The Carrero Heart - Beginning (Friends to Lovers)

My breathing gets instantly heavier as anxiety starts to build up quickly and irrationally, brain freezing so that any sense to this will not break through. She never just leaves me with strangers, this is literally unheard of, ever. Normally Sylvana is very conscious of leaving me with people I don’t know. She knows I don’t like it and I don’t care if it’s her son. I don’t know or trust him.

I drop the spoon and start looking around for an escape route almost impulsively, uncomfortable about being alone with him and unable to stop the gripping panic that is crippling my lungs. I need to get out of the corner I am hemmed in because it’s making me claustrophobic and triggering my need to run.

“Huntsbergers, huh? So, you’re Leeloo’s new sister?” His voice catches me mid panic and draws me back to him, weirdly cool and the same insane ability as his mother to draw me back. I just stare at him, wondering why he is even trying to talk to me at all.

Did I not make it blatantly clear that I’m not interested? God, he’s as relentless as the boys at school, thick as one of them too?

The reason I almost got expelled on the first day; for punching one square in the nose for not leaving me alone, and I am not against taking on this six-foot stranger.

I shrug, as way of an answer and decide I maybe want to go home now. The last thing I need is Sylvana getting mad because I punched her son in the face or lashed out at him violently. I’m only starting to feel at home here and I don’t want to cause problems with the woman I depend on for my sanity. I make a move around the table to get past him, then jump when he shifts to pick up his apple that he laid down, not seeing me until the last moment. In my panic to get back and out of his way, I back into the furniture and knock the table with my hip by accident, sending it rolling off before he grabs at it. Freaking stupidly about being in his direct space and almost able to breathe in how he smells, his aftershave flowing over me warmly and I wrinkle my nose at the pleasant assault.

We both make a grab for the apple impulsively and he gets way too close, almost on top of me as we make a play for the shiny red roly poly object on the floor and I recoil at the speed of light. Only somehow backing into the table again, dumbly, instead of away. He’s in my face as he straightens up and I flinch, lifting my hands defensively in that split second, head caught in fear and flashback and almost choking on my sudden inhale as the full force of how he smells hits me harder.

He smells good, which is the weirdest thing to run through my head while my chest is on fire and my brain is crashing around in headless terror. He stops, catches sight of my posture, and lifts his hands away immediately, moving back deliberately, eyes on mine steadily as I heave in breaths and try to stop myself from suffocating with the confusion of feelings coursing through me.

“I’m sorry, didn’t mean to get so close. I’m not going to touch you.” He seems a little taken aback by the way I’m poised; apologetic and maybe sincere, nothing in his face that hints of deviousness. I try to uncoil my muscles to look more natural as tears bite my eyes, knowing how stupid I must look and try to slide away from him and give myself much needed room. Mortified that I’m acting this way with Jake’s brother, but this is how I am with every guy. Jake just never gets close enough to see if it’s the same with him and I am trying so hard to regulate my breathing and be normal.

“I need to go home.” It comes out so pitifully, voice shaking and suddenly the thought of my safe lockable space is screaming for me across the street. My fight or flight instinct has always been strong and right now it is on running for the hills.

“I’ll go...You stay. You obviously were in the middle of something with my mom.” He half smiles, looking crazily guilty and unsure, his expression softening warmly to resemble Sylvana. I stop in surprise, looking at him dumbfoundedly, panic fading as he slowly backs away from me, making a show of keeping his hands up, like I have a gun or something equally stupid and it makes me forget myself for a moment. Good old mouth comes out all by herself.

“Put your hands down...that’s lame.” I often get verbal diarrhea at some odd times, and this strange guy, acting weird, seems to be a trigger. He looks at his hands then breaks into a smile that could potentially have severe panty melting ability if I was any other girl and drops them by his sides.

“I guess it is. You just looked like for a second you might want to take a low blow at my family jewels.” He keeps moving away, and still stares at me steadily, that smile brings out some surprising dimples that soften his whole face and I relax a tiny little bit more with the familiarness. He has his mom’s dimples, they sort of give him a softer, more caring look and I guess it might not hurt that on him they look sort of maybe a little bit handsome.

“I really will go. Just need to grab a can of coke from the refrigerator behind you... you know, or you could? So, I stay over here.” He raises his brows at me, and it knocks me off guard, that he realizes I don’t want him near me. He’s perceptive anyway and I guess incredibly cute when he does that with his face, the soft smile, and dimples thing. It’s like he can change his whole face with just a mannerism. It’s kind of freaky; some sort of sorcery obviously invented to weaken girls, no doubt. I bet he practices in a mirror and has it down to an art form.

I hesitate and glance behind me at the huge steel refrigerator and then back at him, realizing I would rather do it than have him come over here again. Guilt flooding me, that he is really trying not to be as much of a douche as I am giving him credit for.

“You don’t need to go, it’s your mom’s house. I can just come back another time.” I move back and get him the soda anyway. I pull out a cold one, after feeling for the coolest and then walk a little closer and slide it across the table, so he won’t have to take it from me. I don’t want him to touch me, even if he is not so bad after all.

“I’m home for a week, it’s cool. I can get out of your way and leave you to bore yourself to tears with my mom. Just leave me some cake as thanks before you go.” He waits until I am back in my safe space before he moves to pick up the can and I mellow towards him even more. He really does seem to be trying to show me he isn’t a threat and I wonder how much he knows about me. He doesn’t act like he knows anything at all, and I don’t know if Sylvana would have told him. I get the feeling he maybe just senses something, and I have to admit, it makes me a little unsure. Outside of the very few who have spoken to me about my past, I do not like people knowing.

“You don’t want to eat the cakes I make...... I kill everything I touch. I am not a good cook.” I blink at him hopelessly, unsure why I’m even encouraging conversation at all. I should let him leave. I want him to leave.

“I have a stomach made of steel; if I can handle my roommate’s attempts, then pretty sure yours won’t kill me. Besides, I kinda want to see how bad it can be. I’m intrigued now that you said you kill everything you touch.” He smiles at me and this time I bristle a little defensively. It’s a hot smile and I wonder if it’s his practiced pick me up grin, he uses on girls he’s being cute with. I narrow my eyes and stare at him for a second, eyeing him up with scrutiny and try to decipher if he’s being fun or flirty. “You really don’t trust me, do you?” He smiles again, the half-smile, the one I liked with the dimples, but I frown harder, trying to pick him apart and decide if he can be trusted or not. He’s too smooth, too self-assured and I just do not know.

“I don’t know you... I don’t trust anyone I don’t know.” I keep studying him, aware that I am relaxing a little in his presence despite myself and my heart is no longer trying to escape through my ribcage. I think the fact he’s keeping his distance and maintains a cool calmness and steady eye contact when he talks; it’s helping. There’s something sort of steady about him. Like he’s so level, no surprises or sudden movements and he has a sort of cool tone when he talks. I can’t explain it, he brings a stillness to the room that confuses me and breaks down my defenses.

to give them what they need to relax. Or maybe it’s something I should be wary of, maybe he’s devious and clever and really is just angling for

a second, silently; me trying so hard to figure him out, gauge what his intentions are, and I have no clue what he is looking for in me. It’s not awkward, just a fleeting moment of trying to suss one another out and those hazel brown eyes begin to show flecks of green in the depths as he does so. I wonder if it’s a tell; eyes changing

Warning him off, annoyed that he thinks he can ever earn my trust

probably the only one who has

full disclosure yet, not

and me, go for pizza or whatever?” His question knocks me

my brows and make a clear show of indifferent disinterest. He needs to be told straight off that I have zero intention of getting cozy with him. Looking back down at the table and going back

that old. You have to be what? Sixteen? I mean you look around that age, maybe seventeen. I’m not asking for date, I just mean to hang with people you might make friends with, you know with being new here.” He is back to watching me and I feel the eyes burning into my face, shocked that he miscalculated my age by so much. I always

heavily, trying to zone him out and not give him more attention than necessary, irritated and I don’t even know why. I realize that my panic attack is gone, it’s fizzled out and so has the fear, instead there’s an air of unease that’s not even that overwhelming. I glance up at him again and no

air of calm that sort of says ‘I won’t cross a line’. Right now, he looks shocked, sort of gawping at me in disbelief and I guess he really did think I was older. I wonder idly where Sylvana is and realize I

really? Shit. You definitely look older. Look I’m not angling for anything... I’m not like that. Even if you were sixteen, or whatever. I really did mean just pizza, just hanging out.” He moves forward towards the table carelessly and I freeze instinctively, heart somersaulting once more

very slowly, moving back to his previous position and something inside of me thaws again almost as quickly. I have to curb the urge to smile and not look up at him. Aware

so dumb after all; maybe he isn’t a threat and really is just a nice guy with a really pretty face and

lie won’t kill me, and I have to maintain hostility even if he has me thawing. I mean I really love pizza, but all the rest

I go way back. I’m just being friendly.” He leans back against the counter behind him in his relaxed guy pose, and tries for another half-smile, but I narrow my gaze once more. Not sure how to take him at all, confused by

friendly.” I point out seriously, eyes on him and the way he’s stood. All hard angles of lounging male and a little too much muscle on show in semi fitted clothes. It does weird things to my stomach that are not wholly bad, but they do not

smile, that’s starting to lose its sparkle and I’m starting to think it’s his come-on smile, to win me around.

batter once more, giving up on the attempts at doing whatever

smirk a little too. Cocky ass who clearly rates himself a little high

a girl who may actually be interested. This one isn’t.” I pick up the spoon again, and lick it, grimacing at how disgusting cake batter is raw and wonder why the hell he even liked it. There

sure. I feel nothing anymore, except mild interest in this weird boy with his malfunctioning sense of taste and

will cave one of these times.” He shifts against the unit and I gaze him warily, settling when he gets comfy and stays put. I look down

and I’ll think about it.” I sigh, smirking to myself for my vague genius, as my favorite movie comes to mind with eyes on my top, knowing he will have no clue to what I am even on about. I don’t even know why I am tolerating this conversation. I have zero interest in ever talking to him again, or ever going anywhere with him or his friends. I pull my eyes back up at him, catching that infuriatingly cute half smile with those dimples that are starting to get a little too familiar and curb the urge

I shrug, acting uninterested and really wishing Sylvana would hurry up before this gets any stranger. I don’t know what this is between us. I don’t know how to play the boy - girl game, especially with a much older guy, and even though I no longer feel like running, I am

wanders in, smiling

at him lovingly, as he eye rolls, smiles, and stays put. I find myself giggling at it; it just looks so wrong on someone his size and build, and

catch his eye on me and frown at him. Suspicions clearly confirmed and giggling smile gone. So much for denying it was a date!

Arry on the arm in a maternally aggressive reaction, with a loud ‘thwack’ as he blanches at her with complete mock shock. That pretty face utterly bewildered in why she would think this was wrong. It’s almost comical and I

his arm and glares at his

me with

you again.” She gestures airily

was doing...Jeeze, give a guy a break. I was trying to be nice. It was in no way a loaded invite.” Arry shrugs, but then starts moving fast as his mother ushers him out by flapping a dishtowel in his direction, slapping at him, and shepherding him

face and the parting look he gives me that catches my eye. Another weird moment of butterflies that he seems to pull

I thought; maybe I would go as far as saying a little bit gorgeous. Still not interested, still staying the hell away from him. I don’t care if he does have a way of calming me down, it means nothing. He just needs to get within four feet, and it’s all undone anyway. He’s male, he’s

whether he wants to or not. I’m relieved, yet there is

have a challenge to work out.” He throws a wink back at me, typical Jake Casanova Carrero style, as he disappears out the door and I stare out after him, torn between amusement and worry.