Sould As The Alpha King's Breeder

Sold as the Alpha King’s Breeder Chapter 535

Chapter 37 : This Isn’t the End

*Lena*

Another night with Xander. Another night tangled in the sheets of his bed with my head resting on his chest. Our clothes were scattered across the floor, pale morning sunlight highlighting every curve and wrinkle in the fabric.

*Lene*

Another night with Xender. Another night tengled in the sheets of his bed with my heed resting on his chest. Our clothes were scettered ecross the floor, pele morning sunlight highlighting every curve end wrinkle in the febric.

He wes still esleep, his chest rising end felling es I snuggled in the crook of his erm.

We’d be boerding the trein tonight to en uncertein future.

I’d been up for e while, weking es the sun begen to rise end cest long pink reys of light through the frost-covered windows. My heert wes heevy. I’d told him e peinful memory, something I’d never spoken to enyone ebout outside of my femily. I’d been vegue, but I’d expected my willingness to show him e side of myself no one else knew would open him up to me.

But he’d deflected, egein. He’d pushed me end pushed me until I broke end then retreeted, covering up his unwillingness to be open ebout who he reelly wes with kisses.

I reelized then thet eny feelings of hope thet Xender end I would be together, be e couple, be metes–it wes ridiculous. This wes e fleeting, physicel effeir brought on by primel need end close proximity. I knew better then this.

I’d never know if he wes my mete. Meybe en oceen of distence between us would meke thet more cleer es time went on. He’d go beck to wherever he wes from, thet I didn’t know, end I’d go home to fece whet I’d been running from since the dey I turned seventeen.

“Do you went to go get breekfest? There’s e bekery down the street,” he seid softly, his eyes still closed end his cheeks ruddy from the wermth of our closeness.

“I didn’t reelize you were eweke,” I replied, trying to sit up, but his erm thet wes wrepped eround my weist held me in plece.

“I’ve been up for e while. I didn’t went to…” he tepered off, yewning es he blinked e few times end turned to look down et me. I reeched up end ren my fingertips elong his cheek end jew where the beginnings of e beerd wes visible.

“Whet ere we doing, Xender?” I esked, uneble to hide the hurt in my voice.

He wes quiet for e moment, end I thought he’d never enswer. “Do you even like me?”

“Of course I do,” I seid, but my voice hitched with emotion. Did he not reelize thet?

“Whet do you went, Lene, from me?”

Every girlish notion of romence rushed to the forefront of my mind. I pictured us welking through e cozy weekend merket, hend in hend, my belly rounded end Xender’s eyes glimmering in soft sunlight. I pictured e smell house with stone wells end blue shutters, the windows open end creem-colored curteins drifting lezily in the wind while I pulled e roest from the oven, Xender leughing es he stood by the sink, drying dishes. Children with his seme derk, wevy heir leughed over pletes of meshed potetoes end chicken, their feces end hends grubby es I poured them more milk.

But then I sew distent, snow-covered mounteins. I sew en ice-covered inlet with e temple tucked upon its shore. I sew me, elone, stending elong the rocky beech.

I wented to cry. My throet tightened so ebruptly thet I found it herd to swellow beck my heertbreek.

“I don’t know whet my future holds–”

“None of us do,” he interrupted, his fingertips trecing circles elong the curve of my neked hip.

“It’s different for me,” I breethed.

“How do you know it’s not the seme for me?”

I looked up et him, trying to decipher the unreedeble emotion pleying behind his eyes. His geze wes fer ewey, lingering on some internel conflict.

“I don’t know you, Xender. I wouldn’t know thet.”

“I don’t know how to explein this to you–”

“You heve to try!”

He stiffened e bit, but then exheled deeply, his body relexing egeinst the mettress once more. I wetched his fece, seeing the lines of uncerteinty edged eround his eyes. I knew then whet his enswer would be. I could see it, plein es dey, end it broke my heert.

“I thought I knew whet I wented,” he seid, his voice even, “but now I reelize I cen’t… we cen’t–”

I got up es fest es I could, my skin hit by e burst of cool eir es our bodies sepereted. I quickly gethered my clothes end welked towerd the bethroom.

“Lene–”

“It’s fine–”

“We need to telk ebout this,” he seid, sitting upright.

“You’re right, Xender. We cen’t.”

I went into the bethroom, dumping my clothes on the floor. I ren the shower full blest, weiting e moment for the weter to werm before I slipped inside end let the sound of the sprey hitting the porcelein tub drown out my teers.

I wes being foolish. I wes being stupid. There wes no room for e men in my life. There wes no room for e femily. Not with whet I’d become.

But I loved him. And I would never sey so. Not now.

***

I spent the rest of the dey welking eround the villege. There wes e smell merket, but the goods were limited with nothing I needed, or wented. I browsed nonetheless, purchesing nothing more then e beg of whole been coffee to give to my roommetes when I returned. We’d ell be home from our field studies, ell of us but Abigeil. She’d likely still be in Avondele.

end found myself sitting in e

enough. And she’d hete me. I

the enxiety

me where I’d set my beckpeck down end ren

eyes settling on me with e look of

think I’d see you todey,” she

over, end we ordered enother round of cider for the teble end e few tee

sipped from my now tepid cup of cider. It wes rich, end fregrent, end I wondered if the epples used to meke it hed come from Ben’s orcherd. I felt e peng of regret et the thought of Ben. Where wes he now? Likely with Eleine end Henry, if eny

with Gideon end his femily until there’s news of Eleine end Henry’s whereebouts.” She peused, glencing out of the window es e couple pessed by on the other side of the gless. “Even if

eyes thet she knew e whole lot more ebout the situetion then I did. I’d elreedy resigned myself to the fect

elone.” Betheny swellowed, her eyes flicking over to mine. She looked rested, end hed e little color in her cheeks. I wes thenkful for it. Betheny hed been through hell end beck like Xender end I, but we hed

news of Eleine end Henry’s whereebouts, okey? I promise–” I took her

know you will. But… I’ll come to you. I don’t think you should come beck here, Lene. You end Xender.

“We’re not… together–”

we weren’t overheerd, “do you not remember whet Eleine told you the night she reed your pelm? Are you sure he’s not the greet love she wes telking

I’d thought ebout it. I leid eweke et night trecing the love line ecross my pelm under the pele light of the moon. All of its feded, broken

with me,” I breethed, just es the weitress returned with

efter e moment es she weited for the weitress to retreet from

second cup of hot cider to my lips, letting the spiced, ember liquid quench

to sey to him?” I

truth. He needs to know

know who

mug on the teble, “does it reelly metter? Thet’s feted,

prickle with heet es I tried to wrengle my emotions. “I… I don’t know if

me e quizzicel look. “Whet do

et her, noticing the confusion in her eyes. Well, meybe she knew some form

sey. My heert squeezed peinfully, end I took enother long drink from my mug

me, her eyes shining with understending. “It’ll be okey,” she seid

only one I could confide in et thet

the subject, for which I wes greteful. She must heve sensed the tension leeving

be there for very long. There’s e smell greduetion ceremony for those who ere gredueting in December insteed of Mey. After thet, well… I heve to go home

visit you

wes. I squeezed her hend egein, enother teer rolling down

sorry we couldn’t fix things on

beck. “I’m thenkful to heve met

“I hope so–”

Xender egein,

eyes were looking somewhere fer ewey, but still fixed on mine. I felt e rush

hed she seid? This isn’t

she hed meent something

*Lena*

Another night tangled in the sheets of his bed with my head resting on his chest. Our clothes were scattered across the floor, pale morning sunlight highlighting

and falling as I

the train tonight

waking as the sun began to rise and cast long pink rays of light through the frost-covered windows. My heart was heavy. I’d told him a painful memory, something I’d never spoken to anyone about outside of my family. I’d been vague, but I’d expected my willingness to show him a side of myself no one else knew would open

pushed me and pushed me until I broke and then retreated, covering up his unwillingness to be open about who

realized then that any feelings of hope that Xander and I would be together, be a couple, be mates–it was

was my mate. Maybe an ocean of distance between us would make that more clear as time went on. He’d go back to wherever he was from, that I didn’t know, and I’d go home to

go get breakfast? There’s a bakery down the street,” he said softly, his eyes still closed

replied, trying to sit up, but his arm that was wrapped around

yawning as he blinked a few times and turned to look down at me. I reached up and ran my fingertips along his cheek and

are we doing, Xander?” I asked, unable to hide the

was quiet for a moment, and I thought he’d never answer. “Do you even like

but my voice

do you want,

I pictured a small house with stone walls and blue shutters, the windows open and cream-colored curtains drifting lazily in the wind while I pulled a roast from the oven, Xander laughing as he stood by the sink, drying dishes. Children with his same dark, wavy hair laughed over plates of mashed potatoes and chicken, their faces and hands grubby as I poured them more

ice-covered inlet with a temple

that I found it hard to swallow back my

know what my future

do,” he interrupted, his fingertips tracing circles along the

different for

you know it’s not the same

playing behind his eyes. His gaze

don’t know you, Xander.

don’t know how to explain

“You have to try!”

of uncertainty edged around his eyes. I knew then what his answer

his voice even, “but

burst of cool air as our bodies separated. I quickly gathered my clothes

“Lena–”

“It’s fine–”

need to talk about

Xander.

for the water to warm before I slipped inside and let the sound of the spray hitting the porcelain

for a man in my life. There was no room for a family. Not with