The Carrero Heart - Beginning (Friends to Lovers)

This whole conversation just puts a sour taste in my mouth. Still too pissed with Arrick to do the whole cozy heart-to-heart with my mom, and too many raw topics I’ve never gone through with her trying to be forced out. Even though I know I should be groveling, making amends for acting like a spoiled psycho brat months ago and running out on her, I just need some cooling off time to simmer, and some space to get a handle on my brain and heart if she really wants me to do this with her.

It’s too much, building in epic proportions, like I’m going to explode. For my own sanity, and for my mother’s sake, I need to get out of here and calm down. I can’t let my defensive, snooty, catty, explosive side loose and make this a thousand times worse on the woman who only ever means well. She is the perfect example of a mom, of what a mother should be and how one should love her child, and I never deserved her in any way, shape, or form. She means everything to me in so many ways, yet I can’t seem to ever just let her in all the way.

I move fast, grabbing a cardigan and my cell from the side unit, leaving my mess strewn across the bed as I slide off for a fast exit.

Heading for the door, my mom quickly follows me. My heart beating rapidly, blood pulsing and my skin itching with the need to get out from within these closing walls, to just breathe. I always need space when this kind of shit hits me, always need quiet and headroom.

“Sophie, wait, please. You only just got here. Don’t run … please, don’t run again.” The tears in her voice bring me to a halt, breaking as the woman behind me begs so heart-wrenchingly. I crumble inside, twisting agony crashing through at a hundred miles an hour as her obvious anguish rips my soul in two. The tears hit my eyes hard and the lump in my throat almost chokes me, with the crash in which it hits. I hold myself steady, outwardly cool and breathe slowly to calm my reaction.

“I’m not going to run, Mom. I just need air, some time to breathe. I’ll come home; I swear. I just need a little adjustment space.” I force it out with a trembling voice, unable to look her way and show her that I am genuinely torn to shreds by the way I am hurting her. I can’t ever let anyone see my weakness. Well anyone except him, that deserting traitor, but not anymore.

is still in here somewhere, trying to soothe this woman she does actually love beyond all others. Adult Sophie on the other hand just needs timeout to get a grip on herself and walk

from behind, her warm fingers curling around my closed fist and I let it unfurl to feel her fingers out, and it almost breaks me. That soft gentle warm skin that brings back a thousand happy memories of a life that healed so much. Squeezing my eyes shut to block out the tears and pain, I swallow hard to steady my voice and gently squeeze

am I

walk. I need quiet and freedom away from familiar surroundings to figure out what the hell is going on inside me. I have everything in life I could possibly need to be happy. I have a wealthy family, a loving home and genuine love and care from parents and siblings and extended family. I never wanted for anything since I came here, and they have never made me feel anything

***

and into the scenery, before turning back when I realized I could just walk right on forever and get nowhere. My feet ache from the heels I stupidly put on and my stomach is now churning with hunger because I

feeling sick, realizing that hiking miles in four-inch heels on zero sustenance and a body still ridding itself of a three-day booze binge is maybe not the best thing to

and I spin around impulsively to find the owner. There is no mistaking

dumped at the curb as though he’s about to get in it, bent slightly as he tries to catch my face under the

way of his, ready for the catwalk of an urban designer, rather than dad and