The Space Between You and I

Tears and heartache followed her meeting with Henry at the park. Not so much over her brother Max, but in regard to her feelings for Henry ,She knew the trip wasn’t a good idea for her sentimental state at the moment, but she couldn’t help the desire in her heart to go. She wanted to be there for him, even though she knew it’d only grow the pain inside her. That evening, she took Ruff out to Swellview to her sister, Mandy’s, house. Ruff would have the company of Mandy’s dogs, Roxy and Candy, while she was out of town with Henry.

  Gabe, Mandy’s husband, promptly took Ruff out to the barn to join the other dogs. Mandy and Noelle stayed in the kitchen while Mandy prepared dinner for her family. Little West was asleep in his crib.

“I know you’re wanting to ask why I’m going . . .”  Noelle’s comment came as she sat down on the bar stool in the kitchen while Mandy prepped a salad at the counter.

Letting out a sigh, Mandy stopped slicing the tomatoes and turned, coming over to the counter where Noelle was sitting. Looking her sister in the eyes, Mandy frowned. “Sis, I’ve tried to tell you about this guy, and you turn a deaf ear over and over again. I’m giving it to God now. I can’t do anything else and I finally understand that. It’s kind of a relief.”

“What if he meets his mom on this trip, Mandy? Maybe he’ll finally come to his senses about us and be willing to commit. I know he has feelings for me.”

Walking around the counter, Mandy came over to Noelle on the stool and grabbed both of her hands. “You may be right. But you might be wrong. Henry has a lot of anger built up in him, and that bitterness isn’t just going to be switched off overnight because he finally met his mom. And so, what if he does meet her? She’s not going to be able to give him what he really wants. He wants a good reason for her abandoning him and that doesn’t exist. There’s no excuse in the world that will make sense to his heart on why his mom gave up on him.”

     .

Discouraged by Mandy’s words, Noelle hung her head.

Mandy lifted her little sister’s chin with a finger. “Hey. You still have Jesus, Sister. Don’t let this man ruin your entire life by waiting forever for him.”

   “You’re right.” Noelle furrowed her eyebrows as she nodded confidently. She had had a crush on Henry since she had met him six years ago in high school, and she had let good men come and go out of her life because of him. She couldn’t keep waiting for him any longer. “You know what? This trip is it. No matter whether he meets his mom or not, I’m done for good if he can’t commit. I’m going to confront him about us.”

  “What if he still wants to be friends?” Noelle was testing her with that question.

“Doesn’t matter. I can’t be his friend when I feel the way I do about this man.”

“That’s my Abeke!” Walking back over to the counter, Mandy continued prepping the salad. “Who knows? Maybe a good letting alone is just what he needs.”

“I’m not going to view it like that. I can’t let myself stay hopeful of being with him. I have to have finality in my heart and mind about him.”

“Good point. I’ll be praying for God’s will in both yours and Henry’s lives, Sis. You two would be adorable together, but sometimes, what we think should happen or even what we want to happen isn’t God’s will.”

“Thank you.” Letting a moment pass, Noelle spotted a family picture of herself, Max and Mandy on the fridge. “Heard anything more from Mom?”

 Mandy nodded, her lips firmly pressed together as her annoyance was evident on her expression. “Mom is furious. I wish she could just let go and leave Max alone to do what he’s going to do.”

“Max’s her little boy. She’ll never stop worrying. Could you if something like that happened with little Tony, Elly, or West?”

  Her sister went quiet for a long moment. “I guess you got me on that one.”

Returning inside a moment later, Gabe stomped his work boots off on the kitchen rug and smiled at Noelle “ Ruff seems to have missed Roxy and Candy. They were all licking each other’s faces.”

Warmed at the thought of  seeing her pals again, Noelle smiled. “That’s so cute. I want to go see her before I head out.”

   “You’re not staying for dinner?” Surprise laced Mandy’s words as she turned and her gaze fell upon Noelle.

“No. I can’t. I still have to pack and get ready for the trip in the morning. He wants to get on the road early.”

“Does he have chains for the pass?”

 “I don’t know. I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

snow to her right, Noelle stopped and drank in the view. The rolling hills behind the fields brought a perfect picture of

around. In relationships, in creation, in all things. I pray for my brother, Max. May Your hand of protection be over his life. Draw him to the light of Your love and Your goodness. Amen.

in through the cracks in the barn, and she ventured over to a stall where Betsy, her sister and Gabe’s milk cow, was lying down in a bed of hay. Smiling, Noelle approached and bent a knee beside the cow. Rubbing the cow’s side, Mandy looked the resting cow over. “Hey, Betty. It’s been a while.”

the dogs entered the barn stall from behind

here, Ruff!” Opening her arms wide, she embraced her dog. “Be a good dog while I’m gone.”

bark and

I’m

kitchen holding West while Gabe cut up pieces of chicken for the children. Coming closer, Noelle’s lips curled into a smile as her gaze met the small child’s eyes. She offered her finger to West, and

so strong for

her. “You be safe on

to Mandy, she nodded. “I will be.”

on the counter, she grabbed it along with her keys. “Take care.”

wound down that evening back in her apartment in Spove, Noelle became increasingly nervous. She began to pack her bag for the trip. As she laid a pair of jeans into her suitcase, she thought about the time she would be

she prayed for God’s will to happen in her life. A tear-filled confession of her shortcomings in relying on her Savior,

 The following morning, she slipped a finger along the edge of the curtain in her apartment and drew it back. Peering down at the parking lot for the umpteenth time that morning, she sighed. Her anxiety was soaring as she worried about bringing up the conversation of a ‘them’ during their long weekend together. She had dreamed of him again last night. This time in the dream, he had kissed her passionately in the moonlight beneath the stars as he held her close in his arms. She longed deeply for the day when her dreams of them would become reality. But would they ever? She didn’t know anymore.

she checked the time. It was a quarter past seven. Fifteen minutes beyond the time he said he’d be there.

grabbed her suitcase and headed out her apartment door. She set it down and turned around

up the

I’m late. There

off his lips and shower her heart with warmth. He lifted her

      As they came closer to the

next to his duffel bag. Shutting the trunk, he turned to Noelle and gave her a look like he wanted to kiss her. “You’re lovely for coming with me on

could shut your mouth and kiss me, she

her sister’s comment about chains and the pass, she raised an eyebrow. “You have chains for

 “Yep.

   “Great. Let’s go.”

the passenger side of the car, Noelle let herself in and buckled. As the seatbelt clicked, her pulse ticked up a notch. The first hour into the drive held little conversation as the radio filled the air. Then Henry pulled off

Undoing his seatbelt at the pump, he turned toward

fluttered her eyelashes and decided on boldness. “Only you.”

laugh. “I don’t think

to her forehead and let out a sigh. Leaning the side of her head against

going to have to be

the painful realization that she’d have to be direct about the discussion she wanted to have with him about the two of them. Fear crept in at the thought of him shooting her down. She just wanted the conversation to be easy and quick but not to exist if it didn’t go in her favor. She literally wanted the impossible. The more she dwelled about the idea of bringing it up on the open road, the more she realized it was better left

with him if he’s not interested in

      After a few minutes had passed and Henry hadn’t returned from the gas station, Noelle decided to get out of the car and get a breath of fresh cool air. Taking her cell phone over to a frozen pond off to the side of the gas station, she snapped a few pictures. Seeing an exposed pile of small rocks a few feet away, she walked over and grabbed one, then skipped it across the frozen surface of the pond. It tapped a few times and then slid to a

voice broke through her thoughts and

  “I haven’t.”

I was a kid, we’d go to my grandpa’s cabin up in North Idazo for Christmas and we’d throw rocks for hours. Rachel and I would stockpile rocks under the steps in the summer for that specific reason in

     Taking a sip of her coffee, her

  “Sounds like fun.”

be lost in his thoughts. Turning

“Agreed.”

the car, Noelle felt a nudge in her heart that went against her plan to wait. Unable to control herself, she pushed it out.

thought

of fear flashed in his eyes, then as fast it

“Who’s Gus?”