If that partner was me, I would…

No. I shouldn’t go down that path, even within the safe confines of my mind.

Nicholas and I would never be together again. I had too many secrets that he would never understand. Even if he knew the truth, even if he’d understood, he’d never agree with the choices I had made.

If he knew what I’d given away, he would never look at me the same way.

When Elva appeared for her lunch, she shouted from across the room. “Nick–lass!” Then she ran through. the line, crawled under the table, and threw her arms out wide for a hug.

Nicholas leaned down to oblige. His smile was so warm, my chest ached.

If only Elva and I could have this all the time.

After lunch, and after Nicholas and I finished cleaning up, we joined the children out on the playground.

I pushed some of the kids on the swings, while Nicholas play–chased the children around the grassy lawn. He roared, pretending to be a monster. The children shouted with fake fear, broken with fits of

giggling.

Elva herself often broke the illusion by running up to Nicholas and demanding. “You’re not a monster.

You’re Nick–lass!”

Nicholas swooped her up into his arms and spun her around, while she cheered and laughed.

I’d never heard her so happy in her life. I could have cried bittersweet tears, so happy that she had this,

sad she would lose

kids tackle him down

sidelines, “Do you

new monster approaches, even more

to the new game, running and

ground and walked

his pants, but the back of his shirt was covered in

I?” I asked, motioning

“Is it bad?”

his back to me. I brushed away the grass and

finished did I realize the potential weight of what I had just done. I had touched

had felt just like it had

must have noticed as well. His posture

should head back

this fantasy as soon as we could. It was too dangerous, wanting what

but could never have

reality. A prince and a

too

back together,” Nicholas

“Thank you.”

silence. Elva slept soundly, having worn herself out

his

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