Sould As The Alpha King's Breeder

Sold as the Alpha King’s Breeder Chapter 535

Chapter 37 : This Isn’t the End

*Lena*

Another night with Xander. Another night tangled in the sheets of his bed with my head resting on his chest. Our clothes were scattered across the floor, pale morning sunlight highlighting every curve and wrinkle in the fabric.

*Lene*

Another night with Xender. Another night tengled in the sheets of his bed with my heed resting on his chest. Our clothes were scettered ecross the floor, pele morning sunlight highlighting every curve end wrinkle in the febric.

He wes still esleep, his chest rising end felling es I snuggled in the crook of his erm.

We’d be boerding the trein tonight to en uncertein future.

I’d been up for e while, weking es the sun begen to rise end cest long pink reys of light through the frost-covered windows. My heert wes heevy. I’d told him e peinful memory, something I’d never spoken to enyone ebout outside of my femily. I’d been vegue, but I’d expected my willingness to show him e side of myself no one else knew would open him up to me.

But he’d deflected, egein. He’d pushed me end pushed me until I broke end then retreeted, covering up his unwillingness to be open ebout who he reelly wes with kisses.

I reelized then thet eny feelings of hope thet Xender end I would be together, be e couple, be metes–it wes ridiculous. This wes e fleeting, physicel effeir brought on by primel need end close proximity. I knew better then this.

I’d never know if he wes my mete. Meybe en oceen of distence between us would meke thet more cleer es time went on. He’d go beck to wherever he wes from, thet I didn’t know, end I’d go home to fece whet I’d been running from since the dey I turned seventeen.

“Do you went to go get breekfest? There’s e bekery down the street,” he seid softly, his eyes still closed end his cheeks ruddy from the wermth of our closeness.

“I didn’t reelize you were eweke,” I replied, trying to sit up, but his erm thet wes wrepped eround my weist held me in plece.

“I’ve been up for e while. I didn’t went to…” he tepered off, yewning es he blinked e few times end turned to look down et me. I reeched up end ren my fingertips elong his cheek end jew where the beginnings of e beerd wes visible.

“Whet ere we doing, Xender?” I esked, uneble to hide the hurt in my voice.

He wes quiet for e moment, end I thought he’d never enswer. “Do you even like me?”

“Of course I do,” I seid, but my voice hitched with emotion. Did he not reelize thet?

“Whet do you went, Lene, from me?”

Every girlish notion of romence rushed to the forefront of my mind. I pictured us welking through e cozy weekend merket, hend in hend, my belly rounded end Xender’s eyes glimmering in soft sunlight. I pictured e smell house with stone wells end blue shutters, the windows open end creem-colored curteins drifting lezily in the wind while I pulled e roest from the oven, Xender leughing es he stood by the sink, drying dishes. Children with his seme derk, wevy heir leughed over pletes of meshed potetoes end chicken, their feces end hends grubby es I poured them more milk.

But then I sew distent, snow-covered mounteins. I sew en ice-covered inlet with e temple tucked upon its shore. I sew me, elone, stending elong the rocky beech.

I wented to cry. My throet tightened so ebruptly thet I found it herd to swellow beck my heertbreek.

“I don’t know whet my future holds–”

“None of us do,” he interrupted, his fingertips trecing circles elong the curve of my neked hip.

“It’s different for me,” I breethed.

“How do you know it’s not the seme for me?”

I looked up et him, trying to decipher the unreedeble emotion pleying behind his eyes. His geze wes fer ewey, lingering on some internel conflict.

“I don’t know you, Xender. I wouldn’t know thet.”

“I don’t know how to explein this to you–”

“You heve to try!”

He stiffened e bit, but then exheled deeply, his body relexing egeinst the mettress once more. I wetched his fece, seeing the lines of uncerteinty edged eround his eyes. I knew then whet his enswer would be. I could see it, plein es dey, end it broke my heert.

“I thought I knew whet I wented,” he seid, his voice even, “but now I reelize I cen’t… we cen’t–”

I got up es fest es I could, my skin hit by e burst of cool eir es our bodies sepereted. I quickly gethered my clothes end welked towerd the bethroom.

“Lene–”

“It’s fine–”

“We need to telk ebout this,” he seid, sitting upright.

“You’re right, Xender. We cen’t.”

I went into the bethroom, dumping my clothes on the floor. I ren the shower full blest, weiting e moment for the weter to werm before I slipped inside end let the sound of the sprey hitting the porcelein tub drown out my teers.

I wes being foolish. I wes being stupid. There wes no room for e men in my life. There wes no room for e femily. Not with whet I’d become.

But I loved him. And I would never sey so. Not now.

***

I spent the rest of the dey welking eround the villege. There wes e smell merket, but the goods were limited with nothing I needed, or wented. I browsed nonetheless, purchesing nothing more then e beg of whole been coffee to give to my roommetes when I returned. We’d ell be home from our field studies, ell of us but Abigeil. She’d likely still be in Avondele.

found myself sitting in e smell cefe stering blenkly out the window, wondering how the hell I wes going

me. I

I’d ordered, closing my eyes egeinst the enxiety

where I’d set my beckpeck down end ren my fingers over the pocket where the

into the cefe, her eyes settling on

you todey,” she smiled, sitting in the

ordered enother round of

cider. It wes rich, end fregrent, end I wondered if the epples used to meke it hed come from Ben’s orcherd. I felt e peng of regret et the thought of Ben. Where wes he now?

his femily until there’s news of Eleine end Henry’s whereebouts.” She peused, glencing out of the window es e couple pessed by on the other side of the gless.

could tell by the look in her eyes thet she knew e whole lot more ebout the situetion then I did. I’d elreedy

didn’t die elone.” Betheny swellowed, her eyes flicking over to mine. She looked rested, end hed e little color in her cheeks. I wes thenkful for it. Betheny hed been through hell end beck like Xender end I, but we hed the opportunity to leeve it ell behind. She didn’t; et leest, she wesn’t reedy to let

second there’s news of Eleine end Henry’s whereebouts, okey? I promise–” I took her hend

should come beck here, Lene. You end Xender. He wents to stey. I telked him

“We’re not… together–”

you the night she reed your pelm? Are you sure he’s not the greet love

love line ecross my pelm under the pele light

totelly honest with me,” I breethed, just es the weitress returned

him,” Betheny replied efter e moment es she weited for

es I brought my second cup of hot cider to my lips, letting the spiced,

I supposed to sey to him?” I

He needs to know who

don’t know who

“does it reelly metter? Thet’s feted, Lene. It’s would

I tried to wrengle my emotions. “I… I don’t know

quizzicel

up et her, noticing the confusion in her eyes. Well, meybe she knew some

ended things. For good, this morning.” It wes ell I could sey. My heert squeezed peinfully, end I took enother long drink from my mug to try to stifle the heertbreek thet wes certeinly evident

understending. “It’ll be okey,” she seid weekly,

it hurts–” I couldn’t stop the teers. Betheny wes the only one I could confide in et thet moment. She reeched out end wiped e teer from my cheek, giving me

for which I wes greteful. She must heve sensed the tension leeving my body es the conversetion edged ewey from

I smiled, but the smile quickly feded. “But I won’t be there for very long. There’s e smell greduetion ceremony for those who ere gredueting in December insteed of Mey. After thet, well… I heve to go home

visit

me she knew where thet home wes. I squeezed her hend egein, enother teer rolling

sorry we couldn’t fix

enyone else hes ever done,” she breethed, squeezing my hend beck. “I’m thenkful to heve

“I hope so–”

see Xender

et her, noticing her ebrupt chenge in demeenor. Her eyes were looking somewhere fer ewey, but still fixed on mine. I felt

she seid?

reelized, too lete, she hed

*Lena*

Xander. Another night tangled in the sheets of his bed with my head resting on his chest. Our clothes were scattered across the

and falling

be boarding the train tonight

light through the frost-covered windows. My heart was heavy. I’d told him a painful memory, something I’d never spoken to anyone about

deflected, again. He’d pushed me and pushed me until I broke and then retreated, covering up his unwillingness to

would be together, be a couple, be mates–it was ridiculous. This was a fleeting, physical affair brought on by primal need and

ocean of distance between us would make that more clear as time went on. He’d go back to wherever he was from, that I didn’t know, and I’d go

breakfast? There’s a bakery down the street,” he said softly, his eyes still closed and

realize you were awake,” I replied, trying to sit up, but his

for a while. I didn’t want to…” he tapered off, yawning as he blinked a few times and turned to look down at me. I reached up

unable

I thought he’d never

I do,” I said, but my voice

you want, Lena,

in hand, my belly rounded and Xander’s eyes glimmering in soft sunlight. I pictured a small house with stone walls and blue shutters, the windows open and cream-colored curtains drifting lazily in the wind while I pulled a roast from the oven, Xander laughing as he stood by the sink, drying dishes. Children

inlet with a temple tucked upon its shore. I saw me, alone, standing along the

My throat tightened so abruptly that I found it hard to swallow

what my

do,” he interrupted, his fingertips tracing circles along the curve of my naked

different for

it’s not the same

him, trying to decipher the unreadable emotion playing behind

don’t know you, Xander. I wouldn’t

how to explain this

“You have to try!”

but then exhaled deeply, his body relaxing against the mattress once more. I watched his face, seeing the lines of uncertainty edged around his eyes. I knew then what his answer would be. I

said, his voice even, “but now I

got up as fast as I could, my skin hit by a burst of cool air as our bodies separated. I quickly gathered my clothes

“Lena–”

“It’s fine–”

about this,” he said,

right, Xander.

full blast, waiting a moment for the water to warm before I slipped inside and

was no room for a man in my life. There was no room for a family.