I watch him resist, but he wants me, it’s singing out from every pore of his body. I know he has very little will when it comes to me. I reach up and wrap my arms around his neck as he leans in to go for another soft kiss, catching him by surprise and he tumbles on top off me gloriously.

“Fuck’s sake, Emma!” He snaps in sparking anger rolling off me onto the bed with a furious glare and jumps up onto his feet like a panther. “I could’ve hurt you or the baby.” His lust replaced with sheer annoyance. I instantly bristle and scowl at him; spurned on by his overreaction and the rejection to what I really need.

“Is this what I have to endure for eight months? Being treated like fine china and pandered to? Regardless of my behavior?!” I snap, frustration turning me into that crazy monster he once denied an orgasm to in his mother’s gardens, my good old trusty anger bouncing up out of nowhere to devour me again.

“Yes!” His retort is nowhere near as anger fueled, but it still pisses me off majorly.

“No fucking way.” I haul myself off the bed and start slamming through cupboards looking for clothes. I have some here that Jefferson collected, and the new things Jake ordered for me. Rage is coursing through me that he would deny me this, that he of all people, would be annoyed at ME about this.

“What are you doing?” He follows me and tries to haul me back with a hand on my upper arm, but I shove him off aggressively.

“I’ll leave you and go back to Queens if you’re going to start being like this.” I huff and stamp around, knowing I’m being crazy and irrational. Jake’s just trying to be the good guy and I’m acting like the bitch that I have been for weeks; acting this way because he doesn’t bloody well touch me anymore.

Your choice, Emma!

take care of you?” He croaks, dumbfounded and more than a little hurt. I glance up and catch the expression on his face, his little lost boy look, and it physically hurts me; a sharp pain in my stomach fueling

love with! The one who didn’t take no for an answer or me pushing him away as a hindrance!” I snap and turn on him with tears in my eyes. “I miss you … The real you, not this over gentle and walking on eggshells keeping his distance you; I miss

complete frustration and starts pacing around the side of the bed to avoid being too close to me. He’s agitated and angry and something else; hopeless. He’s out of his depth with this,

the Jake who stormed across a dance floor to find me. I need him to come get me because I’m so damned lost right now.” I cry, a sudden wave of emotion hitting like a ton of bricks

Emma. I’m not going to risk losing you by rushing things and pushing you further from me. I would die without you.” He implores me pleadingly. Stopping his frantic walking and comes close to me, his hands pausing on my face,

need?” I almost wail at him, emotions soaring, as I wave my hands around angrily

sometimes I know what you need more than you do, yet you’re too damn stubborn to trust me on it!”

storming and pacing, every ounce of me burning with heated fire. I’m angry at him and at myself for God knows what; an all-consuming fury that needs to be released. These past few weeks I haven’t let all this pour out, not this way anyway. All my outbursts and tantrums have been aimed at other issues and lots of misdirection from the real topics, doing what I always did, avoiding the painful

I need to hear it. Hear once and for all that you fucking love me enough to let me see every fucking thing that goes on in your head!” he yells at me, losing his cool , fueled by my temper and I snap. Enraged that he would even yell

me for it. I want us to be normal, for none of this to hurt this way because it all hurts so damn much, and I did not need an unplanned pregnancy thrown in the mix to royally fuck my head up more than it already is. I don’t even know how to feel about this baby other than I don’t want to get rid of it and that has me crazy as hell … You want to know why I didn’t want the house, Jake? Because I’m scared, I’m so goddamn fucking scared of all of this, because it’s real and frightening. All I’ve ever had in life to show me what relationships are is a fucked-up, selfish bitch of a mother who let men abuse me, and a father who let himself get paid off to never fucking come near me again after years of acting like I didn’t exist! I don’t believe that anyone can ever truly love me the way you say you do, or that you’ll stay with me and protect me when no one else has, why would you? You alone have the power to destroy me and leave me broken without any effort on your part and giving myself over to you fully is utterly terrifying! What I do fucking need, Jake, is just one piece of frickin normal, for one day, to stop me going out of my freaking mind. I need the Jake Carrero, CEO, bossy, arrogant, cocky, shit, who liked to get me naked and screw me on top of fucking cars and desks, and any damned place he pleased, because he liked to point out every fucking second of every day that I was his, and only his and he owned that shit without even trying! I need him because he’s the one who found me once before and pulled me out of this shit with everything that he was … is … so… YOU can you fuck off and go find him? Because he’s the one who I need in this room with me, right now, not you! He’s the one I love with every piece of my messed up soul; the one I would follow to the ends of the Earth,

has been lifted. The building heaviness and pain of the past few weeks has just exited the building, and all that’s left is emotional exhaustion and a lot of light headedness. I don’t even know if what I’ve screamed, rather psychotically, at him made any sense. I just got lost in the

lifts me up into him; cradling me as he slides us both onto the bed to sit entangled. His mouth coming close to my cheek, his breath tickling my face, and his whole body is completely still; calm

through me with every word. I sigh and sag into him fully. “I’m scared … I love you so much and I know I’m messing it all up despite trying so fucking hard. I need you, Emma, more than air, more than anything and I can’t lose you. It would end me. I have no idea how to navigate this because I’ve never been here before. I’m just hoping that I know you well enough to try to guide you when you’re struggling.” The painful

The Novel will be updated daily. Come back and continue reading tomorrow, everyone!

Comments ()

0/255