I’m a little saner from the harsh jets of hot water drilling into my skull, distracting me from my own reality, and stand that way until my legs go numb, like a mindless drone on autopilot.

I dress in fresh clothes and brush out my hair before moving to unpack my things into the empty wardrobe.

The doorbell ringing snaps my focus around, and I hesitate, stomach lurching in panic. Sarah won’t be back for a few days and I’m not expecting anyone I can think of. Experiencing a moment of fear as my gut tells me it might be him, that maybe he doesn’t want to give me space to think, but I can’t see him so soon. My insides go weak, turning to liquid mush, my legs become rubber, and hands start sweating. I’m close to fainting when sense steps in.

Wait!

My brain snaps into focus, telling me it’ll be Mathews with my belongings! I asked him to bring them to me sooner rather than later, wanting the pain of the task out of the way quickly. I feel ridiculous and try to regain some stability in my legs.

Get a grip, Emma. Breathe … Count … Breathe.

I stumble to the door through the open-plan lounge opening it hesitantly without checking the spy hole; willing myself to find courage and poise to hide the internal disaster that I am.

matching black, holding cases, a serious expression on his face. I know he’s

shall I have everything brought in?” His deep gravelly voice is comforting. I smile emptily, moving out of the way gesturing they should, finding PA Emma, pushing her out in front to take control of my

realize how much I accumulated moving in with Jake; ever generous, always flourishing me with clothes via Donna or little surprise things among my jewelry or shoes; even down to books I read. Always finding a new one beside my bed when I was nearing the end of the one I had. He never ceased to anticipate my needs knowing exactly what I’d like. He never made a big thing of it though; no large dancing gesture, presenting me with gifts he knew I’d feel embarrassed about accepting

so much. He always knew what I needed.

ushering his man out, and gives me a

my face as he holds out the long slender cream envelope with my name on the front with the achingly bold and beautiful handwritten script of Jake’s on the front. My heart pangs and contracts at the sight of it. I instantly bite on my lip to quell the tears, the heavy swallowing to calm my emotions doesn’t go unnoticed. He gives me a sympathetic look, sliding the envelope into my palm with a brief pat on my shoulder and a

comes to love and relationships. We all make mistakes. Just don’t dismiss all you have without really thinking things

much and yet is only a mere brief presence

and I nod too, ignoring that tug in my throat which aches so badly. Tears pool in the back of

dismissing him before I fall apart, because even

door for a few moments, lost in an empty daydream, before my head snaps me into focus and I stare down

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