The Carrero Contract - Selling Your Soul (Mafia Romance)

I wake up in my own bed. Well, once again ON my bed, with a throw over me, and yet again, it’s mid-morning and I cannot remember anything after falling asleep. There’s no way I just slept right through from five p.m., but as I check my bedside clock it flashes nine forty-three a.m. at me and I rub my eyes in disbelief. I didn’t dream, no night terrors, no crazy shadows and monsters dragging me out of slumber—a silent dreamless sleep that almost never happened before I came back here. This is happening more and more lately and I feel refreshed from a full night’s rest.

I am still wearing yesterday’s dress, so Alexi must have brought me through and put me to bed at some point. This is getting to be a habit for him, and I sit and ponder for a moment the fact that he didn’t even try to wake me or do anything beyond let me sleep.

I still don’t trust him, but somehow, lately … I don’t hate him quite so much either. He keeps showing me glimpses of another side, and as much as I keep telling myself that it’s a lie—an act, a way to get at me—there’s a part of me that wants to believe in those parts of him as something real.

The same idiot girl who looked for love in a heart incapable of loving her … I am a fool.

I fell asleep on Alexi’s lap like some damn trusting moron; I don’t even know why I keep falling into this cycle of caring for him.

Yesterday was exhausting, the fights in the car that we never finished, and the way he was with me after Feral … which reminds me of my loss. It hits hard again with a thud to my stomach which I immediately mentally block out and push away.

I learned the best way to deal with emotional pain is to push it away quickly, stop thinking about it and focus on anything else until it stops hurting so much. That’s what I intend to do to forget that beast and remove its little claws from my heart strings.

Alexi has left me feeling strange and disconnected somehow. Confused hopelessly over what he is to me—who he is anymore.

He’s not the person he was before I left. He’s not the Alexi who made me crumble to dust anytime he saw signs of my weakness or used them against me. I still have those same weaknesses, yet he hasn’t dared to breach them again.

He hasn’t tried to control me or hurt me in any real physical way … except after Miami when he called me a whore … but we were both calling each other names and it was a reaction to rejecting him. He hasn’t forced a seduction on me, even when he went for a kiss and I said no.

When I said NO before I left, he would just use his hold over me to bend my will and catch me in his trap of powerless submission. He could do it again so easily if he wanted to, and yet he hasn’t—Not once.

He was genuinely hurt at my rejection that night, and instead of sadistic or manipulating, he walked off with a wounded expression and left me alone.

He has kept to a boundary even if it’s on his terms …

No touching equates to no sex for him and not general day to day touchy-feely. So, in his mind, he’s doing what I asked by not seducing me.

Stay away. Well, that one he just seems to ignore and is here more than not, just like last time. Not that I can complain. His presence has helped me move on a little, and I would be lying if I said I didn’t sometimes like him around.

Keeping this business between us? I guess him not seducing me is what he deems enough, and maybe growing closer neutrally is a sign he really is trying to build a platonic relationship. I see hints of it.

Like last night.

Alexi is multi-layered and complex and I don’t know what’s real anymore.

I keep waiting for the punishments, the cruelty and the blows to my heart with the cruel words of how little I matter to him, and yet they don’t come. Not this time. It’s almost like he is afraid he may push me to that point again where I held a gun to my head and willed my life to be over. He seems cautious around me as though that night left a mark on him too.

It’s in the small things. The way he keeps avoiding standing directly behind me, he even apologised for it that day in the office. He knows it’s something that makes me uncomfortable, and he actively tries not to do it now. He bites his tongue most of the time instead of reacting to my anger, and when I flew for him in Miami, he has never brought it up again that I dared to lay hands on him. I know it’s a huge trigger for punishment, and yet, nothing.

has changed … when it comes to

me he cared, he always cared and I don’t know whether I should believe him or not. He never ever told me that before. He always made a point of making me believe the opposite, to wound me. It’s like

wrong and that

how I reacted in the Hamptons to what he did was all just an Oscar worthy act to get under his skin. I was completely

But then …

only a manipulative woman known for her skills in working any angle to get her way, combined with his deep-set mistrust of any mere

someone I picked off the street, who had screwed a known drug mule for fifty G, and then proceeded to try to manipulate him in the first days of meeting him? My reputation for lies and deceit and cold-hearted opportunism preceded me. Alexi

who whipped the rug out from under me and made me show him the genuine someone else I could be, without even knowing why I was choosing him

based on mistrust. He still crushed me, and when I told him how I really felt, he destroyed my heart. I tried to tell him

he had actually cared … it would never have

telling me he does now is more about pulling me close and keeping me obedient. He gets more of that when he plays nice, and maybe he has

thinking … keep her sweet … keep her amicable … keep her obedient. And we all know how much he loves

weight of heartache still lingering as a grey cloud over me and I walk out into the lounge with slow steps. I just feel wretched today, a doom and gloom hovering, and I cannot bear to think of that little

view of Alexi on the couch in his workout hoody. The one with the sleeves cut away so it’s all tanned and tattooed arms and shoulders on show and sweatpants as he works on his laptop. He has his feet crossed on the coffee table, face down as he reads his screen, and I blink at him twice. Normally he is a rise early and fucks off kind of guy, and yet he’s still here at a time he normally

the world for us, and I frown at him, not sure if I am still dreaming. There’s a weird air of

in it, and yesterday’s wrinkled dress.

them. Mico picked them up for you.’ His steady voice follows me to the counter and I avoid looking back knowing his

he been hiding lately? I feel like we have become two ships in the sea at night, that never cross paths very often.’ I point out, glancing back and catch Alexi’s instant frown. A hint of something in that face that makes me turn properly to stare at him, and I perch

hit me immediately, and I instantly know what he’s doing as a light bulb

He flexes his neck trying to conceal a reaction, but I am slowly learning the tiny Carrero tells on this man. He taps his thumb on the side of

I fancy him?’ I ask again, giggling at how childish he’s being, if that truly is his reasoning,

calm slick voice and I burst out full-on laughing at him. He’s only cementing my suspicion, even if he cannot admit

pandering to him and turn to fill the kettle, smug and

not jealous—he’s busy,’ He repeats sternly, but I just shake my head and carry on with what I am doing. Pulling a mug over and

is … busy doing things you tell him to do, and lately I’m guessing all of those errands are away from here, and me. You’re so transparent.’ I answer

moodily, annoyed because

friendship. He doesn’t do it for me Carrero. He’s hot sure, but not my kind of hot.’ I am lapping it

I turn and give him my brightest smile. My whole mood a hell

him more than you?’ I throw a mock pouted lip, and with the baby

He’s very annoyed!

goes back to typing, only harder and pounding the keys a little aggressively, and

him … Right?’ I turn and butt my arse against the counter again and cross my arms over my bust

a lot. I’m making sure it stays that way.’ Alexi is trying to cover his arse and make this about

I have a softer spot for him than you … Maybe I did … but maybe I don’t anymore! Stop hiding your cousin in fear I will run off with him,