I walk into the empty apartment two hours later, dump my bag on the table and survey the room. I don’t even want to be here, I should be at work organizing, instead of coming home to sob into my pillow. I need to get a grip of my life. Wilma is right and all of this has been non-stop, yet all I’ve done is bury my head in the sand and pushed myself to go to work, never taking the time to absorb it all. I need time to think. Real time to myself, to figure out what I’m going to do.

Do I want to work in Europe?

No … I don’t want to leave New York.

Do I want to leave Carrero House?

No. I love working there, it’s familiar and stable. Plus, I adore Wilma, Margo, and even Rosalie. I would miss the people I see every day even though we don’t interact much. I couldn’t leave Sarah. I mean, I know she has Marcus and lately, I’m starting to warm to him a little. I even laughed at a joke he made a few days ago, but still … She’s my best friend.

But, on the other hand, things aren’t going anywhere. I feel like every time I see any light at the end of the tunnel, Jake appears and blacks it out. He’s all I can see; all I can focus on and it’s driving me slowly insane.

How did we get here? He used to be my everything, my friend, my protector, my lifeline … and now he’s the cause of everything that’s wrong with me.

like we’ve been apart for months, but the reality is, it’s only been weeks, just a month. Dragging days and sleepless nights have caused time to stand still and I need to get over

to be an ordeal and a half as I know my mother wanted to come here this year for some reason. Obviously, I don’t want her to. I’ve invited Sophie on Christmas Eve to spend

miss that

me religiously. She seems to be doing well in her new home and in such a short time she’s settled so well. She can’t believe how blessed she is, getting used to a

hotels with Jake. It had become part of

going to start doing this every day again as it helped before, helped me get my emotions in check, helped me work through my internal dialogue. I’m sweating like crazy, working over everything, emotionally, mentally, and physically, but I

who I used to be. I don’t need a date at all. I’m PA Emma and I was always

people I know there. All the staff from sixty-fifth, Margo, Wilma,

miss Leila. Jake’s childhood friend and my ally when

I know her family are all going to attend

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