The Impact of You

Avery

I am shaking when Jase leaves. I sink to the floor, leaning against the door he just exited. I can’t believe he just left…I know I freaked out, but I just needed a second. Having him take control like that was too reminiscent of Brent and I hate feeling out of control. My heart is slamming against my chest as I process the fact that he only wants the physical with me. Is it because of my background – that’s how he sees me? It’s the reputation I’ve earned, but I thought Jase, of all people, would understand I’m not that girl anymore. My abandonment issues had clouded my judgment, and that’s all much too close to home right now.

I have no idea where Jase and I stand. Is this just physical for him? Does he want something more? Is he over my past? The questions won’t stop, and I suddenly can’t breathe. I hope that Jase, who knows about my past, would understand that some things will be uncomfortable for me. But his mouth was demanding, his hands insistent, and he’d nearly pushed me over the edge before I got control back. I don’t trust him not to hurt me again. To leave me high and dry when he stops and thinks about the pictures again.

Once I get my breathing under control, I get dressed and curl up in the big bed, hugging a pillow against my chest to combat the empty feeling inside. It does little good, because the pillow smells like him. It’s comforting, but it also makes the throb in my chest more painful.

the lumpy mattress, begging my brain to shut off so I can sleep. Sleep finally comes,

Hell, he probably thinks I’m an all-out basket case. And maybe I am. But I can’t focus on everything that’s gone wrong between us right now. Today is the today I’ve been waiting for all my life. I push away the dark, swirling thoughts about Jase’s hasty departure last night and climb into the

all over the place. Luckily, Jase doesn’t comment that I still have half a

guarded and I can’t tell what he’s thinking. But I try not to worry about that, and instead slump into the passenger seat while he runs inside to the convenience store. He returns a

me and dumps everything onto my lap.

the sugar floods my system and perks me up the slightest bit. I finish the whole chocolate bar and drink half the soda as he takes over driving. We’re getting close now – the GPS on my phone says only a couple