I walk into the empty apartment two hours later, dump my bag on the table and survey the room. I don’t even want to be here, I should be at work organizing, instead of coming home to sob into my pillow. I need to get a grip of my life. Wilma is right and all of this has been non-stop, yet all I’ve done is bury my head in the sand and pushed myself to go to work, never taking the time to absorb it all. I need time to think. Real time to myself, to figure out what I’m going to do.
Do I want to work in Europe?
No … I don’t want to leave New York.
Do I want to leave Carrero House?
No. I love working there, it’s familiar and stable. Plus, I adore Wilma, Margo, and even Rosalie. I would miss the people I see every day even though we don’t interact much. I couldn’t leave Sarah. I mean, I know she has Marcus and lately, I’m starting to warm to him a little. I even laughed at a joke he made a few days ago, but still … She’s my best friend.
But, on the other hand, things aren’t going anywhere. I feel like every time I see any light at the end of the tunnel, Jake appears and blacks it out. He’s all I can see; all I can focus on and it’s driving me slowly insane.
How did we get here? He used to be my everything, my friend, my protector, my lifeline … and now he’s the cause of everything that’s wrong with me.
days and sleepless nights have caused time to stand still
to be an ordeal and a half as I know my mother wanted to come here this year for some reason. Obviously, I don’t want her to. I’ve invited Sophie on Christmas Eve to spend some time with her, and the last thing I need
I miss that
so well. She can’t believe how blessed she is, getting used to a
hotels with Jake. It
start doing this every day again as it helped before, helped me get my emotions in check, helped me
tomorrow night. Show everyone who I am, who I used to be. I don’t need a date at all. I’m PA Emma and I was always
know there. All the
my ally when he
I know her
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