Chapter 39

Maddox

A few weeks later I’ve been so lonely lately that I don’t know what to do with myself or how to stop the emotion from choking me alive

Michelle dropped out of college. She is at home with the twins-Isaac and Gabriel –and she is doing a hell of a job.

But sometimes, when I come home from practice or one of my games, I can’t help but feel left out.

Carefully, I stroll into the living room.

Michelle is feeding Isacc right now, smiling happily. “You’re such a sweet little guy. All googly

-eyed and cute.”

A smile tugs on my lips. I fed the twins earlier, yet the joy of seeing them eat never stops. I love them so much.

“They sure are charming,” I say. “Dangerously so.” Michelle smiles brighter without looking at me. “Like their father…”

“You think I’m charmin

III

“Very.”

The compliment makes my chest swell. I scratch the back of my head, pulling my lips into my mouth. “Hey, listen, do you want to watch a movie later when the twins are sleeping and” 1

“No, I better fall asleep in the living room,” Michelle interrupts. “I have to sleep when they sleep. Or else I get no rest.”

“I know, but I thought you could sleep on top of me while we watch something…” I really want to cuddle.

“Maybe tomorrow?”

Disappointment fills my chest like lead. “Okay.”

but it feels like Michelle spends so much time with the twins that I wonder if they love us the same. They are babies, yet I can’t shake off that

and she laughs. She is

is busy, but I must admit that this gets me; this is what cuts deep under my skin: Michelle barely touches

It hurts.

lonely. I don’t expect sex since Michelle is recovering from

but affection is essential.

don’t know… Hug me. Put her fingers over my

I sound

I will wait for her to come back to

***

A few months later

eyes automatically travel to the VIP section while the crowd cheers. My teammates

that doesn’t stop me from forcing a smile onto

“Good game, man.”

I say.

always bring

believe we won,” Robin, who was recruited to the same team as me, is sweatier than

sure came

we recruited

and everything should be

the VIP

My shoulders sag.

a game. Yet I can’t stop that darkness within me from growing. It’s gripping me

from when I wake up to when I go to bed, I feel like I’m slipping into

anyone even care about

dad hasn’t come to congratulate us. He never shows up for any of my games. Not even now when I play in the goddamn NFL, and my

follow the others into the locker room, shower, and pick up my phone while

asks, probably only to be polite since I’ve

run, practice and play football, and most evenings, I head to the gym. I don’t drink or eat junk food,

think I’m

stop talking, staring at the

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