Accidental Surrogate

Ella

When my panic attack finally eases and I can breathe again, I peek up at Sinclair,

tears burning in my eyes. “I’m sorry.” I murmur weakly, hating that my stupid brain

ruined our moment.

“Why the hell are you apologizing?” Sinclair counterS, still petting me. He hadn’t let

me go even once as I weathered the storm of anxiety and despair, only pulling the

pillows and blankets of my nest closer so I would feel secure.

“Because I screwed everything up.” I explain thickly. “I was supposed to be helping

you and I fell apart at a mere suggestion.” Shame is coursing through my veins, not

because of the panic itself, but because of what it might mean: that I’m too fragile, too

broken, to be Sinclair’s Luna.

“Ella, don’t be silly.” He replies, and though I understand he didn’t mean to dismiss my

feelings, the words still sting. Sinclair opens his mouth to continue, undoubtedly with

some trite placation about how ‘these things happen’ or similar, but I cut him off.

“I’m not being silly!” I insist with exasperation.

What good am I as a mate if I can’t even be there for you when you need me? I get to

lie around all day doing nothing while you’re out saving the world. You are constantly

taking care of me on top of all your other Worries, and I never give you anything in

return. It’s not right. You shouldn’t have to comfort me when you’re the one who needs

to decompress!” I burst, throwing up my hands. “All this time we’ve been convinced

that I can’t be your Luna because I’m human, but we never even considered that I

might not be up to the task, even as a wolf.” My voice is shaking with fresh tears, and I

can’t look at Sinclair as I continue, “But now… what more evidence do we need?”

Sinclair doesn’t make a sound, and when I look at him, he’s positively fuming. His

heavy breathing and black expression tell me he’s barely holding onto his temper, and

the hands which were caressing me mere moments ago are now stationary and stiff. I

watch as he struggles to quell his anger, even though I’m not sure what I said to

infuriate him this way. After a second he shakes his head, apparently surrendering the

battle. “I need a minute, Ella.” He finally growls, “I need to go for a run, but I don’t want

you unless

voice cracking. I’m out of the bed

of the bed. “This is

from reality. If you’re angry with me, then be

Consequences of

nest, stalking forward with

panic attack, Ella. If you want to be upset

I need to let my wolf out and run off this

the door, bypassing

the last moment, he turns back, his

rumbles angrily, “I don’t believe in

action when I’m out of control this way. If you need

ask the guards.”

Sinclair disappears, and I can hear his

there, staring after him. Im shaking again, and I’m trying

into a fresh bout

way she accused me of selfishly unloading my problems onto

refrain.

pacing anxiously in my head, whimpering like

I am – if more feral. She’s begging me to do something, to fix this,

for falling apart when I was supposed to be

but my wolf seems much more distraught about Sinclair’s

him! She begs. I

wasn’t on

up with him. Besides, he’ll only be angrier if we

house.

whimpers in understanding, though she’s still beside herself. I climb back

the blankets over my

Sinclair has certainly been angry with me in the past. Hey,

weren’t you this upset when he accused

gold digger, or when he spanked me or dragged

times were different. She argues. I was

it’s been protective. This is the

hostile .. and the first time he’s walked

back. I assure her, but there’s a small part

exact same thing.

come back, even if

lives here. But somewhere deep down inside of

I’ll never

what if he decides we’re not worth the

pastures? My wolf presses.

I shout at her. His entire life

abandon his

It wouldn’t be the first time. He told us no

ever willingly abandon their pup, especially with humans – but

seriously wrong with us – what if he’s finally figured it

if this was

hands over my ears, even though her

inside my head. “

stop

chest, and the more time