment fills my chest like lead. “Okay.”

part of this family? It might sound silly, but it feels like Michelle spends so much

is a fantastic mother,

that this gets me; this is what cuts deep

It hurts.

I don’t expect sex since Michelle is recovering from

but affection is essential.

she would just, I don’t know… Hug me. Put her fingers

I

her to come back to

***

A few months later

automatically travel to the VIP section while the

I can’t be happy, but that doesn’t stop me from forcing a smile onto

“Good game, man.”

say. “It

but you always bring your

won,” Robin, who was recruited to the same team as me, is sweatier than all

we sure came back-you’re both fucking

glad we recruited

are plenty, and everything should be perfect. I play well, and I should

VIP

My shoulders sag.

home with the twins, and I shouldn’t expect her to bring our babies to a

from when I wake up to when I

anyone even

games. Not even now when I play in the goddamn NFL, and my mom is nowhere to be found

the locker room, shower, and pick

tonight?” Robin asks, probably only to be polite

most evenings, I head to the gym. I don’t drink or eat junk food, yet I still don’t have the attention of

think

stop talking, staring

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