The Carrero Heart - Beginning (Friends to Lovers)

Cynthia, my mom, hugs me like we have been parted for years, squeezing the absolute life out of me as tears wash down her pretty face. I hug her back awkwardly, a little stiff in her hold, but deep down somewhere inside of me is, a tug of genuine joy. We’re in the immaculate, beautiful hall of our home in The Hamptons, a place that used to be seem a fairytale castle to me so long ago. The home and family of my dreams and it had taken an age to accept it as real.

All my bags are sat by the stair as Arrick lingers behind, giving us the space to reacquaint now he has delivered my little homecoming speech on my behalf to tearful parents. He’s been my mature and loyal protector once more, doing the hard things, so I don’t have to.

Aiden, my dad, moves Mom aside when she releases me and treats me to the same phenomenal squeeze wordlessly. That large bear hug that almost crushes my bones, and for once the inner repulsion of the male touch does not ignite. The need to just have them love me again overpowering anything else. I can’t help but cry, despite the war going on in my head.

I have so many emotions and none of them good. The drive home was long and tense after the initial re-bonding and idle chit-chat subsided. I got more and more nervous with every passing mile and managed to convince myself that this was all wrong. Arrick turned on the radio and left me to nap. I pretended to, but all the while my head was just in complete chaos and still is.

Coming back is something I wanted deep down, but not sure it’s what I actually need. I have so many doubts swirling around in my head and question whether this is going to help in any way. I’m just walking back into the pressure of having to be normal, pretending to be okay, when I’m clearly not. I’m tense, my chest aching and the walls closing in on me like I can’t breathe as my parents’ fluff around me, preening and cooing, and making me feel a hundred times shittier than I do already. I don’t know if I can handle this now that I’m here.

nothing here makes me feel happy? How can I tell them that within seconds of being back my feet are aching to run straight back

been avoiding home because I see no way this will change how I felt months ago and have done ever since. The pain that started my downward spiral; it started here, and seems to have worsened now I’m home, like a deep pit of anxiety, telling

smiles wholeheartedly, tears rolling down her cheeks. It’s obvious that my leaving hurt her deeply, and the love and joy shining in her face almost destroys what is left of my sanity. The fact that she can still love me this way, no matter how awful I was the day I ran out on them and threw it all back in their face. No matter how silent I have been for months and refused to see or speak to any of them. They just welcome me back, like none of it matters. The guilt now killing me, ripping me open and turning my

my heart cannot take a loss like you.” She kisses me on my cheeks, holding

never stopped loving all of them. My father is a man of fewer words, tall and strong with silver gray hair and a kind face, but his repeated hug as he moves his wife over again says more than he needs to. They have

to Arrick and shakes his hand heartily. Genuine joy in his tone. “Thank you for bringing our little girl home.” Aiden pats Arrick on the shoulder with a deep loving smile, that macho manly show of

standing like a naughty child who’s unsure what to

and is as much his family as they are mine; he has that easiness around them that I do with his parents. I regard my mom’s rosy cheek and makeup blotched face, her dark red curly hair nestled around a heart-shaped face and nod in agreement. I

such a loving boy, always my favorite one you know. That brother of yours was such a little devil child, but you were always the sweetheart who brought me flowers.” She tweaks his cheek affectionately and then turns on her heel to find her husband in the nearby kitchen, leaving us alone. Arrick lets go of me, completely unaware of the growing rise of anxiety inside of me and heads for my bags at the foot of the stair. Not that he needs to, as my mom’s house staff will not only take them