Strange.

“I’m really glad you’re here … Both of you.” She smiles without looking up. I hand Jake the bowl of salad after dishing my own and watch her, I feel like there is so much to say yet I don’t have the words at all.

Where would I start? Twenty-six years of pent-up emotions and accusations, yet here we are, acting like me coming home for a weekend with my boyfriend is normal. Not that she’s even asked if that is what he is now. Maybe that’s what that look was all about, maybe it’s obvious.

Jake digs into his food, his normally chatty self, quiet, he’s leaving me to take the next step and for once I would rather ultra-sociable Carrero would just step in. He’s a master at idle chit-chat and dominating a conversation, normally.

“I’m not sure how long we’ll be staying,” I mutter indirectly to break the silence.

Maybe it’s best to say it now and not let her think the whole weekend would be “catching up”.

I take a forkful of my chicken and dressing and watch the frown develop on her face. I try to ignore it.

“Well, even being here for a quick visit is enough for me … I do miss you, Emma.” She finally looks at me and smiles warmly. I grimace back but I know it doesn’t reach my eyes, we’re doing what we always do. Playing nice and polite and pretending there’s no issue in front of other people.

Being back here, in this apartment, this town, and already I can feel myself closing. Old Emma mannerisms pushing in. The wall coming up between us. That controlled mask of indifference that Jake spent months peeling away. I don’t want to go back to her, to who she was. To that empty cold and feelingless shell of myself, the person who let no one in and never experienced real emotion. That girl is gone.

she will never see my side of it. She will never take any blame in how I turned out and why would she? Here I am with my billionaire

My mother is chatting about nothing of importance, unaware that neither of us are listening. Jake strokes my back gently, relaxing his hand when I continue eating and returns to his own food, a silent little message between us that he knows I’m not okay being here. He smiles softly at me and a small look in his eye tells me he loves me.

I interject to try to connect with her,

mom? Since when?

convince some of the food stores in Chicago to donate the food with sell by dates instead of sending them to the trash.” She grins, obviously

Jake donate anything to my mother’s charity?

this little new piece of information,

days. Of course, I’ve no right to be mad about this, it’s nothing. Jake’s company donates to causes every year as part of a tax relief move, of course he would donate to her. She’s my mother and he loves me. He probably didn’t even write the cheque, just forwarded her details to finance to be added to our list of preferred causes. I know because it

smiles, his eyes on me, but I ignore him. Finally,

and get them ready. I can hear my mother carrying on the conversation about the home, but Jake sounds

part of me that he doesn’t see as much in New York, she rules down here in Chicago. Her moods all over the place, her temper short, and the suffocating air of this wretched apartment makes her agitated.

carry the cups over and lay them down in front of them, returning for my own before I finally sit back down. I push my uneaten food away, curbing the urge to start tapping my nails on the table. There’s a growing energy of

question at Jake, and I bristle at the mention of her name. My protectiveness of her standing to attention, my mother needs to

voice and just like

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