Accidental Surrogate

Ella

When my panic attack finally eases and I can breathe again, I peek up at Sinclair,

tears burning in my eyes. “I’m sorry.” I murmur weakly, hating that my stupid brain

ruined our moment.

“Why the hell are you apologizing?” Sinclair counterS, still petting me. He hadn’t let

me go even once as I weathered the storm of anxiety and despair, only pulling the

pillows and blankets of my nest closer so I would feel secure.

“Because I screwed everything up.” I explain thickly. “I was supposed to be helping

you and I fell apart at a mere suggestion.” Shame is coursing through my veins, not

because of the panic itself, but because of what it might mean: that I’m too fragile, too

broken, to be Sinclair’s Luna.

“Ella, don’t be silly.” He replies, and though I understand he didn’t mean to dismiss my

feelings, the words still sting. Sinclair opens his mouth to continue, undoubtedly with

some trite placation about how ‘these things happen’ or similar, but I cut him off.

“I’m not being silly!” I insist with exasperation.

What good am I as a mate if I can’t even be there for you when you need me? I get to

lie around all day doing nothing while you’re out saving the world. You are constantly

taking care of me on top of all your other Worries, and I never give you anything in

return. It’s not right. You shouldn’t have to comfort me when you’re the one who needs

to decompress!” I burst, throwing up my hands. “All this time we’ve been convinced

that I can’t be your Luna because I’m human, but we never even considered that I

might not be up to the task, even as a wolf.” My voice is shaking with fresh tears, and I

can’t look at Sinclair as I continue, “But now… what more evidence do we need?”

Sinclair doesn’t make a sound, and when I look at him, he’s positively fuming. His

heavy breathing and black expression tell me he’s barely holding onto his temper, and

the hands which were caressing me mere moments ago are now stationary and stiff. I

watch as he struggles to quell his anger, even though I’m not sure what I said to

infuriate him this way. After a second he shakes his head, apparently surrendering the

battle. “I need a minute, Ella.” He finally growls, “I need to go for a run, but I don’t want

leave you

I burst, my voice cracking. I’m out of the

of the bed. “This is exactly what I’m talking

ne from reality. If you’re angry

the Consequences of my

of the nest, stalking forward

a panic attack, Ella. If you want to be

fine, but I need to let my wolf out and run off this

door, bypassing

at the last moment, he turns back, his wolf glowing in his eyes.

He rumbles

out of control this way. If you need anything

ask the guards.”

I can hear his wolf

I simply stand there, staring after him. Im shaking again, and

fresh bout of

accused me of selfishly unloading my problems

refrain.

wolf is pacing anxiously in my head, whimpering like a pup and feeling

– if more feral. She’s begging me to do something, to fix this, but I don’t

have felt terrible for falling apart when I was supposed to be

much more

him! She begs. I can’t stand it, we have to fix

can’t. I grumble in reply. Even if I wasn’t

catch up with him. Besides, he’ll only

house.

whimpers in understanding, though she’s still beside herself. I

curling into a little ball and pulling the

certainly been angry with me in the

wolf after some thought. Why weren’t you this upset when he

spanked me

different. She argues. I

angry in the past it’s been

and the first time he’s walked out. What if he doesn’t

but there’s a

exact same thing.

know he has to come back, even if he only returns to

But somewhere deep down inside of me there’s

who imagines I’ll never see him

we’re not worth the trouble, and simply

pastures? My wolf presses.

being ridiculous! I shout at her. His entire life

integrity to abandon his duty that

wouldn’t

their pup, especially with humans – but our parents

be seriously wrong with us – what if he’s

was the last

I cry aloud, clamping my hands over my ears, even

inside my head. “

it, stop it,

sob wrenches from my chest, and the more time that passes,