The Carrero Heart - Beginning (Friends to Lovers)

I unload my clothes from my bag into my wardrobe, alone in my bedroom while Jenny and Christian are being shown to guest rooms downstairs, after a less stressful drive from the airport. Jake had two cars waiting for us upon landing; thankfully Arrick went with his brother and Nate in the other car and left us three to head to my parents” home in peace. My head and heart still reeling with the after-effects of being so near him for that journey. I just feel drained, uptight and antsy, like I am all out of whack and I can’t get my act together. I need some cooling off time to breathe and accept the fact that YES, that asshole still fucks me up whether I like it or not.

Whether he deserves it to or not!

I’m taking some time out after being welcomed home by my mom and dad, getting my head together after seeing him again. I must admit, I need this more than I thought I would. Being around him still hurts more than it should, part of me aching for how we used to be and hating the distance between us now, despite everything.

I hate how much I still miss him, even after months of not seeing him. Time has not eased the severity of my pain or longing. It’s not getting any easier. If anything, the depth of how much I miss him has only worsened, the longer it’s been. I hoped this would eventually get better, not worse, and seeing him is torture.

I hate that I am this pathetic, that despite the pep talks, the late-night tears until I fall asleep and the willingness to just hate him. I can’t. There is too much that he did for me in my past that still lingers too close to my heart.

He took me under his wing, introduced me to his friends and his lifestyle. He sheltered me from everyone and let me use him as a human shield whenever I needed one. He lifted my mood when I couldn’t get out of bed and he brought me movies and hugs when I was sick. Even when he left for trips or college, he never broke contact. He always came home, and I was always the first person he came to see. Always with some sort of gift from his absence, a trinket, or a keepsake, or one of the ten million stuffed unicorns I own.

Then in one fell swoop, he became someone I didn’t know, who threw all that in my face and turned his back on me. I don’t get how he could have turned out to be the best thing in my life, to the absolute worst, in one change of feelings. I never thought he would be the one to deliver the blow to my heart that could completely ruin me. I guess I should have learned a long time ago, that in the end, everyone you let in ultimately hurts you. The only person you can rely on is yourself.

I finish hanging up my clothes and wander to my en-suite to run a bath. I need to unwind before dinner with my family, Jenny, and Christian. Leila wants to meet my besties before her party and I don’t really want to face anyone until I am more able to carry on this ruse, that Arry and I are how we have always been, with all of them. No one knows, no one suspects anything, and I hope at the party it won’t be obvious that we no longer talk.

It will break my parents” hearts to know I have lost the one person in my life who held me together for years. I don’t want to tell them, don’t want them to hate him or feel sorry for me. I want everyone to assume that life is normal, fine, and rosy, and it’s so much easier to never bring him up when they come to the city. They all just assume we are still hanging out.

I want to pamper and beautify myself for my grand entrance at my sister’s party tomorrow, show everyone how far I have come in such a brief time, and act like everything is alright.

***

“So, you’re not dating either of them then?” Leila looks pointedly at Christian across the table, waving her fork with that crazy narrowed gaze. Christian smiles sassily, perched between Jenny and me at my parents dinner table and gives a little shrug. Everyone looking his way as dinner has started to get underway with the first bout of sisterly interrogation. We have barely had time to get our starter down our necks and she is on his ass. Completely predictable Leila.

“I know, I am a total demon, right? Two beautiful and classy women on my arm and neither one floats my boat. Wrong sex sweetie.” Christian raises an eyebrow and then dives into his soup, smiling like the cat that got the cream and Leila turns her attention to Jenny, looking a little unimpressed. Up until she met him face to face, I think she harbored hopes he was husband material for her problematic kid sister.

“Okay … so then, your boyfriend is … ?” Leila is trying to suss out from our conversations how everyone fits together and being blatantly rude about it. Looking at Jenny as though she better answer or the offensive fork she’s waving around may be jammed in her eye.

“Mark, we have been dating for almost two years. He doesn’t go to school with us; he is a chef and works in a hotel kitchen.” Jenny blushes, hating that all eyes are on her now and getting increasingly uncomfortable. She squirms in her seat, dropping her chin to hide behind her bangs and concentrates on pushing her soup around with her spoon. I throw her a supportive smile, squeeze her shoulder and rub it a little as if to say “ignore my psycho sister.”

This is just Leila being Leila.

“And you?” Leila is back on me, unsurprisingly. I knew she was only working her way to me as mom told her to stop singling me out when she arrived. She has been wheedling her way towards me again from that moment.

“Yes, Leelou?” I throw her that “what now” look that she adores … Not.

to demand Intel at the slightest drop of a hat. I only saw her two weeks ago, nothing much has happened in such a short space of time

said lives down the hall?” She blinks at me seriously, clearly thinking she is somehow commanding an

was a cute guy? What are you? Twelve?” I throw my gaze at her accusingly and she giggles innocently. My mom, who may be old as the hills now, can be incredibly girlish and juvenile at times. Joey is young enough to be her

Ewww.

for a young man, and he held the door for us when we were arriving. Lovely boy, said he was your neighbor.” My mom smiles sweetly, and I catch my dad rolling his eyes in a teen girl kind of way. Luckily for her, he knows my mom is a shameless man admirer

It was probably Joey and, no, not dating him and don’t want to.” I pout, going back to dunking my bread roll in my

little mermaid one too many times. I know he thinks it’s cute

I throw my napkin at him and my father gives me the “behave” look.

of the moment and saving our family from ourselves, like he always does. He puts a hand on Leila’s shoulder and gives her a little squeeze, which I know is Daniel talk for “lay easy on her for tonight.” He’s about the only human in existence that can control that rabid beast,

belongs in the Gestapo. If I see her eat anything with cream, then I will buy

above, then please do not let her fall

Unlike Emma with her earth momma vibe and gentle nature; Leila is a hot mess who runs her twins to school in her pajamas and hair rollers. She drinks way too much wine when

hire a cook to make sure they had a decent diet, yet she loves to fuel them on anything that shuts them up. Even if that’s daily soda and chips when Daniel isn’t

feel like I have found my calling in life.” I smile gently at him. I love Daniel. For a guy who used to be one lady killing, party boy, with serious sex addiction, he turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to my sister and he clearly adores her. He is the calm to her wild,

I think we have the next big thing on our hands.” Jenny beams: far more comfortable in talking about others than herself, and she smiles with pride at me. She reminds me of that girl next door stereotypes

and we sort of merge to make one amazing team.” I laugh when Christian fans himself a little

of course, bring all the pizazz.” He beams at us,

that little mind working away behind brown eyes. I give him an intense narrowed look and get that Daniel Hunter special smile. The “I

Leila carries on, digging into another round of bread with relish and I seriously revisit the pregnancy thing. She isn’t normally a big eater. I catch Daniel frowning her way too and wonder if he is thinking the same thing as she demolishes her third bread

don’t need Arrick to take care of me anymore; pretty sure he has enough women to be taking care of nowadays.” I snap a little too hastily, the interrogating eyes on me and curse myself at my lack of

quiet chit chat around us falls away as everyone listens in with interest. I guess the sudden silence

woman. We just don’t see each other much now, we’re both

has us, I live nearby, and Jenny is three blocks further out, and were never away from her side.” Christian cuts in. Savior that I adore

her eyes on me, homed in, and scrutinizing me. Almost like that little bloodhound side to her paranoid personality is suddenly sniffing something out, and I steady my breath to

and it had to happen one day … you know, growing up, moving on. I can’t live in his shadow forever.” I

Daniel cuts in, throwing me an unreadable look, he clearly knows full well that Arrick is no longer in my life. Jake is his best friend and that makes Arry one too. His choice not to tell my sister, however, baffles me. But then

Figures!

just saw him last week. Complete sweetheart.” Christian smiles softly,

in and I tense, anger bubbling at the mention of her while Leila is riling my nerves. Suddenly ultra-touchy with this subject when I know the source of my heartache is less than a hundred feet away at his parents” house tonight. This is why I have avoided family dinners, where everyone gets to come

I don’t know … bland. A bit quiet and tame, for our Arry.” My mom is frowning my way as if she expects me to have some sort of input and I

at her impulsively. I always knew she was lukewarm to the other girl, but she has never actually

giving her a