The Carrero Heart - Beginning (Friends to Lovers)

I get up from the bed a little lack luster and decide to change before I go through and eat, pulling open my wardrobe to find a fluffy Onesie and can’t resist running my hands across his row of shirts hanging to the side. Arrick has changed a lot in the past months in terms of how he dresses day to day, spending more time in shirts and pants because of his constant back and forth and less time looking like the casual preppy college boy that he used to be when we stayed in New York. I guess because he had to buy more ‘work’ clothes when he started spending the majority of his life in the office and left all his casual stuff in the back of the wardrobe and less accessible. I miss it, I miss him looking like my casual fighter and laid-back hot boy. He is starting to mimic his father and brother in style.

Lately he looks like a businessman; more groomed, more manicured, and always in shirts. I miss his jeans; I miss his sweats and trainers. I just miss everything that was us when we were in New York and not for the first time I can’t wait for the end of my semester to spend an unbroken few weeks in our city apartment. Time seeing friends and family and going back to our old life and doing normal things.

It’s not like I don’t like Paris, it’s a beautiful city with amazing culture and some of the sights here are breath-taking. I just don’t belong here, and even though Arry has a knack of blending into any place he goes, I can’t seem too.

I’m becoming excessively needy as time goes on, always thinking about him, more than ever before. Always looking for him to make me happy, keep me occupied or generally just be there for me around the clock, whether in presence or by phone or email. It has been changing how I feel about myself. I’m losing my self-dependence and ability to entertain myself. I’m aware of how unhealthy it is.

My old insecurities and pangs of jealousy are creeping out. And I know it’s because of how often we are apart. I don’t feel so self-assured and able to take on the world anymore, like I’m holding my breath and waiting for the next step and this temporary phase will be over.

I haven’t seen my family in months, barely able to leave, even on weekends and they don’t really come here often either. My parents have jobs and my siblings have families. Emma brought the kids out with Jake a few months back, but they hated the long flights and it wasn’t fair on such young kids. They stayed a week and had to go home with three very grumpy children who did not fancy another eight-hour flight.

Christian has been twice, but like me, his schedule is now hectic too and his own show is pending with the New York fashion school. Our friendship relies on email and text nowadays. Just another person I miss like crazy and have an ache to see. At least I can tell Christian a little of how bad it is and have someone to vent to, but I watch how much I tell him because he might slip up and tell Arry when they’re out together.

Jenny and Nathan are on baby number two and she is banned from flying with this pregnancy after multiple complications and light bleeds. Nathan has all but put her on bed rest and she is only five months in. She sounds frustrated when we talk on the phone and I can only sympathize with her lack of being able to socialize and go anywhere. I don’t burden her with my problems as she obviously has enough going on in her life. Nathan is as overprotective and bossy as Arry, actually maybe more like Jake. Arry is more laid back and can be a little bossy at time, but generally he is easy going and willing to compromise. Nathan however is not, and Jenny is house bound with absolutely no say in the matter and on the verge of divorcing him for it.

Romeo would be

I would eat some months back, after my oven mitt fire and she never strays from my pre-approved selection. I spy the chocolate dessert on the counter and grin as she let s herself out of

a number I do not recognize come up on screen. It’s a text, from a number I don’t have saved and I open it quickly, a little confused. It’s rare I get any

anything to my clothes god help her, I

has begun. You are my star

that one, Claude has used my school files to not only access my cell number, but actually

My head says call Arry and ask him, but I remember he’s in a meeting and this is not exactly seriously important. He will call later, and he can tell me if I am overreacting to this message. I’m

what it could be. A tutor who is proud of a student and offering to have a wine or something after

he has barely paid me much heed. I have no idea why now he suddenly seems so interested in me. I don’t even know if I should reply or ignore, because even that in itself

Shit, shit, shit.

respond in the only way I know how. Direct,

will be at the show with

even add a kiss; my gut says not to, and I hope to god he reads only a distant ‘we don’t know each other’ sort of response and leaves it alone. My stomach is churning already, and I have lost my entire appetite in

to my show, I do not want to be pissing off my tutor in any