The Carrero Contract - Selling Your Soul (Mafia Romance)

Chapter 36

I am rather taken aback that he feels like he owes me an apology when he really does seem like a guy who never would. I misbehaved and he punished me. It’s not often men like that ever think they did something wrong, even if I think he did.

Although his little surprising statement makes me feel remorse about this morning too, the way I acted and you know? Throwing grilled cheese. I bite on my lip and sigh at him. I guess the sex chat is obsolete and doesn’t seem to be included in his apology, even though it’s what started my little tantrum, and I should just be the adult I pretended to be last night and forget we even had sex at all.

‘‘I shouldn’t have thrown your food at you, and I apologise for ruining your clothes.’’ It’s genuine anyway, even if I sound stilted and sarcastic when I say it. Those were nice trousers and I doubt cheese grease comes out of expensive fabrics without a lot of effort. He’s playing nice, whether it’s a ploy or a game I just don’t know anymore. I have given up trying to understand or read him or evaluate his motives anymore, it all just makes me so goddamn tired.

‘’You need to stop pushing my buttons, stop making me crazy … I lose focus and shit like this happens.’’ He nods towards the door and I frown. Exhausted by the man and I just can’t function anymore.

His world, his rules, his overbearing presence when he’s here, I never knew that walking into Carrero’s kingdom would be such a mind destroyer of epic proportions. I used to be in control of every aspect of my life and no one got close or got to me. Everything, up until Tyler, was manoeuvred to be on my terms, but Alexi just strips you naked, twists you up and then spits you out. Since I met him I feel like all I do is over feel everything and make dumb choices.

‘‘I don’t understand … How does you and me being at war make tonight happen?’’ Alexi laughs disbelievingly and shakes his head at me like I’m completely naïve sometimes, and it just infuriates me. He sometimes still treats me like a brainless bimbo with no concept of how things work.

‘’You’re clueless, London, let me school you on the goings on in that room tonight.’’ He pushes off the bar and walks around the desk to sit against the edge in front of me so he’s a lot closer and gets comfy. Watching me like a hawk and devouring me with his eyes. I’m way too tired to deal with all the shitty feelings coursing through me and stare at the clock on his desk instead. Intimidated by his presence, still stinging from being humiliated earlier, and I cannot believe it’s still the same day. It feels like weeks ago now.

‘‘I got sloppy, I was watching you—preoccupied … thinking about this morning, pissed at Gino; being a little too interested in both of you and Santagato saw it. He was testing the waters, honing in on what he considers was a glimpse of a weakness. I fucked up and let him see that I give a shit, that’s why he made a play.’’

and I clamp my mouth shut when words attempt to spill

me if he needs to.’’ Alexi sighs. I am so tired of games and all this underhanded, backhanded manipulation of this world. Alexi the mastermind and all the

time if it’s not

me and be done.’’ I get up and go to move away from his stifling presence, but he catches my wrist and pulls me back, cupping my face

where I left off, I couldn’t have stood there and let

this pose, and he just gazes at me for another long moment, barely moving and infuriatingly unreadable

and it’s my job to make sure they

I did? When?

Even while he wanted to punish me, he stopped because I said no. He stopped because of my reaction to being tied up in that room and let me go without

think he’s a bastard, and yet he has a way of cajoling me and getting what he wants out of me when it appears. I should never trust

so fucking complex. A control freak who adheres to boundaries? Even in anger? He makes no sense to me.

his touch is soothing and familiar, and I don’t want him to let go

to, but a part of me needs it, for this morning and for last night. It doesn’t even make sense to me anymore, but now I have tasted him there’s a craving to do it again. I want him to wipe away how he made me feel in that room and go back to the softness of the man who had sex with me on the couch instead.

I need therapy.

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