Accidental Surrogate

Ella

When my panic attack finally eases and I can breathe again, I peek up at Sinclair,

tears burning in my eyes. “I’m sorry.” I murmur weakly, hating that my stupid brain

ruined our moment.

“Why the hell are you apologizing?” Sinclair counterS, still petting me. He hadn’t let

me go even once as I weathered the storm of anxiety and despair, only pulling the

pillows and blankets of my nest closer so I would feel secure.

“Because I screwed everything up.” I explain thickly. “I was supposed to be helping

you and I fell apart at a mere suggestion.” Shame is coursing through my veins, not

because of the panic itself, but because of what it might mean: that I’m too fragile, too

broken, to be Sinclair’s Luna.

“Ella, don’t be silly.” He replies, and though I understand he didn’t mean to dismiss my

feelings, the words still sting. Sinclair opens his mouth to continue, undoubtedly with

some trite placation about how ‘these things happen’ or similar, but I cut him off.

“I’m not being silly!” I insist with exasperation.

What good am I as a mate if I can’t even be there for you when you need me? I get to

lie around all day doing nothing while you’re out saving the world. You are constantly

taking care of me on top of all your other Worries, and I never give you anything in

return. It’s not right. You shouldn’t have to comfort me when you’re the one who needs

to decompress!” I burst, throwing up my hands. “All this time we’ve been convinced

that I can’t be your Luna because I’m human, but we never even considered that I

might not be up to the task, even as a wolf.” My voice is shaking with fresh tears, and I

can’t look at Sinclair as I continue, “But now… what more evidence do we need?”

Sinclair doesn’t make a sound, and when I look at him, he’s positively fuming. His

heavy breathing and black expression tell me he’s barely holding onto his temper, and

the hands which were caressing me mere moments ago are now stationary and stiff. I

watch as he struggles to quell his anger, even though I’m not sure what I said to

infuriate him this way. After a second he shakes his head, apparently surrendering the

battle. “I need a minute, Ella.” He finally growls, “I need to go for a run, but I don’t want

you

I burst, my voice cracking. I’m out of the bed in a

in front of the bed. “This is

ne from reality. If you’re angry with me, then be angry!

Consequences

stalking forward with white-knuckled

you’ve just had a panic

let my wolf out and run off

the door, bypassing

he turns back, his wolf glowing in his eyes.

this isn’t special treatment.” He rumbles

action when I’m out of control this way. If you need anything

ask the guards.”

can hear

I simply stand there, staring after

into a fresh bout of weeping. I consider calling

accused me of selfishly unloading my problems onto her,

refrain.

my head, whimpering like a pup and feeling just

begging me to do

have felt terrible for falling apart when

wolf seems much more distraught

after him! She begs. I can’t stand it, we have to fix

Even if I wasn’t on bed

Besides, he’ll only be

house.

whimpers in understanding, though she’s still beside herself. I climb

ball and pulling the blankets over my head. I haven’t felt

Sinclair has certainly been angry with me

wolf after some thought. Why weren’t you this

he spanked me or dragged me

were different. She argues. I

the past it’s been protective.

the first time he’s walked out. What if he doesn’t

he’ll come back. I assure her, but there’s a small part of me that

exact same thing.

even if he only

deep down inside of me there’s a

who imagines I’ll never see him

not worth the

pastures? My wolf presses.

ridiculous! I shout at her. His entire life is here. His pack is here. He

to abandon his

It wouldn’t be the first time. He

their pup, especially

must be seriously wrong with us – what if he’s finally

this was the last

it!” I cry aloud, clamping my hands over

inside my head. “

stop

chest, and the more time that passes, the