Accidental Surrogate

Ella

When my panic attack finally eases and I can breathe again, I peek up at Sinclair,

tears burning in my eyes. “I’m sorry.” I murmur weakly, hating that my stupid brain

ruined our moment.

“Why the hell are you apologizing?” Sinclair counterS, still petting me. He hadn’t let

me go even once as I weathered the storm of anxiety and despair, only pulling the

pillows and blankets of my nest closer so I would feel secure.

“Because I screwed everything up.” I explain thickly. “I was supposed to be helping

you and I fell apart at a mere suggestion.” Shame is coursing through my veins, not

because of the panic itself, but because of what it might mean: that I’m too fragile, too

broken, to be Sinclair’s Luna.

“Ella, don’t be silly.” He replies, and though I understand he didn’t mean to dismiss my

feelings, the words still sting. Sinclair opens his mouth to continue, undoubtedly with

some trite placation about how ‘these things happen’ or similar, but I cut him off.

“I’m not being silly!” I insist with exasperation.

What good am I as a mate if I can’t even be there for you when you need me? I get to

lie around all day doing nothing while you’re out saving the world. You are constantly

taking care of me on top of all your other Worries, and I never give you anything in

return. It’s not right. You shouldn’t have to comfort me when you’re the one who needs

to decompress!” I burst, throwing up my hands. “All this time we’ve been convinced

that I can’t be your Luna because I’m human, but we never even considered that I

might not be up to the task, even as a wolf.” My voice is shaking with fresh tears, and I

can’t look at Sinclair as I continue, “But now… what more evidence do we need?”

Sinclair doesn’t make a sound, and when I look at him, he’s positively fuming. His

heavy breathing and black expression tell me he’s barely holding onto his temper, and

the hands which were caressing me mere moments ago are now stationary and stiff. I

watch as he struggles to quell his anger, even though I’m not sure what I said to

infuriate him this way. After a second he shakes his head, apparently surrendering the

battle. “I need a minute, Ella.” He finally growls, “I need to go for a run, but I don’t want

you

it!” I burst, my voice cracking. I’m out of the bed in a

in front of the bed. “This is exactly

from reality. If you’re angry with

the Consequences of

of the nest, stalking forward with white-knuckled fists. “I’m not

you’ve just had a panic attack, Ella. If you want

I need to let my wolf out and run off

door,

turns back, his wolf glowing

He rumbles

of control this way. If you need

ask the guards.”

disappears, and I can hear his wolf

while I simply stand there, staring after

into a fresh bout

of selfishly unloading my problems

refrain.

anxiously in my head, whimpering like a pup and feeling just as

She’s begging me to do something, to fix this, but

I might have felt terrible for falling apart

my wolf seems much more distraught

him! She begs. I can’t stand it, we

I grumble in reply. Even if I wasn’t on bed rest and it was perfectly safe,

catch up with him. Besides, he’ll only be angrier if

house.

she’s still beside herself.

ball and pulling the blankets over my head. I haven’t

has certainly been angry with me in the

some thought. Why weren’t you this upset when he accused me

or when he spanked me or dragged me out of

argues. I was barely

been protective. This

.. and the first time he’s walked out. What if he doesn’t come

he’ll come back. I assure her, but there’s a small part of

exact same thing.

back, even if he only returns to end our

somewhere deep down

imagines I’ll never

we’re not worth the trouble,

pastures? My wolf presses.

entire life is here. His pack

integrity to abandon

wouldn’t be

pup, especially

with us – what if he’s finally figured it out

this was

hands over my ears, even though her

inside my head. “

stop it, stop

and the