Accidental Surrogate

Ella

When my panic attack finally eases and I can breathe again, I peek up at Sinclair,

tears burning in my eyes. “I’m sorry.” I murmur weakly, hating that my stupid brain

ruined our moment.

“Why the hell are you apologizing?” Sinclair counterS, still petting me. He hadn’t let

me go even once as I weathered the storm of anxiety and despair, only pulling the

pillows and blankets of my nest closer so I would feel secure.

“Because I screwed everything up.” I explain thickly. “I was supposed to be helping

you and I fell apart at a mere suggestion.” Shame is coursing through my veins, not

because of the panic itself, but because of what it might mean: that I’m too fragile, too

broken, to be Sinclair’s Luna.

“Ella, don’t be silly.” He replies, and though I understand he didn’t mean to dismiss my

feelings, the words still sting. Sinclair opens his mouth to continue, undoubtedly with

some trite placation about how ‘these things happen’ or similar, but I cut him off.

“I’m not being silly!” I insist with exasperation.

What good am I as a mate if I can’t even be there for you when you need me? I get to

lie around all day doing nothing while you’re out saving the world. You are constantly

taking care of me on top of all your other Worries, and I never give you anything in

return. It’s not right. You shouldn’t have to comfort me when you’re the one who needs

to decompress!” I burst, throwing up my hands. “All this time we’ve been convinced

that I can’t be your Luna because I’m human, but we never even considered that I

might not be up to the task, even as a wolf.” My voice is shaking with fresh tears, and I

can’t look at Sinclair as I continue, “But now… what more evidence do we need?”

Sinclair doesn’t make a sound, and when I look at him, he’s positively fuming. His

heavy breathing and black expression tell me he’s barely holding onto his temper, and

the hands which were caressing me mere moments ago are now stationary and stiff. I

watch as he struggles to quell his anger, even though I’m not sure what I said to

infuriate him this way. After a second he shakes his head, apparently surrendering the

battle. “I need a minute, Ella.” He finally growls, “I need to go for a run, but I don’t want

you

burst, my voice cracking. I’m out of the bed in a heartbeat,

bed. “This is exactly

reality. If you’re angry with me, then be angry! Let

the Consequences of my

stalking

you when you’ve just had a panic attack, Ella. If you want to be

fine, but I need to let my wolf out and run

the door, bypassing

last moment, he turns back, his wolf glowing

isn’t special treatment.” He rumbles angrily, “I don’t believe

of control this way. If you need anything while

ask the guards.”

disappears, and I can hear his wolf racing away down the

stand there, staring after him. Im shaking again,

fresh bout of weeping. I consider calling Cora, but

of selfishly unloading my problems onto her, and

refrain.

is pacing anxiously in my head, whimpering

I am – if more feral. She’s begging me to do something, to fix this, but

for falling apart

wolf seems much more distraught

him! She begs. I can’t stand it, we have

wasn’t on bed rest

be áble to catch up with him. Besides, he’ll only be angrier if

house.

though she’s still beside herself. I

curling into a little ball and pulling the blankets over

before, though Sinclair has certainly been angry with

Why weren’t you this upset

he spanked me or

I was barely awake

in the past it’s been protective. This

hostile .. and the first time he’s walked

back. I assure her, but there’s a

exact same thing.

has to come back, even if he only returns

he lives here. But somewhere deep down inside

imagines I’ll never see him

what if he decides we’re not worth the

pastures? My wolf presses.

her. His entire life is here. His pack

integrity to abandon his duty

She digs in her paws. It wouldn’t be the first time. He

especially

be seriously wrong with us –

if this was

cry aloud, clamping my hands

inside my head. “

stop it,

the more time that