Accidental Surrogate

Ella

“Ella, I love you, but you’re driving me crazy.” My sister’s voice floats through my phone, sounding more exasperated than irritated. After his shower, Sinclair went to his office, and I promptly called my sister for advice.

“What do you mean?” I inquire hesitantly, I’ve just finished explaining

“I mean,” She sighs heavily, “Who are you, and what have you done with my sister? You’ve always known exactly what you wanted and done whatever was necessary to make it happen. You are a strong, independent woman – not some bratty, indecisive, emotional basket-case who’s too caught up in a man to know her own heart.” She groans.

I wish I could argue with her assessment of my behavior, but I know she’s right. However, before I can acknowledge as much, she continues, “It’s like: you like Sinclair, you don’t like Sinclair. You want to be with him one moment, and the next you’re trying to foist him off on another woman – just make up your mind! I swear, I don’t even recognize you anymore!”

“Can’t you see that’s the problem! I don’t even recognize myself anymore.” I exclaim, rubbing my sore neck. “My entire life has been turned upside down –”

“I know! Because that’s all you ever talk about anymore.” She bursts, interrupting me. “Do you have any idea when you last asked me about my life? That you showed interest in anything other than your own problems?”

Her words sting, and I realize she’s right. I have been so wrapped up in my own drama that I’ve been neglecting my sister. I hate to think it, but the truth is I don’t have any idea what’s going on with her. “I’m sorry, Cora. What’s going on with you?”

“Nothing, but it would be nice to know you care!” She snaps, sounding more than a little petulant.

And she had the nerve to call us bratty! The little voice in my head observes.

“Are you serious?” I hiss. “People are trying to kill me, Cora. A psychotic bitch drugged and attempted to rape the father of my child. I’m committing a fraud of epic proportions in order to save an entire fucking species from civil war. And you’re pissed because for the first time in our entire lives, I’m not ignoring my own needs to take care of yours?”

“I never asked you to do that!” Cora argues, “you made that choice all on your own.”

I had to!” I growl. “I had to be the strong one because you

let me fall apart!” Cora counters defensively, “maybe if you had, I would have learned to stand on my own rather than

to protect you.” I finally say, my voice hoarse. “Do you really wish that I hadn’t? Was I supposed to stand by and

isn’t what I meant… but I have to live with the guilt of knowing you were hurt because of me. And sometimes I just think that maybe… maybe

wave of sorrow swells inside me to learn how she struggles with guilt. “Why haven’t you ever said this to me

never been willing to talk about it.” Cora scoffs. “I suppose that’s one thing I can thank Dominic for. Trust a bossy

“I think maybe that’s why this is all so hard for me. I feel so… raw. I don’t think I’ve

you never learned how to handle feelings Ella, but you also have to take responsibility for learning now that you recognize the problem. You do realize this is why you’re having so many

object pointedly. “It’s not like this

I admitted that I was falling for Sinclair a while ago, but this is the first time I’ve been able to acknowledge that I passed the point of no return – even to myself. I’m not just falling, I’m completely in love with Sinclair, and avoiding a relationship with

you call your relationship with that little weasel love, I will come over there and smack you right in that

that way.” I defend, wondering if I’m

feel even a fraction of what you feel for Dominic,

Mike, and I’ve been in such deep denial about Sinclair that I haven’t even considered comparing my

you believed you were in love with him for all those years?” She presses. “Why do you think you let him treat

I didn’t have the first idea what a healthy relationship looked like?”

young and inexperienced to realize it at the time.” She has the grace not to say “I told you so.” The fact is that Cora tried to warn me about Mike more than once over the years, but I was too

I chuckle,

to do about Dominic, now that you’ve figured