Accidental Surrogate

Ella

When my panic attack finally eases and I can breathe again, I peek up at Sinclair,

tears burning in my eyes. “I’m sorry.” I murmur weakly, hating that my stupid brain

ruined our moment.

“Why the hell are you apologizing?” Sinclair counterS, still petting me. He hadn’t let

me go even once as I weathered the storm of anxiety and despair, only pulling the

pillows and blankets of my nest closer so I would feel secure.

“Because I screwed everything up.” I explain thickly. “I was supposed to be helping

you and I fell apart at a mere suggestion.” Shame is coursing through my veins, not

because of the panic itself, but because of what it might mean: that I’m too fragile, too

broken, to be Sinclair’s Luna.

“Ella, don’t be silly.” He replies, and though I understand he didn’t mean to dismiss my

feelings, the words still sting. Sinclair opens his mouth to continue, undoubtedly with

some trite placation about how ‘these things happen’ or similar, but I cut him off.

“I’m not being silly!” I insist with exasperation.

What good am I as a mate if I can’t even be there for you when you need me? I get to

lie around all day doing nothing while you’re out saving the world. You are constantly

taking care of me on top of all your other Worries, and I never give you anything in

return. It’s not right. You shouldn’t have to comfort me when you’re the one who needs

to decompress!” I burst, throwing up my hands. “All this time we’ve been convinced

that I can’t be your Luna because I’m human, but we never even considered that I

might not be up to the task, even as a wolf.” My voice is shaking with fresh tears, and I

can’t look at Sinclair as I continue, “But now… what more evidence do we need?”

Sinclair doesn’t make a sound, and when I look at him, he’s positively fuming. His

heavy breathing and black expression tell me he’s barely holding onto his temper, and

the hands which were caressing me mere moments ago are now stationary and stiff. I

watch as he struggles to quell his anger, even though I’m not sure what I said to

infuriate him this way. After a second he shakes his head, apparently surrendering the

battle. “I need a minute, Ella.” He finally growls, “I need to go for a run, but I don’t want

you unless

cracking. I’m out

in front of the bed. “This is exactly what I’m

you’re angry with me, then be

Consequences

out of the nest, stalking forward

a panic attack,

fine, but I need to let my wolf out and run off this

door, bypassing me

his wolf glowing in his eyes.

He rumbles

way. If you need anything while I’m gone,

ask the guards.”

hear his

staring after him. Im shaking again, and I’m

into a fresh bout

accused me of selfishly unloading my problems

refrain.

anxiously in my head, whimpering

more feral. She’s begging me to do something, to fix this, but I don’t

terrible for falling apart when I was supposed to be

my wolf seems much more distraught about Sinclair’s

I can’t stand it, we have

I wasn’t on

up with him. Besides,

house.

whimpers in understanding, though she’s still

a little ball and pulling the blankets over my head. I

been angry with me

after some thought. Why weren’t you

digger, or when he spanked me or dragged me

those times were different. She argues. I was barely awake in

been angry in the past it’s been protective.

.. and the first time he’s walked out. What if he doesn’t come

back. I assure her, but there’s a

exact same thing.

I know he has to come back, even if

But somewhere deep down

who imagines I’ll never see

he decides we’re not worth the trouble,

pastures? My wolf presses.

at her. His entire life

abandon

if? She digs in her paws. It wouldn’t be the first

especially with humans – but our parents

– what

if this was the last

it!” I cry aloud, clamping my hands over my ears,

inside my head. “

it, stop

from my chest, and the more