Accidental Surrogate

Ella

As I start to doze, I force my brain to think of nothing but Sinclair, willing myself to dream of him. I don’t let my mind focus on anything else or get distracted, I just keep telling myself to call Sinclair, to make him come to me.

Darkness closes in, and then I’m back on that bed in the forest. Yes! I think, this is where we were last time! It worked!

It takes a few minutes for Sinclair to appear, but I tell myself to just be patient. He wasn’t asleep yet in the real world. I have to wait for him to rest to see him this way.

I’m not sure how much time actually passes, but eventually he comes stalking through the trees. He’s in his wolf form this time, but he shifts when he reaches the bed, giving me a tender smile. “Hello trouble.”

“Hi.” I answer, feeling suddenly shy. “I wasn’t sure this would work.”

“You mean you meant to call me this time?” He inquires, arching a brow.

I nod, feeling a hot flush work up my cheeks. “I want to tell you something.”

“Okay.” Sinclair replies, coming to sit on the plush duvet, but not reaching for me the way he usually does. A moment of doubt plagues my heart, but I’m sure he’s just trying to use restraint.

I’m fidgeting, and staring at my hands in my lap, but I slowly work up the courage to speak. “I know I’ve been all over the place lately, and I wish I could tell you that it was all the pregnancy, or all the stress of our situation… but the truth is that it’s a lot more than that. Those things are making all this more difficult, but I would have been a mess anyway.”

Taking a deep breath, I continue, “You know I was orphaned, and that I never really got a childhood as a result. But I also never experienced love from anyone but Cora. I was so starved for it, that I basically jumped at the first chance I had. I spent years just trying to get over my fear of men, and in hindsight, I’m not sure I ever really did. I think maybe I just got so desperate for some affection that I simply closed my eyes and lept, and of course the person who caught me was Mike. I was a perfect mark for him – young, naive, and willing to do anything to finally feel wanted. I had no idea what a healthy relationship was, and he groomed me to believe that everything he did and said to me was normal.”

Sinclair is frowning deeply, and I can see questions weighing on his tongue, but he holds them back. “Of course, I eventually wised up… and then I met you.” I share, my voice suddenly very small. “And my heart trusted you even though my brain screamed at me not to. Everything I’ve experienced in my life conditioned me to believe that if I let myself be vulnerable with you – you would break me. It taught me to believe I wasn’t worth love, so anyone showing me kindness must be out to trick me. So I tried to convince myself that what I’ve been feeling with you wasn’t real. And at the same time, all those parts of me that I kept buried for so long burst out because my body somehow knew you wouldn’t hurt me if I acted like a child, or broke down and let you see my sadness and anger. It knew you wouldn’t use those things as weapons against me.”

know how hard he’s trying to

and that a relationship is still impossible for us… but I don’t want to be a coward anymore. I want to be brave just once in my life.” I take a deep breath as I continue, “So

in love with you, Dominic.” I whisper, too timid to

in my ears. Then Sinclair’s hand is reaching towards me. He catches my chin between

hug without even touching me. “I love you, Ella. I think I’ve been in love with you from the moment you stomped your tiny foot on

because even though I was expecting him to tell me he had feelings, I wasn’t prepared for love. I certainly wasn’t prepared to hear that his wolf wanted me too. My stubborn mind is still amazed the man could be interested in me, let alone his inner

here and into my arms

I remember how thrilling it had been to be chased… until everything went wrong. I think we need a do over. The voice in my head suggests slyly. And I can’t

At first I worry he might reach for me before I can jump onto the ground, but when I change direction at the last

as far and fast as I can make them move, and I’m amazed at how much ground I begin to cover. The night wind whips through my hair as I dash through the trees, an ecstatic smile stretching

cold, and when Sinclair’s howl shatters the night, it’s all I can do to stay on my feet. I stop and shudder every time he does it, but it only

how right this feels. Why have I never run barefoot through the woods before? Why have I never bathed in the light of the moon? Every second I spend in this wonderful wilderness makes me feel as though I’ve been living in the wrong skin my

even notice when my body begins to blur around the edges. My bones quake, my soul soars, and suddenly everything changes. A starburst of white light consumes me, and for a moment I’m blinded by its brilliance. When my feet hit the ground again, there are four, and I seem much lower to the

I’m a wolf.

laugh aloud I’m sure I’d be overflowing with euphoric giggles. Instead I howl gleefully into the chill

about Sinclair. I suppose my own howl tipped him off. It wasn’t meant to – I was only celebrating. My conscience

onto us.

I have to make it as difficult for him as possible… for some reason. That’s no problem, my inner voice brags, now that I’m free he’ll have his work

my tracks, but I realize Sinclair will be following my scent anyway. It’s hard for me to focus on him – as distracting as he usually is – my heart