Accidental Surrogate

Ella

When my panic attack finally eases and I can breathe again, I peek up at Sinclair,

tears burning in my eyes. “I’m sorry.” I murmur weakly, hating that my stupid brain

ruined our moment.

“Why the hell are you apologizing?” Sinclair counterS, still petting me. He hadn’t let

me go even once as I weathered the storm of anxiety and despair, only pulling the

pillows and blankets of my nest closer so I would feel secure.

“Because I screwed everything up.” I explain thickly. “I was supposed to be helping

you and I fell apart at a mere suggestion.” Shame is coursing through my veins, not

because of the panic itself, but because of what it might mean: that I’m too fragile, too

broken, to be Sinclair’s Luna.

“Ella, don’t be silly.” He replies, and though I understand he didn’t mean to dismiss my

feelings, the words still sting. Sinclair opens his mouth to continue, undoubtedly with

some trite placation about how ‘these things happen’ or similar, but I cut him off.

“I’m not being silly!” I insist with exasperation.

What good am I as a mate if I can’t even be there for you when you need me? I get to

lie around all day doing nothing while you’re out saving the world. You are constantly

taking care of me on top of all your other Worries, and I never give you anything in

return. It’s not right. You shouldn’t have to comfort me when you’re the one who needs

to decompress!” I burst, throwing up my hands. “All this time we’ve been convinced

that I can’t be your Luna because I’m human, but we never even considered that I

might not be up to the task, even as a wolf.” My voice is shaking with fresh tears, and I

can’t look at Sinclair as I continue, “But now… what more evidence do we need?”

Sinclair doesn’t make a sound, and when I look at him, he’s positively fuming. His

heavy breathing and black expression tell me he’s barely holding onto his temper, and

the hands which were caressing me mere moments ago are now stationary and stiff. I

watch as he struggles to quell his anger, even though I’m not sure what I said to

infuriate him this way. After a second he shakes his head, apparently surrendering the

battle. “I need a minute, Ella.” He finally growls, “I need to go for a run, but I don’t want

leave you

burst, my voice cracking. I’m out of the bed in a

bed. “This is exactly

If you’re angry with me, then be angry!

Consequences of my

nest, stalking forward with white-knuckled

panic attack, Ella. If you want

out and run off this temper.” He

the door, bypassing

at the last moment, he turns back, his wolf glowing in his eyes.

treatment.” He rumbles angrily, “I don’t believe in

out of control this way. If you

ask the guards.”

can hear his wolf racing away

while I simply stand there, staring after him.

fresh bout of weeping.

selfishly unloading my problems onto her,

refrain.

whimpering like a pup and feeling just

She’s begging me to do something, to fix this, but

I might have felt terrible for falling apart when I

my wolf seems much more distraught about

after him! She begs. I can’t stand

I grumble in reply. Even if I wasn’t on bed rest

to catch up with him. Besides, he’ll only

house.

in understanding, though she’s still beside herself. I climb

into a little ball and pulling the blankets over my head. I

before, though Sinclair has certainly been angry with me in the past. Hey,

you this upset

spanked me

times were different. She argues. I

been protective. This is

hostile .. and the first time he’s walked out. What if he doesn’t come

course he’ll come back. I assure her, but

exact same thing.

has to come back, even

deep down

I’ll never see him

he decides we’re not worth the trouble,

pastures? My wolf presses.

I shout at her. His entire life is

to abandon his duty that

paws. It wouldn’t be the

abandon their pup, especially with humans – but

must be seriously wrong with us – what if he’s finally figured it out

if this was the last

it!” I cry aloud, clamping my hands over my

inside my head. “

stop it,

from my chest, and the more time that passes, the more