Accidental Surrogate

Ella

When my panic attack finally eases and I can breathe again, I peek up at Sinclair,

tears burning in my eyes. “I’m sorry.” I murmur weakly, hating that my stupid brain

ruined our moment.

“Why the hell are you apologizing?” Sinclair counterS, still petting me. He hadn’t let

me go even once as I weathered the storm of anxiety and despair, only pulling the

pillows and blankets of my nest closer so I would feel secure.

“Because I screwed everything up.” I explain thickly. “I was supposed to be helping

you and I fell apart at a mere suggestion.” Shame is coursing through my veins, not

because of the panic itself, but because of what it might mean: that I’m too fragile, too

broken, to be Sinclair’s Luna.

“Ella, don’t be silly.” He replies, and though I understand he didn’t mean to dismiss my

feelings, the words still sting. Sinclair opens his mouth to continue, undoubtedly with

some trite placation about how ‘these things happen’ or similar, but I cut him off.

“I’m not being silly!” I insist with exasperation.

What good am I as a mate if I can’t even be there for you when you need me? I get to

lie around all day doing nothing while you’re out saving the world. You are constantly

taking care of me on top of all your other Worries, and I never give you anything in

return. It’s not right. You shouldn’t have to comfort me when you’re the one who needs

to decompress!” I burst, throwing up my hands. “All this time we’ve been convinced

that I can’t be your Luna because I’m human, but we never even considered that I

might not be up to the task, even as a wolf.” My voice is shaking with fresh tears, and I

can’t look at Sinclair as I continue, “But now… what more evidence do we need?”

Sinclair doesn’t make a sound, and when I look at him, he’s positively fuming. His

heavy breathing and black expression tell me he’s barely holding onto his temper, and

the hands which were caressing me mere moments ago are now stationary and stiff. I

watch as he struggles to quell his anger, even though I’m not sure what I said to

infuriate him this way. After a second he shakes his head, apparently surrendering the

battle. “I need a minute, Ella.” He finally growls, “I need to go for a run, but I don’t want

you unless

I’m out of the

bed. “This is

you’re angry with me, then be

the Consequences of my

leaps out of the nest, stalking forward with

at you when you’ve just had a panic attack,

out and run

the door, bypassing me

turns back, his wolf glowing in his eyes.

rumbles angrily,

when I’m out of control this way. If you need anything while I’m

ask the guards.”

Sinclair disappears, and I can hear his wolf

stand there, staring after him. Im shaking

fresh bout of weeping. I consider calling

accused me of selfishly unloading my problems onto her,

refrain.

is pacing anxiously in my head, whimpering

She’s begging me to do something, to fix this,

for falling apart when

seems much more distraught about Sinclair’s

She begs. I can’t stand it,

grumble in reply. Even if I wasn’t on

be áble to catch up with him. Besides, he’ll only be angrier if we

house.

she’s still beside herself. I climb

a little ball and pulling the blankets over my head. I

angry with

weren’t you this upset when he accused me

or when he spanked me

She argues. I was

past it’s been protective. This is the first time he’s

he’s walked out. What

assure her, but there’s a small

exact same thing.

to come back, even if he only returns

somewhere deep down inside of

imagines I’ll never see him

worth

pastures? My wolf presses.

I shout at her. His entire

to abandon his duty that

She digs in her paws. It wouldn’t be the

abandon their pup, especially with humans – but

be seriously wrong with us – what if he’s finally figured it

this was

it!” I cry aloud, clamping my hands over my

inside my head. “

it, stop it,

the more time