Accidental Surrogate

Ella

When my panic attack finally eases and I can breathe again, I peek up at Sinclair,

tears burning in my eyes. “I’m sorry.” I murmur weakly, hating that my stupid brain

ruined our moment.

“Why the hell are you apologizing?” Sinclair counterS, still petting me. He hadn’t let

me go even once as I weathered the storm of anxiety and despair, only pulling the

pillows and blankets of my nest closer so I would feel secure.

“Because I screwed everything up.” I explain thickly. “I was supposed to be helping

you and I fell apart at a mere suggestion.” Shame is coursing through my veins, not

because of the panic itself, but because of what it might mean: that I’m too fragile, too

broken, to be Sinclair’s Luna.

“Ella, don’t be silly.” He replies, and though I understand he didn’t mean to dismiss my

feelings, the words still sting. Sinclair opens his mouth to continue, undoubtedly with

some trite placation about how ‘these things happen’ or similar, but I cut him off.

“I’m not being silly!” I insist with exasperation.

What good am I as a mate if I can’t even be there for you when you need me? I get to

lie around all day doing nothing while you’re out saving the world. You are constantly

taking care of me on top of all your other Worries, and I never give you anything in

return. It’s not right. You shouldn’t have to comfort me when you’re the one who needs

to decompress!” I burst, throwing up my hands. “All this time we’ve been convinced

that I can’t be your Luna because I’m human, but we never even considered that I

might not be up to the task, even as a wolf.” My voice is shaking with fresh tears, and I

can’t look at Sinclair as I continue, “But now… what more evidence do we need?”

Sinclair doesn’t make a sound, and when I look at him, he’s positively fuming. His

heavy breathing and black expression tell me he’s barely holding onto his temper, and

the hands which were caressing me mere moments ago are now stationary and stiff. I

watch as he struggles to quell his anger, even though I’m not sure what I said to

infuriate him this way. After a second he shakes his head, apparently surrendering the

battle. “I need a minute, Ella.” He finally growls, “I need to go for a run, but I don’t want

you unless you’re

I’m out of the bed in a heartbeat, pacing

in front of the bed. “This is exactly

angry with me, then be angry!

the Consequences of

of the nest, stalking forward with white-knuckled fists. “I’m not

had a panic attack, Ella. If you

I need to let my wolf out

door,

turns back, his wolf glowing in

isn’t special treatment.” He rumbles angrily, “I don’t

out of control this way. If you

ask the guards.”

and I can hear his wolf racing away

while I simply stand there, staring after him. Im shaking again, and

fresh bout of weeping. I consider calling Cora, but

she accused me of selfishly

refrain.

is pacing anxiously in my head, whimpering like a pup

me to do something, to fix this, but I don’t

have felt terrible for falling apart when I was supposed

seems much more distraught about

should go after him! She begs. I

if I wasn’t on bed rest and it was perfectly

be áble to catch up with him. Besides, he’ll only be angrier if we

house.

whimpers in understanding, though she’s still beside

little ball and pulling the blankets over my head. I haven’t

though Sinclair has certainly been angry with me in

Why weren’t you this upset when

digger, or when he spanked me or

I was barely awake in

past it’s been protective. This is the first time

time he’s walked out. What if

but there’s a small part of me

exact same thing.

has to come back, even if he only returns to end our

all, he lives here. But somewhere deep down inside of me

who imagines I’ll never see him

not worth the trouble, and simply

pastures? My wolf presses.

I shout at her. His entire life is here. His pack is here. He

abandon his

her paws. It wouldn’t be the first time. He told

especially with humans – but our

us – what

if this was the last

my hands over

inside my head. “

it, stop it,

my chest, and the more time that passes, the more convinced