Chapter 39

Maddox

A few weeks later I’ve been so lonely lately that I don’t know what to do with myself or how to stop the emotion from choking me alive

Michelle dropped out of college. She is at home with the twins-Isaac and Gabriel –and she is doing a hell of a job.

But sometimes, when I come home from practice or one of my games, I can’t help but feel left out.

Carefully, I stroll into the living room.

Michelle is feeding Isacc right now, smiling happily. “You’re such a sweet little guy. All googly

-eyed and cute.”

A smile tugs on my lips. I fed the twins earlier, yet the joy of seeing them eat never stops. I love them so much.

“They sure are charming,” I say. “Dangerously so.” Michelle smiles brighter without looking at me. “Like their father…”

“You think I’m charmin

III

“Very.”

The compliment makes my chest swell. I scratch the back of my head, pulling my lips into my mouth. “Hey, listen, do you want to watch a movie later when the twins are sleeping and” 1

“No, I better fall asleep in the living room,” Michelle interrupts. “I have to sleep when they sleep. Or else I get no rest.”

“I know, but I thought you could sleep on top of me while we watch something…” I really want to cuddle.

“Maybe tomorrow?”

Disappointment fills my chest like lead. “Okay.”

family? It might sound silly, but it feels like Michelle spends so much time with the

and she laughs. She is a fantastic

lot has happened lately. Michelle is busy, but I must admit that this gets me; this is what cuts

It hurts.

don’t expect sex since

but affection is essential.

wish she would just, I don’t know… Hug me. Put her

I

I will wait for her to come back

***

A few months later

to the VIP section while the crowd cheers. My teammates are bumping into

but that doesn’t stop me from forcing a smile onto

“Good game, man.”

I say. “It was

you always

Robin, who was recruited to the same team as

sure came

we recruited

appreciated on this team. The compliments are plenty, and everything should be perfect. I play

the VIP seats are

My shoulders sag.

the twins, and I shouldn’t expect her to bring our babies to a game. Yet I can’t stop that darkness within

to when I go to bed, I feel like I’m slipping

even care about

now when I play in the goddamn NFL, and my mom is nowhere to be

room, shower, and pick up my phone while Robin whistles

out with us tonight?” Robin asks, probably only to be polite since I’ve said

I wake up to run, practice and play football, and most evenings, I head to the gym. I don’t drink or eat junk food, yet I still don’t have the

think

talking, staring

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