The Carrero Heart - Beginning (Friends to Lovers)

Arrick’s POV

~ After the nightclub ~

I sink back on the couch and stare into the semi darkness, cradling my second coffee since we got back here, and try like hell to sober myself up. Head swimming and sinking slowly into the softness of my couch, while trying to get a grip on reality. All I have done since we got home is sit here and try to pull all the shit in my head back together. Try to make sense of the entire night that pretty much went to crap from the moment I downed the first vodka.

Drink and I are not friends right now, and if I have any chance of salvaging anything, then I need to sober up fast. Sophie is in the shower, she headed there as soon as we got back, and I sat here waiting for her. I need to talk to her, to figure some of this out and I have no clue what to do. Tonight, taught me a couple of things.

One. That drunk, I feel about Sophie the way she feels about me and I want her in every way; physically, mentally, every way, but when I’m sober that inability to cross the emotional line with her wins me round and puts me back on the side of being unable to go there. Sober I let my head rule and my heart goes back into submission.

Two. I also care about Natasha, and there is enough doubt in me, that we are falling apart due to relationship neglect to not dismiss her entirely. There is a fear that if I go down the route with Sophie, I will regret and miss what I had with Tasha. That I will realize I love her and ruin three lives for one fleeting moment of selfishness.

Three. I’m a shit head of epic proportions, because I am literally unable to pick a girl, pick a feeling, and fucking stick with it. I was always decisive in life and did the right thing, but when faced with this dilemma, I have turned into a giant asshole with no ability to choose anything anymore. I do not know which way to go in any direction. I thought I made a choice tonight and it felt final. Then Sophie and that guy, and here we are. I ran off leaving Tasha in a nightclub with my phone and wallet somehow, and all I can think about is how much of an asshole that makes me, yet, when I was doing it I gave not one shit about it. So sick of this overwhelming guilt that consumes me all the time.

Sophie appears in the space in front of me, wrapped in my bathrobe, clean and damp haired from the shower she took. She’s been a while; god knows exactly how long in there as I was lost in my own head and trying to get less drunk with a shit ton of coffee. She looks like her normal young self; innocent and fragile, and I my insides sink lower.

“You feeling any better?” Her eyes meet mine and for once I feel nothing but overwhelming shitness at this whole sorry situation. I wish I could be transported anywhere but here and not have to deal with this at all.

“I’m okay. You can stop worrying about me.... Did you call Natasha?” She gazes at me pointedly, another wave of utter shitness at my behavior and another reason to sink lower in my seat. Ashamed of who I am right now.

“I’ve lost my phone, somewhere between smashing some asshole, and running out of a club after you.” I shrug, assuming when I hauled my jacket up, the contents I stupidly left behind were my phone and wallet, containing my key card to enter my own apartment. If Natasha has them then she might save me the job of cancelling all my cards and cell and having to get all new tomorrow morning. I don’t want to even think about it until I’ve slept.

“I’m hoping she has it and has sense to realize I followed you.” I lean forward and deposit my mug on the table, second coffee making me nauseous and at least I’m not as drunk as I was, although I’m still pretty far gone by normal standards. Heads still surreal, room still sliding like I’m at sea, and insides doing a rhumba. I glance up, catching Sophie’s eyes on my hands and look down at them too. Bruised up, cut and messy from bare knuckle punches. It doesn’t hurt anywhere near as bad as they look at all, but just the sight of them reminds me how close I was to doing the worst thing I would have ever done in my life. I get up and shake them, as though trying to also shake that thought away.

“I wanted to kill him.” I catch her eyes again, stating the obvious with only seriousness in my tone.

“I saw.” She frowns, looking emotional as her eyes glaze a little, and it cuts me to the quick that it’s affected her this much. That he’s hurt her this way.

“I would have killed him, Sophs, if you hadn’t gotten in the way, if you hadn’t stood between us. I’ve never wanted to hurt someone so badly in my life and I didn’t care about the outcome at all.” I look at my hands again, ashamed to admit that I would have gone that far, lost so much control, but for her I would do it all over again. “What’s happening to us?”

I look up at her forlornly, consumed with everything of the past weeks and so out of my depths in every way when it comes to her anymore. We were always something special, but this, us, what we are now, it’s falling apart around me.

“I don’t know.” Tears fill her eyes and I just want to wipe them away, aching for how we used to be. Before this mess. Knowing her tears are for the same reason my heart is bleeding, we both know that we’re losing each other over this whole thing and it’s agony.

“It used to be easy. Even when I came and pushed off assholes hassling you, it never felt like tonight did. Why did we have to change? Why did how this feels have to change?” The emotion overtakes me, and I’m emotionally wrecked and torn up inside. Longing for an easier time between us, when my life was straightforward, and no one was getting hurt. When I didn’t have to choose or dissect our lives and what we all mean to one another.

rolls down Sophies cheek, hurting me too and she shakes her head sadly. No more able to answer the questions than I am.

Always. Then this. All of this has me back to front and so crazy fucked up. I see you, and I see her, and I honestly don’t know what to do. Tonight, I told her I wanted to try again, start over with dating again, go back to the start. I made my choice. I wasn’t going to deal with any of this shit between us anymore. I was going to fix this, put it all back to how it should be. Safe and neatly labeled as untouchable, platonic, and someone I will always protect. I shouldn’t see you as anything other than that.” I search her face hopelessly for the answers and break inside when all I get are tears washing down her cheeks so hopelessly. I hate when she cries, it rips me apart in every kind of way and more so when I’m the cause. “Then I saw him touching you.” I can’t look at her while I’m saying all this out loud, like my head is opening up and everything spews

subject too heart wrenching for me, and I want to be near her. Inhale the sweet scent that is all Sophie and feel the way she makes me feel when she’s close. Like everything

ripping my heart out by kissing some other guy and I saw red.” I inch closer, needing the calm she always brings me, even when things are this messed up. I

that’s fucked up. How can I be that way with you, after everything? And still tell her that I want to make this work?” My voice breaks, so much confusion even now, still after all this time to get used to this. It wrecks what is left of

already on her skin, softly tracing the gentle curve of her jawline and cheek. The perfection of her and how amidst all the chaos, she’s like a gentle warm island with a soft breeze that gives me a moment to be still. If I could stay here like this forever, then maybe life would be okay again, bearable, calm, and quiet once more. My fingers draw downwards and bring attention to the subtle bruising on her skin around her neck where that asshole had a

to want to abuse her, and I should have been there to protect her. That’s always been my purpose in life, since the day I met

stop the torture the marks are inflicting on me and realize she has her eyes closed to my touch, breathing slowly and so very still. She looks ethereal like this, free of makeup, hair damp and hanging in waves she normally dries out straight. It reminds me of how wavy her long hair was when I met her before she opted for sleek and styled. A simpler time between us. I move close enough to almost touch noses; it’s automatic, like I have no control but be pulled

like this. That I can never go down that road of taking this further, yet all I think about is what it would be like. What being with you properly would be like. What kissing you felt like, what being close to you does to me.” I lean forward impulsively, so I almost do touch her and breathe her in, all the scents of the shower and that most alluring smell of her. Losing myself

is how good you feel, and what it’s like to kiss you. How many times I’ve wanted to and never allowed.” I gaze at those pouted soft lips, made for kissing, the sensual curve and gentle color. Aching to have the courage to let it all go and find myself in her kiss again, because

this time. Sophie looks up at me; determination flashes across that face and she leans up to do what I can’t, boldly, and pushes her mouth against

pushes my sex drive to the forefront. Soft, exploratory, gentle caressing of lips and mouths, probing of tongue, my hands moving to her hair as I sweep it

within and I immediately feel the arousal in my pants growing. Her touch has a way of igniting the longing effortlessly as though she was made with only the purpose to fire me

I’m almost vibrating from it. I want sex with Sophie, to curb the longing and cravings she makes me have. To alleviate this madness that’s been my constant

this way. Sophies body signals and roaming hands are urging and pushing

pulls it further back as it slides down creamy flawless skin and expanse of shoulders and collarbone. Sophie inhales sharply as the robe slides, the tie loosening and slips further down to

in her. I kiss her

tug her into me more forcefully, so our mouths are forcefully connected. I want to kiss her into submission, have her panting and longing with every ounce of her body, the way she’s making me feel. I want her to want me as much as I want her, with the

to each other. I can barely breathe with the excitement and need in me to do so. My body on fire and urges for sex, driving me crazy. I let my hands loose to trace her spine, her naked skin, and ignite a fire in my hands. Head blacking out all but her, my calm in the storm and

addiction I will never curb. I slide my hands into the open robe and down her curves, to pull it apart further, intent on one purpose alone. Getting us both naked and being inside of her. I want

kissing her to trace my mouth up her neck, to kiss away the

nothing inside of me is telling me this is wrong in any way. Sophies hands are on me still, guiding me gently, raking my hair and every breath, moan, and sigh from her only encourages me to keep going. Her body is yearning as much as mine and the climax will be stupendous when I get us there. I suck in her nipple, making it peak in my mouth and almost groan at the way my dick almost tries to rip through my pants. Her skin tastes sweet, soft, and warm and the urge to rip my clothes off and just do this is overwhelming. I need

elevator in wide eyed heartbreak. I let go of Sophie and go into some sort of silent shock, poised and still mode. Like this isn’t real. Unable to really react for a moment.

is actually happening. My head takes a second to really process the fact that she is standing there, holding my cell and wallet, which is probably how she got in, and the realization that if she hadn’t, I would have fucked Sophie without a doubt, probably been starting in about twenty

all lines, without a care, and Natasha is the only thing stopping me, by presence alone. I can barely register what Sophie is doing beside me, other than see from the corner of my eye that she is fixing her robe. I can’t even look at her in this moment. All three of us silent in this agonizing second of

you?” Natasha breaks first, looking from me and then to Sophie accusingly, like this is a double betrayal and the words stab me in the gut. Ashamed that I could do this to anyone, let alone her. My brain finally re-engaging. She throws my phone and wallet loudly on the floor out

and her lips kiss swollen. I can’t deny my body still reacts to her in every way, and I know staying here will be a huge mistake.

especially after I sat in that bar and told her we could start over. I at least owe it to her to apologize, to grovel a little and talk this out. I have no clue what I’m even going to say or what I want, head torn between a drunk me, saying ‘fuck it, let her go and screw Sophie into ecstasy’, and sober me

brain overtaking. Crossing the floor in seconds and slamming a hand between them so I can squeeze through; I’m not the same asshole my father was when my mom caught him having an affair. He didn’t chase her at first, he didn’t tell her he was sorry, and

apartment without another word, to chase Natasha and I honestly have no clue as to how I should feel about that. Instant regret that I followed when I should have stayed. Everything inside of me bitterly hating myself that I left her

me, broken and tiny with huge hurt eyes and a trembling mouth. All I can do is sigh and fall back against one wall opposite her and bury my face in my hands as I try to get a grip on this reality. It still feels like a bad dream and my head is