Accidental Surrogate

Ella

When my panic attack finally eases and I can breathe again, I peek up at Sinclair,

tears burning in my eyes. “I’m sorry.” I murmur weakly, hating that my stupid brain

ruined our moment.

“Why the hell are you apologizing?” Sinclair counterS, still petting me. He hadn’t let

me go even once as I weathered the storm of anxiety and despair, only pulling the

pillows and blankets of my nest closer so I would feel secure.

“Because I screwed everything up.” I explain thickly. “I was supposed to be helping

you and I fell apart at a mere suggestion.” Shame is coursing through my veins, not

because of the panic itself, but because of what it might mean: that I’m too fragile, too

broken, to be Sinclair’s Luna.

“Ella, don’t be silly.” He replies, and though I understand he didn’t mean to dismiss my

feelings, the words still sting. Sinclair opens his mouth to continue, undoubtedly with

some trite placation about how ‘these things happen’ or similar, but I cut him off.

“I’m not being silly!” I insist with exasperation.

What good am I as a mate if I can’t even be there for you when you need me? I get to

lie around all day doing nothing while you’re out saving the world. You are constantly

taking care of me on top of all your other Worries, and I never give you anything in

return. It’s not right. You shouldn’t have to comfort me when you’re the one who needs

to decompress!” I burst, throwing up my hands. “All this time we’ve been convinced

that I can’t be your Luna because I’m human, but we never even considered that I

might not be up to the task, even as a wolf.” My voice is shaking with fresh tears, and I

can’t look at Sinclair as I continue, “But now… what more evidence do we need?”

Sinclair doesn’t make a sound, and when I look at him, he’s positively fuming. His

heavy breathing and black expression tell me he’s barely holding onto his temper, and

the hands which were caressing me mere moments ago are now stationary and stiff. I

watch as he struggles to quell his anger, even though I’m not sure what I said to

infuriate him this way. After a second he shakes his head, apparently surrendering the

battle. “I need a minute, Ella.” He finally growls, “I need to go for a run, but I don’t want

you unless you’re

cracking. I’m out of the

of the bed. “This is exactly what I’m

protecting ne from reality. If you’re angry with me, then be angry!

Consequences

stalking

had a panic attack, Ella. If you want to be

wolf out

door,

at the last moment, he turns back, his wolf glowing

isn’t special treatment.” He rumbles angrily, “I don’t

control this way. If you

ask the guards.”

and I can hear his wolf

staring after

bout of weeping. I consider calling Cora, but

of selfishly unloading my problems onto

refrain.

in my head, whimpering like

begging me to do something, to fix this, but I don’t

I might have felt terrible for falling apart when I was supposed

wolf seems much

go after him! She begs. I can’t stand it, we

I grumble in reply. Even if I wasn’t on bed rest

áble to catch up with him. Besides,

house.

though she’s still beside herself.

curling into a little ball and pulling the blankets over my head. I

Sinclair has certainly been angry with me in the past.

Why weren’t you this upset when

digger, or when he spanked me

argues. I was barely awake in

in the past it’s been protective. This is

the first time he’s walked out. What

I assure her, but there’s a small part

exact same thing.

to come back, even if he only returns to end our relationship

somewhere deep down inside of me there’s a

I’ll never see him

what if he decides we’re not worth the

pastures? My wolf presses.

I shout at her. His entire life is

abandon his

She digs in her paws. It wouldn’t be the first time.

abandon their pup, especially with

wrong with us – what if he’s finally figured it

this was the last

cry aloud, clamping my hands over my ears, even

inside my head. “

stop

and the more time