If that partner was me, I would…

No. I shouldn’t go down that path, even within the safe confines of my mind.

Nicholas and I would never be together again. I had too many secrets that he would never understand. Even if he knew the truth, even if he’d understood, he’d never agree with the choices I had made.

If he knew what I’d given away, he would never look at me the same way.

When Elva appeared for her lunch, she shouted from across the room. “Nick–lass!” Then she ran through. the line, crawled under the table, and threw her arms out wide for a hug.

Nicholas leaned down to oblige. His smile was so warm, my chest ached.

If only Elva and I could have this all the time.

After lunch, and after Nicholas and I finished cleaning up, we joined the children out on the playground.

I pushed some of the kids on the swings, while Nicholas play–chased the children around the grassy lawn. He roared, pretending to be a monster. The children shouted with fake fear, broken with fits of

giggling.

Elva herself often broke the illusion by running up to Nicholas and demanding. “You’re not a monster.

You’re Nick–lass!”

Nicholas swooped her up into his arms and spun her around, while she cheered and laughed.

I’d never heard her so happy in her life. I could have cried bittersweet tears, so happy that she had this,

sad she

tackle him down to the

from the sidelines, “Do you

him. “Ah, there! A new monster approaches, even more harrowing than

to the new game, running and

Nicholas rolled up off the ground and walked to me near the swing set.

his pants, but the back of his shirt was covered

I asked, motioning to his

“Is it bad?”

teased, then turned his back to me. I brushed away the grass

what I had just done. I had touched him so casually. We had teased

had felt just like it had three

noticed as well. His

head back soon,” he

this fantasy as soon as we

once but could never

prince and a commoner, with a

too

back

“Thank you.”

silence. Elva slept soundly, having worn herself out with

side, with his arm wrapped

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