Accidental Surrogate

Ella

When my panic attack finally eases and I can breathe again, I peek up at Sinclair,

tears burning in my eyes. “I’m sorry.” I murmur weakly, hating that my stupid brain

ruined our moment.

“Why the hell are you apologizing?” Sinclair counterS, still petting me. He hadn’t let

me go even once as I weathered the storm of anxiety and despair, only pulling the

pillows and blankets of my nest closer so I would feel secure.

“Because I screwed everything up.” I explain thickly. “I was supposed to be helping

you and I fell apart at a mere suggestion.” Shame is coursing through my veins, not

because of the panic itself, but because of what it might mean: that I’m too fragile, too

broken, to be Sinclair’s Luna.

“Ella, don’t be silly.” He replies, and though I understand he didn’t mean to dismiss my

feelings, the words still sting. Sinclair opens his mouth to continue, undoubtedly with

some trite placation about how ‘these things happen’ or similar, but I cut him off.

“I’m not being silly!” I insist with exasperation.

What good am I as a mate if I can’t even be there for you when you need me? I get to

lie around all day doing nothing while you’re out saving the world. You are constantly

taking care of me on top of all your other Worries, and I never give you anything in

return. It’s not right. You shouldn’t have to comfort me when you’re the one who needs

to decompress!” I burst, throwing up my hands. “All this time we’ve been convinced

that I can’t be your Luna because I’m human, but we never even considered that I

might not be up to the task, even as a wolf.” My voice is shaking with fresh tears, and I

can’t look at Sinclair as I continue, “But now… what more evidence do we need?”

Sinclair doesn’t make a sound, and when I look at him, he’s positively fuming. His

heavy breathing and black expression tell me he’s barely holding onto his temper, and

the hands which were caressing me mere moments ago are now stationary and stiff. I

watch as he struggles to quell his anger, even though I’m not sure what I said to

infuriate him this way. After a second he shakes his head, apparently surrendering the

battle. “I need a minute, Ella.” He finally growls, “I need to go for a run, but I don’t want

leave you unless

I’m out of the bed in a heartbeat, pacing

of the bed. “This is

ne from reality. If you’re angry with me, then be

the Consequences

of the nest, stalking forward

you when you’ve just had a panic attack, Ella.

out and run off this temper.”

the door,

at the last moment, he turns back, his wolf glowing

isn’t special treatment.” He rumbles angrily, “I don’t

this way. If you need anything while I’m

ask the guards.”

I can hear his wolf racing away down the hall.

while I simply stand there, staring after him. Im shaking again, and I’m

a fresh bout of weeping. I

she accused me of selfishly unloading my problems onto her, and

refrain.

is pacing anxiously in my head, whimpering

begging me to do something, to fix this,

I might have felt terrible for falling apart when

wolf seems much more

after him! She begs. I

reply. Even if I wasn’t on bed rest and

be áble to catch up with him. Besides, he’ll only be

house.

whimpers in understanding, though she’s still beside herself. I climb

a little ball and pulling the blankets

been angry

thought. Why weren’t you

or when he spanked me or

those times were different. She argues. I was barely awake

been protective. This is

he’s walked out.

assure her, but there’s a small

exact same thing.

he has to come back, even

But somewhere deep

who imagines I’ll never

decides we’re not worth

pastures? My wolf presses.

entire life is

integrity to abandon

if? She digs in her paws. It wouldn’t be the first time.

their pup, especially

– what

was the

I cry aloud, clamping my hands over my ears, even

inside my head. “

it, stop

sob wrenches from my chest, and the more time that passes,