Accidental Surrogate

Ella

When my panic attack finally eases and I can breathe again, I peek up at Sinclair,

tears burning in my eyes. “I’m sorry.” I murmur weakly, hating that my stupid brain

ruined our moment.

“Why the hell are you apologizing?” Sinclair counterS, still petting me. He hadn’t let

me go even once as I weathered the storm of anxiety and despair, only pulling the

pillows and blankets of my nest closer so I would feel secure.

“Because I screwed everything up.” I explain thickly. “I was supposed to be helping

you and I fell apart at a mere suggestion.” Shame is coursing through my veins, not

because of the panic itself, but because of what it might mean: that I’m too fragile, too

broken, to be Sinclair’s Luna.

“Ella, don’t be silly.” He replies, and though I understand he didn’t mean to dismiss my

feelings, the words still sting. Sinclair opens his mouth to continue, undoubtedly with

some trite placation about how ‘these things happen’ or similar, but I cut him off.

“I’m not being silly!” I insist with exasperation.

What good am I as a mate if I can’t even be there for you when you need me? I get to

lie around all day doing nothing while you’re out saving the world. You are constantly

taking care of me on top of all your other Worries, and I never give you anything in

return. It’s not right. You shouldn’t have to comfort me when you’re the one who needs

to decompress!” I burst, throwing up my hands. “All this time we’ve been convinced

that I can’t be your Luna because I’m human, but we never even considered that I

might not be up to the task, even as a wolf.” My voice is shaking with fresh tears, and I

can’t look at Sinclair as I continue, “But now… what more evidence do we need?”

Sinclair doesn’t make a sound, and when I look at him, he’s positively fuming. His

heavy breathing and black expression tell me he’s barely holding onto his temper, and

the hands which were caressing me mere moments ago are now stationary and stiff. I

watch as he struggles to quell his anger, even though I’m not sure what I said to

infuriate him this way. After a second he shakes his head, apparently surrendering the

battle. “I need a minute, Ella.” He finally growls, “I need to go for a run, but I don’t want

you unless you’re

my voice cracking. I’m out of the bed in a heartbeat,

of the bed. “This

reality. If you’re angry with

Consequences

leaps out of the nest, stalking forward

just had a panic attack, Ella. If you want to be upset

but I need to let my wolf out and

door, bypassing me

back, his wolf glowing in his eyes. “And for

isn’t special treatment.” He rumbles

action when I’m out of control this way. If

ask the guards.”

that, Sinclair disappears, and I can hear his wolf

there, staring after him.

fresh bout of weeping. I consider calling Cora, but

accused me of selfishly unloading my problems onto her, and

refrain.

my head, whimpering

I am – if more feral. She’s begging me to

falling apart when I was

my wolf seems much

him! She begs. I can’t stand

I grumble in reply. Even if I wasn’t on

be áble to catch up with him. Besides, he’ll only

house.

she’s still

a little ball and pulling the blankets over my head.

has certainly been angry with

wolf after some thought. Why weren’t you this upset when

he spanked me or

different. She argues. I was barely awake in

in the past it’s been protective. This is

hostile .. and the first time he’s walked out. What

but

exact same thing.

come back, even if he only returns

But somewhere deep down inside of me

who imagines I’ll never see

not worth the trouble, and simply takes off

pastures? My wolf presses.

shout at her. His entire life is here. His pack is here.

integrity to abandon his duty that

It wouldn’t be the first time.

willingly abandon their pup, especially with humans – but our parents

be seriously wrong with us – what if he’s finally figured

was the last

cry aloud, clamping my hands over my ears, even though

inside my head. “

it, stop it, stop

my chest, and the more