The Carrero Heart - Beginning (Friends to Lovers)

Arrick’s POV

~ After the nightclub ~

I sink back on the couch and stare into the semi darkness, cradling my second coffee since we got back here, and try like hell to sober myself up. Head swimming and sinking slowly into the softness of my couch, while trying to get a grip on reality. All I have done since we got home is sit here and try to pull all the shit in my head back together. Try to make sense of the entire night that pretty much went to crap from the moment I downed the first vodka.

Drink and I are not friends right now, and if I have any chance of salvaging anything, then I need to sober up fast. Sophie is in the shower, she headed there as soon as we got back, and I sat here waiting for her. I need to talk to her, to figure some of this out and I have no clue what to do. Tonight, taught me a couple of things.

One. That drunk, I feel about Sophie the way she feels about me and I want her in every way; physically, mentally, every way, but when I’m sober that inability to cross the emotional line with her wins me round and puts me back on the side of being unable to go there. Sober I let my head rule and my heart goes back into submission.

Two. I also care about Natasha, and there is enough doubt in me, that we are falling apart due to relationship neglect to not dismiss her entirely. There is a fear that if I go down the route with Sophie, I will regret and miss what I had with Tasha. That I will realize I love her and ruin three lives for one fleeting moment of selfishness.

Three. I’m a shit head of epic proportions, because I am literally unable to pick a girl, pick a feeling, and fucking stick with it. I was always decisive in life and did the right thing, but when faced with this dilemma, I have turned into a giant asshole with no ability to choose anything anymore. I do not know which way to go in any direction. I thought I made a choice tonight and it felt final. Then Sophie and that guy, and here we are. I ran off leaving Tasha in a nightclub with my phone and wallet somehow, and all I can think about is how much of an asshole that makes me, yet, when I was doing it I gave not one shit about it. So sick of this overwhelming guilt that consumes me all the time.

Sophie appears in the space in front of me, wrapped in my bathrobe, clean and damp haired from the shower she took. She’s been a while; god knows exactly how long in there as I was lost in my own head and trying to get less drunk with a shit ton of coffee. She looks like her normal young self; innocent and fragile, and I my insides sink lower.

“You feeling any better?” Her eyes meet mine and for once I feel nothing but overwhelming shitness at this whole sorry situation. I wish I could be transported anywhere but here and not have to deal with this at all.

“I’m okay. You can stop worrying about me.... Did you call Natasha?” She gazes at me pointedly, another wave of utter shitness at my behavior and another reason to sink lower in my seat. Ashamed of who I am right now.

“I’ve lost my phone, somewhere between smashing some asshole, and running out of a club after you.” I shrug, assuming when I hauled my jacket up, the contents I stupidly left behind were my phone and wallet, containing my key card to enter my own apartment. If Natasha has them then she might save me the job of cancelling all my cards and cell and having to get all new tomorrow morning. I don’t want to even think about it until I’ve slept.

“I’m hoping she has it and has sense to realize I followed you.” I lean forward and deposit my mug on the table, second coffee making me nauseous and at least I’m not as drunk as I was, although I’m still pretty far gone by normal standards. Heads still surreal, room still sliding like I’m at sea, and insides doing a rhumba. I glance up, catching Sophie’s eyes on my hands and look down at them too. Bruised up, cut and messy from bare knuckle punches. It doesn’t hurt anywhere near as bad as they look at all, but just the sight of them reminds me how close I was to doing the worst thing I would have ever done in my life. I get up and shake them, as though trying to also shake that thought away.

“I wanted to kill him.” I catch her eyes again, stating the obvious with only seriousness in my tone.

“I saw.” She frowns, looking emotional as her eyes glaze a little, and it cuts me to the quick that it’s affected her this much. That he’s hurt her this way.

“I would have killed him, Sophs, if you hadn’t gotten in the way, if you hadn’t stood between us. I’ve never wanted to hurt someone so badly in my life and I didn’t care about the outcome at all.” I look at my hands again, ashamed to admit that I would have gone that far, lost so much control, but for her I would do it all over again. “What’s happening to us?”

I look up at her forlornly, consumed with everything of the past weeks and so out of my depths in every way when it comes to her anymore. We were always something special, but this, us, what we are now, it’s falling apart around me.

“I don’t know.” Tears fill her eyes and I just want to wipe them away, aching for how we used to be. Before this mess. Knowing her tears are for the same reason my heart is bleeding, we both know that we’re losing each other over this whole thing and it’s agony.

“It used to be easy. Even when I came and pushed off assholes hassling you, it never felt like tonight did. Why did we have to change? Why did how this feels have to change?” The emotion overtakes me, and I’m emotionally wrecked and torn up inside. Longing for an easier time between us, when my life was straightforward, and no one was getting hurt. When I didn’t have to choose or dissect our lives and what we all mean to one another.

down Sophies cheek, hurting me too and she shakes her head sadly. No more able to answer the questions than I am. Our situation is hopeless

my choice. I wasn’t going to deal with any of this shit between us anymore. I was going to fix this, put it all back to how it should be. Safe and neatly labeled as untouchable, platonic, and someone I will always protect. I shouldn’t see you as anything other than that.” I search her face hopelessly for the answers and break inside when all I get are tears washing down her cheeks so hopelessly. I hate when she cries, it rips me apart in every kind of way and more

wrenching for me, and I want to be near her. Inhale the

it used to when I showed up at a club and chased them off. It felt like I couldn’t breathe, that you were ripping my heart out by kissing some other guy and I saw red.” I inch closer, needing the calm she always brings me, even when things are this messed up. I need the magic spell she weaves around me with her touch alone, the silence of her skin when it’s on mine. Someone with a head like mine, needs an enchantress with this kind of skill to keep me sane.

that’s fucked up. How can I be that way with you, after everything? And still tell her that I want to make this work?” My voice breaks, so much confusion even now, still after all this time to get used to this. It wrecks what is

her and how amidst all the chaos, she’s like a gentle warm island with a soft breeze that gives me a moment to be still. If I could stay here like

especially not like this. She never asked for any of the pain that’s thrown her way in life, for men to want to abuse her, and I should have been there to protect her. That’s always been my purpose in life, since the day I

and so very still. She looks ethereal like this, free of makeup, hair damp and hanging in waves she normally dries out straight. It reminds me of how wavy her long hair was when I met her before she opted for sleek and styled. A simpler time between us. I move close enough to almost touch noses; it’s

you does to me.” I lean forward impulsively, so I almost do touch her and breathe her in, all the scents of the shower and that most alluring smell of her. Losing myself in the headiness sensation of this intimacy. She trembles, because of the closeness, the

feel, and what it’s like to kiss you. How many times I’ve wanted to and never allowed.” I gaze at those pouted soft lips,

to just kiss her. Fear consuming me, that maybe if I do, I won’t have the strength to stop this time. Sophie looks up at me; determination flashes across that face and she leans up to do what I can’t, boldly, and

but she feels too good, and booze always pushes my sex drive to the forefront. Soft, exploratory, gentle caressing of lips and mouths, probing of tongue, my hands moving to her hair as I sweep

in my head. Sophie’s hands glide up my body, erupting a million sensations and cravings within and I immediately feel the arousal in my pants growing. Her touch has a way of igniting the longing effortlessly as though she was made with only the purpose to fire me

I cannot deny I want sex so badly that I’m almost vibrating from it. I want sex with Sophie, to curb the longing and cravings she

against me hard, scooting down so as not to impale her with my dick and maneuver so I am closer to her height this way. Sophies body signals and roaming hands are urging and pushing me on. I can tell she wants this too and I have no more reservations about doing this.

flawless skin and expanse of shoulders and collarbone. Sophie inhales sharply as the robe slides, the tie loosening and slips further down to stop at the crook of her elbows, opening fully and I am given a full unobstructed view of her breasts and abdomen from here. Her lower body concealed by mine,

to own every part of this, the completion I might find in her. I kiss her again, losing the last ounces of that self-control and kissing her with fiery lust. Aching so strong at seeing

damp lengths and tug her into me more forcefully, so our mouths are forcefully connected. I want to kiss her into submission, have her panting and longing with every ounce of her body, the way she’s making me feel. I want her to want me as much as I want

to solidify what we are to each other. I can barely breathe with the excitement and need in me to do so. My body on fire and urges for sex, driving me crazy. I let my hands loose to trace her spine, her naked skin, and

hands into the open robe and down her curves, to pull it apart further, intent on one purpose alone. Getting us both naked and being inside of her. I want her, in every way and tonight I am going to have her. Every inch of that satin skin around me and give up my entire mind to her. Lose myself in Sophie and see what happens when we come out the other end, relinquish all control

don’t care. I’m in the moment for once, and it feels like where I always should be. I stop kissing her to trace my mouth up her neck, to kiss away the marks of that asshole and silently promise to never let it happen again. I push her hair aside to

almost groan at the way my dick almost tries to rip through my pants. Her skin tastes sweet, soft, and

heartbreak. I let go of Sophie and go into some sort of silent

and I’m not sure if this is actually happening. My head takes a second to really process the fact that she is standing there, holding my cell and wallet, which is probably how she got in, and the realization that if she hadn’t, I would have fucked Sophie without a doubt, probably

she is fixing her robe. I can’t even look at her in this moment. All three of us silent in this agonizing second of pause. Guilt crashing in, after delayed shock; consuming my insides and making every part of me wake up in agonizing reality and heaviness. Nothing

and then to Sophie accusingly, like this is a double betrayal and the words stab me in the gut. Ashamed that I could do this to anyone, let alone her. My brain finally re-engaging. She throws my phone and wallet loudly on the floor out of the elevator

to her in

over. I at least owe it to her to apologize, to grovel a little and talk this out. I have no clue what I’m even going to say or what I want, head torn

so I can squeeze through; I’m not the same asshole my father was when my mom caught him having an affair. He didn’t chase her at first, he didn’t tell her he was sorry, and it almost

then slaps me hard venomously across the face, a nothing sting of a feeble hit that doesn’t do much, except let her vent her heartbreak. The doors are shut, and I just left Sophie in my apartment without another word, to chase Natasha and I honestly have no clue as to how I should feel about that. Instant regret that I followed when I should have stayed. Everything inside of me bitterly hating myself that I left her and how that’s going to look to her. I don’t react to the slap, my brain upstairs on running out on her, guilt hitting hard, yet here I am, and I need to deal with this. I did this, I

in my hands as I try to get a grip on this reality. It still feels like a bad dream and my head is still whirring