Accidental Surrogate

Ella

When my panic attack finally eases and I can breathe again, I peek up at Sinclair,

tears burning in my eyes. “I’m sorry.” I murmur weakly, hating that my stupid brain

ruined our moment.

“Why the hell are you apologizing?” Sinclair counterS, still petting me. He hadn’t let

me go even once as I weathered the storm of anxiety and despair, only pulling the

pillows and blankets of my nest closer so I would feel secure.

“Because I screwed everything up.” I explain thickly. “I was supposed to be helping

you and I fell apart at a mere suggestion.” Shame is coursing through my veins, not

because of the panic itself, but because of what it might mean: that I’m too fragile, too

broken, to be Sinclair’s Luna.

“Ella, don’t be silly.” He replies, and though I understand he didn’t mean to dismiss my

feelings, the words still sting. Sinclair opens his mouth to continue, undoubtedly with

some trite placation about how ‘these things happen’ or similar, but I cut him off.

“I’m not being silly!” I insist with exasperation.

What good am I as a mate if I can’t even be there for you when you need me? I get to

lie around all day doing nothing while you’re out saving the world. You are constantly

taking care of me on top of all your other Worries, and I never give you anything in

return. It’s not right. You shouldn’t have to comfort me when you’re the one who needs

to decompress!” I burst, throwing up my hands. “All this time we’ve been convinced

that I can’t be your Luna because I’m human, but we never even considered that I

might not be up to the task, even as a wolf.” My voice is shaking with fresh tears, and I

can’t look at Sinclair as I continue, “But now… what more evidence do we need?”

Sinclair doesn’t make a sound, and when I look at him, he’s positively fuming. His

heavy breathing and black expression tell me he’s barely holding onto his temper, and

the hands which were caressing me mere moments ago are now stationary and stiff. I

watch as he struggles to quell his anger, even though I’m not sure what I said to

infuriate him this way. After a second he shakes his head, apparently surrendering the

battle. “I need a minute, Ella.” He finally growls, “I need to go for a run, but I don’t want

leave you unless

it!” I burst, my voice cracking. I’m out of the bed in a heartbeat, pacing back

“This is exactly what I’m talking

from reality. If you’re angry with me, then be angry! Let me

Consequences

out of the nest, stalking forward with white-knuckled fists. “I’m not

just had a panic attack, Ella. If you want to be upset

out and run off this temper.” He turns and

the door, bypassing me

he turns back, his wolf glowing in his eyes.

treatment.” He rumbles angrily, “I don’t believe

when I’m out of control this way. If

ask the guards.”

Sinclair disappears, and I can hear his wolf

after him. Im shaking again,

bout of weeping. I consider calling Cora,

she accused me of selfishly unloading my problems onto her, and

refrain.

wolf is pacing anxiously in my head, whimpering like

feral. She’s begging me to do something, to fix

falling apart when I was supposed to

my wolf seems much more distraught

him! She begs. I can’t

grumble in reply. Even if I wasn’t on bed

up with him. Besides, he’ll only be angrier if we

house.

though she’s still beside herself.

and pulling the blankets over my head.

has certainly been angry with me in the past. Hey,

after some thought. Why weren’t you this upset when he

when he spanked me or dragged me

I

past it’s been protective. This is the

he’s

I assure her, but there’s a

exact same thing.

know he has to come back, even if he only returns to end

somewhere deep down inside of me there’s a

I’ll never see him

not worth the trouble, and simply takes off for

pastures? My wolf presses.

her. His entire life is here. His pack is here. He

much integrity to abandon

in her paws. It wouldn’t be the first time. He

abandon their pup, especially with humans – but

us – what if he’s finally

this was the last

it!” I cry aloud, clamping my hands over my

inside my head. “

it, stop

the more time that passes,