The Carrero Heart - Beginning (Friends to Lovers)

As soon as we get outside, he looks down at the sidewalk and then at my feet, turns and scoops me over his shoulder, igniting a second bout of psycho and fight in me. I throw myself into a second hurricane tornado of violence and try like a psychopath to get away from him.

“Sophie, for the first time in my life, I will actually spank you. Will you stop fucking fighting me!” Arrick snaps at me, gripping me so harshly it makes me yelp in fright, and I fall quiet. The threat of being smacked sounds real, like he means it and I recoil inside my own head. It’s not being said in kinkiness or jest this time, and I wonder if he would. Silenced by the thought of him hitting me, knowing I should never fear that from him, but there’s a part of me who does. Memories of what it feels like to be kicked into a corner, punched, and slapped repeatedly, until your fight and fire dies out and there’s nothing left but a sobbing broken little girl.

He puts up with so much and takes so much from me and never snaps, but maybe he could. Especially after tonight.

He finds a cab fast and practically tosses me in, taking a moment outside on the sidewalk to try and calm himself. So much aggression and fight in that strong body, bristling and simmering behind that set of cool eyes, before he gets in. He slides in beside me and moves closer, but I turn and use feet and hands to shove him away. Beyond pissed and needing space, still sobbing brokenly and hating him with every ounce of fire left in me. He glares at me and grits his teeth but says nothing. Just moves away again, and slams the door shut before barking his address at the driver. He lifts a hand to his head and rubs his face in agitation, scrubbing it through his hair and looks away.

Feeling messed up, hysterical and stupidly irrational; I shove at him with my foot again. Wanting a reaction, yet not knowing what kind I even need, playing with fire because he has me so messed up in the head. I can’t stand the crippling agony, fighting with the all-consuming rage inside of me and I know I should let this simmer and release some pressure, but I can’t help it.

“Do you still love her?” I cry, “Is that why you lied to me?” It’s all falling out of my head uncensored, gibberish emotional mess, sniffing back tears, wiping the flood from my face and failing to stop it. He clenches his fists in his lap and snaps around to glare at me.

“Don’t be fucking stupid. I didn’t lie…. You need to stop this shit, I’m warning you. I don’t know how to handle this right now. Just leave me be to cool down and let me alone.” He barks at me, glaring angrily, and there is not one hint of love in that expression. He looks like a stranger, detached and cold, nothing in that face I even recognize as my Arry.

“Why did you say you made your choice and now you have to live with it? Didn’t sound like someone who is where he wants to be.” I sob, taking bits and pieces from my head and trying to make sense of them, aching and messed up with all of this.

“You’re remembering it out of context. Look…. Right now, I know I am drunk and this… US…. we need to leave this alone until tomorrow, before it gets a whole lot worse. With you this way, and me like this… Just leave it alone, I’m begging you, Sophs. I’ll sleep in the spare room and we won’t fucking do this to each other again. No more booze, ever.” He pushes my foot away from him harshly, cradling my shoes on his lap and turns away, his jaw tensing and every muscle twinging in his face as he grits his teeth.

“Fuck you.” I bite angrily. Hating his decision to blank me out like I’m worthless, needing to do something, anything, to alleviate the pressure inside of me that has me on the verge of all out explosion.

“No, Sophie. Fuck you! I am sick of trying to convince you that I want you, sick of dealing with this shit. Maybe I should take you home and leave you there tonight instead; It’ll be better for both of us if we spent tonight apart.” He snarls at me, pushing my foot away again as I attempt to childishly shove him once more, no clue why I am ‘poking the bear’.

“You know what, you’re completely right. I should go home, away from you; while you go run after her and make sure she’s okay. Run after the girl you obviously still love, more than me.” I bite sarcastically. Tears dripping onto my naked collar bones and making me shiver. I realize my coat is no longer on me or on him, we must have left it wherever it fell and only he is wearing his. I hadn’t even noticed in the drama and I’m left in a strapless dress and nothing else.

the driver, completely ignoring me, gives him my address when he nods, and we turn in the direction of my apartment. Making it clear he meant

going to do.” I slap his shoulder, leaning forward to reach him, see him tense, but

head of yours tells you I’m going to do, then we should end this here…………Pull over at the

any awareness of my own safety. Dragging ass across the road at speed, even with bare feet on harsh tarmac and almost get hit by a car in the process. The honk of horn doesn’t even phase me, so blinded by rage and

pulls me back as a second car narrowly misses me, grabbing me by the arm and then pulling me against his body. Turning me to him with another tug and yanking me the last gap to the sidewalk outside my house.

so that I automatically grip them. He hands me his spare key to my apartment too because I never brought any with me tonight, and I sob some more. Insides turning to chaos and I can no longer think straight, all I can see is that he’s leaving me alone …again. After everything, all his promises, all he said to me. How many times he swore he would

He’s doing it again.

emotionless dick head who hurt me so many times before. My lungs

with one and following with another ‘Sophie crazy lash out’, hating him in that moment. I see red and want to wound him like he wounds me. So many scars on this heart at his hands and I just can’t take it anymore. Lashing out and aiming slaps at

hurts me in a way he never has, and I let out a little whimper of fear, gasping at the bite of his grip. The realization hits me that I finally pushed him this

bulb goes off and his face drops suddenly. His grip on my wrists instantly loosen and his body and

me, lifting his hands, looking at them as though they are alien to him and then back at the red finger prints on my arms that are clearly visible in the light. He looks instantly disgusted at himself, and

pushed him; I am always pushing

break my heart at the expression on his face. “Maybe she’s right? Maybe we are toxic for each other?” He says numbly, mildly shocked, softly to himself, more so than at me and no longer bristling with anger. He moves further back, and that part of

racking breaths, rubbing my

care as to whether his words hurt me anymore, no hint of my Arry left inside. I have pushed him to the brink, and he’s looking at me like he could never love me anymore. It rips me apart inside, so that I feel a part of me

what’s stopping you? … I clearly am not…Go! ... Fucking go!” I sob through panting breaths, as anxiety starts to cripple my lungs, but I don’t want to show him my weakness. Venom in place of angst, scowls in place of sorrow. Self-defensive; protecting myself

me? All I do is show you that I love you.” He growls at

wanting him to give me that one thing and needing it more than ever. It’s what I need more than air, no matter how many times I try and fight it, try to reason with myself and convince myself that I’m