But buying a mansion, moving to beside his family like a little married couple. He will never let me go back to working in the Carrero Corporation now, it’s too much. To be a kept woman with no chance of being able to just slide back into city life should he ever get tired of me. To get cozy and make bonds with these people who I have loved being around.

What if it all blew up in my face and I had to give up more than just him? His family. Sophie close by.

It’s all so overwhelming I can’t think straight. My fear and anxiety threatening to choke me at the huge change he wants to make in my life. He has no idea how hard this is. Not so long ago, I was alone, reliant on only me. I had my own money, my own plans, and my own life and I didn’t want to let anyone else in. Now here I am, willing to gamble everything on uncertainty and faith and let someone else take control. I need control.

“If this is about money, Emma, then it’s not a problem. I’ve my own money … I can more than afford a house here. I won’t even need the apartment in New York, but we can keep it if you want a place to stay when we do go back there, if it makes you more comfortable?” His face is dark and closed in, his voice edgy and husky. I can see the rising of commandeering boss Carrero, that no nonsense temper moving in.

“It’s not the money,” I snap. “It’s how fast this is moving, Jake. How you think that it’s just so easy to up and move in the blink of an eye. To change everything in life on a whim, because you get an idea and impulsively want to act on it.”

No discussion. It’s just what he wants, and I have to accept it. I know this means my career will be over.

That overwhelming emotion hits me again and I step back to sit and steady my legs on the edge of the swing. Nausea rising up and blinding fear threatening to engulf me. He has no clue how much this is scaring me, he’s changing all the rules, changing all the players, and knocking things on their head.

“Emma, I thought we were on the same page?” He snaps at me and stalks away to stand stiffly, his back turned. I can feel his rage, even from here, that fiery temper of his bubbling under the surface like molten lava and that pig-headed logic moving in.

“We are, Jake, but so much is new, so much we’re still getting used to … So much we haven’t even agreed on … It’s terrifying and so final.” I blurt out, eyes watering with unshed tears. My hands trembling.

Emma, it’s not … If you love me then it’s no different to staying with me in New York. It’s just a house.” He turns, flashing me

it that way. I do love you!” I snap back,

you always run when you’re scared. You’re pathetic!

what’s wrong with looking for a home we can actually make together?” He pleads, his voice laced with anger, but I

gripping me inside like a vice of coldness. I can’t explain it, I only know that this is too much too soon. There are a million thoughts racing through my head, what ifs, outcomes of things going wrong. Moving here, away from the city, away from the closeness of Sarah as security.

answer have been no?” his eyes flare in rage and

It’s not the same

Yes, or fucking no?” He moves to me menacingly and grabs my arm in a biting embrace. I can’t answer, my throat closing in panic and unable to formulate a response that will satisfy him.

He grinds and storms off toward the house angrily, wearing his bruised feelings openly. I reach for him with a sob in my throat but can’t find the strength to move my legs. Unable to call out to him. He throws me a hateful glare that catches

why I even feel this way. He doesn’t care how I’m freaking out about this, just doesn’t like the refusal so storms off. Too used to getting his own way in everything. Screw you, Carrero

inside, storming around

with all these people who actually matter, so soon … Not yet,

take up my old position, he barely wants to go back himself lately and moving here will make it final. The truth is that I thought it would change, that I would have some sort of epiphany that I was finally with the man I would be with forever and it would all just go away. That I would be happy to be kept by him, but all the doubts, fears, and insecurities remained, and I wondered if I

insecurity won’t allow me to ever think beyond right now, think about when Marissa’s baby comes, or Jake and I in any long-term sense. I can only think about the here and now, so sure that I will be tempting fate if I dare to hope for more than I’ve been given. I’m someone who’s used to happy ever afters, of people sticking around. Not even my own father saw a reason

lead in my life. All my careful plans and goals self-orientated, leading to self-dependence and security, without relying on other people. Other people can hurt you, let you down and walk away. Everyone is capable of it, everyone

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