Accidental Surrogate

Ella

As I start to doze, I force my brain to think of nothing but Sinclair, willing myself to dream of him. I don’t let my mind focus on anything else or get distracted, I just keep telling myself to call Sinclair, to make him come to me.

Darkness closes in, and then I’m back on that bed in the forest. Yes! I think, this is where we were last time! It worked!

It takes a few minutes for Sinclair to appear, but I tell myself to just be patient. He wasn’t asleep yet in the real world. I have to wait for him to rest to see him this way.

I’m not sure how much time actually passes, but eventually he comes stalking through the trees. He’s in his wolf form this time, but he shifts when he reaches the bed, giving me a tender smile. “Hello trouble.”

“Hi.” I answer, feeling suddenly shy. “I wasn’t sure this would work.”

“You mean you meant to call me this time?” He inquires, arching a brow.

I nod, feeling a hot flush work up my cheeks. “I want to tell you something.”

“Okay.” Sinclair replies, coming to sit on the plush duvet, but not reaching for me the way he usually does. A moment of doubt plagues my heart, but I’m sure he’s just trying to use restraint.

I’m fidgeting, and staring at my hands in my lap, but I slowly work up the courage to speak. “I know I’ve been all over the place lately, and I wish I could tell you that it was all the pregnancy, or all the stress of our situation… but the truth is that it’s a lot more than that. Those things are making all this more difficult, but I would have been a mess anyway.”

Taking a deep breath, I continue, “You know I was orphaned, and that I never really got a childhood as a result. But I also never experienced love from anyone but Cora. I was so starved for it, that I basically jumped at the first chance I had. I spent years just trying to get over my fear of men, and in hindsight, I’m not sure I ever really did. I think maybe I just got so desperate for some affection that I simply closed my eyes and lept, and of course the person who caught me was Mike. I was a perfect mark for him – young, naive, and willing to do anything to finally feel wanted. I had no idea what a healthy relationship was, and he groomed me to believe that everything he did and said to me was normal.”

Sinclair is frowning deeply, and I can see questions weighing on his tongue, but he holds them back. “Of course, I eventually wised up… and then I met you.” I share, my voice suddenly very small. “And my heart trusted you even though my brain screamed at me not to. Everything I’ve experienced in my life conditioned me to believe that if I let myself be vulnerable with you – you would break me. It taught me to believe I wasn’t worth love, so anyone showing me kindness must be out to trick me. So I tried to convince myself that what I’ve been feeling with you wasn’t real. And at the same time, all those parts of me that I kept buried for so long burst out because my body somehow knew you wouldn’t hurt me if I acted like a child, or broke down and let you see my sadness and anger. It knew you wouldn’t use those things as weapons against me.”

how hard he’s trying to let me simply speak my fill without interruption. “I’ve been a coward. I’ve been hiding behind the challenges facing us, using them as excuses to avoid ever having to be brave… Even when you’ve tried to tell me your own feelings, my brain just defaulted to defending myself. I knew if you told me, I

still impossible for us… but I don’t want to be a coward anymore. I want to be brave just once in my life.” I take a deep breath as I continue, “So

with you, Dominic.” I whisper, too timid to look

me. He catches my chin between

tears. There’s so much affection and understanding on his rugged features, that I feel like he’s wrapped me in a hug without even touching me. “I

feelings, I wasn’t prepared for love. I certainly wasn’t prepared to hear that his wolf wanted me too. My stubborn

and into my arms this instant, I’m going to let my

Sinclair’s warnings not to run from him at the Wild Hunt, and I remember how thrilling it had been to be chased… until everything went wrong. I

I can jump onto the ground, but when I change direction at the last moment, he’s not quite fast enough to catch me. I immediately break into a sprint, and at first I hear the low rumble of Sinclair’s laughter. A

at the Wild Hunt. My legs stretch as far and fast as I can make them move, and I’m amazed at how much ground I begin to cover. The night wind whips

the night, it’s all I can do to stay on my feet. I stop and shudder every time he does it, but it only drives me to run faster and farther – to force him to prove himself

the light of the moon? Every second I spend in this wonderful wilderness makes me feel as though I’ve been living in the wrong skin my entire life –

feet hit the ground again, there are four, and I seem much lower to the ground. I look down in shock, amazed to discover fur covered paws where my hands used to be. I glance behind me to discover a bushy, white tipped tail swinging behind me, helping me maintain my

I’m a wolf.

dream after all – of course magical things are possible. I can move so much faster on four legs, and if I still had the ability to laugh aloud I’m sure I’d be overflowing with euphoric

thrilled to transform that I almost forgot about Sinclair. I suppose my own howl tipped him off. It wasn’t meant to –

he’s onto us. I think quickly. We have to

it’s so important that I don’t let Sinclair catch me, but right now the only thought in my head is to get away. I have to make it as difficult for him as possible… for some reason. That’s no problem, my inner voice brags, now that I’m free he’ll have his work

let’s go! I insist, spurring her on. Within seconds we’re galloping through the snow, even faster than before. Somewhere in the back of my mind it occurs to me to cover my tracks, but I realize Sinclair will be following my scent anyway. It’s hard for me to focus on him – as distracting as he usually is – my heart is soaring and for once it has nothing to do with the Alpha. I can’t believe I thought I’d felt free on the night of the hunt. I’m beginning to realize I didn’t even know the meaning