“What do you really want? Be honest … I might actually give it to you if you are.” I test him. He has the grace to look uncomfortable at least, and shiftily looks away. I can smell booze at this distance and it’s the first time I notice the yellow stained whites in his eyes. Maybe he’s a drunk. Maybe it’s drugs. I don’t care!

“I could do with a little help out … Get back on my feet, you know?” he answers sheepishly, barely able to look at me.

“You mean money?” I grit my teeth so hard it hurts my jaw. His face flushes and he nods.

“What is my middle name?” I snap suddenly. My frayed emotions kicking in and teen Emma sliding out impulsively.

“Ummm.” He moves back, blinking hard.

“What is my birth date?” I yell, this time loudly, voice shaking. He gulps and tries to look anywhere except me.

“Do you even know what age I am?” I scream in his face, fully erupting as his inability to answer consumes me and my composure dissolves. He looks like he’s going to run. I throw my hands up in exasperation and turn away before I truly explode.

“How much money do you need to get the fuck away from me?” I am so beyond mad I can barely think straight, heart pounding through my chest and head aching badly. I just want to curl up and cry right now. Body in full trembles.

“If it’s like that, then as much as you can spare.” He whispers, there’s a hint of success in his tone that hits like a final spear in my chest. Splicing agony.

I’m floored. I can’t even formulate a response; It rises up inside of me like a volcano about to blow out spectacularly. All-consuming, pushing down any rational thought, after the week I’ve had, the month I’ve had. The heartbreak I have sobbed through. The lack of self-worth because of men like this shithead right here.

I spin and impulsively slap him hard across the face, with the force of all my pent-up emotions of the last week and all the shit Jake has put me through. The strength of the impact stings my hand and I recoil, gasping in shock as it reverberates like a throbbing pulse through my wrist, shaking me back to sense.

the hell did I

with unprovoked violence. I can’t talk. I’m in as much shock as he is at what I just did. I just shake my head, words catching in my throat as I stifle a sob and run for an escape. The doors

hurtle past a couple of shocked suited women, in passing. I hit the stairwell in its gloomy darkness, tumble clumsily down a few steps, hurting my ankle and sink down onto the cold metal to let loose. My chest caving in, and I’m struggling for breath. My head is a jumbled mess of confusion, adrenaline coursing through me savagely and I wail with pain as the tears begin to

my head yanking my hair as though to calm

assaulted a man in the elevator of my

ten laws. I can’t get up. I can’t make my legs

did he have to come here? Why did he have to ask me for money? Why couldn’t he

a brick wall. The tears increase to fall thick and fast, realization I have literally,

one minute, that I was worth more than money? Genuinely want

I have, to my own biological father, is in how much cash I can give him. I break down fully, howling, and falling to pieces. I can’t breathe, this pain is too much and now to top it off, I’ll be fired for sure. The only worthwhile thing in my life, and I go and do

all logic gone, I pull my cell out of my jacket, without thinking, I dial Jake’s number with vibrating fingertips; tears coursing down my face and my nose running wildly. I can’t think straight, I just need to feel grounded again,

twice, and he answers … even seeing it’s

“Hello.”

Oh my god—he answered.

relief hitting me hard like

speak, he must be able to hear my heavy breathing

me anymore, I need my friend, I need my Jake. I’m so desperate for it that it physically hurts. I have no idea what to say, or

that shocked

forms in my head. I’m wiping my face with my sleeve,

There goes my make-up.

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