"You should get some rest too, Hayes." Marcos says.

I know he is looking out for me; he is the healer and someone I would almost consider a friend if I had intentions for friendly attachments. But every time I look at him, I find myself envious where I never was.

Kyra has turned me into someone who cares when she looks at me. How can I both crave and hate her gaze? How can she make me jealous of another man who has nothing? I know the reason. It's because he at least has a fucking face. But the fact that it bothers me so much...that is what's so infuriating.

"Hayes?" Dean says, touching my shoulder, dragging me from my thoughts as I glare up at him.

"What?"

"Marcos is right. You are better use to us all if you are rested. You seem more lost in your head than you usually are."

I sigh, and turn back toward the fire, pinching the bridge of my nose before squeezing my eyes closed.

"Being lost in my mind is preferable to being lost in my nightmares, Dean. You know how that goes." I mutter.

"I can help you sleep, Hayes," Marcos offers, and I look down at Kyra, who pretends to be asleep, his hand gently rubbing up and down her back. The simple, sweet gesture makes me want to rip his fingers off.

"I don't want your drugs, Marcos." I snap at him before I stand and walk over to the door.

"Where are you going?" Kyra's voice squeaks, no doubt, as she spins to look at my back. And for whatever reason, her caring brings a smirk to my face.

"To sleep where a dog like me belongs." I tell her, not bothering to look back before I exit through the rickety door.

Koda looks up from his spot, tilting his head to the right.

"Too stuffy in there, huh?" He asks, but I ignore him looking for a dry enough spot to lie down.

second I find something remotely dry, I lower myself and stare up at the barely standing roof. It shakes as rain patters down. I wonder just how damn long the clouds sustain this type of

what she was taught to do. I snort as I turn onto my side, my arm under my head to keep it from

with a heavy

something?" His words are hushed as

in through a crack in the siding, then plop down in front of me. I arch a brow in interest. Koda has no problem speaking

ask him and he clears his

Nisha..." He murmurs, looking

struggling to get out. Instead of growing angry like I thought I would in a situation like this, I find myself more open to the

this group anymore, but I was

two have already discussed this and marked

and he shakes his head, then he drags his hand over

know she, well, I..." He exhales. "I refuse

he asking permission

the rules

a rule I made up, either. It was one Merikh also suggested. There is no nefarious reasoning behind it, no excret based on the life they want to choose. But

the bond with Leandra and then never truly having that bond strengthened between us. If Kodaet wants a life with Nisha, and she agrees with his feelings, then they should remove themselves from the dangers of this mission

says, sounding disappointed. I frown, feeling the need

my reasoning, right?" I ask him and he

I will keep her at arm's length until the

and you both decide

quiet for a moment before he

plan to do with Kyra?"

is nothing between Kyra and I," I tell him frankly and he frowns. "I mean it, Koda. Kyra was a friend once, a

using the railing, the rain splashing on him as he looks out into the distance. Then he sniffs the air, his muscles going rigid. I jump up, trying to scent or see what he might be seeing, and then he elbows me. "Smells like bullshit, doesn't it?" He grins. I opt to glare at him as he shakes his head. "Can I ask what she was like?

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