“What do you really want? Be honest … I might actually give it to you if you are.” I test him. He has the grace to look uncomfortable at least, and shiftily looks away. I can smell booze at this distance and it’s the first time I notice the yellow stained whites in his eyes. Maybe he’s a drunk. Maybe it’s drugs. I don’t care!

“I could do with a little help out … Get back on my feet, you know?” he answers sheepishly, barely able to look at me.

“You mean money?” I grit my teeth so hard it hurts my jaw. His face flushes and he nods.

“What is my middle name?” I snap suddenly. My frayed emotions kicking in and teen Emma sliding out impulsively.

“Ummm.” He moves back, blinking hard.

“What is my birth date?” I yell, this time loudly, voice shaking. He gulps and tries to look anywhere except me.

“Do you even know what age I am?” I scream in his face, fully erupting as his inability to answer consumes me and my composure dissolves. He looks like he’s going to run. I throw my hands up in exasperation and turn away before I truly explode.

“How much money do you need to get the fuck away from me?” I am so beyond mad I can barely think straight, heart pounding through my chest and head aching badly. I just want to curl up and cry right now. Body in full trembles.

“If it’s like that, then as much as you can spare.” He whispers, there’s a hint of success in his tone that hits like a final spear in my chest. Splicing agony.

I’m floored. I can’t even formulate a response; It rises up inside of me like a volcano about to blow out spectacularly. All-consuming, pushing down any rational thought, after the week I’ve had, the month I’ve had. The heartbreak I have sobbed through. The lack of self-worth because of men like this shithead right here.

I spin and impulsively slap him hard across the face, with the force of all my pent-up emotions of the last week and all the shit Jake has put me through. The strength of the impact stings my hand and I recoil, gasping in shock as it reverberates like a throbbing pulse through my wrist, shaking me back to sense.

did

as he is at what I just did. I just shake my head, words

kicking off my shoes erratically and hurtle past a couple of shocked suited women, in passing. I hit the stairwell in its gloomy darkness, tumble clumsily down a few steps, hurting my ankle and sink down onto the cold metal to let loose.

my head yanking my hair as though to

a man in the elevator of my

my legs work. My breathing is labored as the sheer panic

to

of control, my body turning into a mass of shakes and shivers, the realization dawning on me like hitting a brick wall. The

did he have to do that? Could he not pretend, even for one minute, that

I hate him, it still crushes me to know that the only value I have, to my own biological father, is in how much cash I can give him. I break down fully, howling, and falling to pieces. I can’t breathe, this pain is too

dial Jake’s number with vibrating fingertips; tears coursing down my face and my nose running wildly. I can’t think straight, I just need to feel grounded again, to feel safe. I need to hear his voice. I need my Jake to do what he always does

twice, and he answers … even

“Hello.”

Oh my god—he answered.

to try and talk. The wave of relief hitting me

seems concerned before I even speak, he must be able to hear my heavy breathing and pathetic sobs and sniffs. I’m hardly

want him to be mad at me anymore, I need my friend, I need my Jake. I’m so desperate for it that it physically hurts. I have no idea what to say, or that I should even be calling him,

that shocked tone is a welcome

I sob, it’s the only rational thing which forms in my head. I’m wiping my face with my sleeve, but it’s pointless as the tears are falling fast

There goes my make-up.

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