I watch him resist, but he wants me, it’s singing out from every pore of his body. I know he has very little will when it comes to me. I reach up and wrap my arms around his neck as he leans in to go for another soft kiss, catching him by surprise and he tumbles on top off me gloriously.

“Fuck’s sake, Emma!” He snaps in sparking anger rolling off me onto the bed with a furious glare and jumps up onto his feet like a panther. “I could’ve hurt you or the baby.” His lust replaced with sheer annoyance. I instantly bristle and scowl at him; spurned on by his overreaction and the rejection to what I really need.

“Is this what I have to endure for eight months? Being treated like fine china and pandered to? Regardless of my behavior?!” I snap, frustration turning me into that crazy monster he once denied an orgasm to in his mother’s gardens, my good old trusty anger bouncing up out of nowhere to devour me again.

“Yes!” His retort is nowhere near as anger fueled, but it still pisses me off majorly.

“No fucking way.” I haul myself off the bed and start slamming through cupboards looking for clothes. I have some here that Jefferson collected, and the new things Jake ordered for me. Rage is coursing through me that he would deny me this, that he of all people, would be annoyed at ME about this.

“What are you doing?” He follows me and tries to haul me back with a hand on my upper arm, but I shove him off aggressively.

“I’ll leave you and go back to Queens if you’re going to start being like this.” I huff and stamp around, knowing I’m being crazy and irrational. Jake’s just trying to be the good guy and I’m acting like the bitch that I have been for weeks; acting this way because he doesn’t bloody well touch me anymore.

Your choice, Emma!

the expression on

hindrance!” I snap and turn on him with tears in my eyes. “I miss you … The real you, not this over

it that way.” He runs a hand through his hair in complete frustration and starts pacing around the side of the bed to avoid being too close to me.

the last two weeks so confused with what I need from you and holding you at arms-length, but it isn’t working. You know why? Because you’re not being you either. I need you; not this half-assed version of you! I need the Jake who came after me in Chicago; who pushed me into a hotel wall and kissed me; the Jake who stormed across a dance floor to find me. I need him to come get me because I’m so damned lost right now.” I cry, a sudden wave of emotion hitting like a ton of bricks as tears spill down my cheeks. That wave of heartbreak overtaking me as everything I’ve

losing you by rushing things and pushing you further from me. I would die without you.” He implores me pleadingly. Stopping his

I almost wail at him, emotions soaring, as I wave my hands around

need more than you do, yet you’re too damn stubborn to trust me on it!” He barks

for God knows what; an all-consuming fury that needs to be released. These past few weeks I haven’t let all this pour out,

me what you need … Say it to me and fuck the consequences … Scream it at me if you have to, because right now I need to hear it. Hear once and for all that you fucking love me enough to let me see every fucking thing that goes on in your head!” he yells at me, losing his cool , fueled

exist! I don’t believe that anyone can ever truly love me the way you say you do, or that you’ll stay with me and protect me when no one else has, why would you? You alone have the power to destroy me and leave me broken without any effort on your part and giving myself over to you fully is utterly terrifying! What I do fucking need, Jake, is just one piece of frickin normal, for one day, to stop

emotional, verbal outburst over. Like a weight has been lifted. The building heaviness and pain of the past few weeks has just exited the building, and all that’s left is emotional exhaustion and a lot of light headedness.

lifts me up into him; cradling me as he slides us both onto the bed to sit entangled. His mouth coming close to my cheek, his breath tickling my face, and his whole body is completely still; calm beneath me despite seeing the woman he loves

worse for you.” He strokes back my hair as I whimper and cry, curled in his lap, hopelessly overcome with extreme fatigue; finding the strength inside of me to pull myself together and calm down the flood of pain to listen to the voice that seems to run through me with every word. I sigh and sag into him fully. “I’m scared … I love you so much and I know I’m messing it all up despite trying so fucking hard. I need you, Emma, more than air, more than anything and I can’t lose you. It would end me. I have no idea how to navigate this because I’ve

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