I am getting so frustrated at myself, my inner anger rears up. I’m surrounded by the song that gave me two of the happiest moments of my life, when he gave me his all, and yet here I am lying here, my sub-conscious holding me back from what I deserve. It’s like the beginning of our relationship all over again. I’m back to the defiant, closed-off Emma who never let him in, always holding back when he needed me most.

No! I am not doing this to you, Jake. Not anymore, I won’t!

The song is a reminder that he doesn’t always need to be my strength, but a prompt to show me that sometimes I need to be his too. I need to build my own force to find my way back. I need to hold him up and face whatever reality comes when my body wakes up. Maybe that’s why my mind doesn’t want me to wake up. It’s afraid that what Ray did to me will make me hide in the shadows again, that I won’t be able to love Jake and let him in the ways I did before Ray tried to kill me. But it’s not going to be like that this time. I need to be the one to put the pieces back together in the aftermath of what happened. I need to accept help from others who only want me to feel loved and safe, but I also need to be the one to put Jake back together after this. He’s going to need me to help him get through this, his guilt will eat at him if I don’t.

I bite at a tinkle of defiance growing into something more.

I’m stronger than this.

I push with every ounce of strength and stubbornness within me and aim for the light trying with all my might to break free. I can feel it; every ounce of my being is coming together and fighting with an almost deafening pain. The exhaustion of trying to wake up is almost drowning me back down into the darkness. I know I’ll only need one push to break the barrier holding me here, that once I leave this place I’ll be free and never come back again, the confines of my prison will fall away, and I’ll be free.

I CAN DO THIS.

got but reality comes up too fast and my senses go into overdrive with the sudden explosion of noises, smells, and sounds consuming my brain and the pain and aches of my body overwhelm me all at once. The harsh lights from the room are blinding even with my eyes closed, from one side the smell of coffee and flowers are rushing up to nose into my brain and I can feel the softness of a bed under me. My body

not some dream-like state anymore on the other side. I can hear the hum of machines, the noise of something blowing air in and out and the mumbling sounds of hushed voices passing by in

what else to do, baby.” Jake’s voice breaks and tears me in two. The sound of defeat and broken-hearted pain is so obvious, I can almost sense

open and become brutally aware of the bright white crisp surroundings and agonizing light over my head, buzzing like an electronic device about to explode. Blinking harshly to try to adjust and fighting the will

and it brings my full focus and attention straight to the one person I want to see and feel right now. My eyes flicker once more before finally being able to open enough to see things, I gaze down to my hand before taking in

tattoos along his inner arm under the rolled-up sleeve of the shirt I saw him put on the day he left the house. It’s rumpled and wrinkled, and my eyes follow the length of

reason for fighting

minus his tie and jacket, but his hair is a mess and his face is unshaven; his posture is screaming of emotional agony. He looks completely awful and ridiculously delicious; I couldn’t love my little lost boy any more than I do right now. His brave attempt at domineering when

my throat at seeing that gorgeous, beautiful sight, the man who makes my heart soar and

He looks devastated, his eyes are bloodshot, red-rimmed, and tired. His face

to his feet, his palm hitting a button on the wall and he starts cradling my hand against his face. Eyes wild, he doesn’t seem to know whether to cry or smile and he’s unsure if he should even be touching me; hands hovering in case he hurts me, unable to conceal the trembling of his body. “Jesus, baby, oh God, Emma … I didn’t think you were going to wake up.” A single tear escapes his eye and slides slowly down his face. “I’ve never been so scared … I couldn’t breathe.” He leans in, kissing me softly on the mouth, and I take great delight in being able to enjoy it. I lift a

weak and hoarse and almost non-existent. I’m suddenly so very tired and my emotions start to tumble out of me as a tear escapes and rolls down my face. The pang inside my abdomen hits me as though

The Novel will be updated daily. Come back and continue reading tomorrow, everyone!

Comments ()

0/255