Chapter 39

Maddox

A few weeks later I’ve been so lonely lately that I don’t know what to do with myself or how to stop the emotion from choking me alive

Michelle dropped out of college. She is at home with the twins-Isaac and Gabriel –and she is doing a hell of a job.

But sometimes, when I come home from practice or one of my games, I can’t help but feel left out.

Carefully, I stroll into the living room.

Michelle is feeding Isacc right now, smiling happily. “You’re such a sweet little guy. All googly

-eyed and cute.”

A smile tugs on my lips. I fed the twins earlier, yet the joy of seeing them eat never stops. I love them so much.

“They sure are charming,” I say. “Dangerously so.” Michelle smiles brighter without looking at me. “Like their father…”

“You think I’m charmin

III

“Very.”

The compliment makes my chest swell. I scratch the back of my head, pulling my lips into my mouth. “Hey, listen, do you want to watch a movie later when the twins are sleeping and” 1

“No, I better fall asleep in the living room,” Michelle interrupts. “I have to sleep when they sleep. Or else I get no rest.”

“I know, but I thought you could sleep on top of me while we watch something…” I really want to cuddle.

“Maybe tomorrow?”

Disappointment fills my chest like lead. “Okay.”

might sound silly, but it feels like Michelle spends so much time with the twins that

is a fantastic

busy, but I must admit that this gets me; this

It hurts.

lonely. I don’t expect sex since Michelle is recovering from her

but affection is essential.

would just, I don’t know… Hug me. Put her fingers over my skin

do I sound

her to come back to

***

A few months later

the crowd cheers.

be happy, but that doesn’t stop me from forcing a smile onto my

“Good game, man.”

I say. “It

always bring your

we won,” Robin, who was recruited to the same team as me, is sweatier than all of us.

came back-you’re both fucking

we

compliments are plenty, and everything should be

the VIP

My shoulders sag.

and I shouldn’t expect her to bring our babies to a game. Yet I can’t stop that darkness within me from growing. It’s

to when I go to bed, I feel like I’m slipping into

even care about

to congratulate us. He never shows up for any of my games. Not even now when I play in the goddamn NFL, and my mom

follow the others into the locker room, shower, and pick up

out with us tonight?” Robin asks, probably only to

to run, practice and play football, and most evenings, I head to the gym. I don’t drink or eat junk food, yet I still don’t have the attention of

think

staring at

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