The Carrero Contract - Selling Your Soul (Mafia Romance)

“Why do you think I react so badly when you hurt me? Why I run when I think you might do something to make me want to leave you? I’m scared because you can hurt me in ways no one has ever had the ability to do. And you don’t even need to touch me to do it. I act like an idiot because of how I feel about you!”

He just stands stock still and stares at me as though I have two heads, or he didn’t quite hear me correctly. Both of us feet apart, motionless and he just continues to lock those eyes on me for what seems like the longest time. Penetrating my skull as that clever brain ticks and turns over whatever he is thinking about. A return to deadpan, calm and still. Temper evaporating away to nothing. He reverts inside his own head and simmers to a deathly silence in the quietness of the room.

“Do you?” It’s soft, unsure, and I can almost taste the apprehension and fear in those two little words. The same fear from the night he first told me he loved me.

The way my heart constricted and crumbled, and I couldn’t breathe with the terror of what those words could do to me. Only in this case, it’s the lack of them that is killing him. He wants them so badly. My little lost boy coming out and showing face. The deepest part of him that truly needs acceptance.

It’s now or never; I have to take a leap or just let him leave. Tears pouring down my face in place of scowls and hatred, I realise I need to stop hiding or I will lose him. He wants to protect me and leaving me is his plan if I don’t admit that I do.

“Why would I be here if I didn’t? Why would I have come back? Why would I have stayed? You never gave any sane woman a reason to try again, so I was either completely stupid to let you drag me back … or …” I shiver as I say it to him, knowing I’m exposing all of me by admitting this. Giving him back a power he once held and knowing he can wound my heart all over again if he wanted to. It’s a leap of faith and hope.

My heart is telling me he won’t abuse my trust this time. My need to stop him leaving is battling all the red alerts and ‘don’t do it’ right out of me. Maybe in order to trust him, I need to have a little faith in myself to just let go and stop dangling over the precipice.

“Say it. I need you to say it if it’s what you feel. You came back because …” Alexi’s voice is softer than mine now, eyes devouring me and there is so much within them; longing, a need to be loved that I know only too well. It’s mirrored in me every time I look at my reflection. Lonely little children who just want to be the centre of someone else’s world.

Two broken souls who have yearned to truly belong to someone in some real way. Something unconditional, while knowing the worst of you and not letting it stop them, anyway. Seeing your flaws and shrugging them away as unimportant. Seeing your worth. Something we have both wanted and needed our whole lives. Something we can give to each other now.

I hesitate, fear choking me so much I close my eyes and a tear rolls down my cheek. Trembling because it’s a choice I have to make—honesty, and the walls come down. I have no more defences against him, and from here on in we try to do this and mean it. Or lie and keep my safety net intact and he walks away from me, leaves me financially stable but completely alone.

A life without him in it. That’s not a life I want. Even if this way is terrifying me to the core.

“Be honest. Have faith in me and give me the chance to prove to you I can give you the world. Treat you like you deserve and never give you a reason to run, ever again.”

His words dig into my heart, through my soul and hurt me on so many levels. Wrenching the deepest parts of me open, and I can’t keep a grip on the locks of my internal doors anymore. Moving closer to me, all signs of anger dissipating as he focuses softer eyes on mine and hems me in with his sheer size. Breaking me down because I’m hopeless for him.

“I love you. I never stopped.” I say it as a ghost of a whisper, closing my eyes tight to block him out, so petrified of saying the words again but needing so badly to do so, they just slip out. Trying to forget the pain of the first time I trusted him with this part of me. Exposing my weakness for him and knowing he has the power to make me put a gun to my own head.

I know he heard me.

The sudden invasion of his warmth right in front of me, his body moving in close as his fingers trace the tears on my cheek; I blink my eyes open to find him standing so near his nose almost touches mine.

His eyes are glazed with real emotion, the frown is gone, and he just looks incredibly young and unsure so suddenly. A hint of joy but so clouded with uncertainty. His other hand comes to mine and he interlaces our fingers before pulling my palm to his chest and flattening it over his thudding heart. Pulling me closer so we share air. My body instantly electrified from his proximity and I’m overwhelmed with tingles and butterflies.

“Do you mean that?” He sounds different. Vulnerable, soft and low. Nothing like the man he can be, and I know he is as scared as me at this moment. It’s odd to feel it reverberating from him as I never imagined anything in the world could phase Mr cool and indestructible. I can feel it though, his fear pulsating in time with mine.

I nod, unable to say it again or tear my eyes from those endlessly pale doors to another dimension. The guardians of my soul. Alexi’s face completely changes, and I get to see for the first time what a happy Alexi looks like when he isn’t guarding himself. He smiles; full-on Hollywood, dimples and all and those eyes sparkle with it, changing his whole demeanour and expression to an infectious high.

He looks devastating like this and I know it’s not even close to Mafia King at all. This is my Alexi, no one else gets to see him this way.

‘I love you, London. More than you will ever know. I have never felt the way I feel about you with anyone’

It’s all he utters before leaning in and kissing me softly on the lips, my heart bursting like a firework at his touch, sinking against him greedily, my body moulding to his and pulling all the necessary warmth, longing and joy back from him into my cold limbs, taking what I need from him.

A kiss to wipe away the last twenty-four hours. To feel his strong body against me and his mouth on mine. He knows how to make me feel safe, he always did, and I need it now more than ever. When I feel at my most vulnerable with him, he needs to help me overcome that with his own skills at making me secure. Just as he is doing now, wiping all the tears and misery away with the gentlest of touches, feeding my craving for his intimacy and touch.

trace his jawline gently, scratchy stubble on soft tips,

I want, and I’m willing to take a leap of faith to keep him. That trust maybe isn’t complete, but I want to keep going down that path to fully believing in him. He didn’t turn on me after everything that happened today. He didn’t even explode at me for it, and I know that for him that’s a massive

follow or say anything. Sensing I have something to say or that I need space and just remains still

push it off my shoulders, so it slips down and pools at my feet on the floor, leaving me standing before him completely naked. Body shivering with

then push down all my nerves and find that inner queen I know is there. Lifting my chin defiantly, I lock my

that could ever cross my mind about what he feels. Alexi’s adoration shines through at me with that sexy smile and

If you walk away and leave me, I’ll never survive, Lexi. I love you and I want this to work. I want to be with you.” I swallow hard, aware I’m not as brave as I appear and still fighting myself on taking this step. It’s huge. Symbolic for me and I know once I do this I can’t go backwards. I’m jumping

his visual hold on my eyes, not even flicking

everything aside and focus only on how

I’m willing to let it grow. Don’t give up on me.” I lift a little higher, pausing and looking away to his chest, letting his eyes scan all of me as he stands motionless, listening, watching, taking it in and analysing me with that quick brain. I get nothing from him, even when he slides his gaze down over my naked breasts and curves and comes slowly back up to lock on mine with a heavy look that penetrates my soul. The smile faded away, but he still

this, then you will never get rid of me again. I swear. I’m in this for the long haul, London.”

and future lies with this man. All the doubts lift their heavy weight from my

time we stopped fucking around and got down to the real business.” I smirk as I say it. Hardly a sweet romantic seduction, but one thing I have

he acts like he hates it and needs one to keep him in hand. No feeble girl would

one except me.

was made to deal with this

to remember that

into the most gorgeous unguarded and carefree smile that almost instantly turns me to mush. All doubt

sexy to

“As you wish.”

he doesn’t stop there. He kicks off his trainers and bends, swooping down and giving me that delightful

to take a reminder peek. Even not fully erect it’s enough to make my knees tremble. Reminders

my eyes do a second sweep, and I

gaze and a pointer finger on what looks like a dandelion head with some tiny seeds flying free on the breeze towards his shoulder. A delicate stem curling into a C and flowy script writing inside the shape it makes.

It says Camilla.

the side of his heart to nestle snuggly. Blacker and more prominent than his others so I guess it’s fairly recent and still looks raised as though it is healing. He glances down as I study it, my heart

that says ‘obviously’. Unapologetic for a romantic gesture he didn’t

looks down at it again. Seemingly underwhelmed even though it’s his

his new addition, reaching out to touch it and gently trace my fingers over the raised bumps and crusted

skin forever. I’m so crazily overwhelmed all I can do is stare and gawp, churned up in so many good ways. My

blown away, so touched he would do this for me, and it just adds fuel to my desire to make this

and this is another layer of proof. I don’t need

moves in and places us forehead to forehead, lightly touching, before trailing those fingertips down the sensitive skin of my throat. My attention back on him as I completely turn to jelly at his touch. He

be to want to tie myself to you for a lifetime, little hellcat.” He gives me that wicked smirk of his and I just shake my head at him in amusement, not even

like a goddess with gentle caresses, his hands smoothing down and over my skin gently, attending to every curve and line. Igniting a desire so strong the hunger

body. Tiny and delicate especially with how carefully he

gentle and precise while running his hands and fingers over me until I cannot

and agonising when you haven’t got laid in quite a

neck to haul him against me impatiently. Burying my fingers in his hair and pushing my nails against his scalp gently to urge him on. Pulling his mouth to mine for a more passionate kiss that involves tongues and nibbles on those delicious lips. Letting myself go

a grin when I edge my pelvis against him

Amused that of all the times he decides