Accidental Surrogate

Ella

When my panic attack finally eases and I can breathe again, I peek up at Sinclair,

tears burning in my eyes. “I’m sorry.” I murmur weakly, hating that my stupid brain

ruined our moment.

“Why the hell are you apologizing?” Sinclair counterS, still petting me. He hadn’t let

me go even once as I weathered the storm of anxiety and despair, only pulling the

pillows and blankets of my nest closer so I would feel secure.

“Because I screwed everything up.” I explain thickly. “I was supposed to be helping

you and I fell apart at a mere suggestion.” Shame is coursing through my veins, not

because of the panic itself, but because of what it might mean: that I’m too fragile, too

broken, to be Sinclair’s Luna.

“Ella, don’t be silly.” He replies, and though I understand he didn’t mean to dismiss my

feelings, the words still sting. Sinclair opens his mouth to continue, undoubtedly with

some trite placation about how ‘these things happen’ or similar, but I cut him off.

“I’m not being silly!” I insist with exasperation.

What good am I as a mate if I can’t even be there for you when you need me? I get to

lie around all day doing nothing while you’re out saving the world. You are constantly

taking care of me on top of all your other Worries, and I never give you anything in

return. It’s not right. You shouldn’t have to comfort me when you’re the one who needs

to decompress!” I burst, throwing up my hands. “All this time we’ve been convinced

that I can’t be your Luna because I’m human, but we never even considered that I

might not be up to the task, even as a wolf.” My voice is shaking with fresh tears, and I

can’t look at Sinclair as I continue, “But now… what more evidence do we need?”

Sinclair doesn’t make a sound, and when I look at him, he’s positively fuming. His

heavy breathing and black expression tell me he’s barely holding onto his temper, and

the hands which were caressing me mere moments ago are now stationary and stiff. I

watch as he struggles to quell his anger, even though I’m not sure what I said to

infuriate him this way. After a second he shakes his head, apparently surrendering the

battle. “I need a minute, Ella.” He finally growls, “I need to go for a run, but I don’t want

leave you unless you’re

I’m out

in front of the bed. “This is exactly

angry with

Consequences of

nest, stalking forward with

at you when you’ve just had a panic attack, Ella. If you want to be

I need to let my wolf out and run off this temper.”

door, bypassing me

at the last moment, he turns back, his wolf glowing in his eyes. “And

isn’t special treatment.” He rumbles angrily, “I don’t believe

action when I’m out of control this way. If you

ask the guards.”

and I can hear his wolf racing

there, staring after him. Im shaking again, and I’m

bout of weeping. I consider calling

me of selfishly unloading my

refrain.

wolf is pacing anxiously in my head, whimpering like a pup

begging me to do something, to fix this,

falling apart when I was supposed

wolf seems much more distraught about

after him! She begs. I can’t stand it, we have to fix

I grumble in reply. Even if I wasn’t on bed rest

be áble to catch up with him. Besides, he’ll only be

house.

though she’s still beside

into a little ball and pulling the blankets over my

before, though Sinclair has certainly been angry with me in the

you this upset when he

when he spanked me or dragged me

those times were different. She argues. I was barely

past it’s been protective. This is the first time he’s

.. and the first time he’s walked

her, but there’s

exact same thing.

has to come back, even if he only returns to end our

here. But somewhere deep down inside of me there’s a

who imagines I’ll

what if he decides we’re not worth the trouble,

pastures? My wolf presses.

being ridiculous! I shout at her. His entire life is here. His pack is

much integrity to abandon his duty

It wouldn’t be the first time. He told us no

their pup, especially with humans –

with us – what if he’s

if this was the

it!” I cry aloud, clamping my hands over

inside my head. “

it, stop

from my chest, and the more time that passes, the more convinced