Accidental Surrogate

Ella

When my panic attack finally eases and I can breathe again, I peek up at Sinclair,

tears burning in my eyes. “I’m sorry.” I murmur weakly, hating that my stupid brain

ruined our moment.

“Why the hell are you apologizing?” Sinclair counterS, still petting me. He hadn’t let

me go even once as I weathered the storm of anxiety and despair, only pulling the

pillows and blankets of my nest closer so I would feel secure.

“Because I screwed everything up.” I explain thickly. “I was supposed to be helping

you and I fell apart at a mere suggestion.” Shame is coursing through my veins, not

because of the panic itself, but because of what it might mean: that I’m too fragile, too

broken, to be Sinclair’s Luna.

“Ella, don’t be silly.” He replies, and though I understand he didn’t mean to dismiss my

feelings, the words still sting. Sinclair opens his mouth to continue, undoubtedly with

some trite placation about how ‘these things happen’ or similar, but I cut him off.

“I’m not being silly!” I insist with exasperation.

What good am I as a mate if I can’t even be there for you when you need me? I get to

lie around all day doing nothing while you’re out saving the world. You are constantly

taking care of me on top of all your other Worries, and I never give you anything in

return. It’s not right. You shouldn’t have to comfort me when you’re the one who needs

to decompress!” I burst, throwing up my hands. “All this time we’ve been convinced

that I can’t be your Luna because I’m human, but we never even considered that I

might not be up to the task, even as a wolf.” My voice is shaking with fresh tears, and I

can’t look at Sinclair as I continue, “But now… what more evidence do we need?”

Sinclair doesn’t make a sound, and when I look at him, he’s positively fuming. His

heavy breathing and black expression tell me he’s barely holding onto his temper, and

the hands which were caressing me mere moments ago are now stationary and stiff. I

watch as he struggles to quell his anger, even though I’m not sure what I said to

infuriate him this way. After a second he shakes his head, apparently surrendering the

battle. “I need a minute, Ella.” He finally growls, “I need to go for a run, but I don’t want

you unless you’re

burst, my voice cracking. I’m out of the

the bed. “This is exactly what I’m talking

reality. If you’re angry with me, then be angry!

Consequences of

nest, stalking forward with white-knuckled fists. “I’m not

panic attack, Ella. If you

need to let my wolf out

the door, bypassing

he turns back, his wolf

isn’t special treatment.” He rumbles angrily, “I don’t believe in arguing

out of control this way. If you need anything while I’m

ask the guards.”

that, Sinclair disappears, and I can hear his

after him.

a fresh bout of weeping. I

accused me of selfishly unloading

refrain.

anxiously in my head, whimpering like a

I am – if more feral. She’s begging me to do something, to fix this, but

terrible for falling apart

seems much more distraught about

begs. I can’t stand it,

I grumble in reply. Even if I wasn’t on

áble to catch up with him. Besides, he’ll only be angrier if we leave

house.

though she’s still beside herself. I climb back

a little ball and pulling the blankets over

certainly been angry with me in the

weren’t you this upset

he spanked

I was barely awake in the beginning,

past it’s been protective. This is

hostile .. and the first time he’s walked out. What if he doesn’t come

I assure her, but there’s a

exact same thing.

has to come back, even if he only returns to end our

But somewhere deep down inside of me there’s a

imagines I’ll never see him

decides we’re not worth

pastures? My wolf presses.

shout at her. His entire life is here. His pack is here. He

integrity to abandon his duty

wouldn’t be the

willingly abandon their pup, especially with humans – but our

– what if he’s finally figured

was the

I cry aloud, clamping my hands over my ears, even though her voice

inside my head. “

it, stop it,

from my chest, and the