“You’re going to be a father.” She smiles at him and pats his arm gently before getting up. “I should leave you two to it, let it sink in. Congratulations to you both.” She pulls her bag up onto her shoulder. “You have my number, call when you want to discuss details about having her transferred to a specialist, Mr. Carrero. I can recommend a few. Emma, good luck.” She gets up to go and the panic surges over me in a terrifying wave of ice, loosening my tongue at last.

“Wait. I can’t be, I mean I really can’t. I’m on the pill and we, I mean, I … haven’t missed one. It’s not possible, this isn’t what was supposed to happen. I mean I should know, I would have known, wouldn’t I? Oh, my God. I can’t … I can’t be pregnant; how can you be sure? You can make a mistake, right?” I’m rambling, voice bubbling out in sheer freak out mode and about two tones higher than normal. My hands flapping crazily in front of me. She pauses and gently lays a calming hand on my shoulder leaning in close enough to make me sit still with bated breath.

“They pay me the big bucks because I’m never wrong, sweetie. Contraception isn’t one hundred percent and right now you’re probably a little in shock. Take time to think it through and contact me with any questions until I sort you out a referral.” She pats me gently, then without any sign of me responding due to being completely speechless, she gets up with a goodbye to Jake, who is, quite frankly, freaking me out with his unearthly quietness. She moves off smiling gently and waving, then walks out without another word as we both sit silent, still staring at the spot she vacated.

I turn my head to look to him for some sort of help, willing him to say something … Anything … To make this better or take it away or just help me stop floundering and freaking out. My body is ready to self-combust with the sheer amount of panic coursing through my veins and I want to shake him hard.

Fucking snap out of it.

A strange sense of disbelief washes over me; some inner voice trying to get me to calm down. I don’t think I’m awake. If I stay still, then I almost feel like I’m dreaming. I can try not to think about what she’s just said as the cold fear washes over me, over and over, like an all-consuming black hole. I’m sure doctors get it wrong all the time.

Even the $10,000 a pop variety that Jake employs?

“Emma?” Jake’s gravelly tone cuts into my thoughts, his grip on my hand has almost fallen away, and now he’s looking at me with an odd expression; a faraway spooky kind of look in his eyes. He breaks into a slow steady smile, as though realization has crept up from somewhere low down, and he jerks forward in a flash, kissing me on the mouth ungracefully, hauling me into his arms for a hug. I’m completely shaken by his reaction, wind knocked out of me, and still reeling with this new development. Jake’s face radiates sheer joy, from zombie to hyperactive crazy man in one swift move, and it only makes me want to throat punch him even more right now.

and I’m shaking. The shock is changing into some sort of soul gnawing reality that this is not a dream at all. Jake holds me close,

inside of me. His embrace unleashes the overwhelming emotion hiding behind the fear in the recesses of my

ready for this. I don’t even know if I want to be a mother. Ever. I have no plan in place for this, no real expectation

what we expected but it’s not awful. Don’t cry. I know you’re scared, Emma, but I’ll always look after you, I’m right here.” His tone almost sounds … pleased! I sit back glaring at him in complete disbelief, wiping my hand across my sodden face, blinking at him as though he’s lost

craziness personified? This is a life, a real human life between us that we never even talked about let alone planned.” I choke on the tears forcing their way out and Jake wipes them away, receiving a hand slap in the process. It seems anger was close behind my emotional outburst and I’m

contemplating a life apart and whether I can ever let you kiss me again and now we’re having a … Oh, my God I

mass of confused emotions and feelings swirling dangerously close to consuming me.

pull out all the stops.” He looks down at

hell is wrong with

be pregnant, or give birth, or do whatever a mother does! Or be a mother!” I flap my hands at him and he has the sense to lean back so his face is out of range; but he looks just the same, happiness bubbling under the straight and serious expression that he’s trying to keep up, for my sake only. “How the fuck can I be a mother?! I don’t know how a

grasp the sheets of the bed to get out, but Jake is quick. He scoops me up and hauls ass

making a grand come back in remarkable fashion. I literally have no control of the emotions I possess. I

much for

I cry, waving my hands at the toilet hopelessly, grabbing the flusher in repulsion, sniffing back new tears. “And the fucking crying …

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