Chapter 39

Maddox

A few weeks later I’ve been so lonely lately that I don’t know what to do with myself or how to stop the emotion from choking me alive

Michelle dropped out of college. She is at home with the twins-Isaac and Gabriel –and she is doing a hell of a job.

But sometimes, when I come home from practice or one of my games, I can’t help but feel left out.

Carefully, I stroll into the living room.

Michelle is feeding Isacc right now, smiling happily. “You’re such a sweet little guy. All googly

-eyed and cute.”

A smile tugs on my lips. I fed the twins earlier, yet the joy of seeing them eat never stops. I love them so much.

“They sure are charming,” I say. “Dangerously so.” Michelle smiles brighter without looking at me. “Like their father…”

“You think I’m charmin

III

“Very.”

The compliment makes my chest swell. I scratch the back of my head, pulling my lips into my mouth. “Hey, listen, do you want to watch a movie later when the twins are sleeping and” 1

“No, I better fall asleep in the living room,” Michelle interrupts. “I have to sleep when they sleep. Or else I get no rest.”

“I know, but I thought you could sleep on top of me while we watch something…” I really want to cuddle.

“Maybe tomorrow?”

Disappointment fills my chest like lead. “Okay.”

might sound silly, but it feels like Michelle spends so

and she laughs. She is a

but I must admit that this gets me; this is what cuts deep

It hurts.

don’t expect sex since Michelle is recovering

but affection is essential.

she would just, I don’t know… Hug me. Put her fingers over my

do I sound

I will wait for her to

***

A few months later

game, my eyes automatically travel to the VIP section while the crowd cheers. My teammates are bumping into me, patting my

be happy, but that doesn’t stop me from forcing a

“Good game, man.”

I say. “It

you always bring

can’t believe we won,” Robin, who was recruited to the same

came

glad we

appreciated on this team. The compliments are plenty, and everything should be perfect.

the VIP seats are

My shoulders sag.

bring our babies to a game. Yet I can’t stop that darkness within me from growing.

to when I go to bed, I feel like I’m

even care

now when I play in the goddamn NFL, and my mom is nowhere to be found either. Not that

room, shower, and pick up my phone while Robin

coming out with us tonight?” Robin asks, probably only to be polite since I’ve

days, I wake up to run, practice and play football, and most evenings, I head to the gym. I don’t drink or eat junk food, yet

think I’m

stop talking, staring at

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