Accidental Surrogate

Ella

When my panic attack finally eases and I can breathe again, I peek up at Sinclair,

tears burning in my eyes. “I’m sorry.” I murmur weakly, hating that my stupid brain

ruined our moment.

“Why the hell are you apologizing?” Sinclair counterS, still petting me. He hadn’t let

me go even once as I weathered the storm of anxiety and despair, only pulling the

pillows and blankets of my nest closer so I would feel secure.

“Because I screwed everything up.” I explain thickly. “I was supposed to be helping

you and I fell apart at a mere suggestion.” Shame is coursing through my veins, not

because of the panic itself, but because of what it might mean: that I’m too fragile, too

broken, to be Sinclair’s Luna.

“Ella, don’t be silly.” He replies, and though I understand he didn’t mean to dismiss my

feelings, the words still sting. Sinclair opens his mouth to continue, undoubtedly with

some trite placation about how ‘these things happen’ or similar, but I cut him off.

“I’m not being silly!” I insist with exasperation.

What good am I as a mate if I can’t even be there for you when you need me? I get to

lie around all day doing nothing while you’re out saving the world. You are constantly

taking care of me on top of all your other Worries, and I never give you anything in

return. It’s not right. You shouldn’t have to comfort me when you’re the one who needs

to decompress!” I burst, throwing up my hands. “All this time we’ve been convinced

that I can’t be your Luna because I’m human, but we never even considered that I

might not be up to the task, even as a wolf.” My voice is shaking with fresh tears, and I

can’t look at Sinclair as I continue, “But now… what more evidence do we need?”

Sinclair doesn’t make a sound, and when I look at him, he’s positively fuming. His

heavy breathing and black expression tell me he’s barely holding onto his temper, and

the hands which were caressing me mere moments ago are now stationary and stiff. I

watch as he struggles to quell his anger, even though I’m not sure what I said to

infuriate him this way. After a second he shakes his head, apparently surrendering the

battle. “I need a minute, Ella.” He finally growls, “I need to go for a run, but I don’t want

leave you unless

I burst, my voice cracking. I’m out of the bed in a heartbeat, pacing

in front of the bed. “This is exactly what

ne from reality. If you’re angry with me, then

the Consequences of my

the nest, stalking forward with white-knuckled

yell at you when you’ve just had a panic

out and run off this temper.” He turns

the door, bypassing me

turns back, his wolf glowing

rumbles angrily, “I don’t

this way. If you

ask the guards.”

Sinclair disappears, and I can hear his wolf racing

simply stand there, staring after him. Im shaking again, and

a fresh bout of weeping.

the way she accused me of selfishly unloading my problems onto her, and

refrain.

my head, whimpering like a pup and feeling just as

if more feral. She’s begging me to do something,

might have felt terrible for falling apart when I was supposed

wolf seems much more

I can’t stand

I wasn’t on bed

with him. Besides, he’ll only be angrier if

house.

in understanding, though she’s still beside herself. I climb

the blankets over my

has certainly been angry with me in the past. Hey, I

after some thought. Why weren’t you this upset

he spanked me or dragged

argues. I was barely awake in

been angry in the past it’s been protective.

hostile .. and the first time he’s walked out. What if he doesn’t come

but there’s a small part of me

exact same thing.

know he has to come back, even if he only returns to end our relationship

But somewhere deep down inside of me there’s

who imagines I’ll never see

he decides we’re not worth

pastures? My wolf presses.

I shout at her. His entire life is here. His pack

integrity to abandon his duty that

what if? She digs in her paws. It wouldn’t be the first time. He

willingly abandon their pup, especially with humans – but our parents

with us – what if he’s finally figured it out

this was the last

I cry aloud, clamping my hands over my ears, even though her

inside my head. “

it, stop it,

the more time that passes, the