Accidental Surrogate

Ella

When my panic attack finally eases and I can breathe again, I peek up at Sinclair,

tears burning in my eyes. “I’m sorry.” I murmur weakly, hating that my stupid brain

ruined our moment.

“Why the hell are you apologizing?” Sinclair counterS, still petting me. He hadn’t let

me go even once as I weathered the storm of anxiety and despair, only pulling the

pillows and blankets of my nest closer so I would feel secure.

“Because I screwed everything up.” I explain thickly. “I was supposed to be helping

you and I fell apart at a mere suggestion.” Shame is coursing through my veins, not

because of the panic itself, but because of what it might mean: that I’m too fragile, too

broken, to be Sinclair’s Luna.

“Ella, don’t be silly.” He replies, and though I understand he didn’t mean to dismiss my

feelings, the words still sting. Sinclair opens his mouth to continue, undoubtedly with

some trite placation about how ‘these things happen’ or similar, but I cut him off.

“I’m not being silly!” I insist with exasperation.

What good am I as a mate if I can’t even be there for you when you need me? I get to

lie around all day doing nothing while you’re out saving the world. You are constantly

taking care of me on top of all your other Worries, and I never give you anything in

return. It’s not right. You shouldn’t have to comfort me when you’re the one who needs

to decompress!” I burst, throwing up my hands. “All this time we’ve been convinced

that I can’t be your Luna because I’m human, but we never even considered that I

might not be up to the task, even as a wolf.” My voice is shaking with fresh tears, and I

can’t look at Sinclair as I continue, “But now… what more evidence do we need?”

Sinclair doesn’t make a sound, and when I look at him, he’s positively fuming. His

heavy breathing and black expression tell me he’s barely holding onto his temper, and

the hands which were caressing me mere moments ago are now stationary and stiff. I

watch as he struggles to quell his anger, even though I’m not sure what I said to

infuriate him this way. After a second he shakes his head, apparently surrendering the

battle. “I need a minute, Ella.” He finally growls, “I need to go for a run, but I don’t want

leave you unless

out of the

“This

from reality. If you’re angry with me, then

the Consequences of my

stalking forward with

just had a panic attack, Ella. If you want to be upset

I need to let my wolf out

door, bypassing me

turns back, his wolf

this isn’t special treatment.” He rumbles angrily, “I

when I’m out of control this way. If you need anything while I’m gone,

ask the guards.”

and I can hear his wolf

I simply stand there, staring after him. Im shaking again,

to dissolve into a fresh bout of weeping.

accused me of selfishly unloading my problems onto

refrain.

head, whimpering like a pup and feeling just as

begging me to

might have felt terrible for falling apart

but my wolf seems much

I can’t stand it, we have to fix

wasn’t on bed rest and it was perfectly safe,

be áble to catch up with him. Besides, he’ll only be angrier

house.

though she’s still beside herself.

and pulling the blankets over my head. I haven’t felt

has certainly been angry with me

thought. Why weren’t you

when he spanked me or dragged me

different. She argues. I was barely awake

been protective. This is the first

time he’s walked out.

back. I assure her, but there’s a small part of me

exact same thing.

to come back, even if he only returns to

he lives here. But somewhere deep down inside of me

who imagines I’ll

decides we’re not worth the trouble, and simply

pastures? My wolf presses.

entire life is here. His

much integrity to abandon his duty that

digs in her paws. It wouldn’t be the first

pup, especially

wrong with us – what if he’s finally figured

if this was the

cry aloud, clamping my hands over my ears, even

inside my head. “

it, stop it, stop

and the more time that passes, the