The Impact of You

Avery

“Enough moping,” Madison says, snatching the dirty romance novel from my hands. “Come on, you’re coming out with me and Noah.”

“But I was at the part where he spanks her for the first time…” Wow. I can’t believe I just said that. I also can’t believe I’m reading the book that Madison shoved into my hands after finishing it in one day. But she’s right, it is addicting.

“Told ya you’d love the smut. But you can read it later. We’re going bowling.”

I don’t want to give up the progress I’ve made, so I get dressed, add makeup and let Madison straighten my long, crazy hair. The girl in the mirror looks different, but she’s still me. Maybe even a better version of me. No longer terrified of being discovered, because the worst of that has happened – a guy I was falling for found out in the most spectacular fashion and hasn’t spoken to me since – and it can’t get much worse than that. So I’m done hiding in the dorms while my friends go out on the weekends. Maybe if I pretend I’m normal and not destroyed by Jase’ rejection, things will fall into place. Fake it till you make it. Right?

With the truth out in the world, I should feel freer. But the effect is more like a great burden. It’s no longer necessary to hide. I feel worse than ever. I should’ve had the guts to tell Jase. He was a big part of my healing, and he opened himself up a lot along the way, too. By keeping it from him, I cheapened the entire experience. If he is done with me, I at least want to keep our memories, but now they are soured with my own guilt and self-loathing.

When we reach the bowling alley, all promises of a low key evening go up in smoke. Delta Sig has rented out half the place for a private party. You have got to be kidding me. I pause at the entrance and Madison looks past me to the group of obnoxiously drunk guys taking up half the bowling alley.

“Did you know?” I turn to her.

“No. I swear. We can go somewhere different if you want.”

a squeeze. “You’re not running away this time, love. You got

think

shoes. Madison leads the way back to our lane, which is thankfully on the opposite side from the Delta Sig guys. I don’t see Jase. It’s possible he’s not here. But either way, I know

his presence assures me that was not the case. Far from it. I miss his hugs that lifted me clear off the

if seeing him isn’t bad enough… Stacia wraps her arms around his waist and, even though his hands remain loose at his sides, he does nothing to stop her roaming hands from mauling him. The pain of watching them together stabs at my chest. Maybe I’d overestimated everything we’d shared. Perhaps he and Stacia have always been more than just friendly exes and I refused to

bursts out laughing, swatting his

Noah. “I was wrong. I need to go.” I have to get out of here before I do something awkward, like start crying in the middle of

and

travesty with these slacks.” He makes a point of

link my arm with Madison’s and tuck my chin to my chest,

* * *

a part time job off campus, like I’d talked about doing. But instead, I make

my life. They ultimately agree, saying they knew I’d want to do this eventually, that it’s only natural to wonder about where you came from. Humans are wired to want to understand their identity and lineage. They don’t like the idea of me going alone, so it takes some convincing, but eventually they come around. I’m not quite sure they are completely onboard with the idea, because they worry about me being disappointed,

town on Sunday to drop off my reliable little red sedan, briefly meet Madison and Noah, take me out to lunch and spend the afternoon plotting out my route, covering safety basics on the road, and