The Carrero Heart - Beginning (Friends to Lovers)

Natasha really cannot dance; it’s so bad, it’s painful, but she seems to embrace it like a champ, and we end up giggling ridiculously. I try showing her how to shimmy but she just can’t, how to sexy wiggle, which is worse than bad, and even for the life of me, I try showing her how to just sway side to side and fake a dance, but each and every attempt is just hopeless. I have never known a woman have such little fluidity to her movements as her, and she seems so prim and proper out there that I have to rescue her before this starts to become embarrassing. I shake my head when it’s clear the new faster beat to the next song is beyond her capabilities and drag her back to the bar above, back into the fold of Arrick’s friends in a happier mood, strangely light and forgetting everything else for a minute.

When we get back up the stairs, I notice he’s standing at the bank of windows with Nathan and a couple of other men. They’ve been watching the floor below, while they chat and drink, meaning he’s most likely been watching me teach his hopeless girlfriend, not girlfriend, how to dance, and his turning our way expectantly, proves he knew we were coming back in here. He smiles our way and I get the weird vibe he’s giving off, hard to miss when you are as homed in on him as I am, aware of every little gesture. I know him better than most.

I know what he’s thinking as soon as his eyes lock on mine, same thing that hit me as I walked in here with her and she placed an innocent, delicate hand, in the crook of my arm, and looked up at me with sheer misguided trust. Like we have this newfound understanding and I’m suddenly her ally.

This is so fucking wrong.

It felt easier when I hated her.

It was less complicated.

It’s like I’m leading a puppy to the slaughter, and all of this is so sordid and two-faced, that somehow, I’m painting myself as some bitch mistress, while the doting wife is innocently oblivious. Trusting who she thinks knows how to help her. It’s callous, and just not who I am, and that tremor of disgust engulfs me.

Looking at him now, watching him go from her to me subtly, eyes flickering and confusion over his face, I can already tell what he’s thinking. He’s asking himself if he can really do this to her, for real. If he has it in him to be this much of a bastard when she’s looking incredibly vulnerable compared to my strength and confidence. Break her sweet little heart so viciously.

He’s asking himself if he’s got it in him to keep on hurting her and keep both of us dangling in this weird nothing of gray area of hoping no decision saves us all. I can tell by the thousands of subtle tells across the seemingly calm face, that he’s been mulling this over the whole time he has watched us dance. Hitting home, just like it’s done with me that he can’t keep doing this and he needs to stop it all. I know his heart and he’s clutching for the solution of least destruction, like he has been all along. Arrick always tries to do the right thing, no matter what it means for him.

he’s thinking the same thing as me as his eyes land on how Natasha is clinging desperately, like I’m some sort of shield to her pain. A small, feeble looking creature who seems capable

thinks I’m stronger than her, that our

is so wrong to him and he thinks he

eyes locked on me and heads our way. An intense sense of purpose on his face and then he shifts to avoids my eyes. My heart jumps a little, unsure what to read from that little mannerism, knowing nothing good ever comes from his evasive maneuvers. He slowly closes the gap between us, still looking anywhere but at me, and comes to face both, his tall height dwarfing us. My stomach lurches

He focuses on her intensely and then uncomfortably glances at me, nervousness practically coming off him in swathes. My gut starts informing me that he’s making decisions, drunken

us have a friendly moment on the dance floor. Her obvious visual vulnerability and my lack of it has hit home. I’m the one who will pick

him coquettishly, nodding and leaning in to say something softly. I don’t react or move, my eyes steady on him and as he dodges my contact again, and my temper rises. Heart stricken as it thuds out a rave

going back

moral code overruling everything in his heart. Too

hear what her response is as the bubbling rage of blood bursting through my head is drowning everything else out, and I lift that chin a little higher. Ache and pain drowning me inside, chest heavy with the sudden weight of how much this hurts and yet I stand my ground. Dry eyed and tight-lipped. I won’t let him see that he’s hurting me again. And that is where the problem lies in what he’s chosen. I haven’t let him see

night.” I state it steadily, impressed with my ability to keep the emotion out of my voice, but the intent is there. Arrick’s brows furrow as he pulls her away from me by the arm and guides her towards the side of us.

all too familiar day of us just hanging out, and maybe, instead of telling him that we fit, that we work together, it told him that he should never let it stray from that. The tension on the

to hurt and the magnitude of how wrong it is to see her and I together, has done something to that stupid fucked up Carrero brain and I have the urge

think about what this does to