The Carrero Heart - Beginning (Friends to Lovers)

I look down at the ivory tulle and lace molded to my body billowing out into a full skirt as Emma and Leila fluff up the layers. Christian is messing with my bodice, yanking it tighter from the back and I know he’s trying to make my cleavage ride up and punch me in the face for maximum “ooomph” but my breasts are a little tender and this is not pleasant. Jenny’s messing with my veil and everything is hemming in around me. They are all suffocating me like crazy with their prodding and pandering and I’m like a simmering pot about to boil over.

Staring at the double doors in front of us, the wooden blockage to the hundreds of eyes that are waiting to pull me apart out there. I start to feel overwhelmed and dizzy and stand stock still as my blood runs cold and heart starts pounding faster in my chest. I think my dress is maybe too tight because I am struggling to breathe, and my vision is getting a little swimmy.

Why the hell did I agree to this? To a huge fucking massive white ordeal, and why did I think that designing my own dress would be such an awesome idea?

So many doubts and fears all hit me in one low blow right about now and I try to take some calming breaths, pushing off the fussing hands and hold myself together. The panic is coursing up my body and I swear I think I may pass out. I need everyone to take about ten steps back and give me a moment. It’s happening so fast and I am spiraling out of control.

“Ready?” My dad’s voice makes me jump, as he holds out a hand to me and I feel like I’m going to throw up, anxiety swirling around my head, breathing labored and I can barely move. I’m being crushed by my own fear and suddenly I can’t do this. I’m terrified.

“I need a minute.” my voice is weak, all over the place and all eyes snap to me in complete alarm which only makes me a hundred times worse. I’m having an all-out anxiety attack while the guy I’m supposed to marry is on the other side of the door… With a thousand complete strangers waiting expectantly.

OMG. I’m going to die.

I turn and make a move for the little room where I got myself calm the first time and everyone seems to stare at me in disbelief and not react. I move fast, pushing my sister out of the way and practically run in there and grab at the open door.

“Just… Need… A… Second.” I can barely get the words out, ignoring the voices coming after me as I slide inside and shut it on them, locking it tight and bend to stick my head between my knees, before I pass out. I get a face full of dress and choke as it sticks to my lip gloss, but If I stay upright I will literally black out and face palm the floor.

Think of Arry… Think of Arry.

It’s all I can chant as the darkness swirls into my vision and I automatically clutch around for my tiny wrist bag that has my cell and my most treasured possession inside. I wanted them with me. My necklace, my puzzle piece from him that I was scared would get caught in my veil with its intricate lace and get pulled off, and my contact via my cell, because he always told me to take my phone with me no matter where I was, so I can get to him when I need him.

I have never forgotten that.

I need him now.

I call his number with shaking hands, still bent double, praying that even standing in an alter in front of a few million hundred thousand, way too many guests, that he has it and start chewing my lip. Using my bouquet as a brush to sweep some imaginary dust from my dress. I have no clue what I am even doing right now.

It rings twice, seeming like an eternity as I stare at the floor in front of me and try to breathe before he answers. I can almost picture his confusion when his voice surrounds me.

“Baby? I’m standing at the alter waiting for you, why are you calling me?” He sounds amused, a little wary, maybe, but he would never think the worst that I am not coming. I don’t think. I hope not. I guess he thought I would have been out by now, seeing as the wedding song was cued to start and I am not exactly fit to be out there yet.

“I’m terrified. I don’t think I can come out. I can’t do it, I’m freaking out, Arry. I can’t breathe.” I panic down the phone breathlessly, trying so hard to calm myself as my veil falls round my shoulders and starts falling in my face. I straighten up to blow it away and fan the heat out of my cheeks with the flowers that are looking a little unloved now. I almost poke myself in the face with a stray stigma and drop yellow dust in mid-air from flapping it around.

I don’t even like lilies. Why did I pick them?

“Terrified of marrying me?” He’s trying to sound normal, but I catch the wounded tone in his voice, and it kills me inside. Stalling my manic panic as my heart bleeds for my boy.

loss of bravery. Of everyone out there staring at me walking down the aisle in a dress

the guest list

I’m too scared.” All those scrutinizing eyes and minds, they remind me so much of a court room so long ago. Maybe that’s the fear, the doors to a crowded room of people, waiting to see what I say or do. It’s too much. I’ve never liked being center

like he thinks he knows how to fix this. Arry doesn’t care if this is not protocol, all he knows is I need him. And he told me so many times his

eyes and I sniff back another shallow breath, relieved to know he’s coming for me anyway. I can hear voices outside, they are trying to get me to open the door, but I blank

what we are meant too. This is our day, we make the rules, we always have. I’m coming for you, get ready to let me in.” I can hear a little commotion around him too, I guess they are asking him where he is going but I clutch the cell tightly to my ear and concentrate on his voice. Like a dying woman clinging to

knocking and friends talking through the door at me. I can hear Leila making threats about strangling me with my veil and I

door and relief swims through me. He must have walked fast, even if the aisle is not that long. Without hesitation I unlatch the lock and step back as he slides in, his back to me at first as he waves

black, fitted tailoring. My muscular fighter in all his strong glory, classy, handsome and everything I

eyes immediately come to me, scanning me for the first time in my wedding dress when turns to face me. His whole face softens, he

black tux and bow tie that I insisted he had to wear. I had my doubts about such a basic look that he wears to almost every formal do, but the Carrero

the gap between us and kisses me impulsively. Cupping my face and pulling me against him. Softly, meaningfully and it disperses all doubts in a second. I could never doubt marrying him when one kiss can melt me into a puddle of goo, even

abdomen, and he touches

do a little twirl under his arm

knows what

Maybe you have really bad luck and I’m Karma’s way of being a bitch.” I smirk, pressing my palms to his chest as he shakes his head at me and

you and me. Let’s go start our life together, the right way.” He brushes a stray face from my hair and pushes my veil back to sit neatly where it belongs. Tending to me and easing my frayed nerves effortlessly. I watch that handsome clean-shaven face with utter adoration. Sobering at the fact we still need to go out there and maybe I would rather stay in

cozy in

shakily and he rests those perfectly solid hazel eyes on me with a smile. Looking confident in the biggest day of his life. It’s like he has no

reminder for me, or yourself?” He jests. Dimples on show and

lay my cheek against him and let him hug me tight. Not caring if he ruins my hair. I need his hold right now for courage and so much more. I need to feel as calm as he seems to be, but isn’t that the beauty

ground and fight, it’s why I’m

a look of determination on my face. Seeing as I flattened it with my hug. Using this

this.” I say to him stubbornly, lifting my

thinking back to this exact conversation on my first day in Paris fashion school. It seems like a million years ago and I thank my lucky stars that we made it

at him insecurely and slide mine into his snugly, childishly so. I

should get going, that he isn’t going to let go and I take a long low steady breath. I know my family out there are probably wondering what’s going on and I sigh for the last time. I cannot keep putting this off and delaying the inevitable. If I want to marry him, then I have to walk out there and not fall

me bossily and as much as I want to resist, I let him, with a grim expression and heart thundering like mad out of

the aisle, I am way too nervous.” He shrugs, and everyone looks at him for a moment as though they are trying to gauge if he is serious. Emma breaks into a smile and moves past us to go get out there and to

bride is running halfway down the street with him

care how you get her down there, can you hurry it up? This church has another booking right after you two. This was a favor on

against assaulting my sister on my

husband with a look of panic. Scared he will try and let my dad take me

has two hands” Arrick throws me a wink and I hand off my bouquet to him, so my dad can get beside me too, even though this is going to look crazy when