The Impact of You

Avery

“Enough moping,” Madison says, snatching the dirty romance novel from my hands. “Come on, you’re coming out with me and Noah.”

“But I was at the part where he spanks her for the first time…” Wow. I can’t believe I just said that. I also can’t believe I’m reading the book that Madison shoved into my hands after finishing it in one day. But she’s right, it is addicting.

“Told ya you’d love the smut. But you can read it later. We’re going bowling.”

I don’t want to give up the progress I’ve made, so I get dressed, add makeup and let Madison straighten my long, crazy hair. The girl in the mirror looks different, but she’s still me. Maybe even a better version of me. No longer terrified of being discovered, because the worst of that has happened – a guy I was falling for found out in the most spectacular fashion and hasn’t spoken to me since – and it can’t get much worse than that. So I’m done hiding in the dorms while my friends go out on the weekends. Maybe if I pretend I’m normal and not destroyed by Jase’ rejection, things will fall into place. Fake it till you make it. Right?

With the truth out in the world, I should feel freer. But the effect is more like a great burden. It’s no longer necessary to hide. I feel worse than ever. I should’ve had the guts to tell Jase. He was a big part of my healing, and he opened himself up a lot along the way, too. By keeping it from him, I cheapened the entire experience. If he is done with me, I at least want to keep our memories, but now they are soured with my own guilt and self-loathing.

When we reach the bowling alley, all promises of a low key evening go up in smoke. Delta Sig has rented out half the place for a private party. You have got to be kidding me. I pause at the entrance and Madison looks past me to the group of obnoxiously drunk guys taking up half the bowling alley.

“Did you know?” I turn to her.

“No. I swear. We can go somewhere different if you want.”

it a squeeze. “You’re not running away this time, love. You

think I

pays for our lane while Madison and I go get fitted for our hideous bowling shoes. Madison leads the way back to our lane, which is thankfully on the opposite side from the Delta Sig guys. I don’t see Jase. It’s possible he’s not here. But either way, I know I won’t

I can’t manage right now. I thought I was healing, but his presence assures me that was not the case. Far from it. I miss his hugs that lifted me clear off the floor, his

everything we’d shared. Perhaps he and Stacia have always been more than just friendly exes and I refused to see it. Just as Stacia pointed out to me once before, he and

she bursts out laughing, swatting his arm. Watching this doesn’t help my heartache any.

was wrong. I need to go.” I have to get out of here

and nod in

go,” Noah agrees. “These shoes are a total travesty with these slacks.” He makes a

his half-hearted attempt to make me laugh. I link my arm with Madison’s and tuck my chin to my chest, hoping that

* * *

I’d talked about doing. But instead,

came from. Humans are wired to want to understand their identity and lineage. They don’t like the idea of me going alone, so it takes some convincing, but eventually they come around. I’m not quite sure they are completely

drive into town on Sunday to drop off my reliable little red sedan, briefly meet Madison and Noah, take me out to lunch and spend the afternoon plotting out my route, covering safety basics