Accidental Surrogate

Ella

When my panic attack finally eases and I can breathe again, I peek up at Sinclair,

tears burning in my eyes. “I’m sorry.” I murmur weakly, hating that my stupid brain

ruined our moment.

“Why the hell are you apologizing?” Sinclair counterS, still petting me. He hadn’t let

me go even once as I weathered the storm of anxiety and despair, only pulling the

pillows and blankets of my nest closer so I would feel secure.

“Because I screwed everything up.” I explain thickly. “I was supposed to be helping

you and I fell apart at a mere suggestion.” Shame is coursing through my veins, not

because of the panic itself, but because of what it might mean: that I’m too fragile, too

broken, to be Sinclair’s Luna.

“Ella, don’t be silly.” He replies, and though I understand he didn’t mean to dismiss my

feelings, the words still sting. Sinclair opens his mouth to continue, undoubtedly with

some trite placation about how ‘these things happen’ or similar, but I cut him off.

“I’m not being silly!” I insist with exasperation.

What good am I as a mate if I can’t even be there for you when you need me? I get to

lie around all day doing nothing while you’re out saving the world. You are constantly

taking care of me on top of all your other Worries, and I never give you anything in

return. It’s not right. You shouldn’t have to comfort me when you’re the one who needs

to decompress!” I burst, throwing up my hands. “All this time we’ve been convinced

that I can’t be your Luna because I’m human, but we never even considered that I

might not be up to the task, even as a wolf.” My voice is shaking with fresh tears, and I

can’t look at Sinclair as I continue, “But now… what more evidence do we need?”

Sinclair doesn’t make a sound, and when I look at him, he’s positively fuming. His

heavy breathing and black expression tell me he’s barely holding onto his temper, and

the hands which were caressing me mere moments ago are now stationary and stiff. I

watch as he struggles to quell his anger, even though I’m not sure what I said to

infuriate him this way. After a second he shakes his head, apparently surrendering the

battle. “I need a minute, Ella.” He finally growls, “I need to go for a run, but I don’t want

leave you

cracking. I’m out of the bed in a heartbeat, pacing

the bed. “This is exactly what

you’re angry with me,

the Consequences of my

out of the nest, stalking forward with white-knuckled

just had a panic attack,

my wolf out

door, bypassing

last moment, he turns back, his wolf glowing in his eyes. “And for

this isn’t special treatment.” He rumbles angrily,

control this way. If you need anything while I’m gone,

ask the guards.”

Sinclair disappears, and I can hear

staring after him. Im shaking again, and I’m

bout of weeping. I

selfishly unloading my problems onto her,

refrain.

my head, whimpering like a pup and

more feral. She’s begging me to do something, to fix this,

might have felt terrible for falling apart when I was supposed to be

my wolf seems much more distraught about Sinclair’s

go after him! She begs. I can’t stand it, we have to fix

if I wasn’t on bed rest and

áble to catch up with him. Besides, he’ll only be angrier

house.

still beside

a little ball and pulling the blankets over my head. I haven’t felt

been angry with me in the past.

Why weren’t you this upset when he

when he spanked me or dragged

times were different. She argues. I was barely awake in

he’s been angry in the past it’s been

first time he’s walked

but there’s a small

exact same thing.

I know he has to come back, even if he only returns to end

But somewhere deep down

who imagines I’ll never see him

decides we’re not worth the trouble, and

pastures? My wolf presses.

ridiculous! I shout at her. His entire life is here. His

abandon his duty

what if? She digs in her paws. It wouldn’t be the first time. He told us

abandon their pup, especially with humans –

us – what if he’s finally figured it out

this was the last

I cry aloud, clamping my hands

inside my head. “

it, stop it,

and the more time that passes,