Chapter 39

Maddox

A few weeks later I’ve been so lonely lately that I don’t know what to do with myself or how to stop the emotion from choking me alive

Michelle dropped out of college. She is at home with the twins-Isaac and Gabriel –and she is doing a hell of a job.

But sometimes, when I come home from practice or one of my games, I can’t help but feel left out.

Carefully, I stroll into the living room.

Michelle is feeding Isacc right now, smiling happily. “You’re such a sweet little guy. All googly

-eyed and cute.”

A smile tugs on my lips. I fed the twins earlier, yet the joy of seeing them eat never stops. I love them so much.

“They sure are charming,” I say. “Dangerously so.” Michelle smiles brighter without looking at me. “Like their father…”

“You think I’m charmin

III

“Very.”

The compliment makes my chest swell. I scratch the back of my head, pulling my lips into my mouth. “Hey, listen, do you want to watch a movie later when the twins are sleeping and” 1

“No, I better fall asleep in the living room,” Michelle interrupts. “I have to sleep when they sleep. Or else I get no rest.”

“I know, but I thought you could sleep on top of me while we watch something…” I really want to cuddle.

“Maybe tomorrow?”

Disappointment fills my chest like lead. “Okay.”

feeling left out. Am I even part of this family? It might sound silly, but it feels like Michelle spends so much time with the twins that I wonder if they love us the same. They are babies, yet I can’t

is a fantastic mother, but she never even

I shouldn’t whine. A lot has happened lately. Michelle is busy, but I must admit that this gets me; this is what

It hurts.

lonely. I don’t expect sex since Michelle is recovering

but affection is essential.

Hug me. Put her fingers

do I sound

wait for her

***

A few months later

game, my eyes automatically travel to the VIP section while the crowd cheers. My teammates are

I can’t focus, I can’t be happy, but that doesn’t stop me from

“Good game, man.”

I say. “It was

but you always bring

same team as me, is sweatier than

came back-you’re

glad we recruited

and everything should be

the VIP

My shoulders sag.

her to bring our babies to a game. Yet I can’t stop that darkness

I go to bed,

even

never shows up for any of my games. Not even now when I play in the goddamn NFL, and my mom is nowhere to be

shower, and pick up my phone

with us tonight?” Robin asks, probably only to be polite since I’ve said no every

I head to the gym. I don’t drink or eat junk food, yet I still don’t have the attention

think

stop talking, staring

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