Accidental Surrogate

Ella

When my panic attack finally eases and I can breathe again, I peek up at Sinclair,

tears burning in my eyes. “I’m sorry.” I murmur weakly, hating that my stupid brain

ruined our moment.

“Why the hell are you apologizing?” Sinclair counterS, still petting me. He hadn’t let

me go even once as I weathered the storm of anxiety and despair, only pulling the

pillows and blankets of my nest closer so I would feel secure.

“Because I screwed everything up.” I explain thickly. “I was supposed to be helping

you and I fell apart at a mere suggestion.” Shame is coursing through my veins, not

because of the panic itself, but because of what it might mean: that I’m too fragile, too

broken, to be Sinclair’s Luna.

“Ella, don’t be silly.” He replies, and though I understand he didn’t mean to dismiss my

feelings, the words still sting. Sinclair opens his mouth to continue, undoubtedly with

some trite placation about how ‘these things happen’ or similar, but I cut him off.

“I’m not being silly!” I insist with exasperation.

What good am I as a mate if I can’t even be there for you when you need me? I get to

lie around all day doing nothing while you’re out saving the world. You are constantly

taking care of me on top of all your other Worries, and I never give you anything in

return. It’s not right. You shouldn’t have to comfort me when you’re the one who needs

to decompress!” I burst, throwing up my hands. “All this time we’ve been convinced

that I can’t be your Luna because I’m human, but we never even considered that I

might not be up to the task, even as a wolf.” My voice is shaking with fresh tears, and I

can’t look at Sinclair as I continue, “But now… what more evidence do we need?”

Sinclair doesn’t make a sound, and when I look at him, he’s positively fuming. His

heavy breathing and black expression tell me he’s barely holding onto his temper, and

the hands which were caressing me mere moments ago are now stationary and stiff. I

watch as he struggles to quell his anger, even though I’m not sure what I said to

infuriate him this way. After a second he shakes his head, apparently surrendering the

battle. “I need a minute, Ella.” He finally growls, “I need to go for a run, but I don’t want

leave you unless you’re

my voice cracking. I’m out of

bed. “This is exactly what

reality. If you’re angry with me, then be angry! Let

the Consequences of my

of the nest, stalking

at you when you’ve just had a panic

my wolf out and run off this

the door, bypassing me

back, his wolf glowing in

treatment.” He rumbles angrily, “I don’t

way. If you need anything

ask the guards.”

disappears, and I can hear his wolf racing

I simply stand there, staring after him.

dissolve into a fresh bout of weeping. I

selfishly unloading my problems onto her,

refrain.

head, whimpering like

if more feral. She’s begging me to do something,

terrible for falling apart

seems much

after him! She begs. I can’t stand it, we have to

Even if I wasn’t on bed rest and it was perfectly

áble to catch up with him. Besides, he’ll only

house.

still beside herself.

a little ball and pulling the blankets over

has certainly been angry with me in

Why weren’t you this upset when he accused me

he spanked me or dragged me

argues. I was barely

been protective. This is the first time

hostile .. and the first time he’s walked

I assure her, but there’s

exact same thing.

come back, even if

But somewhere deep

I’ll never see

we’re not worth

pastures? My wolf presses.

shout at her. His entire life is here. His pack is here. He

to abandon his duty that

what if? She digs in her paws. It wouldn’t

ever willingly abandon their pup, especially with humans

be seriously wrong with us – what if he’s finally figured

was the last

aloud, clamping my hands over my ears, even though

inside my head. “

it, stop

chest, and the